Thursday, August 30, 2012

Parental stress with children of ADHD

Parenting can be stressful at times for everyone. Parents of children with ADHD may experience greater stress because of the additional challenges they face. Children with ADHD are known to disregard parental requests, commands and rules. They fight with their siblings, disturb neighbors and have frequent negative encounters with school authority. These challenges can often make parents feel less competent. It can also increase marital discord. Research has indicated that parents of children with ADHD are almost twice as likely to divorce by the time their child is eight years old.

Parents of children with ADHD

Parents of children with ADHD face higher divorce rates, stress level and feel less competent as a parent. With state budget cuts that have decreased services for children needing additional school resources this has increased the stress levels for the child, parents and school staff. During the school year these stressors increase as parents are faced with the challenge of getting homework completed, turned in on time and maintaining their other responsibilities in the home on a daily basis.

A recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology states parents of children with ADHD are especially sensitive to the behaviors of their child which takes a personal emotional toll on their own well-being. Candice Odgers a study researcher and psychologist at the University of California said, “If you think about what it’s like to parent a child with ADHD, it requires a constant vigilance, and a high level of energy. This is important because we know that stress and the burden of caregiving in general are associated with a whole host of problems, mental health and physical problems.”

Family environment

Up to 5% of children and adults in the United States have ADHD, a behavioral disorder marked by impulsiveness, hyperactivity and inattention. Children with untreated ADHD are a risk for injury, substance abuse, poor school performance and emotional or social problems. Parents that have to be in a hyper vigilant state to keep their children safe feel the stress affecting the family environment.

Our children need us. They depend on us to take care of them, teach them, support them and love them. No child with or without a diagnosis can succeed to their full potential if their parents are so drained they are unable to be there for them. By not taking care of yourself, your child could be at a higher risk for more problems. Create a lifestyle for yourself and your family that prioritizes self-care with exercise, appropriate nutrition, and 8 hours of sleep. Always seek professional advice if your stress affects the quality of life you desire.


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Tween Co-ed Sleepover

Relationship etiquette continues to change between boys and girls today which can leave parents wondering how to handle this important developmental learning stage. Earlier generations started with birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese that grew to slumber parties with all night games and movies. The biggest concern then was how many friends could be invited to the party. The world of the 21st century child is more complicated. Today’s tweens are requesting pizza parties with co-ed sleepovers. How should parents determine when it is the right time or age to draw the line between the genders?

Pros and Cons

There are two view points to every problem presented. The positive aspect could be that a co-ed sleepover would teach tweens appropriate conduct around the opposite sex. They would learn skills of social interaction other than just sexuality that is involved with dating. They could learn how to handle themselves with issues of privacy when changing clothes or using the bathroom. Tweens could establish boundaries in managing their own bodies and the respect of their peer’s personal space. Children that experience positive interaction between the genders will build confidence with girl and boy relationships that can enhance performance in sports, student government, clubs and class projects.

The negative perspective would be to throw children into a social situation that would deny them their childhood. To appear too casual about a co-ed sleepover could convey the message that sleeping with the opposite sex is done without commitment or sexual protection. This could lead to early sexual promiscuity and other self-destructive behaviors.

Parental decision

Modern children are exposed to sexuality at a young age due to the multitude of media exposure, songs, and books that they read. Society has rushed children into adult behaviors way before their young intellect can comprehend the dangerous issues that could present themselves. Parents are the only stop gate to protect children from perilous situations. Tony Jurich, a former president of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist says, “Parents first have to decide if this type of party is something that fits with their idea of morality. If they decide it’s something they don’t agree with, they shouldn’t allow it. If they decide it is acceptable, they should take all aspects into consideration and set firm ground rules,” he said.

Deciding whether or not to have a co-ed sleepover comes down to the parents trusting their own ideas of morality and deciding what is best for the healthy social development of their child. Whether you are hosting the sleepover or your tween was invited to one, everyone should be in agreement. This will help to avoid the potential concerns and misunderstandings that might evolve from a controversial idea.




Friday, August 10, 2012

Cohabitation contract

Cohabitation is a living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. Couples will choose to cohabit for different reasons. Usually it is to test their compatibility before committing to marriage. Some couples don’t believe marriage is necessary while gay and lesbians are prohibited to marry in some states.

The 2008 census data reports that 6.8 million opposite-sex couples are currently living together. That is an increase of 5 million couples since 2006. Traditionally the law has favored marriage since it is the basic societal unit that stabilizes the family. The concern is that when couples decide to cohabit they have none of the rights and privileges that married couples have.

Written contract

Experts recommend having a written agreement before cohabitating. Couples that choose to live together don’t receive the same protection as married couples. There is usually very little guidance given as to their rights with property ownership, responsibility with debt, custody of children, healthcare and survivorship.

Each individual should create a list outlining expectations of household responsibilities. This would involve daily responsibilities of cooking meals, doing laundry, shopping, and cleaning the home. If these responsibilities aren’t determined prior to establishing the household, conflict can evolve. These issues often create resentment in the relationship when partners feel the responsibilities aren’t shared equally.

Finances seem to involve the most consideration to the cohabitation contract. It should be specific on household expenses, debt repayment, pensions, division of property and estates if separation or death occurs. This will provide protection to both partners in the relationship.

Protection of the law

People enter relationships out of love for each other and will usually avoid discussing these pertinent concerns. Discussing your legal rights can momentarily hinder the romance in the relationship but unless your rights are documented the court will not enforce them. Openly discussing your rights in a relationship can help strengthen it if you are considerate of each other’s best interests. Contact an attorney in family law to answer any questions you may have about your legal rights involving cohabitation.



Thursday, August 02, 2012

Family reunions

There is a current tendency in our society to be closer to our friends than our relatives. Families today rarely live in the same city making family dinners obsolete and reunions a thing of the past. Historically family reunions have been a time to build family interaction and unity. Having several generations assembled together can give you the opportunity to learn more about your family heritage and strengthen family traditions. This can create a deep sense of belonging to each family member that is passed on to future generations.

Getting organized

Families that are spread out over the United States will often take turns hosting the reunion. This allows extended family members to learn more about the state where the host lives and activities their family enjoys. First delegate information gathering tasks to determine the best location and time of year for the majority of families to attend. Next determine the amount of space needed for the reunion and cost per family. Then reserve the location and notify the extended family of the theme and other activities available in the area while visiting.

Celebrations are central around conversation, food and drink. Sharing favorite recipes from grandparents and asking family members to bring that special dish can be great conversation starters. Look at photo albums from past reunions. Celebrate the life of those who are no longer with you and discuss how they made a difference in your life. Create a time capsule and have the children place items in it each year. They can write a message to themselves sharing their dreams and goals which can be fun to reflect on at a later time.

Traditional reunions have many games and activities for all ages. There is horseshoes, potato sack races, face painting, pie eating contests and scavenger hunts. Other games like Bingo, Family Trivia, Dominoes, and cards are always a favorite. If you have creative family members have them put on a talent show or get out the Karaoke machine and sing your favorite songs together.

New memories

There are many ways to document the reunion and reflect on the great experience with video recorders, digital slide shows or your family Facebook page. Continue to update the family tree with the weddings, births and deaths that occur in the family. This will help you to keep the genealogy current and not let those memories fade quite so rapidly. Friends will come and go in our lives but your family will be with you forever.