Keeping Love Fresh

Healthy relationships are vital to your physical and mental health. They protect us from heart disease and boost our immune system. Relationships aren’t built on sexual intimacy alone. Marriages will change as the couple matures. After the children are launched many couples will feel estranged and wonder if they know their partner any longer. They search for commonalities in the marriage and question whether they want to spend another 20 or 30 years together.

Mature relationships

Keeping a relationship vibrant can be a challenge at any age. New relationships by nature are fun and exciting. When a couple has a new experience together it will build closeness or intimacy. Sexual intimacy will move from very frequent to a more comfortable satisfaction with a partner. Dr. Terri Orbuch author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great says, “Boomers are feeling more sexual than their parents did, so they need to learn ways to add spark to that long-term relationship. And, if they are single then there are ways to meet that someone special – places online, dating clubs and even blind dates.”

Mature relationships do become more mundane with the responsibility of work and children which dictate a daily pattern. A mature relationship can use the concepts of dating to reignite their marriage by learning new ways to connect and communicate.

Keep the spark alive

A couple must have the mindset that a divorce isn’t an option. If you are busy deciding on exit strategies you’re not focused on problem solving the concern. Deal breakers in a relationship would be any type of abuse, adultery or addiction.

Couples can start by just sharing basic courtesies to each other. Allow your partner to sleep in a morning. Compliment your partner and let them know that you appreciate what they do for you every day. Greet them with a hug, kiss and a smile to let them know you are glad to see them. You could even send a text message or email during the day to let them know you are thinking about them.

To add spunk and revitalize your relationship it’s fun to be unpredictable sometimes. Try planning a day trip or spend the night at a local bed and breakfast for some uninterrupted quality time. Be passionate about life. Learn something new together, hold hands and just be a good listener. Assess the balance in your life emotionally, physically, and spiritually to become a better spouse and partner. Commit to taking care of yourself so you have the emotionally energy for yourself and the people in your life.

Obesity and Marriage

Obesity can trigger depression, distorted body image and low self-esteem…….which are all mental-health problems that can be detrimental to a relationship. A distorted body image can make a person go to great lengths to hide her body from their partner or feel uncomfortable being sexual. The low self-esteem will cause a person to suffer with constant worry and look for reassurance. Weight is a sensitive issue that can easily strain or spell the end of any relationship when mishandled but many people can’t keep their weight at a healthy level.

Excessive weight

There are various challenges that come with weight gain……shopping for clothes for the overweight partner that is flattering, the unwanted stares that come with being in public with an obese partner, and the body odor that develops when hygiene becomes difficult. Being overweight creates other health concerns like high blood pressure, heart problems, cholesterol and blood clots.

Women that are overweight find it difficult to conceive. Fat produces oestrogen in the body and this extra fat disturbs the normal balance of the body which eventually affects fertility. Obese men report a higher rate of erectile dysfunction. For both genders being obese may result in muscular or skeletal problems that make having intimacy challenging. Obese people are a higher risk for diabetes, depression and urinary stress incontinence….all of which can lead to sex-related problems. The ramifications are endless to the individual that struggles with obesity.

Complacent in the relationship

Various studies have shown that many individuals get complacent after marriage because they no longer feel the need to look their best to attract a partner. In a few short years of getting married those individuals are twice as likely to become obese as those people who are just dating. This finding wasn’t limited to married people but also those couples who live together. “With women we saw incremental risk after one year,” reported Penny Gordon-Larsen nutrition epidemiologists at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who conducted the study. “The longer she lived with a romantic partner, the more likely she was to keep putting on weight. The risk of obesity with males….married or unmarried increased only between the first and second years living together.”

Scientists have known for awhile that having a close relationship with an obese person whether friend or spouse makes you more likely to become obese. Studies continue to support that if one spouse engages in weight loss the other spouse will also lose about five pounds. Increasing the amount of physical activity in a daily routine can help burn off fat.

The older we become the more difficult it is to lose weight. Finding a hobby or physical activity that you can enjoy together while you are getting your exercise can be a win/win. Couples don’t have to live chubbily ever after……..

Parent Tips for Teen Dating

Dating during the teen years helps to promote healthy development among adolescents. Learning the skills of dating is also a time of social experimentation for them. Parents and teens may feel awkward or uncomfortable as they discuss the rules and expectations in this new situation but this should not keep parents from discussing sexual boundaries, curfews, and respect of their date. This time of development for the teen can be an opportunity to teach your adolescent how to date, have respect for each other and protect themselves from emotional and physical hurt.

Teen dating

A new study from the University of Texas was published in the June 2011 issue of Journal of Youth and Adolescence reports that teens who have a girlfriend or boyfriend are less likely to engage in delinquent or dangerous behaviors compared to teens without a partner. This was due to less time spent at parties where dangerous behaviors might occur. Teens in relationships also displayed more confidence, were self assured and less likely to subcome to peer pressure. The study also found family environmental factors, rather than intelligence were a more important influence on teenage sexual activity.

Parent guidelines

Dating during adolescence poses problems and challenges for personal growth. Understanding this impact can help parents dialogue openly about their concerns which will benefit families in this time of growth. Parents should be a good role model in their own relationships displaying how to compromise, advocate for yourself assertively but with respect to your partner. Parents should also try and meet the parents of the significant other to discuss dating guidelines and communicate often to make sure activities are supervised.

When the teen begins to date a parent should encourage double dating or going out with a group. The age difference should not be more than a couple of year’s difference between the two teens. This should help with the concern of being pressured into premature sexual activity. The U.S. Attorney General reports that 38% of date rape victims are girls between the age of 14 and 17. Discuss abstinence and how to say no or how to postpone sex. Educate and discuss the safe sex practices such as condoms and birth control. Practice having the teen state that “No” means no and that oral sex is sex. Parents should always look for warning signs of a change in behavior or appearance of their teen. This could mean that your teen is in compromising situation that would warrant a parent’s guidance. Keeping your teen safe even when they are resistant needs to remain a priority of parenting.

Father's Demand Equal Parental Rights With Their Children

Divorce is a fact of life in today’s culture. Every year 1.25 million marriages end in divorce and two-thirds of those are initiated by women. This will leave over 1 million children under 18 years old to cope with the new experience of joint custody. Divorce is no longer the end of a relationship….it’s a restructuring of a continuing relationship.

Restructure of the family

Divorcees learn quickly that leaving your partner doesn’t mean that you stop dealing with the former spouse as the child’s mother or father. The assumption has been that once the property has been divided, the children allocated to a household that each parent would then be autonomous. This thinking evolved out of the divorce court of family law in the 1960’s and 1970’s.

Divorce has changed over the last 40 years. Adults have realized that marriage is dissoluble but parenthood is not. Fatherhood has become the major battle in family court. Fathers that have experienced separation from their children began to rethink their priorities. They are now demanding greater involvement in their children’s lives. Fathers no longer have to wonder what is happening with their children as his involvement is not hindered by the court or the mother.

Joint custody

The illusion of personal autonomy after divorce is just that. People can make fresh starts with a new partner but you can’t disconnect from the former relationship with children involved. Parenting is an enduring connection that outlasts the severance of the adult relationship. Both parents must constantly examine their actions to assure the needs and interests of the child are addressed first.

As the guidelines to your joint custody are established it will be important to remember that you child didn’t ask to be divorced from either parent. Each parent must make a reasonable effort to see that visitation takes place with a minimum of tension. If both parents work to remain flexible and discuss parenting concerns that arise then the discord can be minimal.

Joint custody works to alleviate the inequalities of the traditional custodial routine. This arrangement of shared custody demands a great deal from the former married partners. They have to move past the pain of a failed marriage and make cooperative parenting work.

Stepparenting

The new stepparent has a difficult and sensitive role in the blended family. Although the myth of the wicked stepparent is found in our nursery stories…..it does portray the negative light given to this family member. Sometimes this individual is blamed for the separation of the biological parents or simply not welcome regardless of the contributions he or she makes to the family. As a result the relationship between the stepparent and the child is often stormy and can become one of the greatest obstacles to the new marriage. Many times the continued conflict causes enormous tension between the couple and the eventual break-up of the relationship.

Accepting differences

As in any family the relationship between the husband and wife should still be your first priority. The marriage must be strong to endure the continuous pressure of the blended family. The couple must never forget that they are on the same team so that the children or outside influences don’t create conflict between them.

Expecting the children to immediately bond in the new family system isn’t realistic. It will take time for them to accept the new family roles and expectations. The stepparent will need to build a relationship of trust as will the children from the different family systems. This blending of the family process will take patience and will depend on the amount of time that the children spend at the stepparent’s home. The stepparent must understand the he or she is an additional parent figure…..not a replacement in the child’s life.

Blending the family

Children perceive change differently and may also worry about loyalty issues concerning the biological parents. To help with the transition of co-parenting both biological parents must work together to discipline and guide the children. The biological parent should take the lead role when discipline is needed and the stepparent will then support their rules and boundaries. If the stepparent initiates the discipline the conflict concerns will usually escalate. Parents need to be united in this area and discuss any disagreements privately. Giving the child power in this situation will put a wedge between the couple and communication will shut down.

The stepparent shouldn’t expect an instant love bond to evolve…..relationships take time. This process can even take years but with patience and a positive attitude you can experience success. The blended family should make an intentional effort to create a new family together. You can plan a family night of movies or games, trips and other activities that will build new memories.

During this time of bonding as a family it will be important to spend time alone together as a couple on a regular basis. A couple should spend a minimum of four hours a week to remain emotionally connected. This will keep your relationship and intimacy a priority as you work to unite the families.

Behaviors That Destroy Relationships

There are numerous reasons why marriages fail. The usual suspects are infidelity, finances, midlife crisis, or just growing apart that lead to the majority of divorces. There is no simple answer to the millions of break-ups that occur every year as each person will have their own unique story to tell………

Negative communication skills

Every marriage will experience unhappiness and conflict which is perfectly normal. It’s not the conflict that is the problem it’s how the disagreement is handled. Nagging is toxic communication to the marriage. Both men and women will humiliate each other until it destroys any memory of what you enjoyed together. When an individual repeatedly attacks and criticizes their partner’s personality rather than the behavior that bothers you an imbalance in the relationship develops and self-esteem is affected. This can include a verbal attack of name calling, cursing, hostile behavior and body language. Attacking your partner in this manner is disrespectful and abusive. You will usually see your partner become defensive and begin to withdraw from communicating with you. This will develop a feeling of resentment and emotional distance in your marriage. Psychologist John Gottman studied over 1,000 married couples and he reports that when these behaviors are present in a marriage there is a 94% chance that the relationship will fail.

Rebuild your relationship

Couples that are caught in a negative communication cycle will feel frustration, anger, fear, hurt, sadness, and alienation. The first step to healing is accepting responsibility for your part of the disagreement. This self examination will lead to profound growth of establishing healthy ways to communicate.

Effective communication isn’t about who is right or wrong. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently or situations that just don’t work out. So choose your battles wisely and decide whether you would like to be kind or right when confronted with a difference of opinion. Then try to become a better listener and don’t respond until your partner has completed their thought. Slowing down your response keeps you attentive to understanding their position instead of defending yours.

Our moods can be deceptive. When you are in a good mood life looks great. You have a more balanced perspective and communication flows easily. In a bad mood life seems unbearable and difficult. A low mood is not the time to argue or analyze your relationship. Life is never as bad as it seems when you are in a low mood. Be grateful for the good times together and graceful when times are more difficult. Try not to take your arguments too seriously as life will continue to move forward even if things don’t go according to your plan. “This too shall pass.”

Kindergarten Readiness

The concept of kindergarten derived in the 1830’s from a German teacher who believed the children needed a way to transition from home into the school environment. Kindergarten was established as a way to interact and socialize. Children today are socialized at daycare or in pre-school so kindergarten has been restructured to meet the demands of academic readiness in the cognitive and social areas of development.

Readiness to learn

School readiness means that the child has the ability to learn and cope in the school environment without experiencing undue stress. Children should be able to separate from their family and trust the adults in the school environment. They need to understand the concept of sharing and how to take turns when playing with other children. Children should also display some level of social skills in how to resolve problems and work cooperatively with their peers. They must be able to adapt to the structure of the school day and follow the instructions from their teacher.

A real assessment of readiness isn’t based on the chronological age alone. Many schools will do an assessment several weeks before school begins that involve cognitive, linguistic, motor skills and social skills. Children that enter kindergarten with limited baseline skills of reading and math are unlikely to catch up with their peers. Many will need support services that require remedial learning with the help of an aide or tutor. Children that don’t test well will have a re-evaluation three to six months later to assess if a developmental specialist or neurologist should be consulted.

Other considerations

There are many different academic settings to consider when choosing a school for your children. There are public, private, religion based, and Montessori schools. Other determining factors are class size, use of aides in the classroom, and if kindergarten is a full or half-day program. Structural considerations would be the locations of the bathroom, playground and lunchroom where interaction with older students should be limited.

There are many different developmental levels and skills found in the classroom. Teachers are working to meet the diversity, developmental needs and abilities of all children. Children learn best by doing. It allows them to learn through exploration and observation. It can also help them to follow their interests while building cognitive and creative talents. As you determine the kindergarten readiness for your children also seek an environment where they can be engaged and interested in learning for their optimal growth and development.

Financial Infidelity

Financial infidelity occurs when one spouse over spends family money, makes secret purchases or has a hidden bank account without the other partner’s knowledge. Financial and family law specialist state they see more cases of divorce caused by financial infidelity than sexual infidelity. Spouses are trained to look for the traditional “lipstick on the collar” but never consider checking on the status of their credit reports.

Signs

Keeping secrets is a violation of trust within the marriage. A recent study from the GMAC Finance Company found that one-third of the spouses from 2800 households surveyed admitted to hiding at least one purchase from their partner. The most common where clothes, hobby related items and gambling. Experts have found a correlation between addiction and financial infidelity.

Some warning signs to monitor for financial infidelity would be when your partner is resistant to discuss family finances. You may notice large purchases appear in the home without prior discussion or find bills for items you weren’t aware that had been bought. You might also discover a new credit card or line of credit with your name on it.

Create a healthy financial connection

A healthy financial connection is determined by relationship dynamics, values and expectations that have been established between the couple. It is important to discuss family norms on budget, donations and personal spending allowance. As a couple set guidelines and limits for spending money without the other partner knowing. Little lies tend to lead to bigger ones. This deception can escalate into serious debt. A spouse will conceal a debt thinking they can solve the problem before their partner becomes aware. This choice will add strain to an already troubled relationship.

The first step would be for the individual to admit to the problem. Then as a couple work together to repair the damage. A financial planner and couple’s therapist may need to be consulted to unravel the cause for this harmful deception that is in the relationship. Together establish the ground rules for how the family money is to be spent. Then clarify the expectations about lifestyle and make a budget together while paying bills. Communicate to each other about unexpected expenses that arise and how that affects your financial goals. As you create a financial plan determine what should be placed in savings each month. Then obtain a credit report yearly and set your fiscal goals each year together to maintain a healthy financial connection.

Fathers and Their Children

The role of the father has become a difficult one in today’s family system. A 2010 census reports an estimated 24.7 million children in the United States live absent from their biological father. The statistics become more alarming when 40% of these children haven’t seen their father in a year and another 26% of absent fathers live in another state. With the celebration of Father’s Day this week it may be a good time to identify the barriers that keep you from participating in your children’s life.

Single Fathers

Today one in every three homes is headed by a woman and one in every six by a man. Once the divorce is finalized research reports that it may take up to three years to for a family to adjust to their new life style. This can encompass visitation, finances, employment, daycare, and relocating. Becoming a single-parent is challenging and at times overwhelming. Determine what support you need and then begin to establish a network. Review your budget and how to reduce extra curricular expenses. Determine if you qualify for state or federal assistance for food, healthcare, daycare, counseling, job training or housing. Check on Federal grants for single-parents to retrain or complete their education.

At home delegate chores to each child that are age appropriate and that can be completed in fifteen to thirty minutes. This can be as easy as empty the trash, load the dishwasher, run the sweeper, take care of the pets or do a load of laundry. With everyone working together you will be able to reduce your stress and teach the children the responsibilities of taking care of their home.

Involved Fathers

Father’s have a unique and crucial role in child development. This nurturing bond will determine school success, healthy self-esteem, mental health and a stronger avoidance to drugs. Data reported by the Family Strengthening Policy Center in December 2005, states that children with involved fathers experience less poverty, perform better in school while completing their education. They will also display fewer behavioral problems and above average cognitive and psychosocial development.

A father should be a positive role model that can provide financial security for their children. He facilitates their moral development and assists in learning important life skills. Loving a child is more than just saying, “I love you.” It’s demonstrated in daily activities throughout their children’s lifetime. Whatever time you have to spend with your children try and become involved in their lives. Learn the names of their best friends and the activities that they are participate in. Take part in community activities and plan family outings to facilitate emotional bonding. Volunteer at their school and attend their parent/teacher conferences. Establish a routine that your children will look forward to and know that you will be spending time with them. Father’s continue to play a critical role in the development of their children whether they are living in the household or as a single-parent. Investing your time in the relationship with your children will pay dividends for many years.

Similarities of Anorexia and Bulimia

Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa are both eating disorders that involve an intense fear of becoming overweight. This fear is usually triggered after being on a diet, fearful of becoming obese and a drive to be thin. Individuals at risk are preoccupied with food, weight, appearance and struggle with depression. These individuals display a more anxious personality that strives to be perfect.

Eating disorders

Individuals with eating disorders believe they weigh too much and look too heavy regardless of their actual weight or appearance. They will usually begin a diet because they are obsessed with the desire to have a perfect body. Both anorexia and bulimia can play a huge role in your mental and physical health. Both disorders can disrupt everyday lives, ruin relationships and create dysfunctional behavior. Extreme cases will affect the function of internal organs and become life threatening. When individuals engage in excessive exercise they can experience depression, fatigue and heart failure. Others will abuse diet pills or struggle with other substance abuse.

Treatment

The occurrence of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia has increased dramatically over the past few years. Individuals that are most vulnerable suffer with low self-esteem, emotional stress, depression and feelings of guilt. They will then cope with their feelings by means of not eating or over eating. Both disorders will develop at an early stage of adulthood and individuals affected can struggle with this problem the rest of their life. It is most prevalent in cultures where food is plentiful and where thin is associated with attractiveness.

Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa can be treated with cognitive psychotherapy which is designed to change behaviors that have developed into self-destructive patterns. It focuses on modifying distorted beliefs about weight. Recovery isn’t easy----but with support, intensive therapy and education there is hope. Do not be afraid to seek the help that you need to become victorious of these disorders and go on to have a full and healthy life.

Adult ADD Alternatives

Many adults are discovering that the symptoms they have struggled with as a child and continue to cope with has a name, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Historically the diagnosis of ADD has focused predominately on children, but only 40% of children will outgrow ADD symptoms. Adults often conclude that they have ADD when their children are diagnosed and recognize that they have similar symptoms. Individuals who suspect they have ADD should see a clinician who can perform a personal interview, take a medical history, diagnose and discuss options for treatment.

There is no known cause for ADD but heredity, genetics, and chemical imbalance are probable originating factors. Adults with ADD will have difficulty following directions, remembering information, concentrating, organizing tasks or completing tasks on time. These concerns can cause problems in their personal relationships, professional careers, academics and social interactions. Symptoms of ADD can range from mild to severe. Different medications have been shown to help adults diagnosed with ADD very quickly, but there are alternative choices to consider.

Nutrition

The consideration of some dietary changes and eating a more nutritious regime can work as an alternative treatment. There are common things that are usually overlooked in a diet but should be assessed such as food allergies, yeast overgrowth, antibiotic over use and improper diet. These concerns can be discussed with your primary care physician.

Research is finding nutritional deficiencies of fatty acids and amino acids can affect a person’s attention span. Fatty acids are essential for the healthy nervous system as they also influence brain development and the neuronal connections between the different areas of the brain. The American diet supplies the Omega 6 family of fatty acids found in corn, sunflower, canola and safflower oil, margarine, vegetable oil and shortening. Most diets lack the Omega 3 fatty acids found in salmon, mackerel and sardines. Taking a food supplement or vitamin can help with this deficiency.

Exercise and Behavioral Changes

Regular and vigorous exercise can be very helpful to the adult diagnosed with ADD. Exercise that is maintained daily can quiet the mind and release energy in a positive way. The immediate release of dopamine and norepinephrine will help to delay impulsive behaviors and allow the individual time to evaluate choices or consequences. Exercise will also elevate the mood and decrease muscle tension.

Skills training for the ADD adult can be very beneficial. The adult would learn how to organize their day by making a list of all tasks to be completed daily. This should be prioritized from the most important to the least important task. If the tasks are complex they should be broken down into steps that are listed and crossed off when completed. Carrying a notepad would also allow the ADD adult to write down thoughts that seem to come and go quickly or reminders of any schedule changes that occurs. Setting alarms on a phone or watch can also be a great reminder to help individuals arrive on time to appointments or meetings.

The Danger of Emotional Infidelity

Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship. Emotional cheating is flirting “harmlessly” with the opposite sex. This can involve having a drink after work, sharing intimate thoughts with someone other than your partner or exchanging repeated electronic messages about personal concerns. Warning signs of straying from your significant other would be excessive time away from home, less sexual intimacy, increased criticism and avoidance of contact with each other.

Reasons given for infidelity

Males and females report the main reason they had an affair was to express the emotional disconnection they felt from their partner and their sense of feeling unappreciated. Each partner stated a need to be valued in their relationship. Other individuals are drawn to affairs because they can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. Unfortunately, affairs are also damaging, destructive, cruel, painful and demeaning to others.

“Emotional cheating begins when the couple misunderstands the fundamental rules of marriage,” says author Gary Neuman in Emotional Infidelity: How to avoid it. “When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does. An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to marriage as a sexual affair and is often a more complicated situation to remedy.”

Staying connected

Remaining connected to your partner will take a daily commitment of making time for one another as a couple. This needs to be uninterrupted time to discuss your day and problem-solve concerns together. It can be spent cooking the evening meal, playing a board game or having a glass of wine while sitting on the balcony. Another affair proof intervention for your marriage is to plan a weekly date night where you go out as a couple just for fun without discussing business, money or the children. This gives you the opportunity to continue knowing each other as the individuals you were when falling in love.

It is important that you put your marriage first. Display appreciation to you partner by validating what they bring to the relationship. Try to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. Remain aware of the warning signs of inappropriate intimacy, secrecy, and increased fighting in your marriage. If you notice a rise in emotional distance and are unsure as to how to repair your relationship, you should ask for help. Your community has several resources for support services. Explore available options through your church, mental health centers or individuals in private practice that can provide the help you are seeking to repair your relationship. The longer you wait, the more obstacles there are to overcome. Make that call today.

Pets Give Unconditional Love

The purchase of a pet can be a big decision for the family to consider. There is the responsibility of feeding, healthcare and appropriate exercise for the pet’s well-being. A pet is certainly a great friend to come home to after a difficult day. Many pet owners will love and care for their pet like a member of the family.

Health benefits

Over the last 25 years research has shown that living with a pet can provide health benefits to their owner. Pets have been found to lower our blood pressure and lessen anxiety while boosting our immune system. A number of studies have also found that children exposed to pets early on will develop a stronger immune system against most common allergies.

The National Institute of Health reports that dog owners that are responsible for walking their pet are less likely to be obese compared to those who have someone else walk their pet for them. Many owners will plan their daily exercise around jogging or walking with their pet. Other individuals use their pet to help combat loneliness. A pet can be a companion for the elderly or individuals that are more isolated. Loneliness is one of the most damaging risk factors found in people recovering from heart disease.

Pets can also expand your social circle by enrolling in an obedience class for your dog or spending time playing at a dog park. This would be a wonderful way to meet other people and learn more about other breeds of animals. Then you could leisurely spend time together at an outdoor café to relax and share your pet with other people. There are also fun social networking websites that focus on pets like Dogster.com, Catster.com and Petpop.com to discuss pet tips and questions that you might have.

Pets are known for their unconditional love and are a great way to combat feelings of loneliness by providing companionship. So before deciding on the perfect pet for your family, determine what type of pet will fit your family lifestyle. Next, delegate who will be responsible for the care and training of your pet. Then welcome your pet into your home and enjoy the friendship.

Young Adult Drinking

Young adulthood is a stage of life marked by change and exploration. They launch from their parents’ home into dormitories or apartments with peers. These young adults will go to college, begin work full-time and develop serious relationships as they discover their identity in this world. The role of the parent weakens and the influence of peers will gain dominance as adolescents begin to make more decisions on their own.

Alcohol and the maturing brain

Research shows that the brain continues to develop throughout adolescence and well into young adulthood. Drinking excessively during this developmental time can lead to life-long impairments affecting motor skills, coordination and memory. Binge drinking is defined as consuming five or more drinks in a row at least once a month. Heavy drinking is consuming five or more drinks on at least five occasions a month. According to the NESHRC (National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions 2001-2002) 46% of young adults (12.4 million) engage in drinking the exceeded daily amount at least once in the past year. Another 14.5% or 3.9 million exceeded the weekly limit which is one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men.

Set personal limits of moderation

Every year there are reports of alcohol-related tragedies that expose adolescents or young adults who have been drinking while driving or were found with alcohol blood poisoning. Some people drink when they attend parties or drinking establishments as a way to relax and socialize with friends. Other individuals will experiment to feel a part of the group or display a certain image of appearing older. When they don’t know their limit or haven’t determined a designated driver, lives will often be lost.

Parents who drink will have a more difficult time to convince their teen not to take risks with alcohol. The best deterrent for parents is to monitor their children and know where they are, what they’re doing, and who they are with. The other option is to implement restrictions and consequences when rules are broken. Holding the teenager accountable for their choices has a strong influence and can impact future decisions, which help them to learn from the experience. The parent becomes less effective with the autonomous young adult. The parent no longer has the ability to enforce protective boundaries but can with hold monetary support.

If your child is struggling with substance abuse the best intervention is professional help. There can be underlying reasons that they have chosen to be self-destructive or self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Kansas has several treatments centers to chose from or counseling that can help to stabilize the situation. The earlier the treatment the better chance there is for success. Reach out for help today!

The Heart Truth

Every February 14th across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones. The heart is associated with Valentine’s Day as it is considered the source of all human emotions. The custom of drawing a heart shape began with the first attempts to draw an organ that no one had seen. It eventually evolved into a symbol of love.

Heart and brain dialogue

The experience of emotion results from the brain, heart and body acting in concert together. Research from the Institute of HeartMath has linked the activity of the heart to our emotions, health, vitality and well-being. The heart is in a constant two-way dialogue with our brain. Our emotions change the signals the brain sends to the heart and the heart responds in complex ways.

The heart is the center of our being. Research shows that when we experience heart-felt emotions like love, compassion, appreciation and care for others the heart will produce a rhythm of smooth, gently rolling hills. By simply recalling a time when you felt sincere appreciation, the concurrence of your heart rhythm will reduce your emotional stress and improve your health.

Language of love

A heartfelt emotion is sincere, impassioned and deeply rooted in the person who experiences it. We feel emotions in our chest and rely on language to help us express those feelings: we are heartbroken, our heart aches, bleeding heart and grows cold. The heating of the heart in love or the chilling of the heart in grief can be lethal to our well-being.

The feeling of appreciation is one of the most concrete positive emotions for individuals to self-generate by simply recalling a time you felt sincere appreciation. Positive emotions can help you replace stressful thoughts with more positive perceptions that will reduce your stress and anxiety. To maintain a heart healthy lifestyle you must include a low-fat diet, moderate exercise, a smoke-free environment and emotional management. Begin today by displaying appreciation to those you love in your life and your heart will be happy.

Teach Your Children to Save Money

In many families money is a taboo topic, but teaching children about money is an important part of parenting. Children who learn to save at an early age have a great advantage over others who have never been taught how to manage their money. Families can learn the process of saving together and enjoy the benefits of becoming money-savvy.

Teaching the concept

The American Bankers Association Education Foundation (ABA) taught over 1 million children how to save and manage their money in 2009. The concept was such a success the ABA expanded their education efforts in 2010. They would like to see every child have the opportunity to learn how to save for their future. Experts agree that you can start teaching your children about money as soon as they understand the concept that money can buy things.

You could begin by requiring your children to save 10 per cent of any money they receive. Start by matching every dollar they save and when they are older you can decrease the amount to 25% or 50%. Introduce your children to earning an allowance early. A weekly allowance may be appropriate for early grade school children but as they get older you can move “paydays” to every other week or once a month. Have them set goals to save as much as they intend to spend and still have money in their account. Allow your children to make their spending choices. That is how they will learn to budget their money and determine if the purchase was worth the money spent.

No more bailouts

Children will make mistakes as they learn how to manage their money. If they spend all their money and don’t have enough to go out with their friends then they should miss their outing. Loaning them the $20 may make them feel better but they will have learned that you will always be there for the bailout. That is a lesson that you will regret when they’re an adult and ask you to pay off their credit card bill. Teach them that you are not their personal banker and to save for their own future.

Healthy Eating Helps ADHD

If you are a parent of an ADHD child you have probably read that the American diet of foods high in fat, salt, and processed sugar does little to help your child. In fact our “Western-style” diet gives children a higher risk of ADHD than children on a healthier diet that is rich in fish, vegetables, fruit and whole grains all of which contain a lot of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids.

Healthy diet

Researchers from Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago compared the recent studies of diet for ADHD children. They found that children with this diagnosis perform best on a diet that avoids dyes, preservatives and other additives.

There is no doubt that we are what we eat. The poor nutrition from the “Western-diet” has also affected young children with an increase in obesity. These foods that are full of preservatives have a parallel effect with a child’s neurodevelopment.

Natural treatment versus medication

There are 13 essential Recommended Daily Allowances of vitamins and minerals that children need for optimum health. Growing bodies need carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins, and minerals to develop correctly. Most American children don’t meet the proper nutrition requirements. A national survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found 1 in 4 teens were eating fruit less than once a day and 1 in 3 were eating vegetables less than once daily. Teens should be eating 4 to 5 cups of fruit and vegetables a day. A cup is a medium apple or a large tomato.

If your child is a picky eater a multivitamin can provide missing nutrients and minerals. Omega-3 fatty acids are needed for healthy brain development. Fish oil capsules and flax seed supplements can be used as a replacement for fresh fish or salmon. Vitamin D is naturally absorbed during outdoor activities. During the winter milk, soy and orange juice can help fortify this gap. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 200 IU of Vitamin D and 500 mg of calcium for children 1 to 3 years old. These amounts increase as they grow.

Most parents will want to try a natural treatment for their child that is diagnosed with ADHD. This should also be combined with behavioral therapy which involves positive reinforcements to help children control their impulsivity. Medications are still the single most effective treatment available for ADHD which affects 5 to 8% school-aged children. These symptoms can persist into adulthood with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. Parents should pursue options that are best for their child with the understanding of the limited research to them to determine benefits and outcome.

Persevere With Your Resolutions

A New Year’s resolution is a ritual of hope that can provide us with the opportunity to evaluate progress with our life goals or personal growth. Unfortunately, many of us will try to begin a resolution on January 1st when we are still eating unhealthy and are transitioning back into our regular routine. Eighty percent of people who try and begin their resolution on January 1st will fail to follow through with it by January 31st. If the resolution is focused on health and fitness goals, 90% will have quit by January 15th.

Perseverance

Change involves sacrifice, motivation and willpower. Don’t focus on your past failures in 2012. That can overwhelm your thoughts with the negativity of debt accrued, pounds that were gained or relationships that failed. Begin by reviewing the positive aspects of your life. Think about things that you are proud of, what you are grateful for and how you have helped others in your life.

Start your resolution with small significant changes and build on each small success you experience. Set a goal to have a new experience every month this year. It can be as simple as going to a new restaurant each month, reading a book, taking a class or volunteering for a charity. Success with a simple goal will help to build confidence with a more challenging one. Reward yourself for each success. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to reach your goal as long as you continue to make progress.

Face your fears in 2013. You will become whatever your choices are, so be fearless this year. Each day you will get closer to obtaining your goal and when you begin to waiver on your resolution use your support system to help you persevere. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Eleanor Roosevelt