A New Year Brings New Opportunities

A New Year brings a time of reflection and also a vision of hope. When you review your past successes and errors it can help you determine how to move forward and create the life you envision for yourself. The possibilities are endless as long as you believe in yourself and are motivated to make the necessary changes needed.

Create the possibilities

Studies are reporting that it takes 30 days of consistency to change behavioral patterns. This is a difficult, time consuming process for some individuals. Novelist Arnold Bennett states “Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” So if you find change difficult to handle, you are not alone. Change is the only constant that we have in life so it is better to learn how to use it to your advantage.

First30Days is an organization that has outlined several principles to overcome the obstacles of change. First, change your point of view. A positive outlook can motivate you to view the situation from different perspectives. Recognize that you are stronger than you think and that something good will usually evolve from those challenges associated with change. Accept the process of change, as resistance is usually wasted energy. Remember, that negative thoughts will hinder your progress and you are the only one that can control what you think and feel.

New Year....new opportunities

Life is a gift that we may cherish or waste. If you are unhappy with your present situation take the steps to change it. You only have control of yourself. Do not wait for your spouse, boss, children or family to change. It will never happen unless they decide to make the changes themselves. What you need to realize is that your happiness lies within yourself, not upon others. Create the life you want and the joy will follow.

Eating Healthy over the Holidays

Experts report that the majority of us will gain one to five pounds over the holiday season. This may not seem like a lot but as we continually add pounds it can accumulate over time. During the winter holidays we tend to indulge by eating our favorite foods while sitting around doing nothing to burn the calories. Many of us will justify the extra calories by promising ourselves that we will lose the extra pounds as a New Year resolution. That seems to give us permission to eat everything and anything in sight. Children have a greater challenge than adults with holiday eating as they have less impulse control when faced with tempting sweets. They don’t monitor appropriate portion size or which items might be healthy.

Healthy choices

Many of us try to determine how to have a healthier holiday without depriving ourselves of those Christmas cookies and fudge. Dieticians tell us to plan, plan, plan. Try making healthy options to take and have available at gatherings like string cheese or a fruit salad to nibble on. Give your children a healthy snack before leaving for the festivities so they won’t over indulge with sweets. If your family has a tradition of making holiday cookies, continue to make them but give some away so they are not a constant temptation for everyone.

During the holiday don’t deprive yourself of those specials treats, just monitor your portion size. Try to eat balanced meals and avoid the sweet carbohydrates when possible. Fight the temptation to hibernate and stay active. When we are active and busy we don’t have time to rummage in the cupboards.

Santa on a Budget

Playing Santa without a budget can destroy your finances for many months after the Christmas season becomes a fond memory. Many parents will struggle between wanting to make the holiday “magical” but realize the bills for January will still arrive on time. After all gifts from Santa are free and from the North Pole. What is there to worry about?

Family values

As the holiday deadlines intensify and the gift list grows longer it is difficult for Santa to find or afford the perfect gift for everyone. A practical way to look at the “wish list” is to determine the real wants and needs from impulsive desires. Some families will limit the number of gifts for each child to three since that is what Jesus Christ received from the three Wise Men. Other families will draw names or make a personal gift for each other. Another option to consider would be for Santa to give one special gift to each child and the family could exchange smaller gifts with each other.

You could start by having each child make a list of the top five gifts they would like to receive. Have them look through catalogs for ideas and discuss if the items are too expensive, too dangerous, or not a part of your family values. If they don’t meet your criteria, you can remove them from the list. You don’t have to turn into a Grinch but limit gifts to the affordable items that the family has shown they truly desire.

Move beyond money

Don’t feel obliged to buy your children everything that they want. Discuss the guidelines and give them opportunities to earn the item that Santa can’t bring so they can develop personal responsibility. Also the Christmas season can give you opportunities to teach your children the joy of giving to others. You could help them to buy a gift with their own money for a family living in a shelter or daycare of a charitable organization. They could visit elderly neighbors to assist with any chores that are difficult for them to do. The family could clean out their closets and donate gently used clothing that is too small and would be a blessing to someone in need. The measurement of a gift is not the dollar amount but the love that was given with it.

Holiday Gifts:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect. –Oren Arnold

And.....Merry Christmas to all!

Marriage with an ADHD Spouse

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects approximately 5% of the adult population. They will cope with various degrees of distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity and a lack of emotional control that can cause problems in all areas of their lives. The ADHD adult can think of several things at a time, have racing thoughts, become easily bored intermingled with a fear of failing. With these challenges to cope with the ADHD spouse can feel frustrated, unheard and unloved in the marriage.

ADHD brain

Dr. Russell Barkley clinical professor of Psychiatry at Medical University of South Carolina and author of Charge of Adult ADHD states, “The ADHD spouse is not following through on promises and often isn’t able to understand the needs of others. It’s a torrent of one-way conversations for the non-ADHD spouse. It feels like they’re raising a kid.”

Dr. Ned Hallowell who is the author of eighteen books and founder of Hallowell Centers in New York said, “Their brain is like a toddler on a picnic. It goes where curiosity and enchantment lead it with no regard to authority or danger.” Brain chemistry of the ADHD is highly inheritable. It will either under produce or not process dopamine in the attention and reward center of the brain. People with ADHD have a reduction of dopamine so things can get pretty boring for them very quickly. “Dopamine not only increases reward value but also the powers of inhibition,” Dr. Hallowell explained. The lack of inhibitions in the ADHD adult can add to the frustration and embarrassment of partners and their family members.

Treatment

About 80% of adults benefit from stimulant medication that will help to alleviate symptoms. Psychotherapy and Behavior Modification can help couples educate themselves on the on ADHD to improve their relationship. Support groups can also be helpful in coping with the stress of an ADHD relationship.

To keep the relationship strong try to depersonalize the behaviors that creates the emotional distance. Define two major areas of concern that you disagree on and focus on ways to solve those problems. Learn ways to remind your partner about appointments or chores to do without nagging them. You could suggest that they organize their day by typing appointments into their cell phone, write sticky notes or refer to a daily check list. Try to support and encourage them without trying to change them. You love the person. It is the behaviors that you need changed.

Holiday Depression

The holiday season can be filled with parties and activities to celebrate with family and friends. For others it can be a time of sadness, loneliness and anxiety about an uncertain future and economy. During our lifetime we have all experienced melancholy feelings during the holidays with the loss of family members, divorce, arguments and the stress of over extending your budget. Holiday depression can evolve from the stress and disappointment of unrealistic expectations that were envisioned.

Holiday stress

One in ten American adults have depression that is genetically based and treated with medication. Sadness is a deep personal feeling. What makes one person sad won’t affect another person. Holiday sadness can be attributed to built-up expectations, disappointments from previous holidays, stress or fatigue from preparations, and financial worries. Headaches, excessive drinking, overeating and insomnia are some triggers to expound holiday stress. This can happen to seniors, men, women, and the sullen teenager.

Holiday preparations

In preparation for the holidays define your personal limits and stick to them. Decide what activities you would like to participate in, entertain in the home, visit relatives or travel during the holiday. Have a family meeting and discuss the options available to you. There is no one correct way to celebrate the season.
There are many options to relieve the stress and scale back the celebration.

Decorate your home with the favorite traditional items or ones that hold the most memories for your family. Then create a budget and determine what you can spend for each person on your list and make no exceptions that would put you over your limit. Planning your holiday meal should be put in your expenses also.

If your family complains about the downsizing of the holiday explore the opportunities in helping others. The ideas can be volunteering at the food bank, buying a gift for the Angel tree, or visiting seniors at nursing homes. Your family could attend church services and musical concerts that can replenish the holiday spirit when you feel overwhelmed. Making time to take care of yourself is also a gift because you will then have the energy to do for others. Determine what positive changes can be made this year so that you and your family are blessed with a happy and healthy holiday.

Gratitude and daily thanks

Thanksgiving is usually a time when families will reflect on the blessings that they have in their life. Despite the gloomy attitude on the economy and general dissatisfaction with the way things are going 96 % of voters feel thankful according to a recent 2011 Fox News poll. Research is also reporting that we could all live a healthier lifestyle if we would practice being grateful everyday. Grateful people take better care of themselves and engage in more protective health behaviors like regular exercise, a healthy diet and regular physical examinations.

Daily thanks

Practicing gratitude leaves people feeling joyful, strong and with more energy. If we can make a conscious effort to find something positive in every situation you can decrease your stress and face the obstacles in life with optimism. Living in the moment and being grateful for what you are experiencing now will give you a better quality of life. From boosting your mood to improving relationships research shows that being thankful is good for your health.

Kent State University published a 2011 study in the Journal of Happiness authored by Steve Toepfer. The study revealed that if you take 15 minutes, three times over three weeks to write letters of gratitude to someone that your level of happiness and life satisfaction will improve with each letter written. Toepfer explained, “We are all walking around with an amazing resource, gratitude. It helps us express, enjoy, appreciate and be thankful and satisfied with a little effort. We all have it and we need to use it to improve our quality of life.”

Model gratitude

To encourage this positive thinking, write in your ‘grateful journal’ 5 to 10 things you are grateful for. Try and acknowledge new experiences each day that brought you joy or peace. Make a conscientious effort to be polite to everyone you encounter. Even a simple “thank you” can make someone’s day brighter. Lend a hand to others and teach children how to give back to their community. Ask other family members to share what they are grateful for each day.

Some individuals will limit themselves by experiencing life with a sense of entitlement and being preoccupied with materialism. Self-reflection of your life journey can stimulate awareness of how truly blessed you are and leave you with insight on how to appreciate those around you. So in a time when there are so many people out of work and struggling to pay their bills discover the blessings in your life. Counting your blessings doesn’t just cheer you up it can improve your health, energy level and perspective on life.

Relationship repair

When your relationship is struggling it’s important to be a participant to resolve the problem and not expect it to fix itself. Robert Sternberg (1990) created the Triangular Theory of Love that discusses the three important building blocks to a relationship. He states that every relationship must have passion, intimacy and commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of closeness that exists between two people. Passion will produce the romance, physical attraction and intercourse for the relationship. Commitment is defined as the conscious decision a couple makes to take the loving relationship further.

Honest dialogue

After being a couple for awhile the passion can disappear. This can create more of a companionate love which can lead to dissolution of the relationship because the commitment is no longer there. If you are feeling an emotional distance from your partner try not to assume or jump to a conclusion of what may be wrong. Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and won’t be distracted or interrupted to discuss the concern. When processing the issue try to be an attentive listener and respond without attacking your partner or engaging in the “blame game”. This can be done by opening the conversation with the positive aspects of the relationship. Then state the concern that you have. Dialogue and restate what you heard to make sure you received the information correctly. Close the conversation with the positive steps that were determined on how to progress forward from the situation.

Moving forward

Repairing a relationship takes time. Once the problem has been identified it is important to create a plan on how to resolve the concern and move forward. A partner should look for opportunities to help without being asked. This displays a commitment to the relationship and states that you are dependable and supportive. Encourage your partner when facing trials. Just listening to their challenges and being emotionally supportive can make a big difference. Learn to respect your partner and each other’s opinion. Finally, acknowledge and accept that there will be times in your relationship to “agree to disagree.”

With Halloween just a few days away some children may be displaying more fear than usual. Why are we are afraid of the dark or that little spider? Daniel Pin a researcher from the National Institute of Mental Health states, “There is a strong relationship between age and the types of fears that people report in different cultures. This tells us that there is something fundamental about the development as it relates to fear.”

Fear

Science defines fear as a complex factor which involves genetics and experiences. These fears relate to changes in the brain. A toddler will display a fear of strangers or a fear of being separated from their parents. As the child grows and develops they may have a fear of certain animals, thunderstorms or a new environment. An adolescent will have a fear of rejection from their peers or individual they would like to date. They may avoid new social experiences for a fear of seeming awkward or making a mistake in front of their peers. As we evolve into an adult we could fear the possibility that we won’t meet our personal goals or what we envision our life should be.

Facing our fears

Seeing family members in a costume or mask can be very frightening to a child. Parents can help alleviate this fear by helping their child face them. Fears will abate by exposure. Facing your fears in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your senses would be a beginning step. First reason with your child and discuss why people wear costumes. Explain that costumes are pretend and part of the make believe of Halloween. Then show them there is a real person behind the mask. Give the child a mask to play with while looking at their self in the mirror. This will help your child to begin understanding the concept that the real person is still there behind the costume. A parent should explain this fear to the other children and adults in the home so they understand the dilemma and not escalate the concern with additional pranks or teasing. Even a sudden “BOO” can be devastating for a child learning to cope with their fear.

Parents can also help their child by having them become involved in the festivities of your family traditions. You could have them draw the face of the jack-o-lantern or decorate the cookies with candy corn. The child could play dress up with different costumes and use face paint instead of a mask. If your child doesn’t want to “Trick-or-Treat” let them dress up but stay home and hand out the treats for others. Parents should stay close by their child in case there is a need to reassure her. This will help to transition their feelings of fear into fun.

Love of money effects marriage

It’s not uncommon for couples to encounter marital stress over their finances. Money related issues have the potential to drive many committed relationships to the edge of divorce. The most obvious concern is the conflict of not having enough money for the current financial responsibilities that must be met. In today’s culture most people equate their financial security to status and success. Many people will attach their self-worth to the number of possessions that they have.

Love of money

Researcher Jason Carroll a professor of family life at Brigham Young University reported in their new research that materialists have more dissatisfaction with their marriage than couples who don’t care about possessions. This held true among all socioeconomic levels. The least satisfying marriages were those where both spouses cared strongly about material goods. “We thought it would be the incongruent or unmatched pattern that would be most problematic, where one’s a saver and one’s a spender,” Carroll told Live Science. “Our study found that it’s the couple where both spouses have high levels of materialism that struggle the most.” Previous research has also confirmed that people who are materialistic are also more anxious, depressed and insecure than others who are not materialistic. Individuals who valued money more also had trouble at home since there was no balance between their work and personal life.

Balance the budget

One out of five couples have admitted to a strong love of money. Human being’s desire connection and material items can create distance in a relationship. Couples that have been married for 20 years or more have made time for each other and really care about their relationship. If you have concerns about your finances, talk to your partner about your future as a family. Then together set responsible financial steps to attain that vision together. Realize that this will be a long term commitment and not a goal that will be instantly gratified.

It will be important to listen to each other, compromise and put a plan into action. If you have any credit card debt or payday loans they should be a priority to pay off. The short and long term goals of savings, retirement, college funds, and vacation can all be obtained with collaborative planning. If you hit an impasse consult with a marriage counselor, coach or mediator. Your marriage is also an investment to your future.

Generation Y the Boomerang Kids

The “Boomerang Generation” is a word created by the media to describe the current generation of young adults (18-35) who live at home and are not financially independent. They are the sons and daughters of the Baby Boomer generation that have moved back home to live for multiple reasons. This pattern appears to be cyclical and determined by economic conditions. Monsters’ 2009 Annual Entry Level Job Outlook reports 40% of graduates are living with their parents and 42% from 2006.

Economic trend

The Census Bureau recently released data reporting that 70% of singles ages 20-29 lived with their parents in the 1940’s. From the 1940’s our country began to recover from the Depression to a more financial independent lifestyle that the Baby Boomers enjoyed. Our economy peaked and then regressed due to the economic downturn. Steven Ruggles history professor at the University of Minnesota states, “Real wages for young people reached their peak in 1973. They were more independent because they could afford it.”

Michael Rosenfeld a social demographer at Stanford University and author of The Age of Independence reports that 39% of single women and 46% of single men 20-29 lived with a parent in 2005. Both specialist agree that there is a historical increase in “boomerang kids” but it’s small scale in comparison to statistics from the depression.

Renegotiate the relationship

Adult children are reporting several reasons for moving back into their childhood home. The number one concern is financial debt due to the economic reasons that were related to layoffs, loss of job, no insurance, expired unemployment benefits, early widowhood, divorce, major health concerns and substance abuse. Each situation seems to be unique and complex.

Before parents allow their adult child to return home they should renegotiate their relationship, roles and establish new boundaries. First determine what constructive support is needed so that you don’t enable them to continue behaviors that are self-destructive or situations that created the problem. Next establish a financial plan together that may lower their standard of living but can create long-term financial freedom for them. Also, research the opportunities that are available to return to college and retrain. Finally, contact all state programs that might be able to provide financial support during this interim.

Parents need to dialogue openly about expectations of living at home. Adult children should be willing to contribute to household chores and have a timeline on how long they will need the help. Establish a cost for rent or a household bill they are able to pay. Helping the adult child should not interrupt or burden a parent’s financial planning for their own retirement. If the adult child is unwilling to follow the guidelines you have established you may need to seek professional help on what options are available to you. There should be a balance in helping yourself and helping others that you love.

Parental stress with children of ADHD

Parenting can be stressful at times for everyone. Parents of children with ADHD may experience greater stress because of the additional challenges they face. Children with ADHD are known to disregard parental requests, commands and rules. They fight with their siblings, disturb neighbors and have frequent negative encounters with school authority. These challenges can often make parents feel less competent. It can also increase marital discord. Research has indicated that parents of children with ADHD are almost twice as likely to divorce by the time their child is eight years old.

Parents of children with ADHD

Parents of children with ADHD face higher divorce rates, stress level and feel less competent as a parent. With state budget cuts that have decreased services for children needing additional school resources this has increased the stress levels for the child, parents and school staff. During the school year these stressors increase as parents are faced with the challenge of getting homework completed, turned in on time and maintaining their other responsibilities in the home on a daily basis.

A recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology states parents of children with ADHD are especially sensitive to the behaviors of their child which takes a personal emotional toll on their own well-being. Candice Odgers a study researcher and psychologist at the University of California said, “If you think about what it’s like to parent a child with ADHD, it requires a constant vigilance, and a high level of energy. This is important because we know that stress and the burden of caregiving in general are associated with a whole host of problems, mental health and physical problems.”

Family environment

Up to 5% of children and adults in the United States have ADHD, a behavioral disorder marked by impulsiveness, hyperactivity and inattention. Children with untreated ADHD are a risk for injury, substance abuse, poor school performance and emotional or social problems. Parents that have to be in a hyper vigilant state to keep their children safe feel the stress affecting the family environment.

Our children need us. They depend on us to take care of them, teach them, support them and love them. No child with or without a diagnosis can succeed to their full potential if their parents are so drained they are unable to be there for them. By not taking care of yourself, your child could be at a higher risk for more problems. Create a lifestyle for yourself and your family that prioritizes self-care with exercise, appropriate nutrition, and 8 hours of sleep. Always seek professional advice if your stress affects the quality of life you desire.

Tween Co-ed Sleepover

Relationship etiquette continues to change between boys and girls today which can leave parents wondering how to handle this important developmental learning stage. Earlier generations started with birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese that grew to slumber parties with all night games and movies. The biggest concern then was how many friends could be invited to the party. The world of the 21st century child is more complicated. Today’s tweens are requesting pizza parties with co-ed sleepovers. How should parents determine when it is the right time or age to draw the line between the genders?

Pros and Cons

There are two view points to every problem presented. The positive aspect could be that a co-ed sleepover would teach tweens appropriate conduct around the opposite sex. They would learn skills of social interaction other than just sexuality that is involved with dating. They could learn how to handle themselves with issues of privacy when changing clothes or using the bathroom. Tweens could establish boundaries in managing their own bodies and the respect of their peer’s personal space. Children that experience positive interaction between the genders will build confidence with girl and boy relationships that can enhance performance in sports, student government, clubs and class projects.

The negative perspective would be to throw children into a social situation that would deny them their childhood. To appear too casual about a co-ed sleepover could convey the message that sleeping with the opposite sex is done without commitment or sexual protection. This could lead to early sexual promiscuity and other self-destructive behaviors.

Parental decision

Modern children are exposed to sexuality at a young age due to the multitude of media exposure, songs, and books that they read. Society has rushed children into adult behaviors way before their young intellect can comprehend the dangerous issues that could present themselves. Parents are the only stop gate to protect children from perilous situations. Tony Jurich, a former president of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist says, “Parents first have to decide if this type of party is something that fits with their idea of morality. If they decide it’s something they don’t agree with, they shouldn’t allow it. If they decide it is acceptable, they should take all aspects into consideration and set firm ground rules,” he said.

Deciding whether or not to have a co-ed sleepover comes down to the parents trusting their own ideas of morality and deciding what is best for the healthy social development of their child. Whether you are hosting the sleepover or your tween was invited to one, everyone should be in agreement. This will help to avoid the potential concerns and misunderstandings that might evolve from a controversial idea.

Cohabitation contract

Cohabitation is a living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Couples will choose to cohabit for different reasons. Usually it is to test their compatibility before committing to marriage. Some couples don’t believe marriage is necessary while gay and lesbians are prohibited to marry in some states.

The 2008 census data reports that 6.8 million opposite-sex couples are currently living together. That is an increase of 5 million couples since 2006. Traditionally the law has favored marriage since it is the basic societal unit that stabilizes the family. The concern is that when couples decide to cohabit they have none of the rights and privileges that married couples have.

Written contract

Experts recommend having a written agreement before cohabitating. Couples that choose to live together don’t receive the same protection as married couples. There is usually very little guidance given as to their rights with property ownership, responsibility with debt, custody of children, healthcare and survivorship.

Each individual should create a list outlining expectations of household responsibilities. This would involve daily responsibilities of cooking meals, doing laundry, shopping, and cleaning the home. If these responsibilities aren’t determined prior to establishing the household, conflict can evolve. These issues often create resentment in the relationship when partners feel the responsibilities aren’t shared equally.

Finances seem to involve the most consideration to the cohabitation contract. It should be specific on household expenses, debt repayment, pensions, division of property and estates if separation or death occurs. This will provide protection to both partners in the relationship.

Protection of the law

People enter relationships out of love for each other and will usually avoid discussing these pertinent concerns. Discussing your legal rights can momentarily hinder the romance in the relationship but unless your rights are documented the court will not enforce them. Openly discussing your rights in a relationship can help strengthen it if you are considerate of each other’s best interests. Contact an attorney in family law to answer any questions you may have about your legal rights involving cohabitation.

Family reunions

There is a current tendency in our society to be closer to our friends than our relatives. Families today rarely live in the same city making family dinners obsolete and reunions a thing of the past. Historically family reunions have been a time to build family interaction and unity. Having several generations assembled together can give you the opportunity to learn more about your family heritage and strengthen family traditions. This can create a deep sense of belonging to each family member that is passed on to future generations.

Getting organized

Families that are spread out over the United States will often take turns hosting the reunion. This allows extended family members to learn more about the state where the host lives and activities their family enjoys. First delegate information gathering tasks to determine the best location and time of year for the majority of families to attend. Next determine the amount of space needed for the reunion and cost per family. Then reserve the location and notify the extended family of the theme and other activities available in the area while visiting.

Celebrations are central around conversation, food and drink. Sharing favorite recipes from grandparents and asking family members to bring that special dish can be great conversation starters. Look at photo albums from past reunions. Celebrate the life of those who are no longer with you and discuss how they made a difference in your life. Create a time capsule and have the children place items in it each year. They can write a message to themselves sharing their dreams and goals which can be fun to reflect on at a later time.

Traditional reunions have many games and activities for all ages. There is horseshoes, potato sack races, face painting, pie eating contests and scavenger hunts. Other games like Bingo, Family Trivia, Dominoes, and cards are always a favorite. If you have creative family members have them put on a talent show or get out the Karaoke machine and sing your favorite songs together.

New memories

There are many ways to document the reunion and reflect on the great experience with video recorders, digital slide shows or your family Facebook page. Continue to update the family tree with the weddings, births and deaths that occur in the family. This will help you to keep the genealogy current and not let those memories fade quite so rapidly. Friends will come and go in our lives but your family will be with you forever.

Kindergarten readiness

The concept of kindergarten derived in the 1830’s from a German teacher who believed the children needed a way to transition from home into the school environment. Kindergarten was established as a way to interact and socialize. Children today are socialized at daycare or in pre-school so kindergarten has been restructured to meet the demands of academic readiness in the cognitive and social areas of development.

Readiness to learn

School readiness means that the child has the ability to learn and cope in the school environment without experiencing undue stress. Children should be able to separate from their family and trust the adults in the school environment. They need to understand the concept of sharing and how to take turns when playing with other children. Children should also display some level of social skills in how to resolve problems and work cooperatively with their peers. They must be able to adapt to the structure of the school day and follow the instructions from their teacher.

A real assessment of readiness isn’t based on the chronological age alone. Many schools will do an assessment several weeks before school begins that involve cognitive, linguistic, motor skills and social skills. Children that enter kindergarten with limited baseline skills of reading and math are unlikely to catch up with their peers. Many will need support services that require remedial learning with the help of an aide or tutor. Children that don’t test well will have a re-evaluation three to six months later to assess if a developmental specialist or neurologist should be consulted.

Other considerations

There are many different academic settings to consider when choosing a school for your children. There are public, private, religion based, and Montessori schools. Other determining factors are class size, use of aides in the classroom, and if kindergarten is a full or half-day program. Structural considerations would be the locations of the bathroom, playground and lunchroom where interaction with older students should be limited.

There are many different developmental levels and skills found in the classroom. Teachers are working to meet the diversity, developmental needs and abilities of all children. Children learn best by doing. It allows them to learn through exploration and observation. It can also help them to follow their interests while building cognitive and creative talents. As you determine the kindergarten readiness for your children also seek an environment where they can be engaged and interested in learning for their optimal growth and development.

Mutual trust is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common goal or purpose. It is the expectancy that people can rely on your word. Building relationships requires building trust. Sex and relationship expert Ian Kerner PhD recently completed a survey with 2,000 women. The survey reported that 44% of wives admitted that they had trust issues and 77% were jealous if their husband had a close female friend. This causes 53% of wives to check their husband’s email and phone messages.

Unable to trust

We resist trusting others based on previous experiences of being hurt or disappointed. Trust is a critical element of a healthy relationship to families, teams, organizations, and communities. Motivational speaker Mike Robbins states, “We put up barriers to keep ourselves safe, but that usually leaves us guarded, leery and insecure, unable to easily create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people.” No matter how guarded you are in your relationships you can still run the risk of getting hurt.

People that don’t learn to trust will struggle with low self-esteem, worry and fear. Not trusting people can trigger a defensive reaction in relationships which will keep emotional distance present. Some individuals are never able to move past a broken heart or willing to self-disclose their personal history which creates intimacy in a relationship. There are others who have experienced abuse and should utilize counseling for support as they take the steps of learning how to trust again.

Taking the steps

There will be situations where family, friends or co-workers will hurt you or let you down. This will happen because humans are not perfect and expectations may be set too high in the relationship. Begin building trust by observing behaviors of different individuals and look for people who treat others with kindness and respect. Ease into the relationship slowly and meet for lunch or coffee. Then take note if the person talks about others. If the conversation dominates toward gossip the individual will most likely not keep confidences that are shared.

A study from Ohio State University Marilynn Brewer PhD professor of Psychology states “Americans are willing to trust others at first until they are proved wrong. Men look for symbolic connections that you get from belonging to the same group, rather than personal connections that women prefer.” With the relationships in your life attempt to consciously grant trust to create a connection of cooperation and collaboration. Expect the best from people in a genuine healthy way. Find a balance between the openness needed and your personal well-being as you determine how intimate to become in the relationship. Trust frays when there are lies that erode and challenge intimacy. Psychiatrist Frank Pittman wisely reminds us that it is not “whom you lie with. It’s whom you lie to.”

Sleep debt

Sleep debt or deficit is the cumulative effect of not getting enough sleep. It is the difference between the amount of sleep you should get and the actual amount that you are sleeping. Current studies are reporting that 50 – 90% of Americans experience the consequences of sleep debt. Sleep is essential for good physical and mental health. It affects how you look, feel and perform at work or school. When we are sleep deprived the brain has to work harder to concentrate and retain information. It also becomes more difficult to problem solve and generate new ideas.

Causes of sleep debt

Today’s high paced lifestyle creates the lack of time that we allow ourselves to sleep. The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2004 poll results found that the average adult sleeps 6.8 hours weekdays and 7.4 hours on the weekend. If you lose one hour of sleep per day by Friday you have a sleep debt of 5 hours. Over one year a person can accrue two weeks of sleep debt if the time isn’t made up over the weekend.
David Neubauer MD sleep expert from Johns Hopkins University and spokesman for NSF says “You need to value sleep the same way you value eating right and getting regular exercise.”Lack of sleep creates a vicious cycle of eating inappropriately. The more tired we feel the more caffeine and sugar we consume. The caffeine and sugar can keep you awake at night. Over exposure to technology such as television, video games and computers are also identified as a contributor to sleep debt. Staying up late to finish a movie, texting and talking on the phone can keep you from going to bed on time.

Create good sleep rituals

David Neubauer MD from NSF reminds us that “It’s important to maintain a regular bedtime routine as much as possible.” It will train the mind and body to act in a certain way at a specific time. This will help your body to create the circadian rhythm your brain needs to release the melatonin at bedtime. Spend time “winding down” at least two hours before bedtime. Stop all work, phone calls and avoid eating before bed. Don’t consume caffeine, nicotine and alcohol before bed which will interrupt sleep patterns also. It is best to exercise during the day to energize your brain and body. This will help you relieve your stress and to be more relaxed in the evening. Before bedtime take a bath, read a book or listen to some music. Sleep on a comfortable mattress in a cool, quiet, dark room to help develop healthy sleep habits.



There are many factors that can contribute to sleep debt. The more chronic issues such as pain, illness, sleep apnea or insomnia are more serious long-term sleep problems that can have adverse effect on your health. You should contact your doctor to discuss your symptoms. Your doctor may prescribe a medication, suggest lifestyle changes, relaxation techniques or have your sleep evaluated at a sleep lab. Having a good day starts with having a good night’s sleep.

Children learn with their five senses

For many years science has debated between the interplay of nature and nurture in the areas of growth and development. Our genetic composition guides how we learn and grow while our environment stimulates our nurturing. Early brain development and the caregiver interact to create the foundation for growth and learning. A caregiver can be anyone who looks after young children----parents, grandparents, child care providers or teachers.

First three years of life

During the first 3 years of life, children experience the external world through their senses. The brain is developing the multisensory areas of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. Through the senses the toddler’s social, emotional, cognitive, physical and language are developed. Before children talk they are using emotional expression as their language to communicate. A caregiver’s smile and laughter will promote positive brain activity and feelings of security. If a caregiver is under a lot of stress and responds to the infant with anger or irritability----it will wire their brain with negativity. The result could be that the child would not be able to display empathy toward others.

Early brain development research reinforces an important message about children---that from birth on children are ready to learn. Caregivers must be aware of the importance of these early years to stimulate appropriate learning and growth. Joan Luby professor of psychology at Washington University states, “We should pay more attention to parental nurturance. It validates something that I think is intuitive, that we’ve known throughout history, just how important parenting is to creative, adaptive human beings.”

Learning through the senses

Every day is a new opportunity for a child to learn where ever they are-----at home, a park, the store, or a restaurant. You could begin to experiment with different smells and watch their expressive language for likes and dislikes.

•Cinnamon and peppermint has been found to keep a toddler alert while lavender will calm her down when needed.
•The lighting of a room affects our alertness and responsiveness. You can calm an infant down with soft lights while bright lights will stimulate her and keep her awake.
•The color scheme of a room can also calm or stimulate the toddler. Pale yellow, off white and beige create a calm environment, while bright colors like red, orange, and yellow will stimulate creativity and excitement.
•Exposing an infant or toddler to quiet and soft music is calming while rhythmic music will get them excited and moving.
•For touch you could present different textures with food and clothing while using words to describe the item. This would help with language development.

Research shows that an infant’s positive and negative emotions in the brain derive from the caregiver’s responsiveness to them. Create opportunities for each child to reach beyond their abilities. Then they will discover what a wonderful world they have to discover and enjoy.

Understanding mental fatigue

The fast paced lifestyle of adults today is leaving many individuals feeling mentally exhausted. Mental fatigue is predominately found in careers that require a lot of cognitive stamina. It can be a result of working excessive hours, being constantly worried and under extreme duress. You may begin to notice that you have no motivation to complete daily tasks, have difficulty concentrating for any length of time or become concerned with your short-term memory. There could be an increase in making simple mistakes or an inability to finish tasks. Learning to recognize the signs and symptoms of mental fatigue can help you determine what steps you should take to repair your body.

Preventive Self-care

Every individual should take a close look at their daily lifestyle to determine what areas need improvement. Make an appointment with your physician for a physical to assess for possible iron deficiency, anemia, thyroid function or an infection that could be causing fatigue symptoms. Then decide if you are consuming the servings suggested from each food group for appropriate nutrition. Caffeine and sugar should be avoided while increasing the intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Medical experts suggest taking a multivitamin supplement and drinking at least 64 ounces of water to replenish your brain and body.

Sleep

Adults require seven to eight hours of sleep every night. If you are experiencing insomnia it can escalate the symptoms of mental fatigue. Create a routine each night that prepares you for bed. Turn off lights and any media that will keep your brain stimulated. Your brain will then release the melatonin that regulates the sleep and wake cycles.

Exercise

A study published in the March 2009 Journal of Applied Physiology reports, “Mental fatigue impairs physical performance in humans.” Physicians recommend a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise three times a week. Exercise will increase your stamina and the oxygen level in your bloodstream. The brain utilizes 30% of the oxygen in your body, so increasing oxygen in the body will improve cognition.

Taking the steps to maintain a healthy mind, body and spirit should be a part of your daily lifestyle. If you believe that you do not have the time to take care of yourself now, then you will need to make the time later if you become ill. Your best option is to start today and make the right choices for you.

Plan a summer of discovery

School will soon be out for the summer and parents are scrambling to determine what activities or camp will be appropriate for their children to attend. According to John Hopkins School of Education in Baltimore, Maryland summer learning loss effects both short-term and long-term memory. They also report that keeping a child’s brain active and learning over the summer can prevent that memory loss. Remaining academically active over the summer can also help to ease the anxiety children feel when they transition back to school in the fall.

Learning at home

Age appropriate activities can help aid your child’s growth and development over the summer months. There are several summer learning activities you can do at home that can prevent learning loss. Ask your teacher for a summer reading list or join the summer library reading program so your child can earn the free prize incentives. You can keep math skills sharp by practicing fractions in the kitchen when making their favorite recipes together. Children can also utilize map reading skills when taking road trips this summer and determine how many miles you will be traveling. There are also several educational websites that practice a multitude of academic skills online.

Summer is also the perfect time to learn more about the world around us. As a family determine how you could become more eco-friendly by recycling and make your home energy efficient. You could plant a vegetable or butterfly garden together. Build a bird feeder to attract insect eating birds into your yard. At night learn more about the constellations and the phases of the moon. Learning about our world encourages environmental restoration for the next generations.

Summer programs

When choosing a summer program choose one that’s based on your child’s interests. Ask the program manager about the staff credentials and their teaching experience. Inquire about the health and safety record of the program while touring the facility. Review the daily schedule and determine if there is any flexibility about choosing activities for the day. Before deciding to commit to the program, ask the manager if references are available.

Summer is a wonderful break from the regular routine and allows children to explore the other opportunities that are available to them. It can create a whole new learning experience for your children and lasting memories of childhood experiences. Have a wonderful summer of discovery together!!

Adult ADD alternative treatments

Many adults are discovering that the symptoms they have struggled with as a child and continue to cope with has a name, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Historically the diagnosis of ADD has focused predominately on children, but only 40% of children will outgrow ADD symptoms.

Adults often conclude that they have ADD when their children are diagnosed and recognize that they have similar symptoms. Individuals who suspect they have ADD should see a clinician who can perform a personal interview, take a medical history, diagnose and discuss options for treatment.

There is no known cause for ADD but heredity, genetics, and chemical imbalance are probable originating factors. Adults with ADD will have difficulty following directions, remembering information, concentrating, organizing tasks or completing tasks on time. These concerns can cause problems in their personal relationships, professional careers, academics and social interactions. Symptoms of ADD can range from mild to severe. Different medications have been shown to help adults diagnosed with ADD very quickly, but there are alternative choices to consider.

Nutrition

The consideration of some dietary changes and eating a more nutritious regime can work as an alternative treatment. There are common things that are usually overlooked in a diet but should be assessed such as food allergies, yeast overgrowth, antibiotic over use and improper diet. These concerns can be discussed with your primary care physician.

Research is finding nutritional deficiencies of fatty acids and amino acids can affect a person’s attention span. Fatty acids are essential for the healthy nervous system as they also influence brain development and the neuronal connections between the different areas of the brain. The American diet supplies the Omega 6 family of fatty acids found in corn, sunflower, canola and safflower oil, margarine, vegetable oil and shortening. Most diets lack the Omega 3 fatty acids found in salmon, mackerel and sardines. Taking a food supplement or vitamin can help with this deficiency.

Exercise and Behavioral Changes

Regular and vigorous exercise can be very helpful to the adult diagnosed with ADD. Exercise that is maintained daily can quiet the mind and release energy in a positive way. The immediate release of dopamine and norepinephrine will help to delay impulsive behaviors and allow the individual time to evaluate choices or consequences. Exercise will also elevate the mood and decrease muscle tension.

Skills training for the ADD adult can be very beneficial. The adult would learn how to organize their day by making a list of all tasks to be completed daily. This should be prioritized from the most important to the least important task. If the tasks are complex they should be broken down into steps that are listed and crossed off when completed. Carrying a notepad would also allow the ADD adult to write down thoughts that seem to come and go quickly or reminders of any schedule changes that occurs. Setting alarms on a phone or watch can also be a great reminder to help individuals arrive on time to appointments or meetings.

Returning to the dating scene

Entering the dating scene after being absent for several years can be an intimidating experience. There is now speed dating, online dating and dating consultants that all promise to help the “singleton” find the perfect partner. Dating has become a social science experiment into human behavior and mate selection.

A study from Northwestern University found that men are quicker to like women regarding perceived attractiveness, chemistry and willingness to meet a second time. Surveys taken found that both sexes expected men to exhibit a more assertive approach to initiate a romantic relationship. Women were counted on to signal the “where” and “when” through eye contact, smiles and hair flips.

Online dating has become a dominate way to meet a potential partner. Google research states that 14% of people who meet online will get married but only 40% of those marriages will last. Also a startling 40% of people listed on dating sites are already married and have families. Even though 33% of all conversations online lead to a date you don’t know if the person has created an honest profile about themselves.

When single parents begin dating they will have other factors to consider when exposing their children to this new experience. The first thing a parent should do is honestly discuss with their child that they are ready to start dating again. Answer any questions they may have with an age-appropriate response. Delay any introductions to your children until you believe the relationship is ready to move to a more committed level. This can happen after a minimum of eight dates when you have spent time together in a variety of environments. You want to be very sure the person really cares for you and that you seem to share the same life goals. Children will protest if they believe the dating partner is a threat to their time with you. Listen to their concerns and give them time to adjust to the changes in the relationship.

Before you start dating again make sure you have healed from the previous relationship. Research states you should allow approximately 6 months for every 5 years you were together. Both genders need to think “safety first” and not reveal personal information online until you have had an opportunity to determine if the profile is accurate. Warning signs to monitor would be if the potential date is unwilling to exchange phone numbers, calls irregularly and reveals zero details about their family or friends. Schedule to meet your date in a public place, with a friend present if possible and be wary if they ask for any money. This is inappropriate for any reason. Dating again can be an exciting time to rediscover romance if you are cautious while getting to know each other.

'Facebook Depression'

Research is now reporting that one in five children go on-line ten or more times a day to interact on the multiple social media‘s available through the current technology today. The impersonal nature of this communication has enabled bullying to escalate, detrimentally effect student academic performance and initiate eating disorders for many tweens. “Facebook Depression” is said to arise from failure to integrate into this social networking world that has become the core of children’s lives.

Social Media

Younger children that are involved in social media have created a new spectrum of developmental questions that science has not yet explored. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging parents to “face the core issues of bullying, popularity status, social anxiety, risk taking and sexual development” that children are exposed to on these websites. Doctors are also asking that parents understand the current technologies utilized, so they can relate to their children’s on-line world. “A large part of this generation’s social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and cell phones,” said Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe pediatrician and co-author of the AAP report on social media guidelines.

Research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression. Clarification is still needed to determine whether depressed people are drawn to the internet or if the internet causes depression. Children with poor self-esteem are likely to feel sad if they don’t measure up to their friends tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people. “Facebook Depression” symptoms are similar to clinical depression with children displaying irregular sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, mood swings and social isolation from family or friends.

Positive aspects

Monitored appropriately, social media’s can be utilized to build communication and the technical skills needed in today’s society. Technology is a great way for parents to facilitate communication, nurture entertainment interests and engage in educational curiosity with their children. Teach children to protect their privacy and reputation while using the internet. Let them know you’re their ally if subjected to cyber bullying. Finding the appropriate balance in your life will be the key for success.

Most adults realize that the most valuable friendships have been developed face-to-face rather than over a computer keyboard. Families should unplug at times when technology isn’t needed like at meal time, family events or riding in the car together. That way you can truly engage in conversation while sharing the highlights of your day. This connection can teach children the value of real friendship and family support by making time for each other daily.

Putting your heart at risk

Two new studies have reported that the number of heart attacks is rising among middle-aged women and falling among men. The mortality rate for women is higher after a heart attack than for men at this time. Health professionals are emphasizing the importance of maintaining preventive interventions for cardiovascular risks by eating healthy, regular physical activity and not smoking. Another positive factor for a healthy heart is maintaining good social relationships.

Conflict increases coronary risk

Conflictual relationships can moderately increase the risk of coronary stress. Men and women who experienced conflict in their closest personal relationships were 34% more likely to have a heart attack or angina. “The possibility that negative close relationships are more powerful predictions of health than other aspects of social support is consistent with previous research findings indicating that individuals tend to mentally replay negative encounters more than they replay positive ones,” the researchers wrote. Researchers noted that depression, low self-esteem, and anger have been found to influence coronary disease through the cumulative ‘wear and tear’ on organs and tissues caused by alterations of autonomic functions.

All couples have conflict but if your relationship is constantly under stress and strain the risk of heart attack increases up to 34%. A study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine reports from a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women, that people who reported chronic conflict in their closest relationship had the highest risk of heart disease. This is due to the intense flood of hormones that is triggered when individuals become angry or stressed. The hormones cause the heart to beat faster, increase blood pressure and wears on the cardiac blood vessels. Unhappy marriages were also found to increase self-destructive behaviors of poor diet and increased drinking or smoking.

Agree to disagree

To avoid a heart attack see your family physician to discuss any lifestyle changes that you may need help with to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol or to quit smoking. For a healthy heart eat more seafood, nuts, and increase your exercise routine. If your relationship needs a check-up consider going to counseling or seeing your pastor for guidance. Learning how to “agree to disagree” can mend your relationship and your heart.

Simple acts of kindness can revitalize your relationship

Creating a healthy relationship with someone else starts with knowing yourself. Your attitude is the key to understanding yourself and the world you live in. It’s up to you to make the mental shift from a negative to positive perspective which allows you to see the possibilities in your life. ‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.’

Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said “You should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner.” Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with. Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship.

Blakeslee’s new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationship. “Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; and keep costs low, benefits high.” Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of “affective affirmation” or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse. This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.

Acts of kindness

Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship. “It’s not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners,” motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. “Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care.” Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years. Surprise your partner with filling their car up with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author. These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, “I love you.”

Counseling as an intervention

Life is full of daily stressors, challenges and problem solving. Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. The top three stressors that experts have identified are divorce, death of a loved one and financial concerns. “The majority of Americans struggle to find balance in the face of a multitude of challenges in our busy society,” said David L Shern Ph. D., president and CEO of Mental Health American.

How we choose to cope can jeopardize our health and relationships at home or work. If you feel overwhelmed or want to seek change in your life, counseling can be a positive option. Counseling can open communication, resolve conflict and help to find ways to move forward after experiencing loss or grief. What you are experiencing is unique to you and where you are in your life cycle. Counseling can provide support while working through the transitions of life.

Whether you want to work on personal growth, marital relationships or family dynamics counseling can be helpful. Studies show that solving problems when you are upset and emotional is nearly impossible. The brain needs at least 30 minutes to return to normal functioning after an argument. Counseling can be a safe environment to get constructive suggestions when facing a dilemma. Couples can sound impressive when they say “we never fight”. The reality is that if you don’t disagree you probably aren’t talking about important issues together. It is how you handle or manage the conflict that will determine the effect on your relationship.

Counseling can help keep the communication flowing when resolving a conflict.
Chronic high stress can squeeze the love and friendship out of relationships and kill it a little each day. It can be toxic to your marriage and family’s happiness. To heal your relationships from conflict and the wounds that evolve a third party is needed sometimes. Choose a licensed professional with experience in your area of concern to help return the healthy interaction and love you desire with your partner

Take the love dare this month

The month of February bombards us with commercials of purchasing certain products to display the love that you feel for the people in your life. As we struggle with the different relationships in our lives, most people realize that there is more to intimacy than just purchasing an item. People come from all walks of life and from all over the world. We come in all shapes and sizes, old and young with different hopes and desires. The one thing that we all have in common is that each and every one of us desire to matter and be loved.

Show them you care...

People show that they care for one another in their words, actions and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift of love has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive. It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely. There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them. You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special event or show. Plan a special evening alone or finish the “honey do” list that has been pending for months. Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year.

Rekindle your love......

Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples may desire to renew or rekindle their love. The Love Dare, written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse. Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship. These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who has been difficult for you to display unconditional love to. So this Valentine’s Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.

“If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.” Maya Angelou

Fighting eating disorders

Eating disorders are now affecting 8,000,000 people in the United States and 90% of them are women who are from every socioeconomic group. Research shows that 42% of first through third graders would like to be thinner and 81% of ten year olds are afraid they will be fat. Adolescents can develop eating disorders from ages 13 to 17 years old but it can be as young as 8 years old.

Adolescence is a time of emotional and physical changes in the body which can make them very vulnerable to eating disorders. This age group also faces academic stress and pressure from their peers to meet a certain standard to belong to their peer group. There is also the influence of the media and sports programs that influence their physical appearance.

Anorexia and Bulimia

The most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Individuals with anorexia have an extreme fear of weight gain. They have a distorted view of their body size and will restrict food intake or exercise excessively. They will eat a minimal amount of calories and then obsess over what they have eaten. Bulimics will binge eat and then force themselves to vomit, use laxatives, or exercise excessively. Both are very similar but anorexics are very thin and underweight while the bulimic is a normal weight or can be over weight. Eating disorders will usually coincide with anxiety, depression, stress and substance abuse. They can also cause serious health problems that can lead to malnutrition and even death.

Treatment

Dr. Daniel le Grange of the University of Chicago has completed the first study in the United States on evaluating the treatment of eating disorders. His team found that family-based treatment was more effective than individual psychotherapy. Getting the family involved to support the adolescent was essential to the individual learning healthy weight-control behaviors.

If your adolescent is concerned about their weight you should avoid power struggles over food. Instead create a healthy lifestyle for your family. Involve them in planning and preparing healthy meals. Then make exercise a fun family activity that everyone can enjoy. If your adolescent continues to obsess about her appearance and weight then family counseling could be a positive intervention for your child.

Vitamin D and your health

During the winter season most of us will leave our homes before sunrise and it is dusk when we return. That leaves little time for us to be outdoors in the sunshine to obtain a natural supply of vitamin D. According to a new study released over 6 million or 1 in 5 American children may not be getting enough Vitamin D. This nutrient helps the body maintain a healthy calcium level, enhance immunity and prevent osteoporosis.


The November issue of Pediatrics published the study examining the blood levels of 5,000 children ages 1 to 11 years that represented the country’s population. They found that 20 percent tested below optimal levels. Humans obtain vitamin D primarily through sunshine, but low levels of light from November to March and the increased use of sunscreen have experts concerned. The study recommends that children are given a multi-vitamin that should include 400 IU of vitamin D as a supplement during the winter months.

Increasing your sun exposure for even 10 to 15 minutes a day can improve vitamin D deficiency. You can also adjust your diet to include more vitamin D foods such as beef, sardines, herring and salmon. There are also enriched vitamin D foods such as milk, bread and breakfast cereals. These recommendations apply to both children and adults so we can all have healthy bones and bodies.

Clear out the 'muck' in 2012

After storing the holiday decorations for another year, you may have promised yourself to clean out the clutter in your basements, attics, closets and home offices. If you are a recovering “clutter bug” and have difficulty determining what items you should keep or toss you might want to read the advice of this expert. Author Kathi Burns CPO wrote How to Master Your Muck! Get Organized, Add Space to Your Life, Live Your Purpose! She defines muck as “anything that keeps you limited, unproductive, unsuccessful or unfulfilled.”


Simplify your life


Author Ciji Ware of Rightsizing Your Life: Simplifying Your Surroundings While Keeping What Matters Most wants us to follow the 80/20 rule. She states that you can safely let go of 80 percent of the papers that you’ve kept over the years. You can often find what information you need more quickly on the internet. It is faster and doesn’t create any clutter. Both authors believe it’s not just about clearing out the clutter but clarifying your life. Muck has been known to assault the human spirit by stealing your energy and creativity. It can clutter your home and office as well as your mind and your life. Growth requires space in your mind, body and spirit. Muck or clutter can hinder that growth.


Today workers in the United States spend six weeks a year looking for important documents. Employees waste 55 minutes daily looking for lost office supplies. Staff members can send and receive over 190 emails daily. Determine what muck you need to remove from your life. Small changes can energize you and bring clarity to your life. You will feel that your life is more manageable and your surroundings will reflect more of the individual that you are. Remove the muck from your life for a new perspective on life.

Persevere with your resolutions

A New Year’s resolution is a ritual of hope that can provide us with the opportunity to evaluate progress with our life goals or personal growth. Unfortunately, many of us will try to begin a resolution on January 1st when we are still eating unhealthy and are transitioning back into our regular routine. Eighty percent of people who try and begin their resolution on January 1st will fail to follow through with it by January 31st. If the resolution is focused on health and fitness goals, 90% will have quit by January 15th.

Persevere

Change involves sacrifice, motivation and willpower. Don’t focus on your past failures in 2011. That can overwhelm your thoughts with the negativity of debt accrued, pounds that were gained or relationships that failed. Begin by reviewing the positive aspects of your life. Think about things that you are proud of, what you are grateful for and how you have helped others in your life.

Start your resolution with small significant changes and build on each small success you experience. Set a goal to have a new experience every month this year. It can be as simple as going to a new restaurant each month, reading a book, taking a class or volunteering for a charity. Success with a simple goal will help to build confidence with a more challenging one. Reward yourself for each success. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to reach your goal as long as you continue to make progress.

Be fearless

Face your fears in 2012. You will become whatever your choices are, so be fearless this year. Each day you will get closer to obtaining your goal and when you begin to waiver on your resolution use your support system to help you persevere. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Eleanor Roosevelt