The effects of divorce linger for both children and parents long after the disintegration of the family unit. When divorced parents begin dating again they will most likely experience resistance from their children. Children will not willingly give up the dream of their parents some day reuniting. They will also experience the fear of disloyalty if they like the person you are dating.
When you first begin dating make sure your children understand that you have a new friend that you are getting to know. It will be important that you don't immediately move this person into your home and expect to become a new family. Once the relationship becomes serious take the time to allow your children to adjust to this new concept and get to know their potential step-parent. If you are planning a wedding involve the children in the ceremony so they will understand that the ceremony signifies a new beginning for everyone.
If your family plans to move to new home and neighborhood allow the children time for closure and to say good-bye to friends or family that lived in the area. Make a special effort to invite them to your new home occassionally to continue those relationships for your children.
Step-parenting is a difficult process. It is important that both sets of parents agree on parenting and discipline issues. Keep communication open with your ex-spouse to reduce the hostility your children may feel between the parents. This can cause very strained relationships in both households and a lot of duress between partners.
Blending a family is never easy. Be open to asking for help and seeking a respected professional when needed for family or individual counseling. Counseling can be a great intervention for rebellious children.
Good luck,
Gina
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