Relational Aggression at School

Today the social appropriate term for a “bully” is relational aggression.  This is a major concern for most of our children in school.  The movies today that focus on child development will have scenes where a group of students will be aggressive toward an individual by playing spiteful tricks and saying or writing cruel things behind their back.  These behaviors are intended to be cruel and humiliate the targeted individual. 

Proactive and reactive aggression 

There are two types of relational aggression, proactive and reactive.  Proactive is focused toward the victim with the purpose to exclude, ignore, gossip, taunt, tease, and intimidate.  Reactive aggression is the victim’s response to the provocation.  Most people assume that boys are more aggressive than girls because boys will generally act out their aggression physically by hitting, shoving or kicking.  While girls usually utilize more subtler or passive aggression by gossiping, group exclusion, cyber bullying and rumor spreading. Both types of aggression are equally harmful and can cause long-term issues for their victim. Victims can suffer self-esteem damage and are usually lonely, anxious children.  Unfortunately, the aggressor usually suffers from the same concerns and will try to control their environment with aggression. 

Parental intervention 

Parents can help by monitoring their children as they play when they are learning how to make friends, share and take turns.  If there is an argument while the children play together, explain the other child’s perspective on issues as they occur. Help them look for a compromise or move on to play something completely different. This can help children develop empathy for others, trust, cooperation, and respect.  Guiding your child through the process of conflict resolution also teaches them healthy social skills that guide them through the turbulent adolescent years.  When your child is faced with relational aggression listen to their story and be supportive. You should always contact school administration when necessary and seek professional counseling as needed.

 

 

Getting a Good Night's Sleep

As we all experience the daily stress of life with family, work and personal relationships there are many individuals struggling to sleep uninterrupted through the night. When suffering with anxiety and depression or under extreme duress our mind will start processing our concerns while we are trying to fall asleep or wake us up after sleeping for a couple of hours.  It is very difficult to perform daily tasks effectively or problem solve concerns if we are fatigued and irritable. 

Natural ways to enhance sleep 

Prevention magazine reports simple steps that everyone can follow so that they can “sleep like a baby.”

• Make breakfast your heaviest meal.
• Cut out the caffeine after 2 PM.
• Go outside when it is sunny to reset your awake-sleep cycle.
• Drink your eight, 8 oz. glasses of water each day.
• Exercise every day, preferably in the morning.
• Take a 15 minute nap when needed.
• Go to bed when you are sleepy.
• Move the television out of the bedroom.
• Create a sleep schedule and stick to it.
• Try herbal teas instead of sleeping pills.

Sleep disorders 

If you have difficulty falling asleep and have for several months you could be sleep deprived.  You may need an assessment to determine if you have a sleep disorder that should be treated such as sleep apnea, insomnia or restless leg syndrome. Inadequate sleep can affect your hormone levels, mood stability and weight concerns. Practice good self-care daily and seek professional help when needed to have the quality of life that you deserve.

Music Soothes the Soul

Music has evolved over the centuries to become an important part of our culture.    Archaeologists have found a variety of musical artifacts that were used for entertainment and in important ceremonies or rituals in all parts of the world. Today music continues to be a form of expression for the artist and the listener.  Music contributes to weddings, graduations and funerals along with the daily enjoyment of listening to the radio, favorite CD or iPod tune selections.

Health benefits 

Researchers have been consistent to report the benefits of music and how it can affect our mood.  Music can reduce stress and bring peace to the mind and body.  If you are having trouble sleeping you might want to play a lullaby before bed.  A lullaby has been found to  lower your heart rate and slow down your respiration for a night of uninterrupted sleep.  Playing lullabies as you prepare yourself and your children for bed will benefit everyone. 

If you are working out at the gym or on your own, music can stimulate your energy level and help your endurance for a longer workout.  Studies report that including music to your workout promotes verbal fluency and lung performance. 

Affects mood 

Listening to music of your choice will lower your stress hormone cortisol and increase your endorphins that support your immune system.  Your personal taste in music can either lift your mood or bring you down.  Music can improve your optimism or bring you joy and peace.  It’s a wonderful tool to give our mind, body and soul a break from the hectic pace of each day.

 

Understanding Male Depression

Men in our country have the cultural expectation of being in control or the “tough guy” when facing a crisis.  Expressing their emotions or feelings is considered more of a feminine trait.  Therefore men can be reluctant to express their concerns as they can see it as a threat to their masculinity.

Symptoms of male depression

The National Institute of Mental health reports that 6 million men and 12 million women are affected by depression each year.  While it may seem that males are less affected by depression they may be just undiagnosed due to repressing their symptoms.  Symptoms of male depression can include violent or abusive behavior, over involvement in work or sports, inappropriate rage and risky behaviors.  Men also have a tendency to mask their symptoms with alcohol or substance abuse.  Depression has been known to affect the male sexual desire and performance.  They also report physical symptoms of headaches, digestive problems and chronic pain. 

Ask for help

Untreated depression can lead to personal, family and financial difficulties.  Men will resist mental health treatment due to concerns with the stigma that it could damage their career or lose the respect of their family and friends.  If you know a male that is struggling with depression encourage him to seek treatment with a physician or mental health professional.  He may need support from medication management and to learn healthy coping skills in counseling to elevate his mood. There are many effective treatments for depression today so don’t think that you have to “tough” it out on your own. Choose today to get help and have a better quality of life.    

 

Stress, Anxiety and You

Our lifestyles today are packed with personal and professional deadlines. We can find ourselves overwhelmed with the “To Do” lists and racing against the clock to get the last project completed. Ruminating over these deadlines or obsessing about what needs to be completed can often lead to anxiety and depressive symptoms.

Schedule time for yourself

Taking care of yourself is essential to taking care of your family. If you are that Type A personality that is prone to obsessing you might want to try the following interventions to stop the ruminating.

1. Put on the music and dance, watch a comedy, call a friend, or clean the kitchen. Do a task that takes about 10 minutes. That is the minimum of time needed to break the cycle of thoughts.
2. Allow yourself 5 minutes to ponder the list you have to tackle and then move on with your plan of action.
3. Meditate for a minute by taking that cleansing breath, closing your eyes and just focus on your breathing.
4. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation. Accept that and then move forward to cope.
5. Use your support system to let you know when you are out of control.
6. Accept that you are human and will make mistakes. Sometimes we are kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.

Daily self-care 

Practicing these ideas to reduce your daily stress and anxiety can be very helpful in remaining emotionally balanced. Create a lifestyle for yourself and your family that prioritizes self-care with exercise, appropriate nutrition, and 8 hours of sleep. Always seek professional advice if your stress affects the quality of life you desire.

Are You Ready for Marriage?

How does a person know if they are ready to make that life commitment of marriage? Individuals are marrying at a later age hoping to avoid becoming a statistic of divorce which is hovering at 50 %. There are fewer couples today who can model their success on what makes a relationship successful.

Pre-marital counseling

Counseling is not just for people trying to cope with the problems in their life. It can be an intervention to prevent having discord in your relationship. Pre-marital counseling is one way to determine if you are prepared for one of the biggest decisions of your life. It can help you understand your partner’s perspective on a variety of topics. You can discuss the priorities in your life and where your relationship falls in that spectrum. This can confirm your sense of yourselves as a couple and if marriage is the right step for you. As a couple you need to discuss important topics such as religion, children, finances, habits, hobbies, and family issues among many other concerns.

Learn the skills of communication

Every marriage presents itself with difficulties and obstacles. Open communication will be what helps you through them. If you have difficulty talking through the issues in your lives, it would benefit you to learn how to discuss them while you’re engaged.

There are many options when seeking premarital counseling in every community. Your church pastor, marriage building workshops or any licensed marriage and family therapist can help you with this process. Invest the time in your relationship now as you begin to build your life together.

Impulsive Spending

Millions of Americans today overspend to give themselves a momentary emotional lift or escape from the stress they experience in their day to day life. If you have engaged in an impulsive purchase, you have also experienced that moment of happiness later turn into remorse and guilt.

"Activity Addiction"

Financial troubles are known to trigger or exacerbate mental health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression. The impulsivity of purchases often occurs with individuals who have suffered a traumatic loss and are searching for a way to fill the emptiness that they feel. Scientists identify this impulsive behavior as an “activity addiction” like gambling, eating or sexual disorders. These activities can affect the brain chemistry the same way that alcohol and drugs do to give you a brief “high” that alleviates the stress when overspending. This continued self-destructive behavior can result in a large credit card debt, unpaid bills and marital distress.

"Need or Want"

When you decide to make a purchase stop and ask yourself if this purchase is a “need or want”. If the purchase is a need then determine how the purchase will effect your budget or current lifestyle. After you have answered these questions, then research the product so that you will receive the ultimate quality for your dollar. This process will help you from making the decision impulsively and without regret.

When reviewing your finances you may determine a need for professional assistance to discuss your options. Consumer Credit Counseling has helped many individuals and families regain control of their finances. There is also Debtors Anonymous that has support group meetings or there are mental health professionals that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help identify and change the self-destructive behavior patterns that have been identified. Seek the help that you need so that you can have the quality of life that you deserve.