The blended family

Research has found that it takes at least four years for a stepfamily to blend and longer if the children are older. There is no magic time table for success but children will adjust better to a blended family if there are positive attitudes about the adjustments everyone is experiencing. Families won't bond immediately and you will have to determine ways to merge different routines, rules and personalities.

Steps to blending

It is normal for children to be unsure about their relationship with a new step-parent. When building relationships try to start with just eating as a family, watch a program together, walk the family pet or attend an activity together. Try to take it slow and learn the interests and personalities of the children. Blending families can also be an introduction of new cultures, religions, and hobbies. Communicating those differences can also help the family bond as they learn more about each other.

We can't assume that over time, children will naturally adjust to their new roles and relationships that arise when families are blended. A new parent figure can increase stress in young people because their relationships tend to be more conflict ridden. Problems also arise when teens feel they have to compete for parental attention. Social Science research reports that boys living with half or step-siblings have the most difficulty adjusting to the blended family. Teenagers in families with different biological parents have been reported to have lower grades and more behavioral problems than other adolescents. These problems may not improve over time. If the discord in your family escalates then seek help from a family counselor. Counseling can give your children a new perspective and help them to realize that a blended family surrounds them with more people that care.