Relationship repair

When your relationship is struggling it’s important to be a participant to resolve the problem and not expect it to fix itself. Robert Sternberg (1990) created the Triangular Theory of Love that discusses the three important building blocks to a relationship. He states that every relationship must have passion, intimacy and commitment. Intimacy is the feeling of closeness that exists between two people. Passion will produce the romance, physical attraction and intercourse for the relationship. Commitment is defined as the conscious decision a couple makes to take the loving relationship further.

Honest dialogue

After being a couple for awhile the passion can disappear. This can create more of a companionate love which can lead to dissolution of the relationship because the commitment is no longer there. If you are feeling an emotional distance from your partner try not to assume or jump to a conclusion of what may be wrong. Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and won’t be distracted or interrupted to discuss the concern. When processing the issue try to be an attentive listener and respond without attacking your partner or engaging in the “blame game”. This can be done by opening the conversation with the positive aspects of the relationship. Then state the concern that you have. Dialogue and restate what you heard to make sure you received the information correctly. Close the conversation with the positive steps that were determined on how to progress forward from the situation.

Moving forward

Repairing a relationship takes time. Once the problem has been identified it is important to create a plan on how to resolve the concern and move forward. A partner should look for opportunities to help without being asked. This displays a commitment to the relationship and states that you are dependable and supportive. Encourage your partner when facing trials. Just listening to their challenges and being emotionally supportive can make a big difference. Learn to respect your partner and each other’s opinion. Finally, acknowledge and accept that there will be times in your relationship to “agree to disagree.”

With Halloween just a few days away some children may be displaying more fear than usual. Why are we are afraid of the dark or that little spider? Daniel Pin a researcher from the National Institute of Mental Health states, “There is a strong relationship between age and the types of fears that people report in different cultures. This tells us that there is something fundamental about the development as it relates to fear.”

Fear

Science defines fear as a complex factor which involves genetics and experiences. These fears relate to changes in the brain. A toddler will display a fear of strangers or a fear of being separated from their parents. As the child grows and develops they may have a fear of certain animals, thunderstorms or a new environment. An adolescent will have a fear of rejection from their peers or individual they would like to date. They may avoid new social experiences for a fear of seeming awkward or making a mistake in front of their peers. As we evolve into an adult we could fear the possibility that we won’t meet our personal goals or what we envision our life should be.

Facing our fears

Seeing family members in a costume or mask can be very frightening to a child. Parents can help alleviate this fear by helping their child face them. Fears will abate by exposure. Facing your fears in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your senses would be a beginning step. First reason with your child and discuss why people wear costumes. Explain that costumes are pretend and part of the make believe of Halloween. Then show them there is a real person behind the mask. Give the child a mask to play with while looking at their self in the mirror. This will help your child to begin understanding the concept that the real person is still there behind the costume. A parent should explain this fear to the other children and adults in the home so they understand the dilemma and not escalate the concern with additional pranks or teasing. Even a sudden “BOO” can be devastating for a child learning to cope with their fear.

Parents can also help their child by having them become involved in the festivities of your family traditions. You could have them draw the face of the jack-o-lantern or decorate the cookies with candy corn. The child could play dress up with different costumes and use face paint instead of a mask. If your child doesn’t want to “Trick-or-Treat” let them dress up but stay home and hand out the treats for others. Parents should stay close by their child in case there is a need to reassure her. This will help to transition their feelings of fear into fun.