Stepparenting

The new stepparent has a difficult and sensitive role in the blended family. Although the myth of the wicked stepparent is found in our nursery stories…..it does portray the negative light given to this family member. Sometimes this individual is blamed for the separation of the biological parents or simply not welcome regardless of the contributions he or she makes to the family. As a result the relationship between the stepparent and the child is often stormy and can become one of the greatest obstacles to the new marriage. Many times the continued conflict causes enormous tension between the couple and the eventual break-up of the relationship.

Accepting differences

As in any family the relationship between the husband and wife should still be your first priority. The marriage must be strong to endure the continuous pressure of the blended family. The couple must never forget that they are on the same team so that the children or outside influences don’t create conflict between them.

Expecting the children to immediately bond in the new family system isn’t realistic. It will take time for them to accept the new family roles and expectations. The stepparent will need to build a relationship of trust as will the children from the different family systems. This blending of the family process will take patience and will depend on the amount of time that the children spend at the stepparent’s home. The stepparent must understand the he or she is an additional parent figure…..not a replacement in the child’s life.

Blending the family

Children perceive change differently and may also worry about loyalty issues concerning the biological parents. To help with the transition of co-parenting both biological parents must work together to discipline and guide the children. The biological parent should take the lead role when discipline is needed and the stepparent will then support their rules and boundaries. If the stepparent initiates the discipline the conflict concerns will usually escalate. Parents need to be united in this area and discuss any disagreements privately. Giving the child power in this situation will put a wedge between the couple and communication will shut down.

The stepparent shouldn’t expect an instant love bond to evolve…..relationships take time. This process can even take years but with patience and a positive attitude you can experience success. The blended family should make an intentional effort to create a new family together. You can plan a family night of movies or games, trips and other activities that will build new memories.

 During this time of bonding as a family it will be important to spend time alone together as a couple on a regular basis. A couple should spend a minimum of four hours a week to remain emotionally connected.  This will keep your relationship and intimacy a priority as you work to unite the families.

  

Teen Drivers

AAA auto has released some alarming statistics on teen drivers in the United States. The report states in 2003 teenagers accounted for 10 percent of the population but were involved in 13 percent of the motor vehicle fatalities. One fourth of those teens that were fifteen to twenty years old were in speed related crashes. If the teen had a group of friends in the car with them it increased the risk of being involved in a fatal crash 1.5 times.

Role models

The teenager that is learning the skills of driving is exposed to many role models during this learning process. Research continues to report that parents are the greatest influence to violations of speeding, tailgating and running red lights. These behaviors are usually monitored subconsciously but are mimicked when the young driver is learning. Teaching the teen the rules to safe driving will mold them into safer drivers.

It is recommended that a parent spend 100 hours driving with their teenager in all types of weather conditions. Parents should emphasize the importance that all individuals riding in the car must wear their seat belt.  Federal crash data shows that more than two-thirds of teen occupants killed in crashes didn’t wear their seat belt. The use of cell phones is another important dialogue to have with your teen as this distraction and friends who ride with them is a factor in 25 to 50 percent of all automobile accidents.

Milestone

Learning to drive is an important milestone in the life of a teenager and their parents. They have displayed the maturity to drive themselves to school activities, jobs and doctor appointments. It can become difficult for parents to set boundaries with their teenager on driving privileges and the consequences when they are abused. Parents should consider writing a teen-parent driving agreement to establish boundaries for when the teen is driving unsupervised. This could include rules for driving at night, inclement weather, and how many passengers are allowed in the car at one time. Consequences for violating the agreement would be a loss of driving time from weeks to months depending on the severity of the infraction.

Establishing guidelines with your teen driver will keep them protected. Knowing that your teen understands what to do if they are in an accident or pulled over for a violation can make parents less anxious. Reviewing the rules for teens to call their parents if their plans change or they are running late can also help build trust in the relationship. These guidelines can be a starting point for parents and teens to discuss that driving is a privilege that is earned.