Entering the dating scene after being absent for several years can be an intimidating experience. There is now speed dating, online dating and dating consultants that all promise to help the “singleton” find the perfect partner. Dating has become a social science experiment into human behavior and mate selection.
A study from Northwestern University found that men are quicker to like women regarding perceived attractiveness, chemistry and willingness to meet a second time. Surveys taken found that both sexes expected men to exhibit a more assertive approach to initiate a romantic relationship. Women were counted on to signal the “where” and “when” through eye contact, smiles and hair flips.
Online dating has become a dominate way to meet a potential partner. Google research states that 14% of people who meet online will get married but only 40% of those marriages will last. Also a startling 40% of people listed on dating sites are already married and have families. Even though 33% of all conversations online lead to a date you don’t know if the person has created an honest profile about themselves.
When single parents begin dating they will have other factors to consider when exposing their children to this new experience. The first thing a parent should do is honestly discuss with their child that they are ready to start dating again. Answer any questions they may have with an age-appropriate response. Delay any introductions to your children until you believe the relationship is ready to move to a more committed level. This can happen after a minimum of eight dates when you have spent time together in a variety of environments. You want to be very sure the person really cares for you and that you seem to share the same life goals. Children will protest if they believe the dating partner is a threat to their time with you. Listen to their concerns and give them time to adjust to the changes in the relationship.
Before you start dating again make sure you have healed from the previous relationship. Research states you should allow approximately 6 months for every 5 years you were together. Both genders need to think “safety first” and not reveal personal information online until you have had an opportunity to determine if the profile is accurate. Warning signs to monitor would be if the potential date is unwilling to exchange phone numbers, calls irregularly and reveals zero details about their family or friends. Schedule to meet your date in a public place, with a friend present if possible and be wary if they ask for any money. This is inappropriate for any reason. Dating again can be an exciting time to rediscover romance if you are cautious while getting to know each other.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
'Facebook Depression'
Research is now reporting that one in five children go on-line ten or more times a day to interact on the multiple social media‘s available through the current technology today. The impersonal nature of this communication has enabled bullying to escalate, detrimentally effect student academic performance and initiate eating disorders for many tweens. “Facebook Depression” is said to arise from failure to integrate into this social networking world that has become the core of children’s lives.
Social Media
Younger children that are involved in social media have created a new spectrum of developmental questions that science has not yet explored. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging parents to “face the core issues of bullying, popularity status, social anxiety, risk taking and sexual development” that children are exposed to on these websites. Doctors are also asking that parents understand the current technologies utilized, so they can relate to their children’s on-line world. “A large part of this generation’s social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and cell phones,” said Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe pediatrician and co-author of the AAP report on social media guidelines.
Research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression. Clarification is still needed to determine whether depressed people are drawn to the internet or if the internet causes depression. Children with poor self-esteem are likely to feel sad if they don’t measure up to their friends tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people. “Facebook Depression” symptoms are similar to clinical depression with children displaying irregular sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, mood swings and social isolation from family or friends.
Positive aspects
Monitored appropriately, social media’s can be utilized to build communication and the technical skills needed in today’s society. Technology is a great way for parents to facilitate communication, nurture entertainment interests and engage in educational curiosity with their children. Teach children to protect their privacy and reputation while using the internet. Let them know you’re their ally if subjected to cyber bullying. Finding the appropriate balance in your life will be the key for success.
Most adults realize that the most valuable friendships have been developed face-to-face rather than over a computer keyboard. Families should unplug at times when technology isn’t needed like at meal time, family events or riding in the car together. That way you can truly engage in conversation while sharing the highlights of your day. This connection can teach children the value of real friendship and family support by making time for each other daily.
Social Media
Younger children that are involved in social media have created a new spectrum of developmental questions that science has not yet explored. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) is encouraging parents to “face the core issues of bullying, popularity status, social anxiety, risk taking and sexual development” that children are exposed to on these websites. Doctors are also asking that parents understand the current technologies utilized, so they can relate to their children’s on-line world. “A large part of this generation’s social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and cell phones,” said Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe pediatrician and co-author of the AAP report on social media guidelines.
Research indicates that excessive internet use is associated with depression. Clarification is still needed to determine whether depressed people are drawn to the internet or if the internet causes depression. Children with poor self-esteem are likely to feel sad if they don’t measure up to their friends tallies, status updates and photos of happy-looking people. “Facebook Depression” symptoms are similar to clinical depression with children displaying irregular sleep patterns, changes in eating habits, mood swings and social isolation from family or friends.
Positive aspects
Monitored appropriately, social media’s can be utilized to build communication and the technical skills needed in today’s society. Technology is a great way for parents to facilitate communication, nurture entertainment interests and engage in educational curiosity with their children. Teach children to protect their privacy and reputation while using the internet. Let them know you’re their ally if subjected to cyber bullying. Finding the appropriate balance in your life will be the key for success.
Most adults realize that the most valuable friendships have been developed face-to-face rather than over a computer keyboard. Families should unplug at times when technology isn’t needed like at meal time, family events or riding in the car together. That way you can truly engage in conversation while sharing the highlights of your day. This connection can teach children the value of real friendship and family support by making time for each other daily.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Putting your heart at risk
Two new studies have reported that the number of heart attacks is rising among middle-aged women and falling among men. The mortality rate for women is higher after a heart attack than for men at this time. Health professionals are emphasizing the importance of maintaining preventive interventions for cardiovascular risks by eating healthy, regular physical activity and not smoking. Another positive factor for a healthy heart is maintaining good social relationships.
Conflict increases coronary risk
Conflictual relationships can moderately increase the risk of coronary stress. Men and women who experienced conflict in their closest personal relationships were 34% more likely to have a heart attack or angina. “The possibility that negative close relationships are more powerful predictions of health than other aspects of social support is consistent with previous research findings indicating that individuals tend to mentally replay negative encounters more than they replay positive ones,” the researchers wrote. Researchers noted that depression, low self-esteem, and anger have been found to influence coronary disease through the cumulative ‘wear and tear’ on organs and tissues caused by alterations of autonomic functions.
All couples have conflict but if your relationship is constantly under stress and strain the risk of heart attack increases up to 34%. A study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine reports from a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women, that people who reported chronic conflict in their closest relationship had the highest risk of heart disease. This is due to the intense flood of hormones that is triggered when individuals become angry or stressed. The hormones cause the heart to beat faster, increase blood pressure and wears on the cardiac blood vessels. Unhappy marriages were also found to increase self-destructive behaviors of poor diet and increased drinking or smoking.
Agree to disagree
To avoid a heart attack see your family physician to discuss any lifestyle changes that you may need help with to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol or to quit smoking. For a healthy heart eat more seafood, nuts, and increase your exercise routine. If your relationship needs a check-up consider going to counseling or seeing your pastor for guidance. Learning how to “agree to disagree” can mend your relationship and your heart.
Conflict increases coronary risk
Conflictual relationships can moderately increase the risk of coronary stress. Men and women who experienced conflict in their closest personal relationships were 34% more likely to have a heart attack or angina. “The possibility that negative close relationships are more powerful predictions of health than other aspects of social support is consistent with previous research findings indicating that individuals tend to mentally replay negative encounters more than they replay positive ones,” the researchers wrote. Researchers noted that depression, low self-esteem, and anger have been found to influence coronary disease through the cumulative ‘wear and tear’ on organs and tissues caused by alterations of autonomic functions.
All couples have conflict but if your relationship is constantly under stress and strain the risk of heart attack increases up to 34%. A study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine reports from a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women, that people who reported chronic conflict in their closest relationship had the highest risk of heart disease. This is due to the intense flood of hormones that is triggered when individuals become angry or stressed. The hormones cause the heart to beat faster, increase blood pressure and wears on the cardiac blood vessels. Unhappy marriages were also found to increase self-destructive behaviors of poor diet and increased drinking or smoking.
Agree to disagree
To avoid a heart attack see your family physician to discuss any lifestyle changes that you may need help with to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol or to quit smoking. For a healthy heart eat more seafood, nuts, and increase your exercise routine. If your relationship needs a check-up consider going to counseling or seeing your pastor for guidance. Learning how to “agree to disagree” can mend your relationship and your heart.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Simple acts of kindness can revitalize your relationship
Creating a healthy relationship with someone else starts with knowing yourself. Your attitude is the key to understanding yourself and the world you live in. It’s up to you to make the mental shift from a negative to positive perspective which allows you to see the possibilities in your life. ‘Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.’
Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said “You should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner.” Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with. Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship.
Blakeslee’s new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationship. “Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; and keep costs low, benefits high.” Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of “affective affirmation” or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse. This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.
Acts of kindness
Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship. “It’s not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners,” motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. “Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care.” Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years. Surprise your partner with filling their car up with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author. These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, “I love you.”
Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said “You should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner.” Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with. Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship.
Blakeslee’s new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationship. “Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; and keep costs low, benefits high.” Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of “affective affirmation” or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse. This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.
Acts of kindness
Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship. “It’s not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners,” motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. “Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care.” Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years. Surprise your partner with filling their car up with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author. These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, “I love you.”
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Counseling as an intervention
Life is full of daily stressors, challenges and problem solving. Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. The top three stressors that experts have identified are divorce, death of a loved one and financial concerns. “The majority of Americans struggle to find balance in the face of a multitude of challenges in our busy society,” said David L Shern Ph. D., president and CEO of Mental Health American.
How we choose to cope can jeopardize our health and relationships at home or work. If you feel overwhelmed or want to seek change in your life, counseling can be a positive option. Counseling can open communication, resolve conflict and help to find ways to move forward after experiencing loss or grief. What you are experiencing is unique to you and where you are in your life cycle. Counseling can provide support while working through the transitions of life.
Whether you want to work on personal growth, marital relationships or family dynamics counseling can be helpful. Studies show that solving problems when you are upset and emotional is nearly impossible. The brain needs at least 30 minutes to return to normal functioning after an argument. Counseling can be a safe environment to get constructive suggestions when facing a dilemma. Couples can sound impressive when they say “we never fight”. The reality is that if you don’t disagree you probably aren’t talking about important issues together. It is how you handle or manage the conflict that will determine the effect on your relationship.
Counseling can help keep the communication flowing when resolving a conflict.
Chronic high stress can squeeze the love and friendship out of relationships and kill it a little each day. It can be toxic to your marriage and family’s happiness. To heal your relationships from conflict and the wounds that evolve a third party is needed sometimes. Choose a licensed professional with experience in your area of concern to help return the healthy interaction and love you desire with your partner
How we choose to cope can jeopardize our health and relationships at home or work. If you feel overwhelmed or want to seek change in your life, counseling can be a positive option. Counseling can open communication, resolve conflict and help to find ways to move forward after experiencing loss or grief. What you are experiencing is unique to you and where you are in your life cycle. Counseling can provide support while working through the transitions of life.
Whether you want to work on personal growth, marital relationships or family dynamics counseling can be helpful. Studies show that solving problems when you are upset and emotional is nearly impossible. The brain needs at least 30 minutes to return to normal functioning after an argument. Counseling can be a safe environment to get constructive suggestions when facing a dilemma. Couples can sound impressive when they say “we never fight”. The reality is that if you don’t disagree you probably aren’t talking about important issues together. It is how you handle or manage the conflict that will determine the effect on your relationship.
Counseling can help keep the communication flowing when resolving a conflict.
Chronic high stress can squeeze the love and friendship out of relationships and kill it a little each day. It can be toxic to your marriage and family’s happiness. To heal your relationships from conflict and the wounds that evolve a third party is needed sometimes. Choose a licensed professional with experience in your area of concern to help return the healthy interaction and love you desire with your partner
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Take the love dare this month
The month of February bombards us with commercials of purchasing certain products to display the love that you feel for the people in your life. As we struggle with the different relationships in our lives, most people realize that there is more to intimacy than just purchasing an item. People come from all walks of life and from all over the world. We come in all shapes and sizes, old and young with different hopes and desires. The one thing that we all have in common is that each and every one of us desire to matter and be loved.
Show them you care...
People show that they care for one another in their words, actions and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift of love has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive. It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely. There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them. You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special event or show. Plan a special evening alone or finish the “honey do” list that has been pending for months. Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year.
Rekindle your love......
Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples may desire to renew or rekindle their love. The Love Dare, written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse. Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship. These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who has been difficult for you to display unconditional love to. So this Valentine’s Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.
“If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.” Maya Angelou
Show them you care...
People show that they care for one another in their words, actions and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift of love has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive. It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely. There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them. You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special event or show. Plan a special evening alone or finish the “honey do” list that has been pending for months. Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year.
Rekindle your love......
Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples may desire to renew or rekindle their love. The Love Dare, written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse. Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship. These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who has been difficult for you to display unconditional love to. So this Valentine’s Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.
“If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.” Maya Angelou
Monday, January 30, 2012
Fighting eating disorders
Eating disorders are now affecting 8,000,000 people in the United States and 90% of them are women who are from every socioeconomic group. Research shows that 42% of first through third graders would like to be thinner and 81% of ten year olds are afraid they will be fat. Adolescents can develop eating disorders from ages 13 to 17 years old but it can be as young as 8 years old.
Adolescence is a time of emotional and physical changes in the body which can make them very vulnerable to eating disorders. This age group also faces academic stress and pressure from their peers to meet a certain standard to belong to their peer group. There is also the influence of the media and sports programs that influence their physical appearance.
Anorexia and Bulimia
The most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Individuals with anorexia have an extreme fear of weight gain. They have a distorted view of their body size and will restrict food intake or exercise excessively. They will eat a minimal amount of calories and then obsess over what they have eaten. Bulimics will binge eat and then force themselves to vomit, use laxatives, or exercise excessively. Both are very similar but anorexics are very thin and underweight while the bulimic is a normal weight or can be over weight. Eating disorders will usually coincide with anxiety, depression, stress and substance abuse. They can also cause serious health problems that can lead to malnutrition and even death.
Treatment
Dr. Daniel le Grange of the University of Chicago has completed the first study in the United States on evaluating the treatment of eating disorders. His team found that family-based treatment was more effective than individual psychotherapy. Getting the family involved to support the adolescent was essential to the individual learning healthy weight-control behaviors.
If your adolescent is concerned about their weight you should avoid power struggles over food. Instead create a healthy lifestyle for your family. Involve them in planning and preparing healthy meals. Then make exercise a fun family activity that everyone can enjoy. If your adolescent continues to obsess about her appearance and weight then family counseling could be a positive intervention for your child.
Adolescence is a time of emotional and physical changes in the body which can make them very vulnerable to eating disorders. This age group also faces academic stress and pressure from their peers to meet a certain standard to belong to their peer group. There is also the influence of the media and sports programs that influence their physical appearance.
Anorexia and Bulimia
The most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Individuals with anorexia have an extreme fear of weight gain. They have a distorted view of their body size and will restrict food intake or exercise excessively. They will eat a minimal amount of calories and then obsess over what they have eaten. Bulimics will binge eat and then force themselves to vomit, use laxatives, or exercise excessively. Both are very similar but anorexics are very thin and underweight while the bulimic is a normal weight or can be over weight. Eating disorders will usually coincide with anxiety, depression, stress and substance abuse. They can also cause serious health problems that can lead to malnutrition and even death.
Treatment
Dr. Daniel le Grange of the University of Chicago has completed the first study in the United States on evaluating the treatment of eating disorders. His team found that family-based treatment was more effective than individual psychotherapy. Getting the family involved to support the adolescent was essential to the individual learning healthy weight-control behaviors.
If your adolescent is concerned about their weight you should avoid power struggles over food. Instead create a healthy lifestyle for your family. Involve them in planning and preparing healthy meals. Then make exercise a fun family activity that everyone can enjoy. If your adolescent continues to obsess about her appearance and weight then family counseling could be a positive intervention for your child.
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