The Danger of Emotional Infidelity

Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship. Emotional cheating is flirting “harmlessly” with the opposite sex. This can involve having a drink after work, sharing intimate thoughts with someone other than your partner or exchanging repeated electronic messages about personal concerns. Warning signs of straying from your significant other would be excessive time away from home, less sexual intimacy, increased criticism and avoidance of contact with each other.

Reasons given for infidelity

Males and females report the main reason they had an affair was to express the emotional disconnection they felt from their partner and their sense of feeling unappreciated. Each partner stated a need to be valued in their relationship. Other individuals are drawn to affairs because they can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. Unfortunately, affairs are also damaging, destructive, cruel, painful and demeaning to others.

“Emotional cheating begins when the couple misunderstands the fundamental rules of marriage,” says author Gary Neuman in Emotional Infidelity: How to avoid it. “When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does. An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to marriage as a sexual affair and is often a more complicated situation to remedy.”

Staying connected

Remaining connected to your partner will take a daily commitment of making time for one another as a couple. This needs to be uninterrupted time to discuss your day and problem-solve concerns together. It can be spent cooking the evening meal, playing a board game or having a glass of wine while sitting on the balcony. Another affair proof intervention for your marriage is to plan a weekly date night where you go out as a couple just for fun without discussing business, money or the children. This gives you the opportunity to continue knowing each other as the individuals you were when falling in love.

It is important that you put your marriage first. Display appreciation to you partner by validating what they bring to the relationship. Try to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. Remain aware of the warning signs of inappropriate intimacy, secrecy, and increased fighting in your marriage. If you notice a rise in emotional distance and are unsure as to how to repair your relationship, you should ask for help. Your community has several resources for support services. Explore available options through your church, mental health centers or individuals in private practice that can provide the help you are seeking to repair your relationship. The longer you wait, the more obstacles there are to overcome. Make that call today.

Pets Give Unconditional Love

The purchase of a pet can be a big decision for the family to consider. There is the responsibility of feeding, healthcare and appropriate exercise for the pet’s well-being. A pet is certainly a great friend to come home to after a difficult day. Many pet owners will love and care for their pet like a member of the family.

Health benefits

Over the last 25 years research has shown that living with a pet can provide health benefits to their owner. Pets have been found to lower our blood pressure and lessen anxiety while boosting our immune system. A number of studies have also found that children exposed to pets early on will develop a stronger immune system against most common allergies.

The National Institute of Health reports that dog owners that are responsible for walking their pet are less likely to be obese compared to those who have someone else walk their pet for them. Many owners will plan their daily exercise around jogging or walking with their pet. Other individuals use their pet to help combat loneliness. A pet can be a companion for the elderly or individuals that are more isolated. Loneliness is one of the most damaging risk factors found in people recovering from heart disease.

Pets can also expand your social circle by enrolling in an obedience class for your dog or spending time playing at a dog park. This would be a wonderful way to meet other people and learn more about other breeds of animals. Then you could leisurely spend time together at an outdoor café to relax and share your pet with other people. There are also fun social networking websites that focus on pets like Dogster.com, Catster.com and Petpop.com to discuss pet tips and questions that you might have.

Pets are known for their unconditional love and are a great way to combat feelings of loneliness by providing companionship. So before deciding on the perfect pet for your family, determine what type of pet will fit your family lifestyle. Next, delegate who will be responsible for the care and training of your pet. Then welcome your pet into your home and enjoy the friendship.

Young Adult Drinking

Young adulthood is a stage of life marked by change and exploration. They launch from their parents’ home into dormitories or apartments with peers. These young adults will go to college, begin work full-time and develop serious relationships as they discover their identity in this world. The role of the parent weakens and the influence of peers will gain dominance as adolescents begin to make more decisions on their own.

Alcohol and the maturing brain

Research shows that the brain continues to develop throughout adolescence and well into young adulthood. Drinking excessively during this developmental time can lead to life-long impairments affecting motor skills, coordination and memory. Binge drinking is defined as consuming five or more drinks in a row at least once a month. Heavy drinking is consuming five or more drinks on at least five occasions a month. According to the NESHRC (National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions 2001-2002) 46% of young adults (12.4 million) engage in drinking the exceeded daily amount at least once in the past year. Another 14.5% or 3.9 million exceeded the weekly limit which is one drink per day for women and two drinks per day for men.

Set personal limits of moderation

Every year there are reports of alcohol-related tragedies that expose adolescents or young adults who have been drinking while driving or were found with alcohol blood poisoning. Some people drink when they attend parties or drinking establishments as a way to relax and socialize with friends. Other individuals will experiment to feel a part of the group or display a certain image of appearing older. When they don’t know their limit or haven’t determined a designated driver, lives will often be lost.

Parents who drink will have a more difficult time to convince their teen not to take risks with alcohol. The best deterrent for parents is to monitor their children and know where they are, what they’re doing, and who they are with. The other option is to implement restrictions and consequences when rules are broken. Holding the teenager accountable for their choices has a strong influence and can impact future decisions, which help them to learn from the experience. The parent becomes less effective with the autonomous young adult. The parent no longer has the ability to enforce protective boundaries but can with hold monetary support.

If your child is struggling with substance abuse the best intervention is professional help. There can be underlying reasons that they have chosen to be self-destructive or self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Kansas has several treatments centers to chose from or counseling that can help to stabilize the situation. The earlier the treatment the better chance there is for success. Reach out for help today!

The Heart Truth

Every February 14th across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones. The heart is associated with Valentine’s Day as it is considered the source of all human emotions. The custom of drawing a heart shape began with the first attempts to draw an organ that no one had seen. It eventually evolved into a symbol of love.

Heart and brain dialogue

The experience of emotion results from the brain, heart and body acting in concert together. Research from the Institute of HeartMath has linked the activity of the heart to our emotions, health, vitality and well-being. The heart is in a constant two-way dialogue with our brain. Our emotions change the signals the brain sends to the heart and the heart responds in complex ways.

The heart is the center of our being. Research shows that when we experience heart-felt emotions like love, compassion, appreciation and care for others the heart will produce a rhythm of smooth, gently rolling hills. By simply recalling a time when you felt sincere appreciation, the concurrence of your heart rhythm will reduce your emotional stress and improve your health.

Language of love

A heartfelt emotion is sincere, impassioned and deeply rooted in the person who experiences it. We feel emotions in our chest and rely on language to help us express those feelings: we are heartbroken, our heart aches, bleeding heart and grows cold. The heating of the heart in love or the chilling of the heart in grief can be lethal to our well-being.

The feeling of appreciation is one of the most concrete positive emotions for individuals to self-generate by simply recalling a time you felt sincere appreciation. Positive emotions can help you replace stressful thoughts with more positive perceptions that will reduce your stress and anxiety. To maintain a heart healthy lifestyle you must include a low-fat diet, moderate exercise, a smoke-free environment and emotional management. Begin today by displaying appreciation to those you love in your life and your heart will be happy.

Teach Your Children to Save Money

In many families money is a taboo topic, but teaching children about money is an important part of parenting. Children who learn to save at an early age have a great advantage over others who have never been taught how to manage their money. Families can learn the process of saving together and enjoy the benefits of becoming money-savvy.

Teaching the concept

The American Bankers Association Education Foundation (ABA) taught over 1 million children how to save and manage their money in 2009. The concept was such a success the ABA expanded their education efforts in 2010. They would like to see every child have the opportunity to learn how to save for their future. Experts agree that you can start teaching your children about money as soon as they understand the concept that money can buy things.

You could begin by requiring your children to save 10 per cent of any money they receive. Start by matching every dollar they save and when they are older you can decrease the amount to 25% or 50%. Introduce your children to earning an allowance early. A weekly allowance may be appropriate for early grade school children but as they get older you can move “paydays” to every other week or once a month. Have them set goals to save as much as they intend to spend and still have money in their account. Allow your children to make their spending choices. That is how they will learn to budget their money and determine if the purchase was worth the money spent.

No more bailouts

Children will make mistakes as they learn how to manage their money. If they spend all their money and don’t have enough to go out with their friends then they should miss their outing. Loaning them the $20 may make them feel better but they will have learned that you will always be there for the bailout. That is a lesson that you will regret when they’re an adult and ask you to pay off their credit card bill. Teach them that you are not their personal banker and to save for their own future.

Healthy Eating Helps ADHD

If you are a parent of an ADHD child you have probably read that the American diet of foods high in fat, salt, and processed sugar does little to help your child. In fact our “Western-style” diet gives children a higher risk of ADHD than children on a healthier diet that is rich in fish, vegetables, fruit and whole grains all of which contain a lot of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids.

Healthy diet

Researchers from Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago compared the recent studies of diet for ADHD children. They found that children with this diagnosis perform best on a diet that avoids dyes, preservatives and other additives.

There is no doubt that we are what we eat. The poor nutrition from the “Western-diet” has also affected young children with an increase in obesity. These foods that are full of preservatives have a parallel effect with a child’s neurodevelopment.

Natural treatment versus medication

There are 13 essential Recommended Daily Allowances of vitamins and minerals that children need for optimum health. Growing bodies need carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins, and minerals to develop correctly. Most American children don’t meet the proper nutrition requirements. A national survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found 1 in 4 teens were eating fruit less than once a day and 1 in 3 were eating vegetables less than once daily. Teens should be eating 4 to 5 cups of fruit and vegetables a day. A cup is a medium apple or a large tomato.

If your child is a picky eater a multivitamin can provide missing nutrients and minerals. Omega-3 fatty acids are needed for healthy brain development. Fish oil capsules and flax seed supplements can be used as a replacement for fresh fish or salmon. Vitamin D is naturally absorbed during outdoor activities. During the winter milk, soy and orange juice can help fortify this gap. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 200 IU of Vitamin D and 500 mg of calcium for children 1 to 3 years old. These amounts increase as they grow.

Most parents will want to try a natural treatment for their child that is diagnosed with ADHD. This should also be combined with behavioral therapy which involves positive reinforcements to help children control their impulsivity. Medications are still the single most effective treatment available for ADHD which affects 5 to 8% school-aged children. These symptoms can persist into adulthood with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. Parents should pursue options that are best for their child with the understanding of the limited research to them to determine benefits and outcome.

Persevere With Your Resolutions

A New Year’s resolution is a ritual of hope that can provide us with the opportunity to evaluate progress with our life goals or personal growth. Unfortunately, many of us will try to begin a resolution on January 1st when we are still eating unhealthy and are transitioning back into our regular routine. Eighty percent of people who try and begin their resolution on January 1st will fail to follow through with it by January 31st. If the resolution is focused on health and fitness goals, 90% will have quit by January 15th.

Perseverance

Change involves sacrifice, motivation and willpower. Don’t focus on your past failures in 2012. That can overwhelm your thoughts with the negativity of debt accrued, pounds that were gained or relationships that failed. Begin by reviewing the positive aspects of your life. Think about things that you are proud of, what you are grateful for and how you have helped others in your life.

Start your resolution with small significant changes and build on each small success you experience. Set a goal to have a new experience every month this year. It can be as simple as going to a new restaurant each month, reading a book, taking a class or volunteering for a charity. Success with a simple goal will help to build confidence with a more challenging one. Reward yourself for each success. It doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to reach your goal as long as you continue to make progress.

Face your fears in 2013. You will become whatever your choices are, so be fearless this year. Each day you will get closer to obtaining your goal and when you begin to waiver on your resolution use your support system to help you persevere. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Eleanor Roosevelt