Teaching your children about empathy

Webster defines empathy as "intellectual or emotional identification with another." Developing this emotional intelligence is another skill that some children seem to have a natural insight to when thinking of other people's feelings. Then there are children who have difficulty seeing outside themselves.

On the news we see sports celebrities, politicians and other role models displaying aggression for status or power when in the spotlight. This pattern seems to be a common occurrence when people speak without thought and later extend an insincere apology for their behavior.

Learning empathy

Dr. June Tierney a psychologist at George Mason University explains that the key is going beyond mere words to actually making amends. He wrote: "Both children and adults can be surprisingly clueless about whether and how to make things right. Little kids are overwhelmed by the spilled mess of milk on the floor. Parents can teach and support them to say 'I'm sorry' and to clean it up, maybe leaving the kitchen a little cleaner than it was before."

If you see your child doing something thoughtless or cruel, let them know right away that you do not feel that was an appropriate response. This will help them to understand that their words and actions have the power to insult and hurt other people. Be honest and firm about the behavior without belittling the child. Then take the opportunity to teach them the appropriate response when apologizing for their behavior. We all make mistakes and hurt people unintentionally at times. Modeling empathy and sincere apologies in your daily life will be the best way for your children to learn how to be kind and think of other people's feelings.

A New Year brings new opportunities

A New Year brings a time of reflection and also a vision of hope. When you review your past successes and errors it can help you determine how to move forward and create the life you envision for yourself. The possibilities are endless as long as you believe in yourself and are motivated to make the necessary changes needed.

Create change

Studies are reporting that it takes 30 days of consistency to change behavioral patterns. This is a difficult, time consuming process for some individuals. Novelist Arnold Bennett states "Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." So if you find change difficult to handle, you are not alone. Change is the only constant that we have in life so it is better to learn how to use it to your advantage.

First30Days is an organization that has outlined several principles to overcome the obstacles of change. First, change your point of view. A positive outlook can motivate you to view the situation from different perspectives. Recognize that you are a stronger than you think and that something good will usually evolve from those challenges associated with change. Accept the process of change, as resistance is usually wasted energy. Remember, that negative thoughts will hinder your progress and you are the only one that can control what you think and feel.

Choices

Life is a gift that we may cherish or waste. If you are unhappy with your present situation take the steps to change it. You only have control of yourself. Do not wait for your spouse, boss, children or family to change. It will never happen unless they decide to make the changes themselves. What you need to realize is that your happiness lies within yourself, not upon others. Create the life you want and the joy will follow.

Helping others during the holiday season

During this time of year the needs of other people are highly publicized on the news. It lets the general public know that there are many families in the community that need our assistance to survive the winter and holiday season. Volunteering your family through your church, school or non-profit organization is a wonderful way to have your family look outside themselves. Families that volunteer together learn how to work as a team as they share the spirit of caring and giving to others. It can also help families to develop better interpersonal communication skills within their family system which strengthens relationships.

Other benefits

The Independent Sector study (1996) reports that children who volunteer do better in school, feel more positive about themselves, and avoid risky behaviors like drugs and alcohol. It can help them develop career goals, learn how to respect others and understand people who are different. Children that have participated in service activities are more likely to vote, have a positive work ethic, and live a socially responsible life. Helping others less fortunate this holiday season can make a difference in your community. It can also make a lifelong impression on your children and family as you work together to help make your community a better place to live.

Blending holiday traditions

The United States is referred to as the "melting pot" nation where all immigrants and their traditions have blended over the centuries. Traditions that your family looks forward to each holiday are originally from different cultures around the world. The Christmas carols we sing are from England. The tradition of decorating the tree is from Germany and St. Nicholas originated in Scandinavia. The Netherlands expanded on the myth to have St. Nicholas or Santa Claus fill the stocking hanging over the fireplace. The United States extended the story by adding the sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

Blending family traditions

Determing how to celebrate the holidays for divorced or blended families can become difficult with schedule conflicts and trying to combine the traditions that were important to their nuclear family. There are many solutions to the problem if everyone is willing to compromise and experience new traditions. Communicate with non-custodial parents to make sure the children are present for the festivities that are important to them. Try to be flexible and alternate the schedules when possible. Discuss how change can be a positive event when blending your favorite traditions.

Blending family traditions can be a challenging but rewarding experience. When all the changes become overwhelming, try to focus on the reason for the Christmas season. You are not competing with each other but explaining the importance of how your family customs are celebrated. Traditions are about building special memories so that one day your family rituals will be passed on to future generations. Acceptance and acknowledging what is really important to the special people in your life will create the holiday you will all want to remember.

Thanksgiving and gratitude

Thanksgiving is usually a time when families will reflect on the blessings that they have in their life. Research is reporting that we could all live a healthier lifestyle if we would practice being grateful everyday. University of California Davis psychology professor Robert Emmons' research indicates that, "Grateful people take better care of themselves and engage in more protective health behaviors like regular exercise, a healthy diet and regular physical examinations."

Being grateful

Practicing gratitude leaves people feeling joyful, strong and with more energy. If we can make a conscious effort to find something positive in every situation you can decrease your stress and face the obstacles in life with optimism. Living in the moment and being grateful for what you are experiencing now will give you a better quality of life. To encourage positive thinking, write in your journal 5 to 10 things you are grateful for. Try and acknowledge new experiences each day that brought you joy and peace. Make a conscientious effort to be polite to everyone you encounter. Even a simple "thank you" can make someone's day brighter. If you live away from friends and family that you miss, have pictures displayed to remind you of who matters in your life. Then call that special someone to let them know you are thinking of them.

Self-reflection

Some individuals will limit themselves by experiencing life with a sense of entitlement and being preoccupied with materialism. Self-reflection of your life journey can stimulate awareness of how truly blessed you are and leave you with insight on how to appreciate those around you. So in a time when there are so many people out of work and struggling to pay bills discover the blessings in your life. "If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul." Rabbi Harold Kershner

Holiday planning tips for the special needs child

The holidays are quickly approaching and that will increase demands on our already busy schedules by adding shopping, cooking, and decorating to the list of things to do. The holidays can be an especially stressful time for families that have special needs children. Preparing a child with special needs for the change in routine during the holidays can keep everyone celebrating.

Plan ahead

First make a list of the upcoming activities for your family and determine if your child will be able to tolerate the venture or if it would upset their schedule too much. It may benefit everyone if you only attempt to attend the functions that would cause minimal interruptions to the routine. Review the schedule for each day with your child to relieve any anxiety and anticipation they may feel. Then role play any new social situations to help the child prepare for the event.
You could also practice the social skills needed like taking turns or saying "thank you".

Interventions

If your family plans to travel or have guests at the home create a mini photo album of the people that will attend the activity. You can review the photos frequently helping the child become familiar with their names and faces. Also discuss with your friends and family members how to support your child in new situations. Try to keep routines for bedtimes, naps, meal times the same when possible. When away from home bring along the favorite blankets, pillow, stuffed animals, and night lights that make your child feel safe and comfortable. With a lot of planning and preparation the holidays can be a memorable experience for all of you to enjoy.

Mid-life crisis

People today are constantly seeking happiness in their life. Some people believe that if they purchase a certain item, secure that dream job, or marry that special person, their life will be perfect. Then once that goal is achieved they continue to feel empty inside.

Seeking your purpose

A 2005 study that followed 12,640 middle-aged Hungarians found that those who felt their lives had meaning experienced significant lower rates of cancer and heart disease. "People who feel their life is part of a larger plan and are guided by their spiritual values have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, a lower risk of heart attack and cancer, heal faster and live longer," say Harold G Koenig, M.D. professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center. Deepak Chopra M.D. author and co-founder of the Chopra Center for Wellness states, "Purpose gives you fulfillment and joy, and that can bring you the experience of happiness."

There is no magic pill for you to take to find your purpose. What you can do is to continue seeking activities that bring you personal joy and fulfillment. Then you will discover your special role or talents for humanity and in turn, that will bring you contentment and happiness.