Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness and/or grief that are experienced by parents when the children become of age to leave their childhood home. This can occur when children leave to attend college or get married. Women appear to have more difficulty with this transition than men but both have similar feeling of loss after the departure of their children.

Parent-child relationship

Empty Nest Syndrome is most common in the autumn when teenagers leave for college. It can also happen when a child gets married. Matrimony is a permanent launching stating parents are no longer needed as they were before. Research suggests that the quality of the parent-child relationship may have important consequences during this transition. The parents are now able to develop a friendship with the young adult which can reduce the conflict experienced in the developmental years. This new bond will also provide support for the parents when they face the health concerns of the elderly.

Parents should prepare for the empty nest while their children are still living at home. They can make specific plans for their extra time, money and space that will be available when the children are no longer dependent on you. Feelings of sadness are normal at this time. It you feel that you no longer have purpose, experience excessive crying or unable to perform your daily routine you should seek professional help.

A time of transition

A positive perspective at this time of your life is vital to the transition. Adjust your new role in your child’s life. The relationship now becomes more peer like as you give your child independence. You can schedule a weekly call-in time, email and text message things you’d like to share in-between visits.

Once you can look at this second half of your life as a new opportunity you will feel younger, be financially stronger, and have more time for friends, hobbies and your partner. Time and energy can now be spent in different areas of your life as you work together to turn the second half of your life into a time of discovery and joy.

 

Sleep Debt

Sleep debt or deficit is the cumulative effect of not getting enough sleep. It is the difference between the amount of sleep you should get and the actual amount that you are sleeping. Current studies are reporting that 50 – 90% of Americans experience the consequences of sleep debt. Sleep is essential for good physical and mental health. It affects how you look, feel and perform at work or school. When we are sleep deprived the brain has to work harder to concentrate and retain information. It also becomes more difficult to problem solve and generate new ideas.  

Causes of sleep debt                                                          

Today’s high paced lifestyle creates the lack of time that we allow ourselves to sleep. The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2004 poll results found that the average adult sleeps 6.8 hours weekdays and 7.4 hours on the weekend. If you lose one hour of sleep per day by Friday you have a sleep debt of 5 hours.  Over one year a person can accrue two weeks of sleep debt if the time isn’t made up over the weekend.
 

David Neubauer MD sleep expert from Johns Hopkins University and spokesman for NSF says “You need to value sleep the same way you value eating right and getting regular exercise.” Lack of sleep creates a vicious cycle of eating inappropriately. The more tired we feel the more caffeine and sugar we consume. The caffeine and sugar intake can keep you awake at night. Over exposure to technology such as television, video games and computers are also identified as a contributor to sleep debt. Other individuals reported staying up late to finish a movie, texting and talking on the phone can kept them from going to bed on time.

Create good sleep rituals

David Neubauer MD from NSF reminds us that “It’s important to maintain a regular bedtime routine as much as possible.” It will train the mind and body to act in a certain way at a specific time. This will help your body to create the circadian rhythm your brain needs to release the melatonin at bedtime. Spend time “winding down” at least two hours before bedtime. The study suggests that you stop all work, phone calls and avoid eating before going to bed.  You shouldn’t consume caffeine, nicotine and alcohol during this time either as they will interrupt sleep patterns. It is best to exercise early during the day to energize your brain and body. This will also help you relieve your stress and to be more relaxed in the evening. Before bedtime take a bath, read a book or listen to some music. It is recommended that you sleep on a comfortable mattress in a cool, quiet, dark room to help develop healthy sleep habits. 

There are many factors that can contribute to sleep debt. The more chronic issues such as pain, illness, sleep apnea or insomnia are more serious long-term sleep problems that can have adverse effect on your health.  You should contact your doctor to discuss your symptoms. Your doctor may prescribe a medication, suggest lifestyle changes, relaxation techniques or have your sleep evaluated at a sleep lab. Having a good day starts with having a good night’s sleep.

 

Choosing to Remain Single

Today more men and women are choosing to remain single in their late 20’s and 30’s. The number of single adults rose to 50% in 2010, compared to 33% in 1950 according to census data. This has been a cultural shift based on the financial freedom women experience now with success in the workplace, college education, and choosing to cohabitate. Kate Bolick writes, “Today marriage is an option, not a necessity the way it once was, and that’s revolutionary.”

Finding contentment

Everyone is different and has a different script for their life. Currently men and women have similar reasons as to why they never marry. They can financially support themselves while enjoying their independence and have time alone to enjoy their personal interests. Also individuals who have experienced hurtful relationships in the past are cautious to enter into another long-term commitment with today’s high divorce rate. 

There are many men and women with a sharp focus on career and personal growth. They will often prefer staying single rather than trying to balance the duties and obligations of marriage. Personal career growth can keep an individual from committing to a partner as some career choices can be too demanding and put a strain on relationships. Many professionals have no desire for children and believe that cohabitating will provide the intimacy they desire. An individual’s financial status can also play a part in the decision of continuing a relationship to the next level. If the partner has a poor credit score, no savings, past due car payments or even behind on the child support you could spend years working to paying off someone else’s debt.

It’s a choice

Being content with your own life, work, family, friends and other interests is the number one reason why people stay single. Society can no longer dictate what is acceptable for the individual’s best option or that they must get married to be happy. Falling in love doesn’t mean you must run to the jeweler.  Loving another person can just be the joy of the experience when it enters into your life. There are many forms of love and commitment in relationships. Decide today to just enjoy the journey of the relationship and be open to where ever it may take you. 

 

Make Fun a Priority in Your Relationship

When a couple marries they envision a life together with their best friend.  Unfortunately there are many issues that can complicate the relationship such as sex, money, trust, and fidelity. An article published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy report that 45- 55% of women and 50-60% of men will become involved in extramarital sex at some time during their marriage. These individuals would intentionally engage in the affair with no intention of leaving their committed relationship.

Cultural differences with marriage and monogamy

There are many published reports that paint a grim picture for a healthy marriage in our society today. The Associated Press reports that 90% of Americans believe that adultery is wrong but 50% will engage in an affair anyway. Our culture is based on the Puritanical view that the violation to wedding vows is an unforgiveable offense. The European culture assumes there will be infidelities in a marriage and allow the option of a mistress or mister.  The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world while other European countries have almost half the number of divorces due to their relaxed attitude toward monogamy.

Prioritize your marriage

Studies have found that the happiest married couples have learned how to prioritize having fun together. Having a busy work schedule, attending classes or keeping up with activities that your children are involved in can make this a difficult task. Make a list of activities that you would like to do together. Step out of your comfort zone and try new experiences like dance lessons, plays, concerts, or a cooking class where you can share your thoughts and ideas. Just spending time together isn’t enough to strengthen the relationship. Behavioral scientists report “New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine which are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love.” Couples that participated in “exciting” date nights reported a greater increase in marital satisfaction.

Protect your date nights from becoming a time to resolve conflicts. Agree to discuss your concerns at an alternative time like in the morning over breakfast or after completing evening chores. Dr. John Gottman’s research has found that “For every one disagreement, misunderstanding or hurt feeling, they need five positive, affectionate caring or fun interactions to counterbalance it.” Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships but it can erode the relationship if concerns are used to control the partner or not resolved in a constructive manner.  Find the balance needed to actively listen to the concern presented without attacking each other in the process to finding a compromise.  Seek counseling when you feel stuck or unable to find a solution to the problem. Sometimes discussing the concern with a neutral party can help to get your relationship back on track and enjoying each other again.

Fathers and Their Children

The role of the father has become a difficult one in today’s family system.  A 2010 census reports an estimated 24.7 million children in the United States live absent from their biological father. The statistics become more alarming when 40% of these children haven’t seen their father in a year and another 26% of absent fathers live in another state. With the celebration of Father’s Day this month it may be a good time to identify the barriers that keep you from participating in your children’s life.

Single Fathers

Today one in every three homes is headed by a woman and one in every six by a man. Once the divorce is finalized research reports that it may take up to three years for a family to adjust to their new life style. This can encompass visitation, finances, employment, daycare, and relocating. Becoming a single-parent is challenging and at times overwhelming. First determine what type of support you need and then begin to establish a network. Next you should review your financial budget to reduce monthly expenses that affect your disposable income. Then determine if you qualify for state or federal assistance for food, healthcare, daycare, counseling, job training or housing. There are Federal grants available for single-parents to retrain or complete their education that will create financial stability as a long-term goal.

It will be important to create structure and routine for the children as everyone adjusts to the divorce. The single parent should delegate chores to each child that is age appropriate and that can be completed in fifteen to thirty minutes. This can be as simple as emptying the trash, loading the dishwasher, running the sweeper, taking care of the pets or doing a load of laundry. With everyone working together you will be able to reduce your stress and teach the children the responsibilities of taking care of their home.

Involved Fathers

Fathers have a unique and crucial role in child development. This nurturing bond will determine school success, healthy self-esteem, mental health and a stronger avoidance to drugs. Data reported by the Family Strengthening Policy Center in December 2005, states that children with involved fathers experience less poverty, perform better in school while completing their education. They will also display fewer behavioral problems and above average cognitive and psychosocial development.

A father should be a positive role model that can provide financial security for their children. He facilitates their moral development and assists in learning important life skills. Loving a child is more than just saying, “I love you.” It’s demonstrated in daily activities throughout their children’s lifetime. Whatever time you have to spend with your children try and become involved in their lives. You should learn the names of their best friends and the activities that they participate in. Try to take part in community activities and plan family outings to facilitate emotional bonding. You can also volunteer at their school and attend their parent/teacher conferences. During your visitation establish a routine that your children will look forward to and know that you will be spending time with them. Father’s continue to play a critical role in the development of their children whether they are living in the household or as a single-parent. Investing your time in the relationship with your children will pay dividends for many years to come.  

 

Brain Health

As the longevity of our life span continues to increase, maintaining our cognitive health has become more important for the quality of life we want to enjoy.  Research has found that our brain continues to build cells at any age. Learning new skills such as a language, knitting, dancing or even how to change the oil of your car can help protect the brain from developing Alzheimer’s or dementia. Physical activity is also important to maintain a healthy brain as 25% of the blood from each heart beat is utilized by the brain.

The brain

Dr. Paul Nussbaum clinical neuropsychologist who specializes in aging across the lifespan and brain health states, “Our identity, our hopes, our emotions, everything we love comes from this amazing organ that weighs between two and four pounds, the greatest miracle ever designed.” Dr. Nussbaum has developed several games that challenge the cognition and determine what areas of the brain may need more stimulation to maintain cognitive health.

Research from Current Biology reports that the working memory training that they have established with mice seems to have increased their intelligence. They trained mice on a task that exercised working memory and attention. The mice displayed improvement on general cognitive function when compared to mice with no training. This experiment has proven that the brain is highly adaptable and can be improved with training. They are hoping that further research will give them more insight on how to help the Alzheimer’s patient.

Brain Care

The brain needs to be stimulated with socialization, learning, appropriate nutrition, physical and sexual activity. The brain should be fed a steady diet of foods with Omega-3 fatty acids and high in anti-oxidants such as blueberries and spinach. This nutrition will keep the brain processing at a rapid speed. High levels of stress can be harmful to the brain. Practicing meditation, Yoga, and visualization are all excellent ways to learn how to manage stress levels. Reducing stress and stress hormones in your system is critical to the care of your brain.

Oliver Sacks MD professor of neurology and psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center believes music can be very healing for the brain. In his book Musicophilia he explores the mystery of the human mind and interaction with music.  “Music can animate people with Parkinson’s disease who couldn’t otherwise move, give words to stroke patients who can’t otherwise speak and calm and organize people who memories are ravaged by Alzheimer’s,” states Dr. Sacks. Music has been found to work when medication is ineffective because it engages so many parts of the brain. Keeping your brain healthy can be part of your daily lifestyle as you work to balance the needs of mind, body and spirit.

 

 

 

Understanding Mental Fatigue

The fast paced lifestyle of adults today is leaving many individuals feeling mentally exhausted. Mental fatigue is predominately found in careers that require a lot of cognitive stamina. It can be a result of working excessive hours, being constantly worried and under extreme duress. You may begin to notice that you have no motivation to complete daily tasks, have difficulty concentrating for any length of time or become concerned with your short-term memory. There could be an increase in making simple mistakes or an inability to finish tasks. Learning to recognize the signs and symptoms of mental fatigue can help you determine what steps you should take to repair your body.

Preventive Self-care

Every individual should take a close look at their daily lifestyle to determine what areas need improvement. Make an appointment with your physician for a physical to assess for possible iron deficiency, anemia, thyroid function or an infection that could be causing fatigue symptoms. Then decide if you are consuming the servings suggested from each food group for appropriate nutrition. Caffeine and sugar should be avoided while increasing the intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Medical experts suggest taking a multivitamin supplement and drinking at least 64 ounces of water to replenish your brain and body.

Sleep

Adults require seven to eight hours of sleep every night. If you are experiencing insomnia it can escalate the symptoms of mental fatigue. Create a routine each night that prepares you for bed. Turn off lights and any media that will keep your brain stimulated. Your brain will then release the melatonin that regulates the sleep and wake cycles.

Exercise

A study published in the March 2009 Journal of Applied Physiology reports, “Mental fatigue impairs physical performance in humans.” Physicians recommend a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise three times a week. Exercise will increase your stamina and the oxygen level in your bloodstream. The brain utilizes 30% of the oxygen in your body, so increasing oxygen in the body will improve cognition.

Taking the steps to maintain a healthy mind, body and spirit should be a part of your daily lifestyle. If you believe that you do not have the time to take care of yourself now, then you will need to make the time later if you become ill. Your best option is to start today and make the right choices for you