Cohabitation before marriage

Young adults today are deciding to live with their partner first before making the commitment of marriage. The latest statistics report that 60% to 70% of couples or 13.6 million couples in 2008 chose to live together before deciding to marry. Studies indicate that individuals that choose to cohabitate first have risk factors of divorced parents, less education, less religious commitment, and a more negative opinion about marriage in general.

The Journal of Family Psychology published a study in July 2009 that reported couples that cohabitated before marriage had a higher divorce rate than couples who did not live together first. They also found that cohabitating couples were less happy when they eventually did get married. The cohabitating couples continued to have difficulty with communication, marital conflict, higher rates of domestic violence and infidelity.

Researchers reported that most couples who chose to cohabitate wanted to save money, see their partner more frequently and test the relationship. Men are more likely to want to test the relationship first. Research has found they will have a higher level of attachment insecurity and more symptoms of anxiety and depression. What couples reported was that living together created an unequal balance of power as the male received all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The female would then later force the concept of marriage which made the male feel he was being forced into marriage.

After more than a decade of research there has been nothing found to support that cohabitating will improve your chance of a successful marriage. Dating your partner for at least two years, knowing each other’s families, having common interests and goals that you share can help to build a lasting marriage. Pre-marital counseling has been a positive step for couples as they discuss religion, children, parenting, and financial concerns to prepare for marriage. There are no guarantees about marriage but you can communicate honestly with your partner about concerns when they arise as you prepare for a lifetime commitment to each other.