Surviving Divorce

Only 50 percent of marriages survive today. Second marriages have a 60 percent ratio of divorce due to the complications of the blended marriage. This traumatic life change creates a lot of anger and bitterness in its wake. Most families note the time in their life of before or after the divorce. So how do individuals move forward from a divorce?

Many people remain stuck in a bitter, one-sided relationship that consumes their thoughts of how unfair the experience was for them. You will know this individual after conversing with them for a short time. The mantra will be how their ex-partner has ruined their life. It is very difficult to have a relationship with this person as their past negativity stagnates any growth of renewal, change or accepting responsiblity of their part of what went wrong in the relationship.

There are healthy ways to process the loss, grief and pain that you feel from the death of your relationship. First be honest with yourself and take responsiblity for your feelings and your part in the breakup. Then do a self-esteem check and begin to rebuild your own sense of self that may have been lost in the marriage. Develope a support system or seek professional help to redefine your life goals and where you see yourself in the next few years. Find ways to nurture your soul by meditating, journaling, exercise or hobbies that you quit making time for. Find some way to have closure with the relationship. It can be a simple ceremony of removing your wedding ring, burning of photos, or writing a letter to yourself of the loss you feel. This ceremony can represent you leaving the past and moving forward into your new life. Then recognize the opportunities that await you and what a joy life can truly be. It is always a choice of attitude and what you visualize for yourself.

Warm regards,

Gina

Helping Your Children Deal with Stress

As an adult we are constantly balancing our stress between money, work, time with family and relationships. What you may not have thought about is that children have a lot of the same life stresses that an adult has. Today's children have the pressure to do well in school, social pressures of having the right items and belonging in the right click. We also must consider the social pressures of the bully, to look fashionable and display the necessary sexual awareness.

Children can feel pressure in any of these areas, that can trigger stress and the inability to cope with the issue. Unfortunately children communicate their concerns through their behaviors. Here are a few behaviors that you may look for:

• wanting to spend more time alone
• becoming clingy or dependent
• loses appetite to eat favorite foods
• very negative about themself
• avoid attending school or social events
• more negative attention seeking behaviors
• complaints of physical pain

Children learning how to cope with stress need a lot of support. Encourage your children to verbalize their fears and then normalize the situation as they have a tendency to exagerate their fears. Ask how you can support them through this difficult time and brainstorm options that they may try to release the pressure they feel. Teaching your children how to cope with stress is an important skill they will utilize as an adult. Helping them to identify healthy ways to release their stress with exercise, music, writing in a journal, reading or talking to a friend will empower them to search for answers to help themself.

Warm regards,

Gina

Are You Creating a Perfectionist?

There can be several positive traits associated with a person who desires to create perfectionism. Such as neatness, high personal standards, organization skills, and accuracy. The negative side to the perfectionist is the consistent evaluating of self that can be exhausting if you measure your self worth to your accomplishments. If you are setting high standards for yourself and feeling successful then you most likely have enought self-esteem that you are not concerned about the mistakes you make a long the way.

If you are raising children however you may be unknowingly judging them by your own high standards of perfectionism. Expecting children to be perfect clashes with the developmental milestones of explorational learning. This is the time in their lives where they develop their sense of self and strengths by their accomplishments.

Children will see criticism as a withdrawal of the affection they seek from their parents and caregivers. They also cue into statements of dissapointment, body language and sounds of exasperation. To support your children during their developmental years you may want to consider these suggestions. If your child gives their best effort but doesn't win the race, praise their effort and ask them what they would do differently next time. Make it a life learning experience that they can build on at a later time. When they have a long term goal to accomplish such as a research project you might want to help them plan the steps to reach their goal in a timely manner. If they don't follow the plan and leave things to the last minute you might ask them what went wrong and what steps they might take to complete the project responsibly. Empower your children to problem solve their own issues so that they don't depend on you to resolve their problems. This is an important life skills that is vital to their development.

When you question your children about their behaviors and not criticize them they will converse more openly with you about their concerns. That way your relationship doesn't become polarized and defensive. Children need to feel safe and loved on their journey to adulthood or they can become very self-destructive in their pursuit of perfectionism.

Best wishes,

Gina