Returning to the Dating Scene

Entering the dating scene after being absent for several years can be an intimidating experience. There is now speed dating, online dating and dating consultants that all promise to help the “singleton” find the perfect partner. Dating has become a social science experiment into human behavior and mate selection.  A study from Northwestern University found that men are quicker to like women regarding perceived attractiveness, chemistry and willingness to meet a second time. Surveys taken found that both sexes expected men to exhibit a more assertive approach to initiate a romantic relationship.  Women were counted on to signal the “where” and “when” through eye contact, smiles and hair flips.

Beginning again

Online dating has become a dominate way to meet a potential partner. Google research states that 14% of people who meet online will get married but only 40% of those marriages will last. Also a startling 40% of people listed on dating sites are already married and have families. Even though 33% of all conversations online lead to a date you don’t know if the person has created an honest profile about themselves.

When single parents begin dating they will have other factors to consider when exposing their children to this new experience. The first thing a parent should do is honestly discuss with their child that they are ready to start dating again. Answer any questions they may have with an age-appropriate response.  Delay any introductions to your children until you believe the relationship is ready to move to a more committed level. This can happen after a minimum of eight dates when you have spent time together in a variety of environments. You want to be very sure the person really cares for you and that you seem to share the same life goals. Children will protest if they believe the dating partner is a threat to their time with you.  Listen to their concerns and give them time to adjust to the changes in the relationship.

Be emotionally healthy

Before you start dating again make sure you have healed from the previous relationship.  Research states you should allow approximately 6 months for every 5 years you were together.  Both genders need to think “safety first” and not reveal personal information online until you have had an opportunity to determine if the profile is accurate.  Warning signs to monitor would be if the potential date is unwilling to exchange phone numbers, calls irregularly and reveals zero details about their family or friends.  Schedule to meet your date in a public place, with a friend present if possible and be wary if they ask for any money. This is inappropriate for any reason. Dating again can be an exciting time to rediscover romance if you are cautious while getting to know each other.

 

'Facebook Depression'

Research is now reporting that one in five children go on-line ten or more times a day to interact on the multiple social media‘s available through the current technology today. The impersonal nature of this communication has enabled bullying to escalate, detrimentally effect student academic performance and initiate eating disorders for many tweens. “Facebook Depression” is said to arise from failure to integrate into this social networking world that has become the core of children’s lives.

Social Media

Younger children that are involved in social media have created a new spectrum of developmental questions that science has not yet explored. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging parents to “face the core issues of bullying, popularity status, social anxiety, risk taking and sexual development” that children are exposed to on these websites. Doctors are also asking that parents understand the current technologies utilized, so they can relate to their children’s on-line world. “A large part of this generation’s social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and  cell phones,” said Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe pediatrician and co-author of the AAP report on social media guidelines.

Research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression. Clarification is still needed to determine whether depressed people are drawn to the internet or if the internet causes depression. Children with poor self-esteem are likely to feel sad if they don’t measure up to their friends tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people. “Facebook Depression” symptoms are similar to clinical depression with children displaying irregular sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, mood swings and social isolation from family or friends.

Positive aspects

Monitored appropriately, social media’s can be utilized to build communication and the technical skills needed in today’s society. Technology is a great way for parents to facilitate communication, nurture entertainment interests and engage in educational curiosity with their children. Teach children to protect their privacy and reputation while using the internet. Let them know you’re their ally if subjected to cyber bullying. Finding the appropriate balance in your life will be the key for success.

 Most adults realize that the most valuable friendships have been developed face-to-face rather than over a computer keyboard. Families should unplug at times when technology isn’t needed like at meal time, family events or riding in the car together. That way you can truly engage in conversation while sharing the highlights of your day. This connection can teach children the value of real friendship and family support by making time for each other daily.

 

 

 

Simple Acts of Kindness Can Revitalize Your Relationship

Creating a healthy relationship with someone else starts with knowing yourself.  Your attitude is the key to understanding yourself and the world you live in.  It’s up to you to make the mental shift from a negative to positive perspective which allows you to see the possibilities in your life.  ‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.’

Positive Communication

Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said “You should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner.”  Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with.  Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship.  Blakeslee’s new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationship.  “Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; and keep costs low, benefits high.”     Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of “affective affirmation” or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse.  This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.

Be thoughtful

Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship.  “It’s not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners,” motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. “Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care.”  Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years.  Surprise your partner with filling their car up with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author.  These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, “I love you.”

 

Take the Love Dare

The month of February bombards us with commercials of purchasing certain products to display the love that you feel for the people in your life.  As we struggle with the different relationships in our lives, most people realize that there is more to intimacy than just purchasing an item.  People come from all walks of life and from all over the world.  We come in all shapes and sizes, old and young with different hopes and desires.  The one thing that we all have in common is that each and every one of us desire to matter and be loved.

Love is more than a gift   

People show that they care for one another in their words, actions and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift of love has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive.  It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely.  There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them.  You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special event or show.  Plan a special evening alone or finish the “honey do” list that has been pending for months.  Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year. 

The Love Dare

Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples may desire to renew or rekindle their love.  The Love Dare, written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse.  Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship.  These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who has been difficult for you to display unconditional love to.  So this Valentine’s Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.

“If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.”  Maya Angelou

 

 

2014 Best of Hutchinson Award

Press Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Gina D. Heyen, LCMFT Receives 2014 Best of Hutchinson Award

Hutchinson Award Program Honors the Achievement
HUTCHINSON December 10, 2014 -- Gina D. Heyen, LCMFT has been selected for the 2014 Best of Hutchinson Award in the Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist category by the Hutchinson Award Program.

Each year, the Hutchinson Award Program identifies companies that we believe have achieved exceptional marketing success in their local community and business category. These are local companies that enhance the positive image of small business through service to their customers and our community. These exceptional companies help make the Hutchinson area a great place to live, work and play.
            
Various sources of information were gathered and analyzed to choose the winners in each category. The 2014 Hutchinson Award Program focuses on quality, not quantity. Winners are determined based on the information gathered both internally by the Hutchinson Award Program and data provided by third parties.
            

About Hutchinson Award Program

 

The Hutchinson Award Program is an annual awards program honoring the achievements and accomplishments of local businesses throughout the Hutchinson area. Recognition is given to those companies that have shown the ability to use their best practices and implemented programs to generate competitive advantages and long-term value.

The Hutchinson Award Program was established to recognize the best of local businesses in our community. Our organization works exclusively with local business owners, trade groups, professional associations and other business advertising and marketing groups. Our mission is to recognize the small business community's contributions to the U.S. economy.
SOURCE: Hutchinson Award Program

             
                                     
              

Healthy Eating Helps ADHD Children

If you are a parent of an ADHD child you have probably read that the American diet of foods high in fat, salt, and processed sugar does little to help your child. In fact our “Western-style” diet gives children a higher risk of ADHD than children on a healthier diet that is rich in fish, vegetables, fruit and whole grains all of which contain a lot of fiber and omega-3 fatty acids.

Healthy diet

Researchers from Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago compared the recent studies of diet for ADHD children. They found that children with this diagnosis perform best on a diet that avoids dyes, preservatives and other additives.

There is no doubt that we are what we eat. The poor nutrition from the “Western-diet” has also affected young children with an increase in obesity. These foods that are full of preservatives have a parallel effect with a child’s neurodevelopment.

Natural treatment versus medication

There are 13 essential Recommended Daily Allowances of vitamins and minerals that children need for optimum health. Growing bodies need carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins, and minerals to develop correctly. Most American children don’t meet the proper nutrition requirements. A national survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found 1 in 4 teens were eating fruit less than once a day and 1 in 3 were eating vegetables less than once daily. Teens should be eating 4 to 5 cups of fruit and vegetables a day. A cup is a medium apple or a large tomato.

If your child is a picky eater a multivitamin can provide missing nutrients and minerals. Omega-3 fatty acids are needed for healthy brain development. Fish oil capsules and flax seed supplements can be used as a replacement for fresh fish or salmon. Vitamin D is naturally absorbed during outdoor activities. During the winter milk, soy and orange juice can help fortify this gap. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 200 IU of Vitamin D and 500 mg of calcium for children 1 to 3 years old. These amounts increase as they grow.

Most parents will want to try a natural treatment for their child that is diagnosed with ADHD. This should also be combined with behavioral therapy which involves positive reinforcements to help children control their impulsivity. Medications are still the single most effective treatment available for ADHD which affects 5 to 8% school-aged children. These symptoms can persist into adulthood with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity.  Parents should pursue options that are best for their child with the understanding of the limited research to them to determine benefits and outcome.

 

New Year Reflection

January 1^st has arrived and you have probably been contemplating what resolution you might want to attempt this year. Some of the more popular goals people make are to lose weight, stop smoking, find a better job, exercise, or make time to eat better. Whatever resolution you choose, seeing yourself as you want to be is the key to personal growth in 2015.

Commitment

A study by the American Medical Association found that one in five people will turn their New Year commitment into action. The rest will have good intentions but stop working on their resolution in a few weeks. “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” Carl Bard

First, reflect on this year’s experiences. What did you learn from them? How did you apply this knowledge to create a better life for yourself? Then contemplate what you envision for yourself in the New Year and what steps you need to take to get there.

Persevere

This year give yourself the gift of love and acceptance. Believe in yourself. You are not a quitter. You are a strong, capable and resilient person. Persevere and you will attain your goal. Write your goals and intentions down. Read them aloud daily and visualize your success.  Talk about the positive that is in your life and be grateful. Take a class, read a book, and save the money to take that trip. Put your family first. Try to understand each other more and forgive the things that keep peace from entering your life. Be kind instead of right. Have more fun and enjoy the journey of possibilities that the New Year can bring to your life.