Blending Families

Research has found that it takes at least four years for a stepfamily to blend and longer if the children are older.  There is no magic time table for success but children will adjust better to a blended family if there are positive attitudes about the adjustments everyone is experiencing.  Families won’t bond immediately and you will have to determine ways to merge different routines, rules and personalities.   

Steps to blending 

It is normal for children to be unsure about their relationship with a new step-parent.  When building relationships try to start with just eating as a family, watch a program together, walk the family pet or attend an activity together.  Try to take it slow and learn the interest and personalities of the children.  Blending families can also be an introduction of new cultures, religions, and hobbies.  Communicating those differences can also help the family bond as they learn more about each other.  

We can’t assume that over time, children will naturally adjust to their new roles and relationships that arise when families are blended.  A new parent figure can increase stress in young people because their relationships tend to be more conflict ridden.  Problems also arise when teens feel they have to compete for parental attention. Social Science research reports that boys living with half or step-siblings have the most difficulty adjusting to the blended family.  Teenagers in families with different biological parents have been reported to have lower grades and more behavior problems than other adolescents.  These problems may not improve over time.  

Work together

The biological parents must work together and co-parent the children as they strive to blend the new family systems. If the discord in your blended family escalates then seek insight from a counselor or your church pastor on ways to resolve the conflict. Set a time to have family meetings to discuss concerns and options available to resolve them. This will help the children realize that a blended family can also give them more people in their lives that care about them.