Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Understanding loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling most individuals struggle with at sometime in their life. In our childhood it happens as you move from school to school. As a young adult you may struggle with loneliness adjusting to a new college environment or taking a new job away from family and friends. You can also feel lonely in a relationship if you are with an individual that is emotionally unavailable.

Emotional and social loneliness

Emotional or social loneliness is what most people experience. Social loneliness is due to a lack of a social network. This evolves when an individual has a more introverted or shy personality. This can also be the workaholic or the individual that has moved to a new area and needs to develop friendships. Emotional loneliness happens when there is an absence of emotional intimacy in your relationships. Research reports that "unfulfilling intimate relationships" are the highest cause of loneliness in American culture today.

Create a plan

If you should find yourself in this situation ask yourself a few questions:
What am I doing or thinking to create these feelings of loneliness?
What is the best way to reach out and connect with people today?
What is something that I can do for others today?

You should create a plan of action that can create positive thoughts for you. Your plan should get you involved with other people that share the same interests as you. It could be an organization of service or just a hobby that interests you. You can also journal to process your thoughts to clarify your plan and interests or find comfort in your prayer life. Take positive steps to help yourself. The only thing you have control of is your mind, body and spirit. Take the positive steps to take care of your personal needs today.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Returning to the dating scene

Entering the dating scene after the end of a significant relationship can be overwhelming. There are several things to consider before initiating the dating game. First give yourself time to heal. Whether you lost your partner to death, divorce or a mutual parting you must grieve the loss. Research reports we need six months of healing for every five years you were involved in the relationship. Use your support system of family, friends, faith and counseling to get through this difficult time.

New beginning

Take time for yourself. Go for a haircut or spa treatment. Head out to the gym for that workout you never had time for. Update your wardrobe and plan an evening out with friends. This time of healing can help you to reconnect with yourself and the things that you enjoy doing.

When you are ready to start dating again let your friends and family know. They may know of a single person that has common interests that you share. If you are in the age group of 45 to 54 years you are more likely to meet a partner online. Harris Interactive surveyed 10,000 people who married in the United States in 2006 and 2007 found 31% from 45 to 54 years met online. Only 18% aged 20 to 44 years met online. Younger adults were still meeting at college, work and other social functions.

Dating can be fun and discouraging. Start with casual activities like a coffee at the bookstore or a drink after work. Try to enjoy your new found freedom of being single. Dating is an important part of the courtship journey. Just relax and have fun.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

The blended family

Research has found that it takes at least four years for a stepfamily to blend and longer if the children are older. There is no magic time table for success but children will adjust better to a blended family if there are positive attitudes about the adjustments everyone is experiencing. Families won't bond immediately and you will have to determine ways to merge different routines, rules and personalities.

Steps to blending

It is normal for children to be unsure about their relationship with a new step-parent. When building relationships try to start with just eating as a family, watch a program together, walk the family pet or attend an activity together. Try to take it slow and learn the interests and personalities of the children. Blending families can also be an introduction of new cultures, religions, and hobbies. Communicating those differences can also help the family bond as they learn more about each other.

We can't assume that over time, children will naturally adjust to their new roles and relationships that arise when families are blended. A new parent figure can increase stress in young people because their relationships tend to be more conflict ridden. Problems also arise when teens feel they have to compete for parental attention. Social Science research reports that boys living with half or step-siblings have the most difficulty adjusting to the blended family. Teenagers in families with different biological parents have been reported to have lower grades and more behavioral problems than other adolescents. These problems may not improve over time. If the discord in your family escalates then seek help from a family counselor. Counseling can give your children a new perspective and help them to realize that a blended family surrounds them with more people that care.