Brain Health

As the longevity of our life span continues to increase, maintaining our cognitive health has become more important for the quality of life we want to enjoy.  Research has found that our brain continues to build cells at any age. Learning new skills such as a language, knitting, dancing or even how to change the oil of your car can help protect the brain from developing Alzheimer’s or dementia. Physical activity is also important to maintain a healthy brain as 25% of the blood from each heart beat is utilized by the brain.

The brain

Dr. Paul Nussbaum clinical neuropsychologist who specializes in aging across the lifespan and brain health states, “Our identity, our hopes, our emotions, everything we love comes from this amazing organ that weighs between two and four pounds, the greatest miracle ever designed.” Dr. Nussbaum has developed several games that challenge the cognition and determine what areas of the brain may need more stimulation to maintain cognitive health.

Research from Current Biology reports that the working memory training that they have established with mice seems to have increased their intelligence. They trained mice on a task that exercised working memory and attention. The mice displayed improvement on general cognitive function when compared to mice with no training. This experiment has proven that the brain is highly adaptable and can be improved with training. They are hoping that further research will give them more insight on how to help the Alzheimer’s patient.

Brain Care

The brain needs to be stimulated with socialization, learning, appropriate nutrition, physical and sexual activity. The brain should be fed a steady diet of foods with Omega-3 fatty acids and high in anti-oxidants such as blueberries and spinach. This nutrition will keep the brain processing at a rapid speed. High levels of stress can be harmful to the brain. Practicing meditation, Yoga, and visualization are all excellent ways to learn how to manage stress levels. Reducing stress and stress hormones in your system is critical to the care of your brain.

Oliver Sacks MD professor of neurology and psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center believes music can be very healing for the brain. In his book Musicophilia he explores the mystery of the human mind and interaction with music.  “Music can animate people with Parkinson’s disease who couldn’t otherwise move, give words to stroke patients who can’t otherwise speak and calm and organize people who memories are ravaged by Alzheimer’s,” states Dr. Sacks. Music has been found to work when medication is ineffective because it engages so many parts of the brain. Keeping your brain healthy can be part of your daily lifestyle as you work to balance the needs of mind, body and spirit.

 

 

 

 

Honor the Women in Your Life

Every spring we celebrate Mother’s Day to honor the special women in our lives. It is an annual event to acknowledge the woman or memory of women who nurtured us into adulthood. The traditional gifts are usually given of flowers, cards, candy and homemade crafts in celebration of the day. Mother’s Day shouldn’t be exclusive to those women who raised or gave birth to a child. It should extend to honor all women past and present who have contributed to our lives.

Reflection

This Mother’s Day try to spend some time thinking of the women who have touched your life as a teacher or mentor. She may have been in your family or someone who just exposed you to the passion you now experience in your career. This woman gave a part of herself so that you will carry and share that knowledge into future generations. Taking the time to let that special person know how significant she made you feel is something that any woman would treasure. 

Celebrate women

Women today have many roles to fulfill in the family as wife, mother, sister, aunt, granddaughter or grandmother. They have worked hard to break through previous stereotypes and cultural restrictions to pursue any career they chose. This journey has been a struggle for many women who are mothers, due to feelings of guilt or inadequacy as they learned to balance their varied responsibilities in these roles.

No matter how many trials or struggles you’ve experienced in your life journey, you can still celebrate or honor women who have nurtured you. Celebrate their life by planting a tree or inviting them over for dinner with your family. Share your accomplishments and let her know how she contributed to your success. Donate money to her favorite charity or just take the time to call and let her know that she made a difference in your life. Sharing that important fact with her will make Mother’s Day feel very special indeed.

 

Teaching Children How to Cope With Failure

In a society where winning is everything…..failure is looked upon as losing. Failing at something can also be very discouraging. Many people who encounter failure will give up easily. The more failures that a person encounters the less willing they are, to try again. When a person fails their self-esteem is attacked and their feelings of defeat can overwhelm the confidence to persevere. At some point during our life journey, failure is unavoidable despite our best efforts. 

Opportunities

 The educational process of your child isn’t just about grades. It’s a time of learning about yourself…..your strengths and weaknesses. You learn about your character, morals, and values that are important to you and how you face the challenges of life. Failure is unavoidable yet very few parents take the time to help their children understand the process of learning from defeat. It’s an opportunity to build on what was learned from the downfall so that the next time they are faced with the situation they have a chance at being more successful.

We all want our children to win but teaching them how to cope with setbacks are just as important. The more opportunities children pursue to learn new skills, the more encounters of defeat they will have in the beginning. There is a learning curve to every new experience. The more a skill is practiced, the better we become at it. Parents should lead their children by example on how to move forward after encountering an obstacle. There are many ways to achieve the goal and a multitude of ways to get there.

Patience

Failures are unavoidable……despite our best efforts it is part of the learning process. Patience is the key to success. You must have patience with yourself and patience with those who are working to achieve their goal. It doesn’t matter how many tries it took to accomplish the goal. The important thing to remember is how you finish and what you experienced from the journey to get there.

First give your children time to process the disappointment. Then praise them for their good effort and the strengths they conveyed while trying. Listen attentively while they express their pain without criticizing. They will need your emotional support and comfort during this time. When they are ready encourage them to try again and analyze what went wrong so they can improve next time. With your love and support you can help your children turn defeat into confidence.

The Lessons of Divorce

The death of a relationship, no matter how long it lasted, is always intense and difficult. When you process the obstacles that were faced, it is important that both parties accept their part in the discord that has led to the separation. During this time it would help to create a support system that will provide you emotional support. Then allow yourself the time to heal and grieve the loss. This will help you to accept the situation and visualize a new beginning.

Divorce

Society refers to divorce as a “failed marriage”. Many marriages have ended emotionally prior to the filing of divorce paperwork. These marriages weren’t failures if you are able to retain what was learned or enjoyed from the relationship when it was healthy. In the course of life things happen to people that cause them to change. Sometimes those events cause relationships to end. That doesn’t mean the relationship failed when it was no longer viable. The marriage was successful for the years the couple was happy and together.

Move forward

Many couples facing divorce will concentrate on who to blame for the cause of the divorce. It really doesn’t matter whose fault it is. You are still facing the reality that the relationship is over and the question of how to move forward. Obsessing about the loss and filling your life with anger will only hinder your progress in healing. Focus on yourself. Your new life is a work in progress.

Acknowledge that you need to heal from this experience before seeking a new partner. Then find the courage to be proactive and resolve the details to finalize the divorce. This will allow you to accept that the relationship is over so that you can look forward to the premise of a new beginning. Try seeking fulfillment in other ways by finding employment that engages your skills and improves your marketability. This will eventually improve your income and financial stability. Make time in your life for the fun things that you like to do. Relish the freedom that you now have over your own schedule. Focus on the positive and stay healthy by eating right and exercising. Make this a part of your daily lifestyle. The best option you have is to live well while enjoying life.

 

Marriage with an ADHD Spouse

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects approximately 5% of the adult population. They will cope with various degrees of distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity and a lack of emotional control that can cause problems in all areas of their lives. The ADHD adult can think of several things at a time, have racing thoughts, become easily bored intermingled with a fear of failing. With these challenges to cope with the ADHD spouse can feel frustrated, unheard and unloved in the marriage.

ADHD brain

Dr. Russell Barkley clinical professor of Psychiatry at Medical University of South Carolina and author of Charge of Adult ADHD states, “The ADHD spouse is not following through on promises and often isn’t able to understand the needs of others. It’s a torrent of one-way conversations for the non-ADHD spouse. It feels like they’re raising a kid.”

Dr. Ned Hallowell who is the author of eighteen books and founder of Hallowell Centers in New York said, “Their brain is like a toddler on a picnic. It goes where curiosity and enchantment lead it with no regard to authority or danger.” Brain chemistry of the ADHD is highly inheritable. It will either under produce or not process dopamine in the attention and reward center of the brain. People with ADHD have a reduction of dopamine so things can get pretty boring for them very quickly. “Dopamine not only increases reward value but also the powers of inhibition,” Dr. Hallowell explained. The lack of inhibitions in the ADHD adult can add to the frustration and embarrassment of partners and their family members.

Treatment

About 80% of adults benefit from stimulant medication that will help to alleviate symptoms. Psychotherapy and Behavior Modification can help couples educate themselves on the on ADHD to improve their relationship. Support groups can also be helpful in coping with the stress of an ADHD relationship.

 

To keep the relationship strong try to depersonalize the behaviors that creates the emotional distance. Define two major areas of concern that you disagree on and focus on ways to solve those problems. Learn ways to remind your partner about appointments or chores to do without nagging them. You could suggest that they organize their day by typing appointments into their cell phone, write sticky notes or refer to a daily check list.  Try to support and encourage them without trying to change them. You love the person. It is the behaviors that you need changed.

 

Returning to the Dating Scene

Entering the dating scene after being absent for several years can be an intimidating experience. There is now speed dating, online dating and dating consultants that all promise to help the “singleton” find the perfect partner. Dating has become a social science experiment into human behavior and mate selection.  A study from Northwestern University found that men are quicker to like women regarding perceived attractiveness, chemistry and willingness to meet a second time. Surveys taken found that both sexes expected men to exhibit a more assertive approach to initiate a romantic relationship.  Women were counted on to signal the “where” and “when” through eye contact, smiles and hair flips.

Beginning again

Online dating has become a dominate way to meet a potential partner. Google research states that 14% of people who meet online will get married but only 40% of those marriages will last. Also a startling 40% of people listed on dating sites are already married and have families. Even though 33% of all conversations online lead to a date you don’t know if the person has created an honest profile about themselves.

When single parents begin dating they will have other factors to consider when exposing their children to this new experience. The first thing a parent should do is honestly discuss with their child that they are ready to start dating again. Answer any questions they may have with an age-appropriate response.  Delay any introductions to your children until you believe the relationship is ready to move to a more committed level. This can happen after a minimum of eight dates when you have spent time together in a variety of environments. You want to be very sure the person really cares for you and that you seem to share the same life goals. Children will protest if they believe the dating partner is a threat to their time with you.  Listen to their concerns and give them time to adjust to the changes in the relationship.

Be emotionally healthy

Before you start dating again make sure you have healed from the previous relationship.  Research states you should allow approximately 6 months for every 5 years you were together.  Both genders need to think “safety first” and not reveal personal information online until you have had an opportunity to determine if the profile is accurate.  Warning signs to monitor would be if the potential date is unwilling to exchange phone numbers, calls irregularly and reveals zero details about their family or friends.  Schedule to meet your date in a public place, with a friend present if possible and be wary if they ask for any money. This is inappropriate for any reason. Dating again can be an exciting time to rediscover romance if you are cautious while getting to know each other.

 

'Facebook Depression'

Research is now reporting that one in five children go on-line ten or more times a day to interact on the multiple social media‘s available through the current technology today. The impersonal nature of this communication has enabled bullying to escalate, detrimentally effect student academic performance and initiate eating disorders for many tweens. “Facebook Depression” is said to arise from failure to integrate into this social networking world that has become the core of children’s lives.

Social Media

Younger children that are involved in social media have created a new spectrum of developmental questions that science has not yet explored. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging parents to “face the core issues of bullying, popularity status, social anxiety, risk taking and sexual development” that children are exposed to on these websites. Doctors are also asking that parents understand the current technologies utilized, so they can relate to their children’s on-line world. “A large part of this generation’s social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and  cell phones,” said Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe pediatrician and co-author of the AAP report on social media guidelines.

Research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression. Clarification is still needed to determine whether depressed people are drawn to the internet or if the internet causes depression. Children with poor self-esteem are likely to feel sad if they don’t measure up to their friends tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people. “Facebook Depression” symptoms are similar to clinical depression with children displaying irregular sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, mood swings and social isolation from family or friends.

Positive aspects

Monitored appropriately, social media’s can be utilized to build communication and the technical skills needed in today’s society. Technology is a great way for parents to facilitate communication, nurture entertainment interests and engage in educational curiosity with their children. Teach children to protect their privacy and reputation while using the internet. Let them know you’re their ally if subjected to cyber bullying. Finding the appropriate balance in your life will be the key for success.

 Most adults realize that the most valuable friendships have been developed face-to-face rather than over a computer keyboard. Families should unplug at times when technology isn’t needed like at meal time, family events or riding in the car together. That way you can truly engage in conversation while sharing the highlights of your day. This connection can teach children the value of real friendship and family support by making time for each other daily.