The power of truth in relationships

A new survey states that the average person tells four lies a day or 1,460 lies a year. By the time an individual is 60 years old they will have told a whopping 88,000 lies. The most common lie is "I'm fine." It's an automatic reply, when we are asked how we are feeling or how our day is going. The majority of us will say this without even thinking about it because it is a social reply utilized more as a common courtesy. Other common lies that people tell are stated when asked about their weight, age, how they liked a gift or why they missed an appointment. Lies are considered a defense mechanism used to avoid consequences or not wanting to hurt someone's feelings.

Gary King the author of The Power of Truth believes that we become stronger, more self-confident and have deeper connections with everyone when you simply tell the truth. King states "When you don't lie to yourself or anyone else there is a shift in consciousness. Honest people will display more courage and confidence in the way that they walk, stand, voice tone and the communication they have with the people they love."

It is difficult to discern the body language of a person who is lying to you. Dr. Paul Ekman author of Telling Lies and Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics and Marriage states that we shouldn't attribute a lot of meaning to shifting eyes or squirming body language when assessing the truth. Ekman said that non-verbal communication discloses emotion and that emotion can be fear of being caught or fear of not being believed. Some people can transmit very sincere body language and speech but are known to be pathological liars. Eckman believes that the most common vocal deception cues are pauses and speech errors. This will occur when they haven't worked out their lie ahead of time or didn't anticipate the questions.

To best determine if someone is lying you must first know their baseline behaviors. Note their normal speech patterns, gestures, and facial expressions. Then ask them for specific details about the topic being discussed or questioned. Liars avoid details and will often be evasive with their answer because it is difficult for them to remember what they have previously said. So when you think someone has lied to you, restate the question to give them an opportunity to correct themselves. Hopefully, they will change their mind and accept the option to tell the truth.