Plan a Summer of Discovery

School is out for the summer and parents are scrambling to determine what activities or camp will be appropriate for their children to attend. According to John Hopkins School of Education in Baltimore, Maryland summer learning loss effects both short-term and long-term memory. They also report that keeping a child’s brain active and learning over the summer can prevent that memory loss. Remaining academically active over the summer can also help to ease the anxiety children feel when they transition back to school in the fall.

Learning at home

Age appropriate activities can help aid your child’s growth and development over the summer months. There are several summer learning activities you can do at home that can prevent learning loss. Ask your teacher for a summer reading list or join the summer library reading program so your child can earn the free prize incentives. You can keep math skills sharp by practicing fractions in the kitchen when making their favorite recipes together. Children can also utilize map reading skills when taking road trips this summer and determine how many miles you will be traveling. There are also several educational websites that practice a multitude of academic skills online.

Summer is also the perfect time to learn more about the world around us. As a family determine how you could become more eco-friendly by recycling and make your home energy efficient. You could plant a vegetable or butterfly garden together. Build a bird feeder to attract insect eating birds into your yard. At night learn more about the constellations and the phases of the moon.  Learning about our world encourages environmental restoration for the next generations.

Summer programs

When choosing a summer program choose one that’s based on your child’s interests. Ask the program manager about the staff credentials and their teaching experience. Inquire about the health and safety record of the program while touring the facility. Review the daily schedule and determine if there is any flexibility about choosing activities for the day. Before deciding to commit to the program, ask the manager if references are available.

Summer is a wonderful break from the regular routine and allows children to explore the other opportunities that are available to them. It can create a whole new learning experience for your children and lasting memories of childhood experiences. Have a wonderful summer of discovery together!!

Understanding Mental Fatigue

The fast paced lifestyle of adults today is leaving many individuals feeling mentally exhausted. Mental fatigue is predominately found in careers that require a lot of cognitive stamina. It can be a result of working excessive hours, being constantly worried and under extreme duress. You may begin to notice that you have no motivation to complete daily tasks, have difficulty concentrating for any length of time or become concerned with your short-term memory. There could be an increase in making simple mistakes or an inability to finish tasks. Learning to recognize the signs and symptoms of mental fatigue can help you determine what steps you should take to repair your body.

Preventive Self-care

Every individual should take a close look at their daily lifestyle to determine what areas need improvement. Make an appointment with your physician for a physical to assess for possible iron deficiency, anemia, thyroid function or an infection that could be causing fatigue symptoms. Then decide if you are consuming the servings suggested from each food group for appropriate nutrition. Caffeine and sugar should be avoided while increasing the intake of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Medical experts suggest taking a multivitamin supplement and drinking at least 64 ounces of water to replenish your brain and body.

Sleep

Adults require seven to eight hours of sleep every night. If you are experiencing insomnia it can escalate the symptoms of mental fatigue. Create a routine each night that prepares you for bed. Turn off lights and any media that will keep your brain stimulated. Your brain will then release the melatonin that regulates the sleep and wake cycles.

Exercise

A study published in the March 2009 Journal of Applied Physiology reports, “Mental fatigue impairs physical performance in humans.” Physicians recommend a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise three times a week. Exercise will increase your stamina and the oxygen level in your bloodstream. The brain utilizes 30% of the oxygen in your body, so increasing oxygen in the body will improve cognition.

Taking the steps to maintain a healthy mind, body and spirit should be a part of your daily lifestyle. If you believe that you do not have the time to take care of yourself now, then you will need to make the time later if you become ill. Your best option is to start today and make the right choices for you.    

Life After Loss

The death of a loved one is life altering.  The transition from wife to widow, husband to widower can be a very difficult time. As in any loss, the death of a spouse brings feelings of depression, erratic moods, disrupted sleep and obsessive thoughts about the deceased.  This can be happening while being overwhelmed with questions and urgent decisions that need to be made.

Five stages of grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969) introduced the “Five Stages of Grief”. People can experience these stages during any major life change such as loss of job, health, relationship, pet or financial stability. The individual and family will progress through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in their own way. There is no specific way to grieve. Each person will experience grief based on their religion, cultural, social and personal beliefs. Their personal relationship with the deceased person will also impact the bereavement.

The survivor must give themselves permission to grieve. Postponing your time to mourn will only delay and compound your grief reaction. Your reaction to the death from unexpected or anticipated circumstances can make you experience a wide range of emotions from shock, numbness, pain to anger. Grieving is full of ups and downs like a roller coaster. Special events like a wedding, birth, or holiday can trigger a strong emotional response, but difficult times will becomes less intense and shorter as time goes by.

Build a support system

It’s important not to grieve alone. Use the support of family and friends. Draw comfort from the faith you practice. Join a support group or speak with an experienced counselor.  Suppressing your grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other health concerns. Grief can affect your health so maintain your self-care with the appropriate rest, proper nutrition, regular exercise and physical check-up with your doctor.

You will have good and bad days with moments of joy or happiness. Life has a way of throwing moments our way that can wake us to the possibilities of a better tomorrow. If you need support during your time of bereavement contact a counselor, pastor or one of the supports listed for the help you may need.

Organizations for the bereaved:

Bereaved Parents of the USA

Compassionate Friends

Mothers Against Drunk Driving

The National Hospice Organization

The Widowed Persons Service

Healthy Arguments

Whenever we hear of another relationship that breaks up we speculate on the reason why. Unfortunately there are many reasons that can contribute to the failure with infidelity, finances, midlife crisis or just growing apart from each other. There is no simple answer to this painful experience and everyone will have their own unique story to tell.

Warning signs

Couples can get stuck in abusive communication patterns that hurt and distance them from each other. Research shows that women will bring up issues of conflict 80% of the time that their partner will want to ignore. If it is important to one, it’s important to the marriage. Avoidance of the concern will only cause resentment and the pressure will build until the argument loses perspective or why it even began.

Psychologist John Gottman did a study with 1,000 couples and found that criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling was found in 94% of failed relationships. Most males would indentify this communication pattern as “nagging”. Everyone will use these defensive tools at sometime but repeated patterns will cause your partner to feel anger, fear, hurt, sadness and alienation.

Healthy argument

Discussing small differences is important to do before they become a major issue in the relationship. A recent survey found that 44% of married couples believe that arguing once a week help to keep communication open. William Dougherty a professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota states, “What the studies have shown is that it’s not so much whether couples get angry but how they handle it. There’s a difference between good fighting and bad fighting. Constructive conflict can put a spark in a relationship. Love needs a spark every now and then.”

Arguments can be an opportunity to discover what issues are important to the individual. It’s a way to reach the person and let them know you value them and want to be supportive. Healthy arguments can also be a way to model conflict resolution for your children. If you are yelling and cussing at each other you are displaying contempt and disrespect. Issues that are discussed and resolved appropriately can display how to compromise and move forward with the agreement.

Rebuild the Relationship

It is important when discussing different viewpoints to utilize “I statements”. This will keep you from engaging in blame when expressing your perspective. With every negative concern that is addressed make an effort to state five positive compliments about your relationship together. Then schedule your alone time together each week and give each other an intimate kiss and hug every day to remain emotionally connected. Finally separate the problem from the person. It’s the problem you’re upset about. If you feel stuck in a negative pattern seek counseling to learn health ways to communicate your concerns.  

Why Men and Women are Unfaithful

A study done by Helen Fisher PhD a biological anthropologist and author found that 56% of men and 34% of women who have had affairs were happy in their marriages.  Fisher found that men were more likely motivated by sex and less likely to fall in love. In comparison women who had affairs were considering leaving their marriage.

Reasons for being unfaithful

Experts say that most often men and women have different reasons for being unfaithful. Men will stray in their relationships for sexual intimacy or attention. Women will risk fidelity to fill an emotional void or because they are lonely in their marriage. Research completed by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports that 15% of wives have had sex outside their marriage but 35% have had an emotional affair with kissing. They also found 25% of men have had an affair with 45% had kissing with emotional attachment.

If you believe your partner is having an affair it is important to address concerns of infidelity early……even if you have no clear proof. Whether or not it happened the couple has work to do on their communication and trust. When a couple lacks these important traits in their relationship it can be more damaging to a marriage than sexual infidelity itself.

Correct the problem

There are many factors to consider when determining the success of a relationship such as age, education level, income, religious beliefs and relationship satisfaction. The majority of married couples that file for divorce site the reason as incompatible or unable to communicate. Unmarried couples will more often part due to infidelity. 

There are signs that emerge if a partner is having an affair. They will change how they look or become more meticulous in their appearance. The individual may start to give more gifts due to the guilt they feel for being unfaithful. You may notice that your partner is criticizing you more and trying to start an argument. This can release the individual from blame that the relationship failed or they can state you were the one at fault.

The best way to heal a relationship is to seek help together in couple’s therapy to build trust. Individual therapy could build a wall of secrecy and privacy which could lead to further alienation in the strained relationship. There is no time line in how long it will take to repair a relationship. The betrayed person should set the timetable for recovery. While the person who was unfaithful will be eager to put the past behind them he/she needs to honor the other person’s need to take it slow and heal from the betrayal. Only then can you correct the issues that initiated the affair and move forward in the relationship.

Being Optimistic During Difficult Times

Life will give us many challenges throughout our lifetime. Ever situation that is faced will have two polar perspectives by the optimist and pessimist. The pessimist has the tendency to stress the negative and focus on the gloomiest possible outcome. While the optimist will remain hopeful, expecting a more positive result. Studies have consistently found that optimistic thinking protects against depression and other emotional problems like substance abuse. Maintaining a positive attitude will create a resiliency that can protect you regardless of the level of stress you are experiencing.

Optimist

The majority of Americans believe that happiness is attainable and work daily to reach that goal. With a positive attitude you will see opportunity in every situation no matter how many obstacles are presented. Research reports that the optimist has a different thinking pattern when faced with challenges. The optimist tends to focus on the facts to determine alternative ways to resolve the situation. They will appear hopeful even in situations that are non-negotiable or when there is no immediate resolution to the circumstances.

Everyone has the power to choose what they want to focus on. Many times the thinking process is clouded by fear and the possibilities of what may occur. Anytime fear is allowed to enter your emotions it will affect your judgment and natural abilities. Fear is attached to potential outcomes before they ever occur. You will not find fear in the present situations. It is only found in your thoughts of future outcome. So when you focus on the present and the current task you can remain positive about any dilemma you encounter. 

Temporary setbacks

Life will present daily challenges that will test your optimistic attitude. You won’t be successful all the time. However if you are willing to accept the challenge, you can learn from the information that your mistakes have taught you. You can be more astute in assessing your options to change the situation into a positive perspective or accept them for what they are if you are unable to control the issue. You can focus on the present and the task at hand. Look at all perspectives presented. Then reflect on what is important to you and how to build on that. Affirm your strengths and the accomplishments that you have made. That will empower you to overcome any hardship or obstacle you face to be successful and happy.

When you seem unable to find anything positive in your life and appear sad, irritable and hopeless you should seek professional help to determine what services may be helpful. If you don’t have insurance there are several community resources available that offer a sliding scale fee. Take the steps that you need to have the quality of life you desire.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

A New Year Brings New Opportunities

A New Year brings a time of reflection and also a vision of hope.  When you review your past successes and errors it can help you determine how to move forward and create the life you envision for yourself.  The possibilities are endless as long as you believe in yourself and are motivated to make the necessary changes needed.

Create the possibilities

Studies are reporting that it takes 30 days of consistency to change behavioral patterns.  This is a difficult, time consuming process for some individuals.  Novelist Arnold Bennett states “Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”  So if you find change difficult to handle, you are not alone.  Change is the only constant that we have in life so it is better to learn how to use it to your advantage.

First30Days is an organization that has outlined several principles to overcome the obstacles of change.  First, change your point of view.  A positive outlook can motivate you to view the situation from different perspectives.  Recognize that you are stronger than you think and that something good will usually evolve from those challenges associated with change.  Accept the process of change, as resistance is usually wasted energy.  Remember, that negative thoughts will hinder your progress and you are the only one that can control what you think and feel.

New Year…new opportunities

Life is a gift that we may cherish or waste. If you are unhappy with your present situation take the steps to change it.  You only have control of yourself.  Do not wait for your spouse, boss, children or family to change.  It will never happen unless they decide to make the changes themselves.  What you need to realize is that your happiness lies within yourself, not upon others.  Create the life you want and the joy will follow.