Healthy Relationship Boundaries

Healthy boundaries in an intimate relationship can help you feel calm, centered and focused. They can promote a comfortable interdependence in the relationship that encourages productive communication, trust and a healthy self-image. You can detect an unhealthy relationship if you feel you are in a constant state of feeling resentful and unappreciated when you are with that person. Unhealthy boundaries are usually taught from your family of origin and advance during childhood through unmet developmental needs. This will leave an individual without a strong sense of self. Your sense of self helps communicate your needs and desires while allowing you to appreciate the strengths in others.

Communicating boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries will help you to define yourself in relation to others. It’s like an imaginary fence that surrounds you. Boundaries set limits in relationships, set expectations, and define roles and rules that help you to adapt to different situations.

There are several different boundaries that should be considered when establishing a relationship. Your physical boundaries will communicate who, how and when you may be touched. Emotional boundaries will define how others treat you, whether your feelings are being respected and how you treat others. The intellectual boundaries will display your access to knowledge, learning and how others will interact with you. All three areas should be established when developing new relationships.

Assertive communication

Healthy boundaries display respect for each other and lead to equality in the relationship. Communicating your thoughts assertively displays a healthy sense of self-respect and will give you peace of mind. When addressing the concern or boundary violation, schedule a time with the individual when there will be limited distractions. You should begin the conversation by stating the concern and why you felt the incident was disrespectful to you. State your viewpoint with an "I statement" so you avoid placing blame or accusations. Then wait for the response. The reply you receive will help you to determine if the relationship is healthy or worth trying to salvage.  

Healthy relationships have strong flexible boundaries that allow sense of self to flourish and are respected by their family and peers. It will help you to understand each other’s values while allowing you to remain an individual within the relationship. If you feel guilty or “victimized” in your relationships work on refining assertive skills. There is no way that you can please everyone. If you know you have difficulty establishing healthy boundaries seek a professional for help.