Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Financial Stress Can Harm Your Health

Today's economy is creating a lot of anxiety associated with the financial uncertainty of the recession we are currently experiencing. Eight out of ten Americans now report that the economy is a significant stressor for them. They are experiencing health concerns from headaches to heart disease. According to the American Psychological Association 52% of us are lying awake at night worrying about the world we live in today.

This is bad news since sleep loss is linked to higher blood pressure. Stress can also lead to emotional eating of unhealthy comfort foods. Here are some suggestions to remain balanced in stressful times:
  • Find time to laugh. Laughing creates endorphins to lift your mood and suppress stress-related hormones.
  • Create a nurturing environment for yourself. Learn to relax as worrying will not solve the problem.
  • Exercise to release your tension and lower your blood pressure. It also creates those endorphins that lift our mood.
  • Turn on your favorite music to combat the stress hormone cortisol and lower your blood pressure. Relaxing never felt so good!

There are several ways to combat the stress you encounter each and every day. Stay close to your family, friends, and faith. Never lose hope as there is always a new day tomorrow to begin again. If anxiety and depressive symptoms take over the joy in your life do not hesitate to seek professional support.

Warm regards,

Gina

Monday, November 24, 2008

Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again

Divorce rates are remaining steady at 50% survival rate for first marriages. If you are struggling to not be part of the latest statistics then you might want to read Dr. Laura Berman's new book Real Sex for Real Women. She has worked as a sex educator, researcher, and therapist for the last 18 years. Dr. Berman has a few ideas on how to put that spark back into your dying romance.

  1. Be the model for change. If you believe your partner is not loving, understanding or appreciative of your concerns then model those behaviors for your partner. You will get what you give in a relationship.
  2. Own your 100 percent. Own your part of the problem that occurs in the relationship and then take the necessary steps to correct them.
  3. Initiate sexual contact. If you want a more passionate sex life then initiate the contact with your partner and work to make that happen.
  4. Talk about your needs in a positive manner. Stop the blame game and speak to your partner in "I" messages. Explain your needs and work together to resolve them.

Then take the steps to stay connected to your partner. Make plans for a date night. Share new experiences together and try to not talk about your day to day stressors. Relationships are a constant work in progress. It doesn't get easier, you just have to be more creative.

Good luck!!

Gina

Monday, November 17, 2008

Coping with Holiday Stress

The holiday season is upon us and more people than ever are taking anti-depressants and anxiety medications. They are struggling to cope with relationships, finances and the physical demands of their daily schedules. Your already busy schedule just became more demanding with the preparation of the holidays to create the magic you want your family to experience.

When you are stressed to the maximum it is very difficult to stop and assess your mental well being. You just know that you are tired, angry and resentful of the demands that are expected of you. The Mayo Clinic has twelve tips to help handle the holiday stress:
  1. Acknowledge your feelings. Don't force yourself to feel happy just because it is expected.
  2. Seek support. Don't be a martyr. Call your friends and family when needed.
  3. Be realistic. Let go of old traditions and make new ones that are more compatible to your current life style.
  4. Set differences aside. Set aside grievances until after the holidays. Try to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
  5. Stick to a budget. You can't buy happiness.
  6. Plan ahead. Write those lists and cook some of your menu items ahead of time. If traveling you might want to mail your gifts before you leave to make sure they arrive on time.
  7. Learn to say no. Everyone has limits. Know what yours are and set the boundary.
  8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Good self-care will keep you healthy and happy.
  9. Take a breather. Make time for yourself to replenish your spirit.
  10. Rethink resolutions. Try to make small goals that are attainable so that you can see your progress.
  11. Forget about perfection. You are not a television program that displays a perfect ending to the story. Accept those imperfections in yourself and others.
  12. Seek professional help if you find yourself persistently sad and anxious.

The holidays are meant to be enjoyed and remembered by all family members, so take those steps to manage your stress and depression. It will be the best present you ever gave yourself.

Happy Holidays!!

Gina

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Be Physically and Mentally Active

There have been several studies over the last several years that have reported Americans have become obese. We have automated our lives to the point of physical inactivity and we are not utilizing the calories that we intake. So our body stores the calories as fat for a later time when we may need them. The problem is we are not active enough to burn the stored fat and over time become obese.

Obesity can effect every aspect of your life from personal relationships to health concerns. The problems do not stop there as we are creating another generation of obesity with our children. Almost half of children in America older than 12 years old aren't active enough. We need to get up off the couch or away from the computer and interact with each other again. Playing family games, learning hobbies, and playing sports are just a few activities that families can do together to stay physically and mentally healthy. Twenty to thirty minutes of moderate, age-appropriate activity daily can keep the whole family healthy, emotionally and physically. Make time to stay healthy now or you will have to make time to be ill later.

Best wishes,

Gina

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Scream Free Parenting

There is a new parenting resource in the media that you may be interested in. Marriage and Family Therapist Hal Runkel has written Scream Free Parenting for parents who have that difficult child. He also has a website at www.screamfree.com that lists parenting seminars he is having across the country.

Whenever you are struggling with parenting issues it is important that you give yourself time to assess the situation and obtain an objective perspective of the concern. There are many life stressors that could be effecting the family and responding inappropriately will only increase the duress. If you feel that you or a family member is needing professional help there are excellent resources in your community that would welcome the opportunity to help you. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Best wishes,

Gina

Thursday, October 23, 2008

How to Survive Office Politics

The work environment has changed dramatically over the last two decades from the diversity of the work force and the level of education required, to the electronic equipment utilized daily. What I have personally noticed is how unhappy people come to work with their daily stressors of relationships, children, finances, and health concerns. This negativity seems to spread through the work force like a cancer from the administration down to the receptionist as people attempt to transfer their unhappiness to each other.

How can an individual maintain their personal balance in an environment that attempts to destroy the joy that you try to find in each day? It is very difficult and most people become paralyzed with indecision when caught in this type of situation. The environment seems oppressive and you dread going to work each day. This daily attack to your mental health can eventually affect your self-esteem and work performance if co-workers begin to attack you personally or strive for your job in the organization.

The most important thing for each person to understand is that you can only control yourself and that is all. You can focus on your choices and how you react to each situation. This one change in your thought pattern can empower you to think through the issue before responding. Most people when attacked will react defensively and let their ego guide their thinking. This can create a stand off of power and control which can create anger or animosity toward the other person. When you are in this type of a conflict you will usually need a third party to intercede for you, so that it can be resolved fairly. Otherwise the individual with the most power will make you miserable, possibly to the ideation of resigning.

First let's look at the choice that you do have. Albert Einstein taught us that for every action there is a reaction. That is where your choice begins. What is your reaction when your ego is being challenged? The de-escalate the situation you could first be an empathetic listener to try and determine the concern or need that is being conveyed. Then use an "I" statement which acknowledges the concern but doesn't necessarily state that you agree with the person. For example if you say "I'm sorry that you feel that way." "I never thought of that perspective before." "I will consider what you shared with me today." Statements like this will display that you want to keep the communication open and the working relationship congenial. You can either not respond to the issue again or address it later after some time has passed to decrease the emotion that is attached to the situation.

The wait time that is creat by the "I" statement can prove to be very helpful because it gives both parties time to think about the situation and respond in a more professional manner. The ego can also consider all perspectives and alternatives on ways to move forward. If either party involved chooses to gossip about the issue during this time, it can escalate the situation which can then become volatile.

Gossip in the workplace creates an environment of distrust. It can also generate a polarized "them versus us" thinking. It will become impossible to collaborate like a team when gossiping is prevalent in the work environment. Again you have a choice on how to respond to the situation by just listening and say nothing or removing yourself from the situation by walking back to your desk. You could make a comment or statement that is noncommittal like "Interesting" or "I'm sorry to hear that.", and then move on. It is imperative for you to remain an observer and not a participant of the gossip because the situation can easily turn against you, as the individual who gossips is always looking for another victim to attack. Buddha advises, "Question if it is true, necessary or kind. If not say nothing."

After you have taken the time to consider all the information and feel that you need to apologize then do it responsibly. Politely ask the other person if they have a moment to discuss the previous concern. Then convey a sincere regret for the incident. An apology is best given to the individual personally instead fo through e-mail or telephone. Your body language and voice tone will be important to emphasize the sincerity of the apology.

During any situation when you are experiencing duress it is very important that you monitor your self-care. Ninety-percent of all illness is stress related. A negative work environment can cause physical fatigue, low morale and a negative attitude. It is very easy to look for comfort in junk food, not exercise, neglect your sleep, as worry can become obcessive making it difficult to fall asleep. You might want to journal about the concern if you do not have a confident you can trust to discuss the issue with. Sometimes just re-reading what you have written can help you to clarify the issue and determine the appropriate steps you may need to initiate. Exercising can release the adrenaline and help stabilize you body chemistry making you feel calm and relaxed. Then eat a light balanced evening meal. When you prepare for bed, a bath or shower can be very relaxing with soothing music, aromatic candles and a caffeine-free herbal tea can help to soothe your nervous system for a good night's sleep.

Best managed organizations understand that people are their best resource and that work is done through relationships. When relationships become strained it can result in low moral and mistrust of management. Management must spend time training their employees on understanding the individual differences of age, gender, race and disabilities to build the collaborative environment needed in today's global economy. Working toward making each employee feel valued, competent, and secure is an important step in resolving conflict in the work environment.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Finding Your Purpose in Life

People today are constantly seeking happiness in their life. Some people believe that if they purchase a certain item, secure that dream job, or marry that special person, their life will be perfect. Then once that goal is achieved they continue to feel empty inside.

A 2005 study that followed 12,640 middle-aged Hungarians found that those who felt their lives had meaning, had a significant lower rates of cancer and heart disease. "People who feel their life is part of a larger plan and are guided by their spiritual values have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, a lower risk of heart attack and cancer, and heal faster and live longer," says Harold G Koenig, M.D. professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center. Deepak Chopra M.D author and cofounder of the Chopra Center for Wellness states, "Purpose gives you fulfillment and joy, and that can bring you the experience of happiness."

There is no magic pill for you to take to find your purpose. What you can do is to continue seeking activities that bring you personal joy and fulfillment. Then you will discover your special role or talents for humanity and in turn, that will bring you contentment and happiness.

Good luck on your journey!

Gina

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sudden Divorce Syndrome

You probably will never see this diagnosis in the DSM IV (which is the diagnostic tool all clinicians use to diagnosis mental health issues) but Sudden Divorce Syndrome is experienced by thousands of families every week. Married couples who have launched their children suddenly realize they no longer have anything in common with each other or have completely quit communicating and one day walk into the house and say "I want a divorce."

In a 2004 poll by the AARP one in four men who were divorced stated that they "never saw it coming." Only 14% of divorced women stated that the divorce had been unexpected for them.
The U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare report that women will file for divorce on an average of 66% of the time. The report states that when women make up their mind that the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship. The confusion for men is that if there is no communication on the issue they believe everything is fine in the relationship.

No matter who ends the relationship, divorce can be devastating to the physical, mental and financial well being of all family members. How can a person avoid Sudden Divorce Syndrome? One way is to work on your marriage while it can still be salvaged. Statistically, end-stage marriage counseling is rarely successful. Try to appreciate your partner each and every day. Find time for a date night or spend a special evening together. Most importantly communicate the love you share for each other and how it has grown or changed over the years.

When you hit that bump in the road and need additional help do not hesitate to seek it. Contact your pastor or marriage and family therapist immediately for assistance.

Best wishes,

Gina

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Are You Ready for Marriage?

Counseling is not just for people trying to cope with the problems in their life. With divorce so prevelant in today's society there are fewer couples to consult with or use as role models. Pre-marital counseling is one way to detemine if you are prepared for one of the biggest decisions in your life.

Counseling can help you recognize where your partner stands on a variety of topics, and where his or her priorities lie, which will confirm your sense of yourselves as a couple or if marriage is the right step for you. As a couple you need to discuss important topics such as religion, children, finances, habits, hobbies, and family issues among many others concerns.

Every marriage presents difficulties and obstacles. Open communication will be what helps you work through them. If you have difficulty talking through the issues in your lives, it is a good idea to learn how to do it while you're engaged.

There are many options when seeking premarital conseling. Your church pastor, community centers, colleges and universities offer marriage-building workshops. You can also look at the Marriage and Family Therapist website for your local resources at www.aamft.org.

Best wishes,

Gina

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Music Has a Positive Influence on Our Life

School has started again for many children in the state of Kansas and that involves the many choices available on what classes to enroll in. Studies continue to report the positive influence music has on our mind, body and spirit. From the infant to the adult our brain utilizes the harmonic tones to increase our neurophysiological basis. The different types of music we are exposed to can effect our mood, tension and mental clarity.

Here are some of the research facts that I found for you:
  • Preschool children given six months of keyboard instruction increased their spatial IQ scores by an average of 46% over other supplemental instruction.
  • Human attitudes change with music: hostility, fatigue, sadness and tension decrease with classical and "designer" music, but dramatically increase with "grunge rock".
  • College students temporarily improved spatial-temporal IQ scores by 8 - 10 points after listening to Mozart, when compared with relaxation music and no music.
  • Plants exposed to classical music flourished while those exposed to rock and heavily percussive music were less healthy and turned away from the source of sound, many finally dying.
  • Rats exposed to Mozart music from birth to 60 days old were able to learn mazes over twice as fast as those with no music.

Music is definitely a gift to enrich our lives and minds. So when life gets stressful during the school year take the time to put on your favorite classical choice and relax.

Take care,

Gina

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Your Brain and Financial Problems

You may be one of the millions of Americans that overspend to give yourself a momentary emotional lift or escape from the stress you experience in your day to day life. If you have engaged in this impulsive spending habit, you have also discovered that the moment of happiness you received from buying that purchase impulsively has only increased your stress instead of relieving it.

Financial troubles are known to trigger or exacerbate mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression. Financial problems can also be a symptom of many common mental health disorders. Los Angelos psychiatrist Deborah Nadel states that the manic or "high" phase of bipolar disorder, for example, is characterized by impulsive and often self-destructive behavior which can include big shopping sprees. Nadel also said that depression and overspending can be an issue as the individual tries to alleviate their distress with purchases. Feelings of hopelessness can make it difficult to plan for the future or to care whether the bills get paid. The symptoms of adult ADD can also make finances difficult. The impulsivity of purchases can result in a large credit card debt and unpaid bills.

When you decide to make a purchase stop and ask yourself if this purchase is a "need or want". If the purchase is a need then determine how the purchase will effect your budget or current lifestyle. After you have answered all these questions and even researched the product so that you will receive the ultimate quality for your dollar then make the purchase. If you determine your finances are needing professional assistance seek the appropriate resources of consumer counseling for your debt and a mental health professional to help you with identifying and changing the self-destructive behavior.

Best wishes,

Gina

Monday, August 04, 2008

7 Strategies for Raising a Happy Child

Every parent wants to raise a happy child and there are several professional opinions on how to do that. I recently read an article summarizing a book by Edward Hallowell MD a child psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness. He stated that the results from a study with 90,000 teens surveyed stated "connectedness" - - a feeling of being loved, understood, wanted and acknowledged - emerged as the biggest protector against emotional duress, suicidal thoughts, and risky behaviors including smoking, drinking, and using drugs.

The seven strategies he indentifies are as follows:
  1. Foster connections and love your children unconditionally.
  2. You are not responsible for your children's happiness. Teach your children how to deal with negative situations which will help them to develop coping skills and resilience in life.
  3. Nurture your own happiness. Happy parents are likely to have happy children. Make time for your own self-care and nurture the romance in your relationship with your spouse.
  4. Praise your children for the effort of trying instead of the end result. This will help them to develop self-esteem and happiness.
  5. Allow your child the opportunity to learn new skills to see what they are capable of doing on their own.
  6. Make sure your children feel that they are a part of the family by giving them responsibilities at home. Chores keep your children connected and contributing to the family.
  7. Teach your children to be grateful for the blessings that they receive each and every day. Keeping a journal and writing goals help them to be optimistic about their future.

Good luck!

Gina

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Surviving Divorce

Only 50 percent of marriages survive today. Second marriages have a 60 percent ratio of divorce due to the complications of the blended marriage. This traumatic life change creates a lot of anger and bitterness in its wake. Most families note the time in their life of before or after the divorce. So how do individuals move forward from a divorce?

Many people remain stuck in a bitter, one-sided relationship that consumes their thoughts of how unfair the experience was for them. You will know this individual after conversing with them for a short time. The mantra will be how their ex-partner has ruined their life. It is very difficult to have a relationship with this person as their past negativity stagnates any growth of renewal, change or accepting responsiblity of their part of what went wrong in the relationship.

There are healthy ways to process the loss, grief and pain that you feel from the death of your relationship. First be honest with yourself and take responsiblity for your feelings and your part in the breakup. Then do a self-esteem check and begin to rebuild your own sense of self that may have been lost in the marriage. Develope a support system or seek professional help to redefine your life goals and where you see yourself in the next few years. Find ways to nurture your soul by meditating, journaling, exercise or hobbies that you quit making time for. Find some way to have closure with the relationship. It can be a simple ceremony of removing your wedding ring, burning of photos, or writing a letter to yourself of the loss you feel. This ceremony can represent you leaving the past and moving forward into your new life. Then recognize the opportunities that await you and what a joy life can truly be. It is always a choice of attitude and what you visualize for yourself.

Warm regards,

Gina

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Helping Your Children Deal with Stress

As an adult we are constantly balancing our stress between money, work, time with family and relationships. What you may not have thought about is that children have a lot of the same life stresses that an adult has. Today's children have the pressure to do well in school, social pressures of having the right items and belonging in the right click. We also must consider the social pressures of the bully, to look fashionable and display the necessary sexual awareness.

Children can feel pressure in any of these areas, that can trigger stress and the inability to cope with the issue. Unfortunately children communicate their concerns through their behaviors. Here are a few behaviors that you may look for:

  • wanting to spend more time alone
  • becoming clingy or dependent
  • loses appetite to eat favorite foods
  • very negative about themself
  • avoid attending school or social events
  • more negative attention seeking behaviors
  • complaints of physical pain

Children learning how to cope with stress need a lot of support. Encourage your children to verbalize their fears and then normalize the situation as they have a tendency to exagerate their fears. Ask how you can support them through this difficult time and brainstorm options that they may try to release the pressure they feel. Teaching your children how to cope with stress is an important skill they will utilize as an adult. Helping them to identify healthy ways to release their stress with exercise, music, writing in a journal, reading or talking to a friend will empower them to search for answers to help themself.

Warm regards,

Gina

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Are You Creating a Perfectionist?

There can be several positive traits associated with a person who desires to create perfectionism. Such as neatness, high personal standards, organization skills, and accuracy. The negative side to the perfectionist is the consistent evaluating of self that can be exhausting if you measure your self worth to your accomplishments. If you are setting high standards for yourself and feeling successful then you most likely have enought self-esteem that you are not concerned about the mistakes you make a long the way.

If you are raising children however you may be unknowingly judging them by your own high standards of perfectionism. Expecting children to be perfect clashes with the developmental milestones of explorational learning. This is the time in their lives where they develop their sense of self and strengths by their accomplishments.

Children will see criticism as a withdrawal of the affection they seek from their parents and caregivers. They also cue into statements of dissapointment, body language and sounds of exasperation. To support your children during their developmental years you may want to consider these suggestions. If your child gives their best effort but doesn't win the race, praise their effort and ask them what they would do differently next time. Make it a life learning experience that they can build on at a later time. When they have a long term goal to accomplish such as a research project you might want to help them plan the steps to reach their goal in a timely manner. If they don't follow the plan and leave things to the last minute you might ask them what went wrong and what steps they might take to complete the project responsibly. Empower your children to problem solve their own issues so that they don't depend on you to resolve their problems. This is an important life skills that is vital to their development.

When you question your children about their behaviors and not criticize them they will converse more openly with you about their concerns. That way your relationship doesn't become polarized and defensive. Children need to feel safe and loved on their journey to adulthood or they can become very self-destructive in their pursuit of perfectionism.

Best wishes,

Gina

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Shy or Separation Anxiety

There are many types of anxiety that have been determined to have a genetic basis, but it comes back to the age old question of nature-vs-nurture. If a person is genetically predisposed to anxiety they will need to learn ways to cope with the daily situations encountered that may cause anxiety.

Being a parent of a child who is shy or displays anxiety in situations where they are separated from their caregivers can be stressful for both the parent and child. It is important that the parent or caregiver does not transfer their anxiety to the child or become over protective when in social situations. Knowing your child's triggers and preparing them for the experience is a good step to take in helping them learn how to cope with the issue. It is important that the caregiver support the child but not enable them to continue their pattern of distress.

Start with small gatherings that are structured so that your child can build on their small successes. You could attend a story hour, church function, or an activity of interest for your child. You can practice the situation with role plays so that your child can visualize the successful interaction with their peers.

If you don't see any progress after attempting these suggestions you may want to seek a professional for more suggestions. Developmentally your child may out grow these concerns but we all want our children to live a happy childhood. Never hesitate to seek advice when needed.

Best wishes,

Gina

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Eating Family Meals Together Nourishes Your Relationships

In our fast paced lifestyle eating the traditional meals together are rapidly becoming a thing of the past. This family ritual has been an important bonding time for the family over several generations. It not only teaches your children the proper social etiquette when dining but also encourages healthy eating habits. Studies are also reporting that the children not only engage in a healthier lifestyle but that their grades are better and they display higher self-esteem.

Your adolescent will most likely be irritated with this request to participate with family conversation but studies again report that they really want to spend more time with you. It can be a time to discuss what is stressful for them at school and socially. You can also get everyone involved in the meal preparation to learn those necessary life long skills.

Enjoy the simple pleasures in life!!

Take care,
Gina

Monday, January 28, 2008

Music Continues to Soothe the Soul

Researchers continue to report the benefits of music to relax our soul in this busy world. Music reduces stress and brings peace to the mind and body. If you are having trouble sleeping you might want to try playing a lullaby before bed. It will lower your heart rate and slow down your respiration for a night of uninterrupted sleep. Playing lullabies as you prepare yourself and your children for bed will benefit everyone.

If you are working out at the gym or on your own, music can stimulate your energy level and help your endurance for a longer workout. Studies report that including music to your workout promotes verbal fluency and lung performance.

Listening to music of your choice will lower your stress hormone cortisol and increase your endorphines that support your immune system. Your personal taste in music can either lift your mood or bring you down. Music can improve your optimism, bring you joy and peace. It's a wonderful tool to give our mind, body and soul a break from the hectic pace of each day.

Warm regards,

Gina

Monday, January 21, 2008

Relational Aggression

Today the social appropriate term for a "bullying" is relational aggression. This is a major concern for most of our children in school. The movies today that focus on child development will have scenes where a group of students will be aggressive toward an individual by playing spiteful tricks and saying or writing cruel things behind their backs. Most of the time these behaviors are intended to be cruel and humilate the targeted individual.

Most people would assume that the boys are more aggressive than the girls. Boys will generally act out their aggression physically by hitting, shoving or kicking. Girls usually utilize more subtler or passive aggression by gossiping, group exclusion, and rumor spreading.

Relational aggression can create a lot of long term issues for their victim. Victims can suffer self-esteem damage and are usually lonely, anxious children. Unfortunately, the aggressor usually suffers from the same concerns and will try to control their environment with aggression.

Helping your child develop well-balanced friendships that should start in their pre-school years as they learn to share and take turns. Explaining the other child's perspective on issues can help develop empathy for others, trust, cooperation, and respect. Guiding your child through the process of conflict resolution also teaches them to healthy social skills that will guide them through the turbulent adolescent years.

Warm regards,

Gina

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

The Possiblities of a New Year

A New Year brings a time of reflection and also a vision of hope. We can review our success and errors to determine how to go forward to create the life we envision for ourself. The possibilities are endless as long as you believe in yourself to create the life you desire. It takes a plan of "baby steps" of how to reach that long-term goal you envision accomplishing.

Life is a gift that we may cherish or waste. That is up to you. If you are unhappy with your present situation take the steps to change it. You only have control of yourself. Do not wait for your spouse, your boss, your children or family to change. It will never happen. What you have to realize is that your happiness lies within yourself, not upon others. Create the life you want and the joy will follow you.

Happy New Year!!!
Gina