Behaviors That Destroy Relationships

There are numerous reasons why marriages fail. The usual suspects are infidelity, finances, midlife crisis, or just growing apart that lead to the majority of divorces. There is no simple answer to the millions of break-ups that occur every year as each person will have their own unique story to tell………

Negative communication skills

Every marriage will experience unhappiness and conflict which is perfectly normal. It’s not the conflict that is the problem it’s how the disagreement is handled. Nagging is toxic communication to the marriage. Both men and women will humiliate each other until it destroys any memory of what you enjoyed together. When an individual repeatedly attacks and criticizes their partner’s personality rather than the behavior that bothers you an imbalance in the relationship develops and self-esteem is affected. This can include a verbal attack of name calling, cursing, hostile behavior and body language. Attacking your partner in this manner is disrespectful and abusive. You will usually see your partner become defensive and begin to withdraw from communicating with you. This will develop a feeling of resentment and emotional distance in your marriage. Psychologist John Gottman studied over 1,000 married couples and he reports that when these behaviors are present in a marriage there is a 94% chance that the relationship will fail.

Rebuild your relationship

Couples that are caught in a negative communication cycle will feel frustration, anger, fear, hurt, sadness, and alienation. The first step to healing is accepting responsibility for your part of the disagreement. This self examination will lead to profound growth of establishing healthy ways to communicate.

Effective communication isn’t about who is right or wrong. There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently or situations that just don’t work out. So choose your battles wisely and decide whether you would like to be kind or right when confronted with a difference of opinion. Then try to become a better listener and don’t respond until your partner has completed their thought. Slowing down your response keeps you attentive to understanding their position instead of defending yours.

Our moods can be deceptive. When you are in a good mood life looks great. You have a more balanced perspective and communication flows easily. In a bad mood life seems unbearable and difficult. A low mood is not the time to argue or analyze your relationship. Life is never as bad as it seems when you are in a low mood. Be grateful for the good times together and graceful when times are more difficult. Try not to take your arguments too seriously as life will continue to move forward even if things don’t go according to your plan. “This too shall pass.”