Toy safety

Santa’s helpers are busy shopping for every good little boy and girl this holiday season. There are 3 billion dollars worth of toys sold in the United States each year and 65% of those sales are made between Thanksgiving and Christmas. There are many things to consider before purchasing that special toy.

Wisconsin Public Interest Research Group (WISPIRG) released a Trouble in Toyland report. They created a website for parents that list toys that didn’t pass current safety guidelines. WISPIRG groups the toys into three categories: hazards of choking, excessive noise and toxic chemicals. They report that last year 82,000 children were sent to the hospital with toy related injuries. Nineteen of those injuries were fatal. A study published in the 1998 Journal of the American Medical Association stated that 15% of children ages 6 to 17 showed signs of hearing loss. At this time there are no federal regulations in the United States that limits the noise level of toys so this consideration can be important for the whole family.

Consumer Reports state that toy companies are making safer toys. In 2009 there were only 38 toys recalled compared to 162 in 2008. The Consumer Product Safety Commission has published a safety checklist for parents to review before buying toys.
1. Scooters and riding toys – always buy a helmet
2. Small balls and toys with small parts – check for the appropriate age
3. Magnets – can be fatal if they detach from small toys and young children ingest them
4. Balloons – deflated balloons pose a suffocation risk to children under 8 years old
5. Chargers and adapters – require adult supervision

To ensure a safe and joyful celebration this holiday season make sure you follow the safety recommendations and age appropriate guidelines for the toys you purchase.

Coping with holiday stress

The holiday season has begun and your already busy schedule just became more demanding. Preparations of the family traditions that create the magic you want your family to experience take a lot of time. When you are stressed to the maximum it is very difficult to stop and assess your mental well being. You just know that you are tired, angry and resentful of the demands you believe are expected of you.

Before you reach that burn out point Mayo Clinic has twelve steps to keep your holiday brighter.

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t force yourself to feel happy just because it is expected.
2. Seek support. Don’t be a martyr. Call your friends and family when needed.
3. Be realistic. Let go of old traditions and make new ones that are more compatible to your current lifestyle.
4. Set differences and grievances aside until after the holidays. Try to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
5. Stick to a budget. You can’t buy happiness.
6. Plan ahead. Write those lists and cook some of the meals ahead of time. If traveling you may want to mail your gifts before you leave to make sure they arrive on time.
7. Learn to say no. Everyone has their limits. Know what yours are and set the boundary.
8. Don’t abandon healthy habits. Good self-care will keep you healthy and happy.
9. Take a breather. Make time to replenish yourself and your spirit.
10. Rethink resolutions. Try to make small goals that are attainable so that you can see your progress.
11. Forget about perfection. You are not a television program that displays a perfect ending to the story.
12. Seek professional help if you find yourself persistently sad and anxious.

The holidays are meant to be enjoyed and remembered by all family members. So try some of those ideas to help you manage your stress. It will be the best present you ever gave yourself.

Thanksgiving and gratitude

Thanksgiving is usually a time when families will reflect on the blessings that they have in their life. Research is reporting that we could all live a healthier lifestyle if we would practice being grateful everyday. University of California Davis psychology professor Robert Emmons’ research indicates that, “Grateful people take better care of themselves and engage in more protective health behaviors like regular exercise, a healthy diet and regular physical examinations.”

Practicing gratitude leaves people feeling joyful, strong and with more energy. If we can make a conscious effort to find something positive in every situation you can decrease your stress and face the obstacles in life with optimism. Living in the moment and being grateful for what you are experiencing now will give you a better quality of life. To encourage this positive thinking, write in your journal 5 to 10 things you are grateful for. Try and acknowledge new experiences each day that brought you joy or peace. Make a conscientious effort to be polite to everyone you encounter. Even a simple “thank you” can make someone’s day brighter. If you live away from family and friends that you miss, have pictures displayed to remind you of who matters in your life. Then call that special someone to let them know you are thinking of them.

Some individuals will limit themselves by experiencing life with a sense of entitlement and being preoccupied with materialism. Self-reflection of your life journey can stimulate awareness of how truly blessed you are and leave you with insight on how to appreciate those around you. So in a time when there are so many people out of work and struggling to pay their bills discover the blessings in your life. “If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” Rabbi Harold Kershner

Holiday planning tips for special needs children

The holidays are quickly approaching and that will increase demands on our already busy schedules by adding shopping, cooking and decorating to the list of things to do. The holidays can be an especially stressful time for families that have special needs children. Preparing a child with special needs for the change in routine during the holidays can keep everyone celebrating.

First make a list of the upcoming activities for your family and determine if your child will be able to tolerate the venture or if it would upset their schedule too much. It may benefit everyone if you only attempt to attend the functions that would cause minimal interruptions to the routine. Review the schedule for each day with your child to relieve any anxiety and anticipation they may feel. Then role play any new social situations to help the child prepare for the event. You could also practice the social skills needed like taking turns or saying “thank you”.

If your family plans to travel or have guests at the home create a mini photo album of the people that will attend the activity. You can review the photos frequently helping the child become familiar with their names and faces. Also discuss with your friends and family members how to support your child in new situations. Try to keep routines for bedtime, naps, meal times the same when possible. When away from home bring along the favorite blankets, pillow, stuffed animals, and night lights that make your child feel safe and comfortable. With a lot of planning and preparation the holidays can be a memorable experience for all of you to enjoy.

Vitamin D and your health

Winter is quickly approaching and for most of us it is dark when we leave our homes in the morning and dusk when we return. That leaves little time for us to be outdoors in the sunshine to obtain a natural supply of vitamin D. According to a new study released over 6 million or 1 in 5 American children may not be getting enough Vitamin D. This nutrient helps the body maintain a healthy calcium level, enhance immunity and prevent osteoporosis.

The November issue of Pediatrics published the study examining the blood levels of 5,000 children ages 1 to 11 years that represented the country’s population. They found that 20 percent tested below optimal levels. Humans obtain vitamin D primarily through sunshine, but low levels of light from November to March and the increased use of sunscreen have experts concerned. The study recommends that children are given a multi-vitamin that should include 400 IU of vitamin D as a supplement during the winter months.

Increasing your sun exposure for even 10 to 15 minutes a day can improve vitamin D deficiency. You can also adjust your diet to include more vitamin D foods such as beef, sardines, herring and salmon. There are also enriched vitamin D foods such as milk, bread and breakfast cereals. These recommendations apply to both children and adults so we can all have healthy bones and bodies.

Blending families

Research has found that it takes at least four years for a stepfamily to blend and longer if the children are older. There is no magic time table for success but children will adjust better to a blended family if there are positive attitudes about the adjustments everyone is experiencing. Families won’t bond immediately and you will have to determine ways to merge different routines, rules and personalities.

It is normal for children to be unsure about their relationship with a new step-parent. When building relationships try to start with just eating as a family, watch a program together, walk the family pet or attend an activity together. Try to take it slow and learn the interest and personalities of the children. Blending families can also be an introduction of new cultures, religions, and hobbies. Communicating those differences can also help the family bond as they learn more about each other.

We can’t assume that over time, children will naturally adjust to their new roles and relationships that arise when families are blended. A new parent figure can increase stress in young people because their relationships tend to be more conflict ridden. Problems also arise when teens feel they have to compete for parental attention. Social Science research reports that boys living with half or step-siblings have the most difficulty adjusting to the blended family. Teenagers in families with different biological parents have been reported to have lower grades and more behavior problems than other adolescents. These problems may not improve over time. If the discord in your blended family escalates then seek insight from a certified Marriage and Family Therapist on ways to resolve the conflict and help the children realize that a blended family can also give them more people in their lives that care about them.

Warning signs of an abusive relationship

Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and domestic violence are on the rise in relationships, especially among young people. During the early stages of a relationship, your partner is not likely to display abusive behaviors, but it is sometimes possible to predict if a person could become abusive by being observant of different personality traits. Not all individuals will display the same signs but the more signs that you observe the greater chance violence will occur. As the abuser becomes more confident in the relationship you will see an increase to dominate or control and manipulate the victim. Both male and female genders are known to be in the role of perpetrator and victim.

One warning sign would be jealousy in a relationship. Jealousy is not a sign of love but a sign of insecurity and possessiveness with the perpetrator. The partner may try to control behaviors by not allowing the significant other to see their friends, wear certain clothes, talk negatively about the opposite gender or make belittling comments. The perpetrator will also try to make their partner rush into a commitment, while making statements of “being in love at first sight”. This is usually because it is difficult for them to maintain a normal dating relationship for any length of time. If the partner is cautious to commit, the abuser has been known to start blaming the victim for problems that start to evolve in the relationship. The abuser will begin to criticize their partner on appearance or daily tasks that are done and pressure their partner to be perfect. When the partner can’t meet the expectations, the abuser can escalate to violence.

If your partner is displaying these behaviors it is important to stop rationalizing the behaviors as normal. Discuss them with your partner and watch their reaction. If the partner chooses not to take any responsibility for the concerns then you should be wary of continuing the relationship. Set firm boundaries with the individual and monitor their responses. If the partner continues to violate your personal space or attempt to intimidate you it is time to start looking for a new potential partner.

Fathers are a positive influence in their children's education

Currently only 25% of the children in our country are living with both of their biological parents. That means that the majority of children today are living in single parent households or with a blended family. This has created a multiple of tensions to the family system and a strain to relationships. The educational system reports it has been difficult to involve divorced parents in their child’s education.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan is asking for fathers to become more involved in their children’s education. Duncan stated that the school system has done a poor job of including fathers in the education process. Fathers play an important role in a child’s education. His actions can help motivate a child’s success or discourage them from educational achievement. “When fathers step up, students don’t drop out. When fathers step up, young folks have greater dreams for themselves,” Duncan said. U.S. Department of Education founded a program eleven years ago Watch D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students). They discovered that men in schools translated to higher student achievement and fewer disciplinary problems.

National Center for Education Statistics report children in two parent homes where the father is highly involved get better grades, enjoy school more, and are less likely to repeat a grade. Fathers are more likely to promote a child’s intellectual and social development through physical play. A mother’s impact is more likely to transpire while talking and teaching as a caregiver.

Whether the father lives at home or has visitation with his children he can still make an impact as a parent. Fathers can get involved in their children’s school and attend parent-teacher conferences. They can turn off the television and read together or have a family game night instead. Fathers can also call their children daily or coach a sport to stay emotionally connected and involved with daily events. Parents and educators working together for the well-being of the children in their care will create confident leaders of the future.

Celebrate fall this weekend

The fall season is a wonderful time to plan those outdoor activities for your family. Wichita, Kansas has an amazing selection to choose from this weekend if your family doesn’t celebrate Halloween. There are hayrack rides, corn mazes, moonwalks, costume contests, pumpkin decorating and fireworks for just a few ideas. Listed below are some of the locations sponsoring these fall activities. You can visit their websites for more details.
A-Maze-in-Grace sponsored by Christ Community Church. There is a 13 acre maze, pumpkin decorating activities, wagon rides, and special treats.
Prairie Pines Pumpkin Days has a kid’s haunted house, corn maze, hayrides and a field of screams for older children.
Cox Farm Pumpkin Patch and Maze has all these activities plus hot-air balloon rides.
Family Fall Festival at Camp Hyde sponsored by the YMCA seems to have the largest assortment to choose from with live music, a bonfire, moonwalks, a magic show, costume contest, hayrides and fireworks.

The weather this weekend will entice everyone to spend the day outdoors enjoying nature. Bundle up your family for the fun as winter is heading our way.

Keeping children and pets safe this Halloween

Halloween has been a favorite holiday for children of all ages for a long time. On this one special night they can dress-up to be any hero or heroine they choose and receive a smorgasbord of candy at the same time. Halloween is also a night where people will play pranks or destroy property randomly. To keep your children and pets safe there are a few guidelines that all parents should consider.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has asked us to consider the following guidelines:
Choose costumes that are reflective, flame retardant and easy to move in.
Masks will hinder a child’s visibility so try make-up or hats as an alternative.
Children should have a flashlight, carry a cell phone and know how to call 911 in case of an emergency.
Younger children should be escorted by their parents. Older siblings should check in periodically to ensure their safety.
Children should stay in well lighted areas and remain on the sidewalks. They should never enter a home for their treat.
When your children return home sort through there candy and remove any suspicious items.

Unfortunately pets have been victims of Halloween pranks so if you plan to be away for the evening make sure your pets are safe in your home or garage. You will also want all your children’s toys and bikes placed safely in the garage to prevent theft or vandalism. If you have candle-lit pumpkin displayed you should never leave it unattended and place it on a sturdy table away from children and pets. Everyone can enjoy the festivity of this fall celebration if we think safety first.

"The year of the cougar"

Over the last decade we have seen a new dating trend evolve in our country. In previous decades it was referred to as a “May-December” romance. Today women over 40 years of age are dating men in their 20’s and 30’s. These women are confident, professional women who are financially strong and not seeking marriage or even cohabitation with their partner. They have been labeled “Cougars” and the media is portraying them in movies, television programs and even a Miss Cougar USA pageant.

A study published in the 2006 Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy reported that couples in the study felt that age difference mattered more to the outside world than to them. The men reported that they had been drawn to the relationship in the beginning due to the physical attraction. They also admired the confidence and maturity in their partner. The women did voice some fear about their insecurities of the aging process when having a younger partner. Overall the findings of the study summarized that older women where more open to younger men and were not concerned with race, religion or socioeconomic status.

A positive perspective with this new dating trend is that older women and younger men are more sexually compatible. Another consideration is the life-expectancy for women. The woman today will live an average of five years longer than men so a woman with a younger partner will not live alone for as many years. Also the wage gap has narrowed between males and females. Women today are now higher wage earners who can contribute more to household earnings. They are more self-sufficient and no longer believe in the fairy tale of a Prince Charming.

Most experts agree that successful relationships share common interests and have open, honest communication with each other. Age has become just a number and single people today are seeking a mature and stable relationship. So when you are searching for a new partner to date you may just want to throw your list of criteria away and open the door for new opportunities.

The "Worried Generation"

The recession has families from all socioeconomic groups constantly monitoring their finances, stability of their employer and the needs of their family. Families who have faced lay offs, the loss of their homes and cars are learning how to start over again. These changes have children struggling with the stress of their parent’s financial concerns, changing schools and making new friends.

A nationwide survey by Wakefield pollster reports 74% of parents say the recession has increased stress in their families and 33% say their children have voiced their concerns about the economy. “Children whose parents feel fiscal anxiety are four times more likely than other children to feel upset about family finances.” Children are stating that they feel lonely and that there is no one to talk to about their family’s financial situation. Some specialists have labeled children of today the “worried generation”.

For some families a tighter budget can teach healthy lessons in the value of saving and learning the difference between “wants” and “needs”. Parents can spend time teaching their children how to comparison shop and get the most value for their money. They could also start their children with a weekly allowance for their chores and then have them use the money to buy items they may want. This would allow them to see how many weeks they have to work before they can purchase the item. This can also help children develop an appreciation for what they have.

Children learning how to cope with stress need a lot of support from their parents. Encourage your children to verbalize their fears and then normalize the situation as they have a tendency to exaggerate their fears. Then teach them how to cope with stress by to identifying healthy ways to release their stress with exercise, music, writing in a journal, reading or talking to a friend. This will empower them to search for answers to help themselves. It is impossible to predict the recession’s impact on children but we can help prepare them to adjust to whatever obstacles that they may face on their life journey.

"Parenting by lying"

As children we all grew up with the fairy tales of Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. Our parents told us we wouldn’t grow if we didn’t eat our vegetables or drink all of our milk. Parents have also told children that bad things would happen if they didn’t brush their teeth or go to bed on time. Parents will lie to their children as a means of influencing their emotional state and behavior. When asked parents have stated that lying is acceptable under certain circumstances even though they don’t want their children to lie. This practice of selective lying can create a moral dilemma for your family.

The Journal of Moral Education reported in their September 2009 issue that “tall tales could give kids mixed messages at a time when they are trying to figure out how to navigate the social world.” The study also concluded that this practice could later harm the parent-child relationship. They then stated that “telling a 2 year old you don’t like their drawing is just cruel.” The research summarized that parents should search for alternative replies before resorting to the quick lie that could resolve the issue for that moment.

Parents are known to try different strategies when children become disruptive, especially in public places where they feel their parenting or child is being judged. Parents will search for a quick solution to the problem by bribing or telling a “white lie” to calm the situation. These “white lies” can cause long-term negative consequences when parents are teaching children about morals and honesty. Sending a “mixed message” that selective lying is allowable may not be the message you want your children to learn.

Sleep apnea in children

Our time of sleep is so important in restoring our physical and mental well-being. For our children, it is also an important time for the growth and development of their young bodies. It is currently estimated that 1 to 10% of children suffer from sleep apnea. Snoring and breathing through the mouth during sleep instead of the nose is the most common sign of this sleep disorder found in children. Some children may also gasp or display restlessness while sleeping. Obstructive sleep apnea is the most common which is characterized by a pause or momentary cessation of breathing.

Sleep apnea has been found to cause health concerns for children over their lifetime effecting their learning, behavior, growth and abnormal cardiovascular functioning. Severe obstructive sleep apnea will cause a chemical imbalance in the brain which affects children’s cognitive performance. This can lower their IQ even though they have the capabilities to learn. When children are sleep deprived they can become restless or hyperactive during the day as they attempt to remain awake. This can cause behavior problems in structured environments. Sleep apnea has been linked to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Cardiovascular concerns occur when there are long intervals of irregular oxygen flow to the brain, heart and other organs that interferes with the normal function of the body. It can also cause hypertension and high blood pressure.

A new study released July 2009 by Dr. Julie Weis of Kansas University has found that children who have their tonsils and adenoids removed will sleep better. The most improvement was noted six months after the surgery but follow-up data reports that the children were able to maintain their improvement over a two year span. Children had improved sleep habits and cognitive ability with reduced hyperactivity and defiance. If your child is displaying sleep apnea concerns then discuss this with your pediatrician for the options that would be best for your child. Then everyone can get a good night’s sleep.

How to survive infidelity

Affairs are common and happen for all kinds of reasons. Our culture seems to promote infidelities with our latest public figure being David Letterman admitting to his multiple liaisons. Research shows that men are primarily motivated by the lure of sex while women will seek emotional intimacy when having an affair. The National Science Foundation General Social Study (2008) compared data from 1991 to 2006 and found men aged 60 and older had a 28% infidelity rate while women the same age where at 15%. Men under 35 years were at 20% and women at 15%.

Once the partner has discovered the infidelity their emotions will roller coaster between anger and self-blame. Men view infidelity as a statement about their manhood. They will become angry and have more difficulty moving past the affair. Women feel more violation if the male became emotionally attached to the woman her husband had the affair with. Both individuals must try and make sense of the infidelity and determine if they want to work on their relationship. This means all of the lies must stop and both individuals will have to work through the pain and guilt of the affair. Finally if the couple chooses to move forward they must start by rebuilding trust with each other. Trust in the relationship has been deeply damaged and the couple must communicate honestly about their relationship daily to repair that trust.

Most couples will need marital counseling to guide them through this process of healing and forgiveness. The violated partner will need to be strong and give the relationship time to heal. Work on nurturing yourself and striving to do things as a couple again. Infidelity is a huge mistake that can be used to evaluate and learn how much you love and value your partner. Only when both partners are committed in the relationship will the marriage be able to survive this violation of trust.

Understanding male depression

Men in our country have the cultural expectation of being in control or the “tough guy” when facing a crisis. Expressing their emotions or feelings is considered more of a feminine trait. Therefore men can be reluctant to express their depressive symptoms as they can see it as a threat to their masculinity.

The National Institute of Mental health reports that 6 million men and 12 million women are affected by depression each year. While it may seem that males are less affected by depression they may be just undiagnosed due to repressing their symptoms. Symptoms of male depression can include violent or abusive behavior, over involvement in work or sports, inappropriate rage and risky behaviors. Men also have a tendency to mask their symptoms with alcohol or substance abuse. Depression has been known to affect the male sexual desire and performance. They also report physical symptoms of headaches, digestive problems and chronic pain.

Untreated depression can lead to personal, family and financial difficulties. Men will resist mental health treatment due to concerns with the stigma that it could damage their career or lose the respect of their family and friends. If you know a male that is struggling with depression encourage him to seek treatment with a physician or mental health professional. He may need support from medication management and to learn healthy coping skills in counseling to elevate his mood when struggling with depressive symptoms. There are many effective treatments for depression today so don’t think that you have to “tough” it out on your own. Choose today to get help and have a better quality of life.

The spanking debate

Spanking children has always been a controversial issue in parenting. You can find experts that will support each side of the debate. Research has previously reported that 90% of the families in America have spanked their child at sometime in their life. A new study released in the September 2009 journal Child Development reports that early and frequent spanking before the age of one will increase aggression in a child by two years old. At three years of age you will see a delay in the child’s socio-emotional development. The study was performed by researchers at Duke University with 2,573 toddlers from a Head Start program that worked with young mothers from a low socioeconomic group.

Lawrence Diller author of The Last Normal Child argues that more parents should consider spanking to expedite behavior improvements in young children. Other experts will say the best use of spanking is between ages 2 to 6 when milder discipline tactics like time-out fail. All experts agree that spanking under the age of 2 years is inappropriate as it could cause physical injury, hurt the relationship, increase aggression and is not effective with this age group.

The good news for parents is that when you praise the positive behaviors seen in your children it has consistently worked better than punishment when trying to change or correct behaviors. Your praise should be meaningful and specific about the behavior you want to reinforce. Make sure your praise is frequent and is reinforced with a smile or hug. You can also reward positive choices with an extra bedtime story, delay bedtime for a half hour, prepare a special snack or allow a special privilege. Parenting each child can be a challenge but positive discipline will keep your relationship strong and make your children feel unconditionally loved by their parents.

Parenting and fairy tales

Disney is celebrating their 70th anniversary this year. Generations have grown up watching their classic movies that appeal to all ages. Watching the creations of Disney can be entertaining but also leave us with many myths to ponder. Most females in our culture grew up believing there is a prince for each of us to find and then we will live happily ever after together. There is also the villain step-mother that is portrayed as evil and only wanting to hurt her step-children. In the movies, as the characters face a problem they would just sing a song and then happiness would return.

Disney is currently re-releasing Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on Blu-Ray which has been restored for today’s audience. This story is centered on Snow White who is the step-daughter to the Queen. The Queen is jealous of Snow White’s beauty so she orders her huntsman to kill Snow White. Snow White discovers the wicked plot against her and runs away into the forest and lives with the Seven Dwarfs. She takes care of them until the Queen finds her and tricks her into taking a bite of a poisonous apple. Snow White then falls asleep until her Prince gives her a kiss and carries her off to live happily ever after with him.

Watching these videos with your children can give you the opportunity to discuss these myths and clarify any questions that they may have. As you discuss the story you can point out how the Queen’s jealousy eventually killed her. You could also talk about what other strengths Snow White had besides her beauty. Snow White’s role in the story was to take care of all the dwarfs. Today women have the opportunity to pursue any career of their choice and finding happiness isn’t centered on finding your prince charming. Blended families can discuss the villain of the story the “wicked stepmother,” and reassure the children that it is only a story. You can then converse about all the things that they appreciate about their step-mother.

Movies are entertaining and fun for families to watch together. Disney movies have memorable characters, music and animated features to enjoy. Helping your children understand the difference between fantasy and reality will help clarify “who is the fairest of them all.”

Impulsive spending

Millions of Americans today overspend to give themselves a momentary emotional lift or escape from the stress they experience in their day to day life. If you have engaged in an impulsive purchase, you have also experienced that moment of happiness later turn into remorse and guilt.

Financial troubles are known to trigger or exacerbate mental health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression. The impulsivity of purchases often occurs with individuals who have suffered a traumatic loss and are searching for a way to fill the emptiness that they feel. Scientists identify this impulsive behavior as an “activity addiction” like gambling, eating or sexual disorders. These activities can affect the brain chemistry the same way that alcohol and drugs do to give you a brief “high” that alleviates the stress when overspending. This continued self-destructive behavior can result in a large credit card debt, unpaid bills and marital distress.

When you decide to make a purchase stop and ask yourself if this purchase is a “need or want”. If the purchase is a need then determine how the purchase will effect your budget or current lifestyle. After you have answered these questions, then research the product so that you will receive the ultimate quality for your dollar. This process will help you from making the decision impulsively and without regret. When reviewing your finances you may determine a need for professional assistance to discuss your options. Consumer Credit Counseling has helped many individuals and families regain control of their finances. There is also Debtors Anonymous that has support group meetings or there are mental health professionals that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help identify and change the self-destructive behavior patterns that have been identified. Seek the help that you need so that you can have the quality of life that you deserve.

Sudden divorce syndrome

You will probably never see this diagnosis in the DSM IV (which is the diagnostic tool all clinicians use to diagnose mental health issues) but Sudden Divorce Syndrome is experienced by thousands of families every week. Married couples who have launched their children suddenly realize they no longer have anything in common with each other or have completely quit communicating and one day into the house and say “I want a divorce.”

In a 2004 poll by the AARP one in four men who were divorced stated that they “never saw it coming.” Only 14% of divorced women stated that the divorce had been unexpected for them. The U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare report that women will file for divorce on an average of 66% of the time. The report states that when women make up their mind that the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship. The confusion for men is that if there is no communication on the issue they believe everything is fine in the relationship.

No matter who ends the relationship, divorce can be devastating to the physical, mental and financial well-being of all family members. How can a person avoid Sudden Divorce Syndrome? One way is to work on your marriage while it can still be salvaged. Statistically, end-stage marriage counseling is rarely successful. Try to appreciate your partner each and every day. Find time for a date night or spend a special evening together. Most importantly communicate the love you share for each other and how it has grown or changed over the years. When you hit that bump in the road and need additional help do not hesitate to seek it. Contact your pastor or marriage and family therapist immediately for assistance.

Getting along with the teacher

The school year is underway and by now your child should be feeling comfortable with their new teacher. Your child’s relationship with their teacher is very important to their academic success. Children who get along with their teachers learn more. They will also feel more confident when asking questions and getting extra help when needed. This will make it easier for them to understand new materials and perform better on tests.

If your child is complaining about their teacher ask for specific concerns. It could be they are just missing their teacher from last year. Teachers want to get along with their students so the goal would be to create trust and kindness by communicating honestly about any concerns that your child may have. First make an appointment with the teacher to communicate the problem. Next discuss both sides of the issue and create a plan with the teacher to give your child more support where there is an academic concern. Follow-up with the teacher after the plan has been in place for a few weeks to see if the changes have helped your child’s academic progress. If there continues to be a concern after a few weeks then ask to meet with the principal or counselor to involve them with the issue. Let your child know that you are all working together to help him be successful at school.

It is also important for your child to be responsible for their part of the learning process. Students should attend class regularly and be ready to learn with the appropriate supplies. They should be prepared and have assignments completed as requested. Students should also display a positive attitude in class every day even though they feel there may be a concern. When everyone works together as a team your child will be successful.

Starting over again

Entering the dating scene after the end of a significant relationship can be overwhelming. There are several things to consider before initiating the dating game. First give yourself time to heal. Whether you lost your partner to death, divorce or a mutual parting you must grieve your loss. Research reports we need six months of healing for every five years you were involved in the relationship. Use your support system of family, friends, faith and counseling to get through this difficult time.

Take time for yourself. Go for a haircut or spa treatment. Head out to the gym for that workout you never had time for. Update your wardrobe and plan an evening out with friends. This time of healing can help you to reconnect with yourself and the things that you enjoy doing.

When you are ready to start dating again let your friends and family know. They may know of a single person that may have common interests that you share. If you are in the age group of 45 to 54 years you are more likely to meet a partner online. Harris Interactive surveyed 10,000 people who married in the United States in 2006 and 2007; found 31% from 45 to 54 years met online. Only 18% aged 20 to 44 years met online. Younger adults were still meeting at college, work, and other functions.

If you are a single parent it will be important to discuss dating with your children. Let them know that you are making new friends and just enjoying their company. Then do not introduce prospective partners to your children until you are sure that you are both committed to the relationship. You don’t want to hurt or confuse your children by having them becoming attached to someone you are dating who has no intention of a future commitment.

Dating can be fun and discouraging. Start with casual activities like a coffee at the bookstore or a drink after work. Try to enjoy your new found freedoms of being single. Dating is an important part of the courtship journey. Just relax and have fun.

Teen dating violence

Parenting a teenager has always been challenging but with the technology available today it has increased the difficulties. Cell phones, PDAs and the internet can keep teenagers in constant communication with each other. A recent study found that 93% of teens use the internet, 72% own a desktop computer and 67% have their own cell phones. More than half of 12 to 17 year olds who use the internet also have a profile on Facebook or Myspace. This technology has exposed teenagers to cyberbullying and digital dating abuse. Digital dating abuse has been defined as when one member of a teen couple starts to pressure or disrespect the other with a mode of technology.

Today 47% of 11 to 14 year olds are in a dating relationship. Sex is considered part of the tween dating relationships. This early sexual activity appears to fuel dating violence and abuse among teenagers. The 15 to 18 year olds are reporting significant levels of abusive behavior that extend from electronic abuse of rumors, embarrassing pictures or videos, verbal bullying and physical abuse. Parents seem to be in the dark about these behaviors but there are several resources that are trying to break the cycle by educating the parent and teenagers about their options.

Teen abusers are known to want constant control over their partner night and day. Teens report they are called or sent a text message 30 times an hour asking them where they are or what they are doing. This usually occurs between midnight and 5:00 A.M. They also monitor their dating partner on Facebook or Myspace pages. Most teens post enough information on their webpage to allow anyone with access to find them at anytime during the day. An abuser can use their own webpage to post personal information or unwanted pictures about their dating partner.

Parents can initiate several steps to protect their tween or teenager from digital abuse. You can change their cell phone number but this could also escalate the abusive partner. Another option would be to leave the phone active to save the abusive messages and voicemails for future legal action if it becomes necessary. Parents should also discuss with their teenager how the misuse of their webpage can violate their privacy. Review their webpage and explain how to keep their profile private or limit the information that is posted.

Digital violence will only be overcome by educating your teens on how to use technology safely. Parents should discuss their expectations of using technology and the boundaries that must be followed for their teenager’s own protection. Talk to your teenager about respectful relationships and how you will not allow them to be mistreated. In your home and as their role model you can display what a loving relationship should be.

Cohabitation before marriage

Young adults today are deciding to live with their partner first before making the commitment of marriage. The latest statistics report that 60% to 70% of couples or 13.6 million couples in 2008 chose to live together before deciding to marry. Studies indicate that individuals that choose to cohabitate first have risk factors of divorced parents, less education, less religious commitment, and a more negative opinion about marriage in general.

The Journal of Family Psychology published a study in July 2009 that reported couples that cohabitated before marriage had a higher divorce rate than couples who did not live together first. They also found that cohabitating couples were less happy when they eventually did get married. The cohabitating couples continued to have difficulty with communication, marital conflict, higher rates of domestic violence and infidelity.

Researchers reported that most couples who chose to cohabitate wanted to save money, see their partner more frequently and test the relationship. Men are more likely to want to test the relationship first. Research has found they will have a higher level of attachment insecurity and more symptoms of anxiety and depression. What couples reported was that living together created an unequal balance of power as the male received all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The female would then later force the concept of marriage which made the male feel he was being forced into marriage.

After more than a decade of research there has been nothing found to support that cohabitating will improve your chance of a successful marriage. Dating your partner for at least two years, knowing each other’s families, having common interests and goals that you share can help to build a lasting marriage. Pre-marital counseling has been a positive step for couples as they discuss religion, children, parenting, and financial concerns to prepare for marriage. There are no guarantees about marriage but you can communicate honestly with your partner about concerns when they arise as you prepare for a lifetime commitment to each other.

Childhood Obesity

Health care providers are reporting that Americans are overweight and there is alarming concern about the obesity of our children. The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reports that how much teens and tweens eat can be influenced by what their friends weigh. Time summarized the findings “Socializing with overweight people can change what we perceive as the norm; it raises our tolerance for obesity both in others and in ourselves. It’s also about letting your hair down. Past research has shown that adults tend to eat more around friends and family than they do with strangers. They shed their inhibitions about how it looks when they go back for thirds or order Alfredo sauce instead of the marinara.”

Obesity also puts children at risk for high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol levels. Today approximately 25 million or one in three children and adolescents in the United States are overweight or obese. This could be the first generation that will live with more illnesses and die younger than their parents. Children’s diets have changed dramatically with the convenience of fast food and packaged foods. There should be a family oriented approach to living a healthy life style with regular exercise, a decrease in fatty foods, and appropriate amount of sleep for your child’s age.

There are several ways to motivate your children to be more active. One would be to limit television to two hours a day and take an evening walk or bike ride instead. You could encourage your children to take their pet for a walk; do yard work or other chores around the house. Parents can select toys that keep their children more active or organize a play group with their friends. You could also plan a family activity to swim, bowl, play volleyball, or visit a local YMCA. Helping your children find their strengths and encouraging them to develop them to their full potential will bring life long benefits to their physical and mental well-being.

Marriage and the recession

For the first half of 2009 statistics are reporting that there are more women employed in our country than men. This has been caused by the layoffs and cutbacks in male dominated fields such as banking, manufacturing and construction. Females have traditionally chosen recession proof professions in health care and education. Unfortunately women have continued to earn less and receive fewer benefits. With a reversal of roles in the family a large number of couples are reporting marital stress as they become anxious about their income and retirement benefits. There has also been a 37% decrease in the number of divorces filed due to the financial strain that occurs when a family is divided into two different households.

When you are going through the tough times in life it is important to remember that it’s better to have a partner that emotionally supports you. Dr. Noelle Nelson author of Your Man is Wonderful (January 2008) gives helpful suggestions on keeping a positive attitude and avoiding the ‘Blame Game’. She states that it is important to face the issue as a team and not adversaries. Couples should focus on the strengths of their partner to explore other possibilities of income. Then set goals to resolve the problems and celebrate your victories together.

As we all wait for the economy to stabilize this can be an important time to retrain or return to school. You can contact your social network and let them know you are currently looking for employment to see if they have any leads for you. Use your time well and check on-line employment resources daily while you are job hunting. You can keep your stress under control by exercising daily, eating healthy and sleeping a minimum of seven hours. Discuss with your partner how to equalize household responsibilities and help with the children. If you have a difficult situation that you have not been able to discuss with your partner it might be helpful to seek counseling to relieve those tensions. The loss of employment has created experiences for you that were never planned but realize that the recession will not last forever. Time has a tendency to resolve all concerns.

Preparing for the flu season

The flu season is quickly approaching and it will have parents analyzing every cough and sniffle from their children. Health officials are suggesting that every family have a plan on how to stay home with their children when needed. They also ask that you review with your children the importance of washing their hands thoroughly.

Proper hand washing is the best prevention from colds and flu. It only requires one minute of your time. Suds your hands thoroughly in warm water and soap while counting to 20. Use a single towel to pat dry your hands and then use the towel to open the restroom door. Hand sanitizers should be 60 to 90% ethyl alcohol or isopropanol and used in addition to proper hand washing only.

Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius reports that the flu vaccines are currently available and the HINI vaccines will be available the first part of October. Healthy adults should only need one dose of the vaccine instead of the recommend two doses for higher risk individuals. The Federal government has ordered 195 million doses of the vaccine. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention recommends the vaccine for healthcare workers, children and young adults ages 6 months to 24 years, pregnant women, and people caring for infants younger than 6 months. People over 60 years seem to have developed some immunity while 24 years and under have not. Health officials have emphasized that children who have died from HINI were suffering with various complications from nervous system disorders or developmental delays.

Researchers have developed two antiviral drugs that they believe combat the flu very well. Tamiflu which comes in a pill form and Peramivir which is given intravenously have given promising results when used with patients suffering with the flu. If your family is having flu symptoms you should contact your primary care doctor’s nurse to discuss your symptoms and how to monitor their care.

Honoring our grandparents

This Sunday is designated as National Grandparents Day in our nation. Today there are more than 6 million children or approximately 1 in 12 children that are being raised by their grandparents or other relative. This has been a gradual trend in our nation over the last few decades due to divorce, neglect, teen-age pregnancy, death of parents, incarceration, unemployment, abuse, alcohol, drug usage or abandonment.

Grandparents accepting the additional responsibility of parenting their grandchildren are experiencing additional stressors to their lives. They feel more strain due to their own concerns of health and financial responsibilities. If they have downsized their home for their retirement they will need more space to accommodate the children. The additional medical care expenses of the children can also be a burden for them. Their dreams of retirement change dramatically along with their social life and interests. There is also the emotional duress of coping with these changes and accepting their fate of raising their grandchildren.

Historically grandparents have been a support to the family system sharing their wisdom and knowledge with other generations. Today they are stepping up to the challenge of raising their grandchildren and fulfilling the role of parent and grandparent to these children. Support for grandparents raising grandchildren is vital to the well-being of the caregivers. Studies show that grandparents that are successful in their new role receive support from other family members, their church and support groups.

Raising grandchildren can be both challenging and highly rewarding. Grandparents also understand that there is no greater gift than receiving the love and respect of their grandchildren who appreciate the sacrifices that have been made for their safety and well-being. So take the time this weekend and let your grandparents know that you appreciate how they have enriched your life. Have you hugged your grandparents today?

The 'Brain Gym' workout for all ages.

There is a new fad crossing the country. Individuals wanting to exercise their cognitive muscle are trying the new ‘Brain Gym’ concept. In a study published in 2006 in the American Medical Association a clinical trial involving 2,832 older adults found that “cognitive training” such as identifying patterns in a series of letters or words helped improve memory and reasoning skills. A more recent study of 487 adults aged 65 and older found that people who exercised with brain fitness software for 40 hours over eight weeks noted significant improvement in memory and attention skills.

The new NeuroActive Bike or “brain bike” has been reported to combine the benefits of physical activity while pumping more blood to your brain. This concept is also supposed to lower the risk of cognitive decline. All ages have been enjoying the “brain bike”. It is powered by your pedaling and has a wireless mouse for the games. The “brain bike” is currently being placed in fitness centers, schools and retirement homes.

Scientists continue to look for the causes and cures of age-related illnesses. While they seek the answers there are still several low cost ways that can keep us mentally fit. Low-tech games such as Checkers and Chess are favorites for all generations. The Crossword puzzles, Scrabble, and Sodoku puzzles continue to keep the brain sharp for problem-solving. Keeping socially active with book clubs, dancing and other hobbies are also great ways to keep the brain healthy.

Scientific research consistently reports that the brain has significant potential to acquire new knowledge at all ages. The neuroplasticity of the brain has the ability to change and map new neural pathways, stimulate new cell growth and deliver better blood flow and oxygen to the brain. This process should help to improve your short and long-term memory and accelerate your processing speed. Wichita, Kansas has their own ‘Brain Gym’ expert Dorothy Gray who is a licensed Brain Gym instructor and consultant. Contact her today to learn more about how to exercise your brain daily so you can have optimum mental health at any age.

Your College-Bound Student

It’s a proud day when you watch your child leave for college. As a parent you have been working toward this moment since your child was born. This transition from child to young adult can be exhausting and emotionally draining for the parent. You have done all the preparatory work with finances, dormitory room preparation and now you are ready to give your college-bound freshman a positive send-off.

Emotionally parents must be prepared to let go of their young adult and develop a new role of support. College is a huge economic investment for parents and student alike so discussing expectations should be done early in the preparation stage. Your college bound student should be able to balance their checkbook, know how to make their own doctor appointments and fill prescriptions as needed.

If your student calls you in a panic coach them through the choices that are available. This is an important learning situation for them to build confidence in themselves. Your student will be faced with many new dilemmas from roommates to college professors. Try not to become too involved with these concerns. Trust your student to resolve the concern to the best of their abilities. Let your student know you are proud of them and will be supportive in this time of transition. Send them e-mails and text messages to let them know you are thinking of them.

The days will pass quickly and your student will be home to visit on the holidays. You will see them grow to the adult you have always envisioned. It will be a memory to celebrate together.

Wichita Staycation

Webster dictionary has just added the new term staycation to the English language. It is defined as a vacation in which the vacationer stays at home or makes day trips to area attractions. A staycation is the perfect economical alternative to the conventional vacation that may take more cash flow than you are willing to spend with the status of our current economy.

The Wichita area is very family friendly and has a wide variety of activities to choose from and experience. If your family enjoys the outdoors there are several area lakes where you could go fishing or camping. You could ride your bikes to a local park and picnic or attend a free activity at your local library. There are several swimming pools throughout the city and area YMCA’s for all types of sports or relaxation. That evening try playing a baseball game or plan a barbeque with friends.

For other entertainment ideas you could visit the wide spectrum of museums that Wichita has to offer. Go to the Wichita Chamber of Commerce website for all the local choices. Depending on your family interests there is the Historic Old Cowtown Museum, Mid-American All-Indian Center, Exploration Place, Botanica Gardens and the Museum of World Treasures all located within a few minutes of each other. For animal lovers the Sedgwick County Zoo has several new exhibits to explore or try walking through the Great Plains Nature Center. When the stars come out head to the Lake Afton Public Observatory to learn more about the constellations or experience the Starlite Drive-In for a movie marathon.

For the shopaholic Wichita has a nice variety of shopping malls and stores throughout the city. There is Towne East and Towne West Square Malls that have a wide variety of stores if you want to add a few things to your wardrobe or redecorate a room. If you’re looking for those unique items you might try Clifton Square, Bradley Fair or the Waterfront for ideas. Don’t forget the Delano District downtown which offers a unique variety of shopping, dining, music and theatre entertainment.

Dining in Wichita has become a wonderful experience with every cuisine available from the major restaurant chains to the small business owner sharing their own special cultural dishes with us. After dinner the Warren Theatre offers movie choices throughout the city in luxury surroundings.

Becoming a tourist in your own community keeps your money at home and allows you the opportunity to try new activities that you may never have made time for before. So plan that staycation and start relaxing today. You’ll find that Wichita has a lot to offer for every age group in your family.

Marital Bliss

Couples that have been together for any length of time often forget what the original attraction was to each other. The day to day irritations of quirky habits begin a cycle of unresolved differences. The dirty laundry on the floor, dishes that need to be put away, a toilet that needs fixed become big issues when the partner feels neglected, unloved or not appreciated.

Relationships are a two-way street. If one partner nags relentlessly communication stops and the blame game begins. Most arguments are based with one partner’s concept of how things should be done from finances to laundry. Discussing these concerns with “I” statements will help diffuse the issue and open the partner to active listening. Sharing your needs in a respectful way and brainstorming at least two alternatives to try will allow couples to step out of the argument and begin to problem-solve the concerns.

Staying emotionally and intimately connected to your partner is difficult with the hectic pace of today. Couples should try to allocate one evening a week as their “date night” and take turns in planning an activity. It can be as simple as staying home and turning off all electronic devices so that you can both focus on each other without interruption. This lets your partner know that spending time together is a priority for you. When you fix their favorite meal, compliment their strengths, or purchase a thoughtful gift your partner will feel loved. That thoughtful gesture will bring a smile to their face and keep your relationship healthy.

Best wishes,

Gina

Getting a Good Night's Sleep

As we all experience the current recession there are many of us struggling to sleep through the night. When suffering with anxiety and depression or under extreme duress our mind will start processing our concerns while we are trying to fall asleep or wake us up after sleeping for a couple of hours. It is very difficult to problem solve concerns if we are fatiqued and irritable.

Prevention magazine reports simple steps that everyone can follow so that they can "sleep like a baby."

1. Make breakfast your heaviest meal.
2. Cut out the caffiene after 2PM.
3. Go outside when it is sunny to reset your awake-sleep cycle.
4. Drink your eight, 8 oz. glasses of water each day.
5. Exercise every day, preferably in the morning.
6. Take a 15 minute nap when needed.
7. Go to bed only when you are sleepy.
8. Move the television out of the bedroom.
9. Create a sleep schedule and stick to it.
10. Try herbal teas instead of sleeping pills.

If you have difficulty falling asleep and have for several months, you could be sleep deprived. Contact your local mental health professional to discuss your options.

Practice good self-care!

Gina

Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Our lifestyles today are packed with personal and professional deadlines. We can find ourselves overwhelmed with to do lists and racing against the clock to get that last project completed. Ruminating over these deadlines or obsessing about what needs to be completed can often lead to anxiety and depressive symptoms.

So if you are that type A personality that is prone to obsessing you might want to try the following interventions to stop the ruminating.
1. Put on the music and dance, watch a comedy, call a friend, clean the kitchen. Do a task that takes about 10 minutes. That is the minimum of time needed to break the cycle of thoughts.
2. Allow your self five minutes to ponder the list you have to tackle and then move on with your plan of action.
3. Meditate for a minute by taking that cleansing breath, closing your eyes and just focus on your breathing.
4. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation. Accept that and then move forward to cope.
5. Use your support system to let you know when you are out of control.
6. Accept that you are human and will make mistakes. Sometimes we are kinder to a stranger than we are to ourselves.

Be sure to practice your self-care daily and seek professional help when your obsessive thoughts interfere with your sleep and quality of life.

Best wishes,
Gina

Hugs and Kisses Decrease Stress

A recent study from the journal of Psychosomatic Medicine reports that loving touches can lower our stress hormone cortisol by 7%. Anything from sex to holding hands can do the trick! You will become calmer every minute you are enjoying a pleasureable touch. The stress-snuggle connection was studied by Beate Ditzen PhD. who studied 51 couples for a week, asking them to record their activities and take saliva samples every three hours. The results were that intimacy reduced cortisol levels by improving their mood.

Studies have already proven that a loving touch can reduce blood pressure and have other health benefits. Angry hugs don't work, which is why only happily married couples benefit from longer and healthier lives. If you don't have a mate handy for hugs, try getting the benefit from family and friends as there have been other studies that have linked friendship with good health, longevity and less stess. So in these stressful economic times just borrow a hug and feel better!

Best wishes,

Gina

Learning Love Languages

February is believed to be the month that we should declare our love to the people in our life. Actually we should share those feelings with each other every day and not put all our expectations into a commercial holiday.

Gary Chapman author of The Five Love Languages series says that there are five ways that people communicate their love to each other.

• Physical touch
• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Gifts
• Acts of service

Knowing how the special people in your life need to feel emotionally connected to you is important. Discuss these different love languages and communicate honestly with your partner how you need to be loved. Once this need is acknowledged and you are working to communicate openly, your relationship will build trust and not the walls that grow to keep your heart protected.

Don't wait until you are in crisis and believe the love is completely gone. Seek professional help when needed or when you don't know how to rebuild that special relationship.

Best wishes,

Gina

30 Days to Create a New You

Are your New Year resolutions a faint memory? At this time your new healthy behaviors should have become a permanent routine for you. Studies are reporting it takes 30 days of consistency to change behavioral patterns. This is a difficult time consuming process for some individuals. Novelist Arnold Bennett states "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." So if you find change difficult to handle you are not alone. Change is the only constant that we have in life so let's learn how to use it to our advantage.

First30Days is an organization that has developed nine principles to help us change and reach our goals.

• Change your point of view. A positive outlook can motivate you to look outside the box.
• Something good will come of the situation you are experiencing that can lead to a brighter future.
• You are stronger than you think. Start with small changes and feel the rewards of success before you take on a more challenging behavioral change.
• Recognize that negative thoughts will hinder your progress and attitude toward success.
• Accept the process of change and do not fight to resist it. Resistance to change is wasted energy.
• You can only control what you think and feel.
• Connect with you spirituality for tranquility and wisdom.
• Let your support system know you need help when your resolve for change weakens.
• When you feel stuck in a rut, any change can help you regain momentum.

So if you have forgotton about those New Year resolutions it might be time to rethink what went wrong and make the changes you need to succeed.

Best wishes,

Gina

Understanding Male Depression

The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 6 million men and 12 million women in America are affected by depression each year. While it may seem that males are less affected by depression, researchers are trying to establish the variables with men and establish appropriate treatment for them.
Male depression may go undiagnosed for several reasons:

• Men are reluctant to discuss depressive symptoms.
• Men see mental illness as a threat to their masculinity.
• Men mask depressive symptoms with alcohol or substance abuse.
• Men resist mental health treatment due to concerns with the stigma that it could damage their career or lose respect of family and friends.

Symptoms of male depression include:

• Violent or abusive behavior
• Escapist behaviors of over involvement in a sport or work
• Inappropriate rage
• Risky behaviors
• Sexual liaisons
• Substance abuse
• Thoughts of suicide

Men are more likely to complete suicide because they use more lethal methods and display fewer warning signs before completing the act. If you have a man in your life that is displaying these symptoms ask him to seek help immediately. Treatment with a doctor or mental health provider can help him learn healthy coping skills to elevate his mood. He may also need the support from medication management. There are many effective treatments for depression so don't think you can tough it out. Seek help and enjoy life.

Best wishes,

Gina

Prioritize Your New Year

If you are like the millions of other Americans today there is never enough time in a day to do everything we would like to accomplish. This stress is causing a lot of health issues for people today, so learning how to prioritize your "To Do" list can be very helpful. Here is an idea to help you prioritize your busy life:

Three "D" Choice Method

• Dropping - Is this a priority? If not just drop it and move forward.
• Delaying - Does this have to be done now? If not put it on a list for later.
• Delegating - Must this be done by me personally? Then delegate it to the appropriate person.

Keep trying new ideas and you will find ways to maintain your self-care for a happy and healthy new year!

Warm regards,

Gina

New Year, New Resolutions

For many individuals 2008 will be a year to forget due to the war, gas prices, unemployment and companies downsizing or closing. The hardships for many people and families have been overwhelming. Unfortunately many people cope with their struggles with a variety of addictions. So no matter what your addiction might be drugs, gambling, shopping, smoking, or alcohol you can kick the unwanted habit this year with a little help.

New Harvard University states that since the brain responds to pleasurable experiences you have to break the pattern. Here are a few recommendations to help you to do that:

• Seek help and create a support system.
• Set a quit date.
• Change your enviroment by removing those reminders and temptations from your immediate area. That may mean you will need to make new friends if you enjoyed your addiction with your current relationships.
• Learn new skills and activities that you can replace with your addiction when you feel the urge.
• Review your past attempts at quitting. What worked, what didn't and what led you back to your old habits. Then make the appropriate changes.

These are simple strategies that work. So believe in yourself that you can live a healthy, happy life without your addiction in 2009.

Happy New Year

Gina