Back to school separation anxiety

If you are the parent of a shy or anxious child, starting the school year can be a difficult time for both of you. The child can be excited about the concept of school but at the same time display fear leaving the safety of their home. The parent is aware of this fear and can become anxious to create a smooth transition from home to school for their child.

It will be important for the parent or caregiver to not display their anxiety about the concern or become over protective when in social situations. Knowing your child's triggers and preparing them for the experience is a good step to take in helping them learn how to cope with the separation. It is important that the parent support the child but not enable them to continue their pattern of distress.

Baby steps

Start with small gatherings that are structured so that your child can build on their successes. You could attend a story hour at the library, church function or trade childcare with a friend while you run errands. These short absences will build trust with your child and assure them that you will return. It will also help them to build confidence by developing social skills with their peers.

When you enroll your child into school you can show them where their classroom will be so that they can visualize going to school each day. Focus on the positive aspects of returning to school and that you will be there at the end of the day to hear about the fun that they had while learning.

Most children will out grow these concerns as they establish a strong sense of self and confidence in their abilities. Their family will always be an important place of safety through their growth and development to learn the skills for a happy childhood. Separation anxiety affects 4 percent of children 6 to 12 years old. If you don't see progress after attempting these suggestions you will want to seek the advice of your pediatrician for a professional referral.

Backpacks that make the grade

With the academic season under way we will see many children carrying heavy backpacks to and from school. For some children it is mainly books, for others it is band instruments and sports equipment. These items can weigh a lot, and the majority of the weight is supported by your children's back. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended that children carry no more than 10 percent of their weight in a backpack.

Helpful suggestions

Studies report that children carry too much weight on their back. Backpacks have been found to trigger nearly half of the back pain that had been reported and most children only carry their backpacks for 10 to 15 minutes daily.

You can protect your child's back by:

• Choose a backpack that has two wide padded straps that go over the shoulder. Make sure your children put both arms through the straps, not just one. You may also want to consider buying your child the wheeled backpack as an alternative.
• Monitor what your children carry. The total weight should not be more than 10 percent of a child's body weight.
• Teach your children to pack the heaviest books closest to their backs.
• Coach your children to go to their lockers as often as possible to minimize the time that they are carrying their books.

Teaching your children these health tips to lighten their load will benefit their back as an adult. You might want to check the weight of your purse or briefcase that you carry each day. Females that carry a purse along with a backpack had significantly more back pain than females who didn't. If your children or adolescent complain of back pain you may want to consult a chiropractor to prevent any problems that may occur during their growth and development.

Set your body clock for school

As temperatures soar to 100 degrees and summer is gearing up it's time to prepare for back-to-school. Your children are probably excited about whom their teacher will be this year, seeing their friends again and buying their new school supplies. The one thing they won't want to think about is going to bed earlier.

With the advanced technology competing for your child's waking hours, it is not surprising to hear that most children are sleep deprived. A recent Kids Health Kids Poll estimated that 62 percent of children ages 9 to 13 do not get enough sleep and 70 percent were wishing they could get more sleep. Experts recommend that school-age children receive 9 to 10 hours of sleep each night.

Bedtime routine

Establish a consistent bedtime routine is the best intervention in helping your child prepare for the next day. Here are a few suggestions to try:

• Set a bedtime for school nights, and stick with it.
• Make sure that all homework and other preparations for the next day are completed early enough in the evening, so that your child gets to bed on time.
• Have your child complete their nightly hygiene routine at least 30 minutes before their bedtime.
• After your child has completed their evening tasks, allow them some quiet reading time to slow down, and relax before bed.
• Spend some time with your child discussing their day and activities. Ask your child about any projects or concerns that they may have and need assistance with.
• Say good night to your child and state your expectations about staying in bed in a kind but firm voice.

Good self-care

Ensuring that your child is rested for the day is also important in helping their immune system fight infection effectively. Children that are sleep deprived are likely to be ill more often, have a negative outlook on life, and display poor social skills when interacting with others. Helping your child get enough sleep is just one more step in teaching your child self-care skills for life. Let's start the school year right and set your body clock tonight!

College bound student

It's a proud day when you watch your child leave for college. As a parent you have been working toward this moment since your child was born. This transition from child to young adult can be exhausting and emotionally draining for the parent. You have done all the preparatory work with finances, dormitory room preparation and now you are ready to give your college-bound freshman a positive send-off.

Launching your student

Emotionally parents must be prepared to let go of their young adult and develop a new role of support. College is a huge economic investment for parents and student alike so discussing expectations should be done early in the preparation stage. Your college bound student should be able to balance their checkbook, know how to make their own doctor appointments and fill prescriptions as needed.

If your student calls in a panic, coach them through the choices that are available. This is an important learning situation for them to build confidence in themselves. Your student will be faced with many new dilemmas from roommates to college professors. Try not to become too involved with these concerns. Trust your student to resolve the concern to the best of their abilities. Let your student know you are proud of them and will be supportive in this time of transition. Send them e-mails and text messages to let them know you are thinking of them.

The days will pass quickly and your student will be home to visit on the holidays. You will see them grow to the adult you have always envisioned. It will be a memory to celebrate together.

Warning signs of an abusive relationship

Emotional abuse, verbal abuse and domestic violence are on the rise in relationships, especially among young people. During the early stages of a relationship, your partner is not likely to display abusive behaviors, but it is sometimes possible to predict if a person could become abusive by being observant of different personality traits. Not all individuals will display the same signs but the more signs that you observe the greater chance violence will occur. As the abuser becomes more confident in the relationship you will see an increase to dominate or control and manipulate the victim. Both male and female genders are known to be in the role of perpetrator and victim.

Warning signs

One warning sign would be jealousy in a relationship. Jealousy is not a sign of love but a sign of insecurity and possessiveness with the perpetrator. The partner may try to control behaviors by not allowing the significant other see their friends, wear certain clothes, talk negatively about the opposite gender or make belittling comments.

The perpetrator will also try to make their partner rush into a commitment, while making statements of "being in love at first sight". This is usually because it is difficult for them to maintain a normal dating relationship for any length of time. If the partner is cautious to commit, the abuser has been known to start blaming the victim for problems that start to evolve in the relationship. The abuser will begin to criticize their partner on appearance or daily tasks that are done and pressure their partner to be perfect. When the partner can't meet the expectations, the abuser can escalate to violent behavior.

Assess the situation

If your partner is displaying these behaviors it is important to stop rationalizing the behaviors as normal. Discuss them with your partner and watch their reaction. If the partner chooses not to take any responsibility for the concerns then you should be wary of continuing the relationship. Set firm boundaries with the individual and monitor their responses. If the partner continues to violate your personal space or attempt to intimidate you it is time to start looking for a new potential partner.

Get a good night's sleep

As we all experience the current recession there are many of us struggling to sleep through the night. When suffering from anxiety and depression or under extreme duress our mind will start to processing our concerns while we are trying to fall asleep or wake us up after sleeping for a couple of hours. It is very difficult to problem solve concerns if we are fatigued and irritable.

Prevention magazine reports simple steps that everyone can follow so that they can "sleep like a baby."

• Make breakfast your heaviest meal.
• Cut out the caffeine after 2 PM.
• Go outside when it is sunny to reset your awake-sleep cycle.
• Drink your eight, 8 oz. glasses of water each day.
• Exercise every day, preferably in the morning.
• Take a 15 minute nap when needed.
• Go to bed when you are sleepy.
• Move the television out of the bedroom.
• Create a sleep schedule and stick to it.

If you have difficulty falling asleep and have for several months you could be sleep deprived. Wichita has several specialists in this area that you may want to consult with. There is Tallgrass Sleep Center, Via Christi Sleep Disorders Center, Sleep Medicine Center of Kansas and Comprehensive Sleep Disorders and Neurodiagnostic Center of Kansas. Practice good self-care daily and seek professional help when needed to have the quality of life that you deserve.

Fall in love with your spouse again

Divorce rates are remaining steady at 50% survival rate for first marriages. If you are struggling to not be a part of the latest statistic then you might want to read Dr. Laura Berman's new book Real Sex for Real Women. She has worked as a sex educator, researcher, and therapist for the last 18 years. Dr. Berman has a few ideas on how to put that spark back into your dying romance.

• Be the model of change. If you believe your partner is not loving, understanding or appreciative of your concerns then model those behaviors for your partner. You will get what you give in a relationship.
• Own your 100 percent. Own your part of the problem that occurs in the relationship and then take the necessary steps to correct them.
• Initiate sexual contact. If you want a more passionate sex life then initiate the contact with your partner and work to make that happen.
• Talk about your needs in a positive manner. Stop the blame game and speak to your partner in "I" messages. Explain your needs and work together to resolve them.

Then take the steps to stay connected to your partner. Make plans for a date night. Share new experiences together and try not to focus only on your day to day stressors. Relationships are a constant work in progress. It doesn't get easier, you just have to be more creative.