Building Trust in Your Relationship

Mutual trust is a shared belief that you can depend on each other to achieve a common goal or purpose.  It is the expectancy that people can rely on your word.  Building relationships requires building trust. Sex and relationship expert Ian Kerner PhD recently completed a survey with 2,000 women. The survey reported that 44% of wives admitted that they had trust issues and 77% were jealous if their husband had a close female friend. This causes 53% of wives to check their husband’s email and phone messages.

 Unable to trust

We resist trusting others based on previous experiences of being hurt or disappointed. Trust is a critical element of a healthy relationship to families, teams, organizations, and communities.  Motivational speaker Mike Robbins states, “We put up barriers to keep ourselves safe, but that usually leaves us guarded, leery and insecure, unable to easily create meaningful and fulfilling relationships with people.” No matter how guarded you are in your relationships you can still run the risk of getting hurt. 

People that don’t learn to trust will struggle with low self-esteem, worry and fear. Not trusting people can trigger a defensive reaction in relationships which will keep emotional distance present. Some individuals are never able to move past a broken heart or willing to self-disclose their personal history which creates intimacy in a relationship.  There are others who have experienced abuse and should utilize counseling for support as they take the steps of learning how to trust again.

Taking the steps

There will be situations where family, friends or co-workers will hurt you or let you down. This will happen because humans are not perfect and expectations may be set too high in the relationship. Begin building trust by observing behaviors of different individuals and look for people who treat others with kindness and respect. Ease into the relationship slowly and meet for lunch or coffee. Then take note if the person talks about others. If the conversation dominates toward gossip the individual will most likely not keep confidences that are shared.

A study from Ohio State University Marilynn Brewer PhD professor of Psychology states “Americans are willing to trust others at first until they are proved wrong. Men look for symbolic connections that you get from belonging to the same group, rather than personal connections that women prefer.” With the relationships in your life attempt to consciously grant trust to create a connection of cooperation and collaboration. Expect the best from people in a genuine healthy way. Find a balance between the openness needed and your personal well-being as you determine how intimate to become in the relationship.  Trust frays when there are lies that erode and challenge intimacy. Psychiatrist Frank Pittman wisely reminds us that it is not “whom you lie with. It’s whom you lie to.”

 

 

The Challenge of Adolescent Behavior

Parents that are raising a teenager will confirm that this age can be the most challenging developmental stage for children. When adolescents transition into puberty they will test boundaries with their parents while they experiment with their expanding independence. Teenagers experiencing familial duress, struggling at school with academics or social skills are a higher risk in developing mental health concerns during this developmental stage. The most notable symptoms displayed are anger, aggression, and irritability. Teens may also seem emotionally detached or display a fear or inability to connect with others. There is usually a decline in their academic performance and a disinterest in school activities.

Mental Health

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death for adolescents 15 years old to young adults 24 years old. A teen may experience depression if they are struggling with unresolved grief due to the death of a loved one, loss of a relationship, their hopes or dreams, abandonment or experienced a traumatic event. There are also biological factors to consider as genetics, chemical imbalances, or a head injury can create depression. Research reports that 3% to 8 % of children have some form of mental health concerns.

Parents that are concerned with the severity of symptoms they are observing in their child should seek help from a mental health professional. Contact your insurance company or primary care physician for a mental health referral. They will discuss the options available to provide the support necessary for your child and family. Options that are available are individual, group and family therapy, medication management or a combination of them can be utilized.

Create a Support System

To help protect the physical safety and the mental well being of your child, parents must create a united dyad for their teen. Establish rules that are clearly defined and sensible so that they are enforced consistently. Monitor their computer usage, text messages and other popular websites like Facebook or Twitter. Create time to listen and talk to your teen so that you can be aware of the daily stressors that are encountered each day.

Research states that the pressure to use tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs come from wanting to be accepted, belong or noticed. If your child has difficulty making friends invite their peers over to study or play video games. Offer to give their friends a ride home so that you can get to know them. Try not to judge their choice of friends until you’ve had the opportunity to spend time with them. Join social clubs or programs that are available to your teen. Adolescents that participate in school, community and faith based activities are less likely to become involved in using cigarettes, alcohol, or illegal drugs.

Children who have both parents involved with their care will perform better at school, have higher self-esteem and fewer delinquent behaviors. They will also be successful when pursuing higher levels of education to create economic stability for themselves as an adult. Children learn their social skills and how to deal with the stress in their lives by listening and watching their role models. As adults we should all work to set a good example for children to follow.