Sunday, February 14, 2016

Why Men and Women are Unfaithful

A study done by Helen Fisher PhD a biological anthropologist and author found that 56% of men and 34% of women who have had affairs were happy in their marriages.  Fisher found that men were more likely motivated by sex and less likely to fall in love. In comparison women who had affairs were considering leaving their marriage.

Reasons for being unfaithful

Experts say that most often men and women have different reasons for being unfaithful. Men will stray in their relationships for sexual intimacy or attention. Women will risk fidelity to fill an emotional void or because they are lonely in their marriage. Research completed by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports that 15% of wives have had sex outside their marriage but 35% have had an emotional affair with kissing. They also found 25% of men have had an affair with 45% had kissing with emotional attachment.

If you believe your partner is having an affair it is important to address concerns of infidelity early……even if you have no clear proof. Whether or not it happened the couple has work to do on their communication and trust. When a couple lacks these important traits in their relationship it can be more damaging to a marriage than sexual infidelity itself.

Correct the problem

There are many factors to consider when determining the success of a relationship such as age, education level, income, religious beliefs and relationship satisfaction. The majority of married couples that file for divorce site the reason as incompatible or unable to communicate. Unmarried couples will more often part due to infidelity. 

There are signs that emerge if a partner is having an affair. They will change how they look or become more meticulous in their appearance. The individual may start to give more gifts due to the guilt they feel for being unfaithful. You may notice that your partner is criticizing you more and trying to start an argument. This can release the individual from blame that the relationship failed or they can state you were the one at fault.

The best way to heal a relationship is to seek help together in couple’s therapy to build trust. Individual therapy could build a wall of secrecy and privacy which could lead to further alienation in the strained relationship. There is no time line in how long it will take to repair a relationship. The betrayed person should set the timetable for recovery. While the person who was unfaithful will be eager to put the past behind them he/she needs to honor the other person’s need to take it slow and heal from the betrayal. Only then can you correct the issues that initiated the affair and move forward in the relationship.