Are You Creating a Perfectionist?

There can be several positive traits associated with a person who desires to create perfectionism. Such as neatness, high personal standards, organization skills, and accuracy. The negative side to the perfectionist is the consistent evaluating of self that can be exhausting if you measure your self worth to your accomplishments. If you are setting high standards for yourself and feeling successful then you most likely have enought self-esteem that you are not concerned about the mistakes you make a long the way.

If you are raising children however you may be unknowingly judging them by your own high standards of perfectionism. Expecting children to be perfect clashes with the developmental milestones of explorational learning. This is the time in their lives where they develop their sense of self and strengths by their accomplishments.

Children will see criticism as a withdrawal of the affection they seek from their parents and caregivers. They also cue into statements of dissapointment, body language and sounds of exasperation. To support your children during their developmental years you may want to consider these suggestions. If your child gives their best effort but doesn't win the race, praise their effort and ask them what they would do differently next time. Make it a life learning experience that they can build on at a later time. When they have a long term goal to accomplish such as a research project you might want to help them plan the steps to reach their goal in a timely manner. If they don't follow the plan and leave things to the last minute you might ask them what went wrong and what steps they might take to complete the project responsibly. Empower your children to problem solve their own issues so that they don't depend on you to resolve their problems. This is an important life skills that is vital to their development.

When you question your children about their behaviors and not criticize them they will converse more openly with you about their concerns. That way your relationship doesn't become polarized and defensive. Children need to feel safe and loved on their journey to adulthood or they can become very self-destructive in their pursuit of perfectionism.

Best wishes,

Gina