Affairs are common and happen for all kinds of reasons. Our culture seems to promote infidelities with our latest public figure being David Letterman admitting to his multiple liaisons. Research shows that men are primarily motivated by the lure of sex while women will seek emotional intimacy when having an affair. The National Science Foundation General Social Study (2008) compared data from 1991 to 2006 and found men aged 60 and older had a 28% infidelity rate while women the same age where at 15%. Men under 35 years were at 20% and women at 15%.
Once the partner has discovered the infidelity their emotions will roller coaster between anger and self-blame. Men view infidelity as a statement about their manhood. They will become angry and have more difficulty moving past the affair. Women feel more violation if the male became emotionally attached to the woman her husband had the affair with. Both individuals must try and make sense of the infidelity and determine if they want to work on their relationship. This means all of the lies must stop and both individuals will have to work through the pain and guilt of the affair. Finally if the couple chooses to move forward they must start by rebuilding trust with each other. Trust in the relationship has been deeply damaged and the couple must communicate honestly about their relationship daily to repair that trust.
Most couples will need marital counseling to guide them through this process of healing and forgiveness. The violated partner will need to be strong and give the relationship time to heal. Work on nurturing yourself and striving to do things as a couple again. Infidelity is a huge mistake that can be used to evaluate and learn how much you love and value your partner. Only when both partners are committed in the relationship will the marriage be able to survive this violation of trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment