Stress, Anxiety and You

Our lifestyles today are packed with personal and professional deadlines. We can find ourselves overwhelmed with the “To Do” lists and racing against the clock to get the last project completed. Ruminating over these deadlines or obsessing about what needs to be completed can often lead to anxiety and depressive symptoms.

Schedule time for yourself

Taking care of yourself is essential to taking care of your family. If you are that Type A personality that is prone to obsessing you might want to try the following interventions to stop the ruminating.

1. Put on the music and dance, watch a comedy, call a friend, or clean the kitchen. Do a task that takes about 10 minutes. That is the minimum of time needed to break the cycle of thoughts.
2. Allow yourself 5 minutes to ponder the list you have to tackle and then move on with your plan of action.
3. Meditate for a minute by taking that cleansing breath, closing your eyes and just focus on your breathing.
4. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation. Accept that and then move forward to cope.
5. Use your support system to let you know when you are out of control.
6. Accept that you are human and will make mistakes. Sometimes we are kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.

Daily self-care 

Practicing these ideas to reduce your daily stress and anxiety can be very helpful in remaining emotionally balanced. Create a lifestyle for yourself and your family that prioritizes self-care with exercise, appropriate nutrition, and 8 hours of sleep. Always seek professional advice if your stress affects the quality of life you desire.

Are You Ready for Marriage?

How does a person know if they are ready to make that life commitment of marriage? Individuals are marrying at a later age hoping to avoid becoming a statistic of divorce which is hovering at 50 %. There are fewer couples today who can model their success on what makes a relationship successful.

Pre-marital counseling

Counseling is not just for people trying to cope with the problems in their life. It can be an intervention to prevent having discord in your relationship. Pre-marital counseling is one way to determine if you are prepared for one of the biggest decisions of your life. It can help you understand your partner’s perspective on a variety of topics. You can discuss the priorities in your life and where your relationship falls in that spectrum. This can confirm your sense of yourselves as a couple and if marriage is the right step for you. As a couple you need to discuss important topics such as religion, children, finances, habits, hobbies, and family issues among many other concerns.

Learn the skills of communication

Every marriage presents itself with difficulties and obstacles. Open communication will be what helps you through them. If you have difficulty talking through the issues in your lives, it would benefit you to learn how to discuss them while you’re engaged.

There are many options when seeking premarital counseling in every community. Your church pastor, marriage building workshops or any licensed marriage and family therapist can help you with this process. Invest the time in your relationship now as you begin to build your life together.

Impulsive Spending

Millions of Americans today overspend to give themselves a momentary emotional lift or escape from the stress they experience in their day to day life. If you have engaged in an impulsive purchase, you have also experienced that moment of happiness later turn into remorse and guilt.

"Activity Addiction"

Financial troubles are known to trigger or exacerbate mental health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression. The impulsivity of purchases often occurs with individuals who have suffered a traumatic loss and are searching for a way to fill the emptiness that they feel. Scientists identify this impulsive behavior as an “activity addiction” like gambling, eating or sexual disorders. These activities can affect the brain chemistry the same way that alcohol and drugs do to give you a brief “high” that alleviates the stress when overspending. This continued self-destructive behavior can result in a large credit card debt, unpaid bills and marital distress.

"Need or Want"

When you decide to make a purchase stop and ask yourself if this purchase is a “need or want”. If the purchase is a need then determine how the purchase will effect your budget or current lifestyle. After you have answered these questions, then research the product so that you will receive the ultimate quality for your dollar. This process will help you from making the decision impulsively and without regret.

When reviewing your finances you may determine a need for professional assistance to discuss your options. Consumer Credit Counseling has helped many individuals and families regain control of their finances. There is also Debtors Anonymous that has support group meetings or there are mental health professionals that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help identify and change the self-destructive behavior patterns that have been identified. Seek the help that you need so that you can have the quality of life that you deserve.

A New Year Brings New Opportunities

A New Year brings a time of reflection and also a vision of hope. When you review your past successes and errors it can help you determine how to move forward and create the life you envision for yourself. The possibilities are endless as long as you believe in yourself and are motivated to make the necessary changes needed.

Create the Possibilities

Studies are reporting that it takes 30 days of consistency to change behavioral patterns. This is a difficult, time consuming process for some individuals. Novelist Arnold Bennett states “Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” So if you find change difficult to handle, you are not alone. Change is the only constant that we have in life so it is better to learn how to use it to your advantage.

First30Days is an organization that has outlined several principles to overcome the obstacles of change. First, change your point of view. A positive outlook can motivate you to view the situation from different perspectives. Recognize that you are stronger than you think and that something good will usually evolve from those challenges associated with change. Accept the process of change, as resistance is usually wasted energy. Remember, that negative thoughts will hinder your progress and you are the only one that can control what you think and feel.

New Year.....New Opportunities

Life is a gift that we may cherish or waste. If you are unhappy with your present situation take the steps to change it. You only have control of yourself. Do not wait for your spouse, boss, children or family to change. It will never happen unless they decide to make the changes themselves. What you need to realize is that your happiness lies within yourself, not upon others. Create the life you want and the joy will follow.

Keeping Love Fresh

Healthy relationships are vital to your physical and mental health. They protect us from heart disease and boost our immune system. Relationships aren’t built on sexual intimacy alone. Marriages will change as the couple matures. After the children are launched many couples will feel estranged and wonder if they know their partner any longer. They search for commonalities in the marriage and question whether they want to spend another 20 or 30 years together.

Mature relationships

Keeping a relationship vibrant can be a challenge at any age. New relationships by nature are fun and exciting. When a couple has a new experience together it will build closeness or intimacy. Sexual intimacy will move from very frequent to a more comfortable satisfaction with a partner. Dr. Terri Orbuch author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great says, “Boomers are feeling more sexual than their parents did, so they need to learn ways to add spark to that long-term relationship. And, if they are single then there are ways to meet that someone special – places online, dating clubs and even blind dates.”

Mature relationships do become more mundane with the responsibility of work and children which dictate a daily pattern. A mature relationship can use the concepts of dating to reignite their marriage by learning new ways to connect and communicate.

Keep the spark alive

A couple must have the mindset that a divorce isn’t an option. If you are busy deciding on exit strategies you’re not focused on problem solving the concern. Deal breakers in a relationship would be any type of abuse, adultery or addiction.

Couples can start by just sharing basic courtesies to each other. Allow your partner to sleep in a morning. Compliment your partner and let them know that you appreciate what they do for you every day. Greet them with a hug, kiss and a smile to let them know you are glad to see them. You could even send a text message or email during the day to let them know you are thinking about them.

To add spunk and revitalize your relationship it’s fun to be unpredictable sometimes. Try planning a day trip or spend the night at a local bed and breakfast for some uninterrupted quality time. Be passionate about life. Learn something new together, hold hands and just be a good listener. Assess the balance in your life emotionally, physically, and spiritually to become a better spouse and partner. Commit to taking care of yourself so you have the emotionally energy for yourself and the people in your life.

Obesity and Marriage

Obesity can trigger depression, distorted body image and low self-esteem…….which are all mental-health problems that can be detrimental to a relationship. A distorted body image can make a person go to great lengths to hide her body from their partner or feel uncomfortable being sexual. The low self-esteem will cause a person to suffer with constant worry and look for reassurance. Weight is a sensitive issue that can easily strain or spell the end of any relationship when mishandled but many people can’t keep their weight at a healthy level.

Excessive weight

There are various challenges that come with weight gain……shopping for clothes for the overweight partner that is flattering, the unwanted stares that come with being in public with an obese partner, and the body odor that develops when hygiene becomes difficult. Being overweight creates other health concerns like high blood pressure, heart problems, cholesterol and blood clots.

Women that are overweight find it difficult to conceive. Fat produces oestrogen in the body and this extra fat disturbs the normal balance of the body which eventually affects fertility. Obese men report a higher rate of erectile dysfunction. For both genders being obese may result in muscular or skeletal problems that make having intimacy challenging. Obese people are a higher risk for diabetes, depression and urinary stress incontinence….all of which can lead to sex-related problems. The ramifications are endless to the individual that struggles with obesity.

Complacent in the relationship

Various studies have shown that many individuals get complacent after marriage because they no longer feel the need to look their best to attract a partner. In a few short years of getting married those individuals are twice as likely to become obese as those people who are just dating. This finding wasn’t limited to married people but also those couples who live together. “With women we saw incremental risk after one year,” reported Penny Gordon-Larsen nutrition epidemiologists at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who conducted the study. “The longer she lived with a romantic partner, the more likely she was to keep putting on weight. The risk of obesity with males….married or unmarried increased only between the first and second years living together.”

Scientists have known for awhile that having a close relationship with an obese person whether friend or spouse makes you more likely to become obese. Studies continue to support that if one spouse engages in weight loss the other spouse will also lose about five pounds. Increasing the amount of physical activity in a daily routine can help burn off fat.

The older we become the more difficult it is to lose weight. Finding a hobby or physical activity that you can enjoy together while you are getting your exercise can be a win/win. Couples don’t have to live chubbily ever after……..

Parent Tips for Teen Dating

Dating during the teen years helps to promote healthy development among adolescents. Learning the skills of dating is also a time of social experimentation for them. Parents and teens may feel awkward or uncomfortable as they discuss the rules and expectations in this new situation but this should not keep parents from discussing sexual boundaries, curfews, and respect of their date. This time of development for the teen can be an opportunity to teach your adolescent how to date, have respect for each other and protect themselves from emotional and physical hurt.

Teen dating

A new study from the University of Texas was published in the June 2011 issue of Journal of Youth and Adolescence reports that teens who have a girlfriend or boyfriend are less likely to engage in delinquent or dangerous behaviors compared to teens without a partner. This was due to less time spent at parties where dangerous behaviors might occur. Teens in relationships also displayed more confidence, were self assured and less likely to subcome to peer pressure. The study also found family environmental factors, rather than intelligence were a more important influence on teenage sexual activity.

Parent guidelines

Dating during adolescence poses problems and challenges for personal growth. Understanding this impact can help parents dialogue openly about their concerns which will benefit families in this time of growth. Parents should be a good role model in their own relationships displaying how to compromise, advocate for yourself assertively but with respect to your partner. Parents should also try and meet the parents of the significant other to discuss dating guidelines and communicate often to make sure activities are supervised.

When the teen begins to date a parent should encourage double dating or going out with a group. The age difference should not be more than a couple of year’s difference between the two teens. This should help with the concern of being pressured into premature sexual activity. The U.S. Attorney General reports that 38% of date rape victims are girls between the age of 14 and 17. Discuss abstinence and how to say no or how to postpone sex. Educate and discuss the safe sex practices such as condoms and birth control. Practice having the teen state that “No” means no and that oral sex is sex. Parents should always look for warning signs of a change in behavior or appearance of their teen. This could mean that your teen is in compromising situation that would warrant a parent’s guidance. Keeping your teen safe even when they are resistant needs to remain a priority of parenting.