Relational Aggression at School

Today the social appropriate term for a “bully” is relational aggression.  This is a major concern for most of our children in school.  The movies today that focus on child development will have scenes where a group of students will be aggressive toward an individual by playing spiteful tricks and saying or writing cruel things behind their back.  These behaviors are intended to be cruel and humiliate the targeted individual. 

Proactive and reactive aggression 

There are two types of relational aggression, proactive and reactive.  Proactive is focused toward the victim with the purpose to exclude, ignore, gossip, taunt, tease, and intimidate.  Reactive aggression is the victim’s response to the provocation.  Most people assume that boys are more aggressive than girls because boys will generally act out their aggression physically by hitting, shoving or kicking.  While girls usually utilize more subtler or passive aggression by gossiping, group exclusion, cyber bullying and rumor spreading. Both types of aggression are equally harmful and can cause long-term issues for their victim. Victims can suffer self-esteem damage and are usually lonely, anxious children.  Unfortunately, the aggressor usually suffers from the same concerns and will try to control their environment with aggression. 

Parental intervention 

Parents can help by monitoring their children as they play when they are learning how to make friends, share and take turns.  If there is an argument while the children play together, explain the other child’s perspective on issues as they occur. Help them look for a compromise or move on to play something completely different. This can help children develop empathy for others, trust, cooperation, and respect.  Guiding your child through the process of conflict resolution also teaches them healthy social skills that guide them through the turbulent adolescent years.  When your child is faced with relational aggression listen to their story and be supportive. You should always contact school administration when necessary and seek professional counseling as needed.