Tis the Season for Stress

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with your family and friends last week. Hopefully you have finished all the turkey leftovers and now you are beginning to think about preparing for the Christmas season.

Your family most likely has created many traditions that you look forward to each year. Decorating your home, attending programs that your children perform in, sending Christmas cards, baking favorite recipes and gathering gifts. Most likely just thinking about how you are going to work all these extra events into your already busy schedule is exhausting for you. I thought I might share some ways to cut back on the demands for your time so that you can still enjoy this joyous holiday.

First make sure that when you are decorating the home and tree that all family members are present to help. You can designate tasks for everyone which lightens the load and stress of the work. Also everyone can take ownership to their part of the experience to carry on the traditions. Then have everyone write their own Christmas cards. It will become more meaningful to them and it developes a skill of writing that is becoming a lost art. When baking your favorite holiday treats pick one a week to bake and then freeze what you will need for your special event. That will leave the most time consuming and expensive which is the shopping for gifts. You might consider limiting your children or family members to three gifts each. Just as Jesus received from the wisemen on that first wonderous Christmas. Your family could also draw names or make their gifts. Set a dollar amount or decide on a theme to make it fun and creative. The holiday becomes materialistic only if you allow it.

So consider these thoughts to make your Christmas less stressful and get back to the real meaning of Christmas.

Peace and Grace
Gina

Thanksgiving is a Time for Reflection

This week families will be traveling so that they can be with extended family members to celebrate Thanksgiving. Families will share memories of loved ones who are no longer on this earth and remember the blessings they gave while they were with us. Families will also make new memories with family members and carry on the traditions that were passed down through the generations.

For other individuals, holidays are a time of sadness and isolation. Their family members are dispersed across the states and it is too far to travel to be with them. Some individuals are newly divorced and experiencing the pain of discarding old traditions and attempting to make new ones. Unfortunately, there is also the senior citizen who is left alone due to neglect or loss of loved ones.

During this holiday season try to reflect on the blessings you have received this year and extend a hand to someone that may be alone this Thanksgiving. It is a gift that can never have a price tag. The only cost is sharing a little of your time.

Happy Thanksgiving

Gina

A Broken Heart Can Harm Your Health

Researchers have discovered that depression can trigger a heart attack or stroke when under emotional duress. Which means that there's important reasons why we must nurse our broken heart back to a healthy one.

Individuals who reported mild to moderate depressive symptoms like loss of sleep and lack of appetite showed more signs of artery thickness compared to their more emotionally balanced peers. If your depression is mild, an increase in physical activity will help to increase your endorphins naturally. Also other healthy habits of eating right, avoiding alcohol, getting enough sleep and reducing your stress will also balance your system.

There is no quick fix to depression and if you are experiencing depressive symptoms for two weeks or more you should seek the counsel of a professional to discuss your treatment options.

Take care,
Gina

Resolving Snoring Issues for Children Help Behaviors

Our time of sleep is so important in restoring our physical and mental well-being. For our children, it is also an important time for growth and development for their young bodies. Studies are reporting, that six months after children have had surgery for sleep disordered breathing, experienced a clinically significant improvement with oppositional behavior, inattention, and hyperactivity. The University of Kansas reports that the children had maintained the behavior changes for up to three years after the surgery. "While you cannot say the adenoidectomy and tonsillectomy directly translate into behavioral change, it does so through improving sleep, Dr. Wei said. "Quality of sleep and everything about sleep in a child can significantly influence their daytime behavior."

If your child is struggling to breathe while sleeping, you will want to discuss this issue with their doctor to review what options that you have for your child. Research the pros and cons of the surgery to determine if this is an option you would want to consider.

Sweet dreams,

Gina

Special Need Child

When your child enters school, the teacher will often identify some concerns noted in behaviors or learning style needs that your child may be displaying. At a parent-teacher conference the teacher will most likely give specific data to support any concerns that are addressed. This is not unusual and you will want to be supportive of your child and the teacher. One way would be to research the problem with at least three resources, to learn more about the concern. Then find a specialist in your area that is working with children that have that special need. The specialist should be able to give you several suggestions for home and school on how to support your child during this stressful time.

It is important to remember that all children will learn and develope at their own rate. You will most likely feel discouraged when your child is compared to other children and their accomplishments. You might want to join a support group of parents that have children with special needs and schedule play dates with them to learn more about coping with the disorder.

You might also want to read my books:

Learning with Matthew: A Caregiver's Guide to Problem-Solving School Issues with Their Child

Creating a Therapeutic Classroom: A Teacher's Guide to Meeting the Needs of All Students in the Classroom

Both books provide helpful suggestions to parents and teachers on how to support the special needs child at home and school. Go to tatepublishing.com, barnesandnoble.com, amazonbooks.com or walmartbooks.com to find my books.

Have a great school year!
Gina

Memories Are Strengthened When Feeling Stress

A new study released from Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory in New York reports that our emotions help the brain decide which memories to seal in and which ones to discard. Memories are thought to form with the strengthening of connections between neurons. These connections rely on receptors to send and receive our brain data.

When we are under emotional duress there is an increase in the hormone norepinephrine in the brain. This chemical change in the brain is thought to cause strengthened connections in the memory regions of the brain. When we are experiencing the highs and lows of life our brain is thought to increase the production of norepinephrine which strengthens the connection in our memory regions of the brain. Too much of norepinephrine is thought to cause a lapse in our memory.

Emotions are what makes us human. When we celebrate or mourn our losses the brain will record the event as we perceive it to take place. Unfortunately our memory is not always accurate and can often mislead us. Understanding that helps us to place the right perspective to the experiences that we have.

Best wishes,

Gina

Family Therapy is Effective in Fighting Eating Disorders

Dr. Grange from the University of Chicago has completed the first study in the United States on evaluating the treatment of eating disorders. His team found that family-based treatment for anorexia nervosa and bulimia were more effective than solo psychotherapy in helping teens.

The family-based therapy consisted of three phases: in the first phase the patient and their parents met weekly with the goal of helping parents stop their children from engaging in unhealthy weight control behaviors. The family then moves to the second phase of returning control over eating issues, back to the adolescent. The third phase the family meets with the therapist monthly to discuss how eating disorders affect the developmental proces of the adolescent.

Eating disorders can be extremely harmful to the physical and emotional well-being of your child. If you notice any warning signs of bingeing, purging or just refusal to eat contact a mental health professional that has experience with treating this disorder. Do not be afraid to find help for your child. It could save his or her life.

Best wishes,

Gina

Childhood Obesity Creates Long-Term Health Issues

Childhood obesity has been a current topic on most news programs lately. They consistently state that the eating habits and sedentary lifestyle of our children today are going to have long-term effects on our society. Dr. McGill at Southwest Foundation for Biomedical Research states that "the advertising of and offerings of high-density caloric food - opportunities to avoid physical activity, attractions to television viewing and net surfing" have compounded this health issue. The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation reports that "one in three children and adolescents in the United States - some 25 million kids are overweight or obese. Dr. Marks from Princeton stated that "this could be the first generation that will live sicker and die younger that its parents."

Statements like that from our health community should be frightening to us. Obesity is known to contribute to heart disease, hypertension and diabetes. There are no positive effects that are known for for this self-destructive condition we create for ourselves. Start today by making healthy choices that effect your mind, body and spirit daily. Plan healthy meals and snacks. Make time to exercise and connect with your children. It will be a life long gift to them, to model a healthy lifestyle for a long and healthy life.

Best wishes,
Gina

Suicide Rate for Girls Increased

Federal health officials reported this week that the suicide rate among preteen and teenage girls rose to its highest level in a decade. This statistic effects our girls from ages 10-14 years of age. The preferred method of suicide was hanging or suffocation (71%) which surpassed guns.

This is a wake up call for parents to become more aware of their children's emotional needs and the pressures that they face daily. Dr. Keri Lubell who led the study states, "Parents and other caring adults should look for changes in youth such as talking about taking one's life, feeling sad or hopeless about the future. Also look for changes in eating or sleeping habits and even losing the desire to take part in favorite activities."

The National Center for Disease Control and Prevention is advising that health officials consider focusing on suicide prevention programs for girls 10-19 and boys between 15-19 to reverse these startling statistics. They also suggested that parents monitor or restrict children's access to pills, weapons or other lethal means of self harm.

Another important intervention would be to stay emotionally connected to your child by being involved in their school activities, friends and academics. You can also plan family time together or special outings together to keep your relationships strong. Families that center their life around their faith and church have a strong foundation of love that also helps them endure the trials of life. If you see that your child is struggling and drifting from your family system, you may want to seek professional help as an intervention. Your child could need help coping with the anxiety and depression that counseling can provide for your family.

Best wishes,
Gina

Learning How to Play in a Technological World

Our children are living in a technology world. Electronic media is everywhere, entertaining all ages as well as influencing our choices. How can parents keep YouTube and iPhones from taking over their children's lives?

"Unplug" your life to experience differental recreation activities with your children. Try having a backyard treasure hunt, play hot potato, or create an arts and crafts together. Unstructured play is very healthy for a child's brain as it builds creativity and imagination. It also helps develope problem solving skills through the trial and error of experience.

Here are some helpful ideas of items to have handy to encourage spontaneous play.

• Stock shelves with blocks, art supplies, and dress-up clothes.
• Recycle plastic containers that can be used to hold water, pour sand, or hide secret treasure.
• Keep cardboard boxes as they can be used for dollhouses, fire stations, or castles.
• Save old blankets and pillows for making cozy tents, caves and forts.
• Collect Halloween costumes and fabric remnants to create plays or act out book characters.

Guiding your child to use their imagination is rewarding and fun for the whole family. It will create memories that will be retold for a lifetime.

Have fun!

Gina

Is Your Child Ready to Play Team Sports?

Team sports are a classic way to get children active socially and physically with their peers. Not all children are ready or willing to engage in a team sport and would rather choose a solitary activity.

As the school year progresses there are several team activities that are available to your child. Here are a few questions to consider to assess whether your child is ready to engage in a team sport.

• Does he/she display an interest in organized sports?
• Is her/his emotional maturity similar to that of their peers?
• How well does your child accept defeat?
• How well does your child take directions from other adults?
• Is your child large enough and coordinated enough to minimize injury?

For children under six years of age a team activity where no score is kept and everyone is a winner is a great way to learn the skills. As children grow and mature they will become ready for the more competitive edge that is required. Up until the age of eleven years of age children are still learning how to build friendships, just as they are learning about teamwork.

Try to guide your child toward their interests and strengths. Make sure it is their desire to play a team sport and not an extension of a parent's ego. Sports can be another wonderful learning experience for participants and players alike.

Good luck!

Gina

New School Year, New Friends

One thing is for sure, friendships matter to your children. It doesn't seem to make a difference if your child has one special friend or a dozen casual acquaintences. Studies repeatedly state that it takes the relationship of a friend to build a child's self-esteem. It gives a child feedback on feeling well liked, their strengths and areas of concern. Friendship gives a child a safe reflection of themself.

For some children making friends comes very easily to their personality and nature. Children with a more introverted or shy personality find making friends is a very difficult task. Helping your child build social skills can be as easy as coaching them on conversation starters on school projects. You can suggest meeting places for your child to participate in school activities, volunteer together at a local shelter that your child shows interest in or make a play date to have a friend over at your home. This allows your child the safety of their own environment while they explore the development of making friends.

If children develope close connections with their peers when they are young, they're likely to have strong friendships as they get older. These relationships can provide support in times of stress during those important years of childhood and adolescent development.

Good luck!

Gina

Developmental Milestones

There are developmental milestones that every child makes at his or her own progress. These have most likely been monitored by your child's pediatrician. As your child enters the school system you will see a large range of social and academic needs among the children there. If you see that your child is delayed in any area, speak to your child's teacher to get specific ideas on how to assist and support your child in the classroom. At times you may begin to see specific behaviors from your child that may concern you. Most likely it is your child's way of communicating his or her feelings of unhappiness. Even though the behaviors are inappropriate you will need to determine what your child is trying to express and help them resolve the concerns appropriately. This is when you will most likely need professional help. As a parent you will need to identify the following information.

• Was your child exposed to any harmful substances during the pregnancy?
• Is your child demonstrating any developmental delays?
• Does your family have a history of divorce, domestic violence, depression, anxiety or learning disorders?
• Is your child sleeping through the night?
• Does your child cry and refuse to get ready for school?
• Is your child hitting, biting, or breaking his or her belongings on purpose?
• Are you seeing extreme mood swings or social isolation with your child?
• Does your child have difficulty completing tasks or sitting still?

Make sure your child is eating healthy foods and getting ten to twelve hours of sleep. Sit and play with your child and model appropriate social skills. If you continue seeing the negative behaviors escalate over the span of 90 days please seek a professional opinion. I would be glad to come to your home and assess your child in his/her own environment or observe their behaviors at school. You can contact me by email at ginalcmft@hotmail.com or call 316-253-4084.

Have a great school year!

Gina

Understanding Enuresis

Bed wetting is a problem that affects nearly 20 million Americans. This problem effects one of every 4 years olds and one of every 6 years olds. If your child is over seven years old you are probably questioning whether your child is going to grow out of this problem.

Enuresis is more prevalent among boys than it is girls. Most children do outgrow this problem by the age of five. Over 90% of bed wetting is a genetic sleep disorder. This causes a state of sleep that is so deep that the signal to the brain that the bladder is full doesn't arouse the child. Therefore, they wet they bed.

The older the child the less chance you have of your child outgrowing the bed wetting. This problem causes embarrassment and restrictions for the child. Obviously the on going cleaning of laundry and bedclothes can become expensive also.

There are several solutions that you can try to help support your child during this difficult time. You can set an alarm for the child to wake up after approximately four to five hours of sleep. This will work sometimes as an intervention for the child to release their bladder appropriately. The child can also sleep through the alarm since the child is such a deep sleeper. Your family physician is also another solution source. Drug therapy can be very helpful if the problem is oraganic. You could also restrict beverages before your child's bedtime. This is helpful at times, but your body continues to create urine without water intake so make sure your child releases their bladder before bed. Other times the parents will try and wake the child before they retire for bed. This method can be exhausting for both child and parents.

Seeking professional help and support may be necessary to determine how to help your child. There is a strong correlation to child abuse and bed wetting. Please understand that your child needs help and not discipline in this area. Explore this options and then seek professional help so your child feels supported during this difficult time.

Best wishes,

Gina

Creative Summer Memories

Needing ideas for these hot summer days? There are several things you can play with your children that cost only your time and imagination. Have your children put on their suits and make water balloons together. Once you have made several turn off the hose and the fun begins. Divide up into teams and start the water balloon fight. You could also play catch with them and the person that drops it, gets wet. What could feel better when it is 100 degrees outside!

This is also great weather to teach your children how to wash your car. They won't even notice that they are working and learning while they are having fun. Your children will also be proud that they have helped you with a chore that needed to be done.

How about washing the family pet outside? Buy the flea shampoo and teach your children how to bath the dog and they won't even make a mess in the bathroom. Your dog will also enjoy the cool water and all of the attention.

Once everyone is tired, go inside and dig out the old sheets or blankets. It's time to build a fort to play in. Watch you children let their imaginations go as they create the fort and what to put in it. This can get a little messy but the fun is memorable. Your children will want to camp out in it over night. The fun will continue as long as you allow it.

Allowing your children to create and use their imagination will benefit them through out their lifetime. The childhood memories will keep you close as a family and they will carry on the memories with their children summer after summer.

Have fun!

Gina

Traveling with Your Children

Summer is quickly passing but you have a few more weeks before school begins to take a quick trip to the cool mountains, or a fun resort. Every family needs to try and travel together. This allows family bonding time away from the day to day stress of life. If is sounds too expensive with the price of gas, make it a short weekend get away at a local hotel that has a pool and spa.

You can eliminate a lot of the travel stress by planning ahead. Pack a cooler with favorite snacks and drinks. This will help with expenses and hunger pains that emerge at inconvenient moments. Also having a travel game tub can be fun for the whole family. Pack inexpensive items like card games, drawing books, binoculars, and stress balls. Anything that won't melt and helps your family interact would be fine. Avoid using the dvd player or individual music devices. These items give your children the opportunity to isolate themselves from the family and not interact.

While in the car, play verbal games like "I Spy" and have them guess what you saw by giving them clues. Look at the clouds and imagine what animals they could be. See how many green Volkswagens or "Bugs" you can find. Sing silly songs together that your parents taught you. These games keep your children looking at the scenery and conversing with each other.

When you reach your destination praise your children for the positive choices they have made, which makes the trip enjoyable for everyone. Teaching your children how to travel is just another one of the many joys a parent has.

Safe traveling,

Gina

Summer Can Be a Time For Creative Learning

Summer is a wonderful time to recall family vacation memories and create new ones. I hope you and your family are making time to play together even though you may not have the finances available to travel. Your backyard and neighborhood park can become a haven for learning and sharing new experiences together. Learn a new hobby, ride your bike or go swimming. Your children love to play with you. It is fun for them to see their parents having fun and not consumed with work, bills, and other responsibilities.

Take your children to the library for their summer reading program. Teach your children that they can go anywhere and be anyone they want when reading a story. Write a story together or do a scrapbook together of your summer adventures. Doing these activities together cost minimal money but they do involve your time. Time is a commodity that we can never recapture. It passes and we grow old over night. Value your youth and time. Share it with your family. It is an investment that will give you an unlimited return.

Have fun!

Gina

Creating a Blended Family After Divorce

The effects of divorce linger for both children and parents long after the disintegration of the family unit. When divorced parents begin dating again they will most likely experience resistance from their children. Children will not willingly give up the dream of their parents some day reuniting. They will also experience the fear of disloyalty if they like the person you are dating.

When you first begin dating make sure your children understand that you have a new friend that you are getting to know. It will be important that you don't immediately move this person into your home and expect to become a new family. Once the relationship becomes serious take the time to allow your children to adjust to this new concept and get to know their potential step-parent. If you are planning a wedding involve the children in the ceremony so they will understand that the ceremony signifies a new beginning for everyone.

If your family plans to move to new home and neighborhood allow the children time for closure and to say good-bye to friends or family that lived in the area. Make a special effort to invite them to your new home occassionally to continue those relationships for your children.

Step-parenting is a difficult process. It is important that both sets of parents agree on parenting and discipline issues. Keep communication open with your ex-spouse to reduce the hostility your children may feel between the parents. This can cause very strained relationships in both households and a lot of duress between partners.

Blending a family is never easy. Be open to asking for help and seeking a respected professional when needed for family or individual counseling. Counseling can be a great intervention for rebellious children.

Good luck,
Gina

Parent Involvement Brings Positive Results

Research has consistently reported that a parent's positive involvement with their children's schooling brings positive outcomes. Research is also now reporting that parents that are involved in out-of-school programs for their children are developing a higher level of trust with parents and are less likely to lie or argue with their parents. Family involvement with teenagers is associated with a lower rate of risky sexual behavior, tobacco use, drug use, alcohol use, deliquency, and violent behavior.

Family involvement in out-of-school programs can also help to create better programs that are more child centered which increases attendance and improved activities. Out-of-school programs also offer parenting classes to educate parents about child and adolescent development and parenting strategies to reduce risky behaviors and support positive development.

There are so many positive reasons to be involved and interactive with your family. Whether you are a single parent, blended family, traditional or nontraditional family the extra time taken to be involved in your children's activities will bring a lifetime of rewards.

Take care,
Gina

Assessing the Mental Health Needs of Your Children

Mental health problems can develop at any point in life and may be influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics, chemical imbalances of the brain, or stressors in the environment. Adolescence is a time of great change and transition, when youth are starting to make decisions about career paths, further schooling and living on their own. These stressors along with changing friends, moving from family, can cause mental health issues to become prominent. It is important to recognize the symptoms of mental health issues like depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety disorders so that interventions can be made to stabilize the child that is experiencing the duress.

Symptoms of Depression

• Feeling sad, anxious, or irritable.
• Feeling hopeless or worthless.
• A loss of interest in activities or hobbies.
• A loss of energy and concentration.
• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns.
• Suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Symptoms of Anxiety

• Extreme and unrealistic worry about daily events.
• Extreme feelings of self-consciousness, tenseness and needs of assurance.
• Pyschosomatic symptoms of headaches, stomaches or other discomforts.
• Panic attacks - periods of intense fear that usually involve a pounding heatbeat, sweating, dizziness, nausea, or feeling of imminent death.

Becoming aware of this symptoms and changes in behaviors can help you as a parent give your child the support they are needing in a time of crisis.

Best wishes,

Gina

Understand Your Sources of Stress

Stress is your body's reaction to the constant demands of the world. Stressors are events or conditions in your life which may trigger stress. It can be the demands of your children, bills that are due or the pile of work on your desk that never seems to end. The Mayo Clinic reports that there are two main types of stress that people face:

Acute stress triggers the fight or flight response in your body when it is reacting to a threat, challenge or a scare. It can give you an immediate adrenaline rush that can be very exciting.
Chronic stress is a result of exposure to long term acute stress. It is usually a result of day-to-day life situations that often seem unrelenting such as relationship problems, work difficulties, and financial concerns.

Consistent stress can create health problems. Physical symptoms such headaches and fatigue. Mental symptoms like poor concentration and emotional symptions such as irritability and depression. There are also social concerns like isolation and resentment.

There is not a day that passes that we do not experience some sort of stress. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the challenge and think through the issue with a positive attitude. Share your concerns with friends. You can exercise to decrease stress, eat healthy and get a good night's rest to help you prepare for tomorrow. Go outside and play with your children. Take a deep breath and blow bubbles together. The simple joys of life have a way of minimizing our problems and giving us hope for a better tomorrow.

Take care,
Gina

When You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

There are many times when we will set a personal goal and find ourselves self-sabotaging that goal. The behavior will be obvious to everyone but the person engaged in the self-destructive choices. There are many ways that we accomplish this by denial, brooding, jealousy, fear of feedback, and procrastination. Jay Jackman, M.D. a psychiatrist and career consultant states, "We unconsciously respond to stressful situations in ways that hurt us." Jackman gives several suggestions on how to confront being our own worst enemy.

• Denial - Confront the issue and create a plan that will gradually present the results you are wanting.
• Brooding - Don't waste time brooding. It can cause anxiety and depression which will leave you emotionally paralyzed. You can journal to identify your concerns and then visualize a positive outcome for yourself.
• Fear of Feedback - Receive feedback with an open mind. If you receive more positive feedback than negative feedback you are probably on the right track.
• Procrastination - Putting things off can keep you from doing your best work. Break the task into smaller tasks and work toward your goal.
• Jealousy - has a tendency to keep us thinking about what we don't have instead of what we do have. Try to focus on what you are doing right as you move forward to accomplish your goal.

Learning about your strengths and weaknesses can keep you from being your own worst enemy and will help you become the person you want to be.

Best wishes,

Gina

Mental Health

Most people believe that mental illnesses are rare and happen to other people. However, more than 50 million Americans suffer from illnesses such as depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, bi-polar disorders and other mental health conditions.

Depression is one of the more common mental health illnesses that goes untreated. If you have a close relative who suffers from depression, you could be at a higher risk for developing depression. There are lifestyle steps that you can take to reduce your risk of developing depression.

• Set realistic goals by breaking large projects into small tasks.
• Avoid alcohol and drugs.
• Share your feelings with others.
• Build a support network of family and friends.
• Exercise regularly.
• Eat healthy.
• Get an average of eight hours of sleep daily.

For more mental health information go to the Mental Health America website www.nmha.org. It can inform you on how to find different support groups and discusses different treatment options that are available for mental illness.

Take care,

Gina

Emotional Eating

There are many people today who use food to comfort or sooth themselves. They are called emotional eaters. If you eat when you are anxious, depressed, over stressed or bored that is a sign that you are using food for comfort and not nutrition. Although food can provide comfort for a brief time, it usually leads to overeating and weight gain.

Instead of stuffing your feelings with food, you can look for healthier ways to release your emotions. Write down what you eat, when you eat, and how you feel when you are binging on sweets may help you curb your emotional eating. You could also take your pet for a walk, ride your bike, listen to music or work on your hobby. If you are unhappy with yourself, then you are in control of making the changes that you desire. "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -Leo Tolstoy

Best wishes,
Gina

Dealing with Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling most individuals struggle with sometime in their life. In our childhood it happens as you move from school to school. As young adult you may struggle with loneliness as you adjust to your new college environment or taking that new job away from your friends and family. You can also feel lonely in a relationship if you are with an individual that is emotionally unavailable. Any change in your life can at times create this feeling.

If you find your self in this situation ask yourself a few questions:

1. What am I doing or thinking to create these feelings of loneliness?
2. What is the best way to reach out and connect with people today?
3. What is something that I can do for others today?

You should create a plan of action that can create positive thoughts for you. Your plan should get you involved with other people that share the same interests as you. It could be an organization of service or just a hobby that interests you. You can also journal to process your thoughts to clarify your plan and interests or find comfort in your prayer life. Take positive steps to help yourself. The only thing that you have control of is your mind, body and spirit.

Take care.
Gina

Assessing the Process of Therapy

When you have taken the step to intiate therapy it is wise to assess your progress after the first three sessions. There are several questions that you can process with your family or spouse who are involved in this experience with you. After you assess the growth you are experiencing, you are then ready to discuss your concerns with your therapist.

1. How do you think therapy is going on a scale from 1 - 10?
2. How well do you feel you relate to the therapist?
3. Did you feel heard, understood, and respected?
4. What has been helpful to you?
5. What do you think needs to happen before improvement will occur?
6. Does the treatment being offered here make sense to you?
7. What is the one thing you would change about the therapy sessions?

If you have concerns with your therapist it is best to openly discuss them instead of just discontinuing the service. Open communication is an important skill to have and practicing with your therapist is a safe place to engage in this process. Therapy is hard work if you are truly committed to making positive changes in your life.

Good luck!

Gina

Assessing the Process of Therapy

When you have taken the step to intiate therapy it is wise to assess your progress after the first three sessions. There are several questions that you can process with your family or spouse who are involved in this experience with you. After you assess the growth you are experiencing, you are then ready to discuss your concerns with your therapist.

1. How do you think therapy is going on a scale from 1 - 10?
2. How well do you feel you relate to the therapist?
3. Did you feel heard, understood, and respected?
4. What has been helpful to you?
5. What do you think needs to happen before improvement will occur?
6. Does the treatment being offered here make sense to you?
7. What is the one thing you would change about the therapy sessions?

If you have concerns with your therapist it is best to openly discuss them instead of just discontinuing the service. Open communication is an important skill to have and practicing with your therapist is a safe place to engage in this process. Therapy is hard work if you are truly committed to making positive changes in your life.

Good luck!

Gina

Anger is Just Another Feeling

Anger is a natural response that lets us know when we encounter an experience that we believe is unfair or harmful to us. Many people are afraid to express their anger because they allow their anger to control them. When our anger controls us it can lead to rage or fury that often escalates into violence.

Allow yourself some wait time when you become angry to regain control of yourself. Then express yourself with an "I" statement. "I" statements allow you to share your feelings without blaming the other person(s) involved by just stating how you feel or want to respond to the situation. Example:
I believe . . .
I think .. . .
I wish . . .
I would like . . . .

These are all positive ways to share how the issue effects you and how you would like to resolve the problem. It is also a great intervention for social aggressions like gossiping and teasing. To learn these skills you can role play different situations with your family and praise family members when you see them using their new skills.

Anger is a learned behavior and you are in control of your response to others.

Take care,
Gina

Anger is Just Another Feeling

Anger is a natural response that lets us know when we encounter an experience that we believe is unfair or harmful to us. Many people are afraid to express their anger because they allow their anger to control them. When our anger controls us it can lead to rage or fury that often escalates into violence.

Allow yourself some wait time when you become angry to regain control of yourself. Then express yourself with an "I" statement. "I" statements allow you to share your feelings without blaming the other person(s) involved by just stating how you feel or want to respond to the situation. Example:
I believe . . .
I think .. . .
I wish . . .
I would like . . . .

These are all positive ways to share how the issue effects you and how you would like to resolve the problem. It is also a great intervention for social aggressions like gossiping and teasing. To learn these skills you can role play different situations with your family and praise family members when you see them using their new skills.

Anger is a learned behavior and you are in control of your response to others.

Take care,
Gina

Building Stronger Relationships

Living in the same home with your life partner for years and decades can make you take each other for granted instead of nurturing your love for each other. One way to improve your relationship is to acknowledge the positive traits in one another. John M. Gottman, PhD is the author of The Seven Principals For Making Marriage Work has ten steps to make that happen.

• List one trait about your partner you find endearing.
• Describe the first time you met.
• Write down one thing about your partner that you find physically attractive.
• Think of a time when your partner was supportive of you.
• Think of one thing your partner does that makes you proud.
• Describe one belief or value that you share.
• Remember one fun thing you've done together.
• Think of one difficult time you've successfully weathered together.
• Write down a common goal and make an action plan on how you'll get it accomplished.
• Think of one secret about your self only your partner knows.

Doing these activities together and remembering how you have traveled your life journey enduring the struggle should help you appreciate each other more. Rekindle your love and appreciate each others strengths.

Best wishes,

Gina

Creating Memories with Your Family

Spring has finally arrived and your children are out of school on spring break. This is a great time to relax from your rigorous daily schedule and create some memories together. One of the best ways to do this is to share fun activities that you did as a child before there was the internet, Playstations, cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail or email. Travel back in your memory and recall the games played at dusk with your neighborhood friends like flashlight tag, kickball, hide and seek, Hop Scotch, jump rope or Duck . . duck . . Goose!!!

Do you remember sitting on the porch listening to crickets and having a popsicle?? What about running through the sprinkler and having water balloon fights??? Talk to your family about riding your bike, drinking Kool-Aid, and catching fireflies in the evening. The days were full of fun and activity, and when you finally fell into bed you were exhausted from the excitement and laughter. These are the experiences and memories you can pass on to your children with little or no expense and take a break from being a grown up!

Have fun!

Gina

Learning Visualization

Having the symptoms of "spring fever" may want us to run off and take a vacation. Since many of us can not afford to do that try taking a mini vacation in your mind. It can take the stress off even your worst day!

First try and remember a time and place that you found to be pleasant and relaxing. Next take a few minutes and visualize the place in as much detail as possible. This might include temperature, sounds, smells, what you were doing, and who you were with. Practicing this type of visual imagery can help you relax and enjoy each and every day to its' fullest.

Talk to you next week!
Gina

Teaching Your Children About Empathy

Webster defines empathy as "intellectual or emotional identification with another." Developing this emotional intelligence is another skill that some children seem to have a natural insight to when thinking of other people's feelings. Then there are other children who have difficulty seeing outside themselves.

On the news and certain websites teenagers are displaying relational aggression for status and power within their peer groups. These children have no empathy for others. Their world is limited to the power that they feel from their aggression.

If you see your child doing something thoughtless or cruel, let them know right away that you do not feel that was an appropriate response. Be honest and firm about the behavior without belittling the child. Then take the opportunity to teach them the appropriate response. Modeling empathy in your daily life will be the best way for your child to learn how to be kind and think of other people's feelings.

Best wishes,

Gina

Families That Play Together

Spring is around the corner and humans will be leaving their caves to enjoy the weather. This is the perfect time of year for families to work in their yards, ride bikes and explore the local parks together. The University of Minnesota researchers are reporting that families that are physically active together are less likely to have teenagers that smoke, drink, skip school, have sex early, or use drugs, compared to sedentary 7th to 12th graders who watch a lot of TV.

Joining your children in an activity of their choice not only makes everyone healthier but it also builds their self-esteem. Research stated any activity was helpful from dance class to any organized sport. Children who learn to be active at a young age are also more likely to stay with healthy habits as an adult.

Let's get moving and become more active then!!
Have fun together.
Gina

Learning More About MySpace

Electronic communication has merged into every aspect of our lives today. Social networking for your teenagers and tweens is now taking place on the MySpace web site. It has become the main hub for people to meet each other. The MySpace can be used for many positive things such as connecting with peers to discuss homework and projects. It can help introverted individuals be more interactive and creative with their communication. Also your teen can find support for their interests and strengths.

The negative side is that your child's personal information is out there for the world to see. MySpace does not protect your child from internet predators. One way to intercede is to create your own MySpace site and spend a few hours browsing to learn what the excitement is all about.

If your child is under 14 years of age you might want to explore Facebook, Xanga and Imbee as an alternative. The more you understand and know what your child is involved in, the safer your child will be.

Have fun learning with your child.
Gina

Coping with a Serious Illness

When a family member or a close friend is diagnosed with a serious illness the most important thing you can do is make sure they feel truly cared about. The illness should not be a secret and all family members and children should be told. If children are not told of the illness they will sense a change in the family and become very anxious, thinking that they may be the cause of the problem. Children are also very nurturing and can bring joy and laughter to a very stressful situation. As family and friends ask how they can help and support you during this time, be specific with your needs. It may be helping with your carpool, taking the person to doctor appointments, fixing meals or just running errands. It will be important that you learn as much about the illness as possible, so everyone can be prepared for the potential outcome. As you are supporting others during this time of illness, it will also be important that you take care of yourself. It is very difficult to meet the needs of others, if you haven't replenished your own.

Take care,
Gina

A Resolution Check-up

After the first thirty days of making your New Year's resolutions you may have discovered that you are already back to your old self-destructive habits. This is a good time to do a self-check and determine if you are still taking baby steps toward your goals.

Teresa Fassihi, PhD from Menniger Clinic has five steps to take toward being successful with your personal goals.

• Clarify your values.
• Set priorities.
• Set a challenging but achieveable goal.
• Develop an action plan and set a deadline - a goal without an action plan is only a wish.
• Build in small rewards to keep you motivated.

When individuals are not successful with their New Year's resolutions it is usually because they have unrealistic goals or goals that they are not committed to. Create a plan that is realistic to your lifestyle and break your goal into small steps so that you can be successful. You are in control of you. The choice is yours. Love yourself enough to make the needed changes in your life.

Take care,

Gina

Be a Mentor and Make a Difference

Mentoring programs are currently recruiting for caring adults to build trusting relationships with young people. Mentoring is a structured, nurturing relationship that matches young people to supportive adults who can offer guidance and encouragement to young people as they develop their competence and character.

Research indicates that mentoring programs are more successful if they are driven by the needs and interests of the youth instead of the expectations of the adult volunteers. Research also states that success is related to a high level of personal interaction between the mentor and the mentee, along with a commitment from the mentee. The longer the mentoring relationship lasts, the more positive the outcomes. Some studies report that young people who have participated in mentoring programs display positive educational, health, and social benefits from the experience.

• Educational achievement: Mentored youth tend to have better attendance, a higher likelihood to pursue college, and more positive attitude while in school.
• Heath and Safety: Mentoring helps prevent substance abuse and detour other high negative risk behaviors among the youth.
• Social and Emotional Development: Youth in mentoring programs display more positive social attitudes toward their peers and their parents.

Explore the different mentoring programs in your community to find a good match for your interests and abilities. There is a young person out there waiting for your guidance.

Have fun!

Gina

What is Your Parenting Style?

New research is stating that parenting style is associated with how your children make decisions and a 500% difference in childhood obesity. There are four main parenting styles that were identified.

Authoritarian parents make all the decisions for their children. Authoritative parents involve the child in the decision making process. Permissive parents allows the children to make decisions for themselves with their parents awareness and unengaged parents allow children to make decisions without their involvement.

Authoritative parenting seems to teach children how to regulate their own behaviors. These children were found to have lower rates of childhood obesity and smoking, better grades in school, fewer symptoms of depression and a better control of diabetes.

William J Mayer, MD, MPH had the following suggestions:

• Be respectful of your child's opinions.
• Set limits with pre-arranged consequences and then follow thru with them.
• Give you child choices that you can live with.
• Set a good example by your own behavior.

By parenting with a more authoritative approach to parenting your child should achieve a healthier and happier life.

Happy Parenting

Gina

How to Raise a Happy Child

Every parent looks for advice on how to raise a happy, independent child in a materialistic world. It is one of the toughest jobs you will ever has as an adult because you won't receive the results of your hard work for more than a decade. That is a long time to wait for feedback.
Edward M. Hallowell M.D. gives five simple steps for building lifelong joy inside every child.

• Connection - Unconditional love from an adult helps to foster self-confidence, and the knowledge that your child is loved and cared for.
• Strengths - Support your child as they learn new things and develop their strengths. This will give them knowledge in how to deal with disappointment and pain. They also learn to never give up and the need to keep trying.
• Imagination - A child will learn through their play. Unstructured play strengthens their imagination, teaches critical problem-solving skills and social skills.
• Mastery - When a child masters a task they develop confidence, leadership skills, initiative and knowledge of hard work.
• Recognition- Recognizing a child for their hard work and positive choices will continue to build relationships and self-worth.

You cannot buy happiness for your child. Spend time with your child and value your child for the person that he/she is and will become.

Best wishes

Gina

A Healthier You in 2007

January is alway a time of reflection and setting goals for the New Year. Wayne Geilman, Ph.D., a nutrition and food consultant has created a list of seven simple steps for a healthier you in 2007.

• Eat seven or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
• Take the stairs and burn an extra 10 calories a minute.
• Stop and smell the roses to elevate your mood and relax.
• Get at least seven hours of sleep to replenish your body.
• Drink at least eight glasses of water daily and your coffee and sodas don't count!
• Take a daily vitamin supplement to make sure you have all of your required nutrients each day.
• Eat probiotics to support your digestive system and protect it against bad bacteria.

When you take care of yourself you are able to love and serve others in a healthier way. Maintain your balance of mind, body and spirit for a blessed 2007.

Until next week,

Gina