Finances and Relationships

 

It’s not uncommon for couples to encounter marital stress over their finances. Money related issues have the potential to drive many committed relationships to the edge of divorce. The most obvious concern is the conflict of not having enough money for the current financial responsibilities that must be met. In today’s culture most people equate their financial security to status and success. Many people will attach their self-worth to the number of possessions that they have.

Love of money

Researcher Jason Carroll a professor of family life at Brigham Young University reported in their new research that materialists have more dissatisfaction with their marriage than couples who don’t care about possessions. This held true among all socioeconomic levels. The least satisfying marriages were those where both spouses cared strongly about material goods. “We thought it would be the incongruent or unmatched pattern that would be most problematic, where one’s a saver and one’s a spender,” Carroll told Live Science. “Our study found that it’s the couple where both spouses have high levels of materialism that struggle the most.” Previous research has also confirmed that people who are materialistic are also more anxious, depressed and insecure than others who are not materialistic. Individuals who valued money more also had trouble at home since there was no balance between their work and personal life.

Balance the budget

One out of five couples have admitted to a strong love of money. Human being’s desire connection and material items can create distance in a relationship. Couples that have been married for 20 years or more have made time for each other and really care about their relationship. If you have concerns about your finances, talk to your partner about your future as a family. Then together set responsible financial steps to attain that vision together. Realize that this will be a long term commitment and not a goal that will be instantly gratified.

It will be important to listen to each other, compromise and put a plan into action. If you have any credit card debt or payday loans they should be a priority to pay off. The short and long term goals of savings, retirement, college funds, and vacation can all be obtained with collaborative planning. If you hit an impasse consult with a marriage counselor, coach or mediator. Your marriage is also an investment to your future.

 

Parental Stress With Children of ADHD

Parenting can be stressful at times for everyone. Parents of children with ADHD may experience greater stress because of the additional challenges they face. Children with ADHD are known to disregard parental requests, commands and rules. They fight with their siblings, disturb neighbors and have frequent negative encounters with school authority. These challenges can often make parents feel less competent. It can also increase marital discord. Research has indicated that parents of children with ADHD are almost twice as likely to divorce by the time their child is eight years old.

Parents of children with ADHD

Parents of children with ADHD face higher divorce rates, stress level and feel less competent as a parent. With state budget cuts that have decreased services for children needing additional school resources this has increased the stress levels for the child, parents and school staff. During the school year these stressors increase as parents are faced with the challenge of getting homework completed, turned in on time and maintaining their other responsibilities in the home on a daily basis.

A recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology states parents of children with ADHD are especially sensitive to the behaviors of their child which takes a personal emotional toll on their own well-being. Candice Odgers a study researcher and psychologist at the University of California said, “If you think about what it’s like to parent a child with ADHD, it requires a constant vigilance, and a high level of energy. This is important because we know that stress and the burden of caregiving in general are associated with a whole host of problems, mental health and physical problems.”

Family environment

Up to 5% of children and adults in the United States have ADHD, a behavioral disorder marked by impulsiveness, hyperactivity and inattention. Children with untreated ADHD are a risk for injury, substance abuse, poor school performance and emotional or social problems. Parents that have to be in a hyper vigilant state to keep their children safe feel the stress affecting the family environment.

Our children need us. They depend on us to take care of them, teach them, support them and love them. No child with or without a diagnosis can succeed to their full potential if their parents are so drained they are unable to be there for them. By not taking care of yourself, your child could be at a higher risk for more problems. Create a lifestyle for yourself and your family that prioritizes self-care with exercise, appropriate nutrition, and 8 hours of sleep.  Always seek professional advice if your stress affects the quality of life you desire.

 

 

 

Positive Thinking

In today's world of economic stress it is easy to think of what is wrong in our life instead of what is going well. I ran across a list of daily reminders that can change your negative thinking pattern into a positive one.

Daily Dozen (author unknown)

• Make up your mind to be happy.
• Make the best of your circumstances.
• Don't take yourself too seriously.
• You can't please everybody.
• Don't let your neighbor set your standards.
• Do the things you enjoy doing, but stay out of debt.
• Don't worry!
• Avoid people who make you unhappy.
• Have many interests.
• Don't spend your life brooding over sorrows and mistakes.
• Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
• Keep busy at something.

It seems like good advice......enjoy your day!

Back to School

The concept of kindergarten derived in the 1830’s from a German teacher who believed the children needed a way to transition from home into the school environment. Kindergarten was established as a way to interact and socialize. Children today are socialized at daycare or in pre-school so kindergarten has been restructured to meet the demands of academic readiness in the cognitive and social areas of development.

Readiness to learn

School readiness means that the child has the ability to learn and cope in the school environment without experiencing undue stress. Children should be able to separate from their family and trust the adults in the school environment. They need to understand the concept of sharing and how to take turns when playing with other children. Children should also display some level of social skills in how to resolve problems and work cooperatively with their peers. They must be able to adapt to the structure of the school day and follow the instructions from their teacher.

A real assessment of readiness isn’t based on the chronological age alone. Many schools will do an assessment several weeks before school begins that involve cognitive, linguistic, motor skills and social skills. Children that enter kindergarten with limited baseline skills of reading and math are unlikely to catch up with their peers. Many will need support services that require remedial learning with the help of an aide or tutor.  Children that don’t test well will have a re-evaluation three to six months later to assess if a developmental specialist or neurologist should be consulted.

Other considerations

There are many different academic settings to consider when choosing a school for your children. There are public, private, religion based, and Montessori schools. Other determining factors are class size, use of aides in the classroom, and if kindergarten is a full or half-day program. Structural considerations would be the locations of the bathroom, playground and lunchroom where interaction with older students should be limited.

There are many different developmental levels and skills found in the classroom. Teachers are working to meet the diversity, developmental needs and abilities of all children. Children learn best by doing. It allows them to learn through exploration and observation. It can also help them to follow their interests while building cognitive and creative talents. As you determine the kindergarten readiness for your children also seek an environment where they can be engaged and interested in learning for their optimal growth and development.

 

 

Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness and/or grief that are experienced by parents when the children become of age to leave their childhood home. This can occur when children leave to attend college or get married. Women appear to have more difficulty with this transition than men but both have similar feeling of loss after the departure of their children.

Parent-child relationship

Empty Nest Syndrome is most common in the autumn when teenagers leave for college. It can also happen when a child gets married. Matrimony is a permanent launching stating parents are no longer needed as they were before. Research suggests that the quality of the parent-child relationship may have important consequences during this transition. The parents are now able to develop a friendship with the young adult which can reduce the conflict experienced in the developmental years. This new bond will also provide support for the parents when they face the health concerns of the elderly.

Parents should prepare for the empty nest while their children are still living at home. They can make specific plans for their extra time, money and space that will be available when the children are no longer dependent on you. Feelings of sadness are normal at this time. It you feel that you no longer have purpose, experience excessive crying or unable to perform your daily routine you should seek professional help.

A time of transition

A positive perspective at this time of your life is vital to the transition. Adjust your new role in your child’s life. The relationship now becomes more peer like as you give your child independence. You can schedule a weekly call-in time, email and text message things you’d like to share in-between visits.

Once you can look at this second half of your life as a new opportunity you will feel younger, be financially stronger, and have more time for friends, hobbies and your partner. Time and energy can now be spent in different areas of your life as you work together to turn the second half of your life into a time of discovery and joy.

 

Sleep Debt

Sleep debt or deficit is the cumulative effect of not getting enough sleep. It is the difference between the amount of sleep you should get and the actual amount that you are sleeping. Current studies are reporting that 50 – 90% of Americans experience the consequences of sleep debt. Sleep is essential for good physical and mental health. It affects how you look, feel and perform at work or school. When we are sleep deprived the brain has to work harder to concentrate and retain information. It also becomes more difficult to problem solve and generate new ideas.  

Causes of sleep debt                                                          

Today’s high paced lifestyle creates the lack of time that we allow ourselves to sleep. The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 2004 poll results found that the average adult sleeps 6.8 hours weekdays and 7.4 hours on the weekend. If you lose one hour of sleep per day by Friday you have a sleep debt of 5 hours.  Over one year a person can accrue two weeks of sleep debt if the time isn’t made up over the weekend.
 

David Neubauer MD sleep expert from Johns Hopkins University and spokesman for NSF says “You need to value sleep the same way you value eating right and getting regular exercise.” Lack of sleep creates a vicious cycle of eating inappropriately. The more tired we feel the more caffeine and sugar we consume. The caffeine and sugar intake can keep you awake at night. Over exposure to technology such as television, video games and computers are also identified as a contributor to sleep debt. Other individuals reported staying up late to finish a movie, texting and talking on the phone can kept them from going to bed on time.

Create good sleep rituals

David Neubauer MD from NSF reminds us that “It’s important to maintain a regular bedtime routine as much as possible.” It will train the mind and body to act in a certain way at a specific time. This will help your body to create the circadian rhythm your brain needs to release the melatonin at bedtime. Spend time “winding down” at least two hours before bedtime. The study suggests that you stop all work, phone calls and avoid eating before going to bed.  You shouldn’t consume caffeine, nicotine and alcohol during this time either as they will interrupt sleep patterns. It is best to exercise early during the day to energize your brain and body. This will also help you relieve your stress and to be more relaxed in the evening. Before bedtime take a bath, read a book or listen to some music. It is recommended that you sleep on a comfortable mattress in a cool, quiet, dark room to help develop healthy sleep habits. 

There are many factors that can contribute to sleep debt. The more chronic issues such as pain, illness, sleep apnea or insomnia are more serious long-term sleep problems that can have adverse effect on your health.  You should contact your doctor to discuss your symptoms. Your doctor may prescribe a medication, suggest lifestyle changes, relaxation techniques or have your sleep evaluated at a sleep lab. Having a good day starts with having a good night’s sleep.

 

Choosing to Remain Single

Today more men and women are choosing to remain single in their late 20’s and 30’s. The number of single adults rose to 50% in 2010, compared to 33% in 1950 according to census data. This has been a cultural shift based on the financial freedom women experience now with success in the workplace, college education, and choosing to cohabitate. Kate Bolick writes, “Today marriage is an option, not a necessity the way it once was, and that’s revolutionary.”

Finding contentment

Everyone is different and has a different script for their life. Currently men and women have similar reasons as to why they never marry. They can financially support themselves while enjoying their independence and have time alone to enjoy their personal interests. Also individuals who have experienced hurtful relationships in the past are cautious to enter into another long-term commitment with today’s high divorce rate. 

There are many men and women with a sharp focus on career and personal growth. They will often prefer staying single rather than trying to balance the duties and obligations of marriage. Personal career growth can keep an individual from committing to a partner as some career choices can be too demanding and put a strain on relationships. Many professionals have no desire for children and believe that cohabitating will provide the intimacy they desire. An individual’s financial status can also play a part in the decision of continuing a relationship to the next level. If the partner has a poor credit score, no savings, past due car payments or even behind on the child support you could spend years working to paying off someone else’s debt.

It’s a choice

Being content with your own life, work, family, friends and other interests is the number one reason why people stay single. Society can no longer dictate what is acceptable for the individual’s best option or that they must get married to be happy. Falling in love doesn’t mean you must run to the jeweler.  Loving another person can just be the joy of the experience when it enters into your life. There are many forms of love and commitment in relationships. Decide today to just enjoy the journey of the relationship and be open to where ever it may take you.