The death of a loved one is life altering. The transition from wife to widow, husband to widower can be a very difficult one. As in any loss, the death of a spouse brings feelings of depression, erratic moods, disrupted sleep and obsessive thoughts about the deceased. This can be happening while being overwhelmed with questions and urgent decisions that need to be made.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1969) introduced the "Five stages of Grief". People can experience these stages during any major life changes such as loss of job, health, relationship, pet or financial stability. The individual and family will progress through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in their own way. There is no specific way to grieve. Each person will experience grief based on their culture, social and personal beliefs. Their personal relationship with the deceased person will also impact the bereavement.
The survivor must give themselves permission to grieve. Postponing your time to mourn will only delay and compound your grief reaction. Your reaction to the death from unexpected or anticipated circumstances can make you experience a wide range of emotions from shock, numbness, pain and anger. Grieving is full of ups and downs like a roller coaster. Special events like a wedding, birth, or holiday can trigger a strong emotional response, but difficult times will become less intense and shorter as time goes by.
It's important not to grieve alone. Use the support of family and friends. Draw comfort from the faith you practice. Join a support group or speak with an experienced counselor. Suppressing your grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other health concerns. Grief can affect your health so maintain your self-care with the appropriate rest, proper nutrition, regular exercise and physical check-up with your doctor.
You will have good and bad days with moments of joy or happiness. Life has a way of throwing moments our way that can wake us to the possibilities of a better tomorrow. If you need support during your time of bereavement contact a counselor, pastor or a grief support group for the help you may need.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Early signs of Autism
Autism has been defined as a neurological disorder that affects the ability to communicate and interact socially with others. Science and research have determined that genetics, environment, and other variables with the individual's immune system may be the cause of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The Centers for Disease and Control report that 1% of the children in the United States or approximately one child in 91 will be diagnosed with an autism disorder. There are four times as many boys diagnosed with autism than girls. ASD can range from the mild, moderate to severe symptoms that can be detected in an infant as young as nine months old with a pediatric specialist.
Early Detection
Parents will notice specific developmental delays with their infant that will concern them. The most common worry reported is that their child doesn't turn toward a sound or respond when their name is called. Children with ASD will struggle with eye contact, smiling, or having an interest in facial expressions. They don't babble sounds at 12 months when interacting with their caregivers. Language delays are noted at 18 months as children should have a two word response by 24 months.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that pediatricians evaluate children for autism beginning at nine months. Specialist's report that the earlier a diagnosis of ASD is detected will increase the likelihood a child will have normal growth and development. Developmental screenings will help physicians monitor delays and refer the child for a specialty assessment and treatment.
Interventions
"The environment in the early years has an active role in shaping the brain," says Geraldine Dawson PhD a leading autism researcher and director of Autism Center at the University of Washington. "What we see in autism may be partly the result of not engaging with the social environment. So if you engage the baby through an intervention you might prevent or at least reduce the development of autism symptoms."
There are several locations in Wichita, Kansas area that utilize early childhood specialists for screening children that are displaying symptoms of developmental delay. These resources can also help parents with daily living skills, parenting and behavior management for their ASD child. Parents should seek answers to the questions that they have about their child's development at Rainbows United, Heartspring, Kansas School of Medicine, Prairie View and Comcare to determine the care that their children would benefit from.
Early Detection
Parents will notice specific developmental delays with their infant that will concern them. The most common worry reported is that their child doesn't turn toward a sound or respond when their name is called. Children with ASD will struggle with eye contact, smiling, or having an interest in facial expressions. They don't babble sounds at 12 months when interacting with their caregivers. Language delays are noted at 18 months as children should have a two word response by 24 months.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that pediatricians evaluate children for autism beginning at nine months. Specialist's report that the earlier a diagnosis of ASD is detected will increase the likelihood a child will have normal growth and development. Developmental screenings will help physicians monitor delays and refer the child for a specialty assessment and treatment.
Interventions
"The environment in the early years has an active role in shaping the brain," says Geraldine Dawson PhD a leading autism researcher and director of Autism Center at the University of Washington. "What we see in autism may be partly the result of not engaging with the social environment. So if you engage the baby through an intervention you might prevent or at least reduce the development of autism symptoms."
There are several locations in Wichita, Kansas area that utilize early childhood specialists for screening children that are displaying symptoms of developmental delay. These resources can also help parents with daily living skills, parenting and behavior management for their ASD child. Parents should seek answers to the questions that they have about their child's development at Rainbows United, Heartspring, Kansas School of Medicine, Prairie View and Comcare to determine the care that their children would benefit from.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Simple acts of kindness can revitalize your relationship
Creating a healthy relationship with someone else starts with knowing yourself. Your attitude is the key to understanding yourself and the world you live in. It's up to you to make the mental shift from a negative to a positive perspective which allows you to see the possibilities in your life. "Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said, "Your should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner." Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with. Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship. Blakelee's new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationships. "Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; an keep costs low, benefits high." Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of "affective affirmation" or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse. This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.
Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship. "It's not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners," motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. "Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care." Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years. Surprise your partner with filling up their car with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author. These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, "I love you."
Sara Blakeslee of Marriage and Family Therapy Institute said, "Your should be in touch with your emotional side and be able to communicate those feelings in a constructive manner." Most people are looking for a trustworthy companion who they can spend time with and have fun with. Sometimes the small, daily challenges in a relationship can have you focusing on the problems instead of the positive aspects of your relationship. Blakelee's new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, gives simple steps on how to enhance your marriage or relationships. "Expect less, get more; give incentives and rewards; have daily briefings; implement change; an keep costs low, benefits high." Another suggestion the book states is to build communication with the use of "affective affirmation" or speaking nice and affirming words to your spouse. This positive interchange will initiate the necessary alteration that can transform a relationship instantly.
Simple acts of kindness can rekindle feelings of love, respect and admiration in a relationship. "It's not about the elaborate trips or expensive dinners," motivational speaker Jay Forte explains. "Rather life becomes an event when you pay attention to the details that show you care." Celebrate your relationship this week by recreating your first date, pull out old photos to recall fun memories or dance to music from your dating years. Surprise your partner with filling up their car with gas, unloading the dishwasher or purchasing a book by their favorite author. These thoughtful gestures let your partner know you are thinking about them and display the behaviors that say, "I love you."
Monday, April 12, 2010
Money management and marriage
One of the most difficult things to agree on in a relationship is how to manage the finances. In most relationships one person is responsible for budgeting and paying the bills on time. Blended families have a more complex system with additional burdens of child support, alimony, and future college bills to consider. Louis Scatigna author of The Financial Physician believes that couples should manage their money together. He states that the best option is for the couple to sit down monthly to discuss bills, savings and investment options before writing checks. Sharing the financial burden will help the couple shift from "adversaries to teammates who can strategize, motivate, and hold each other accountable" for the spending.
Another advantage is that the couple could work together to set realistic goals. Unrealistic expectations can create conflict or make a partner feel like their goals are being sabotaged. The couple should create goals they are both motivated to accomplish. This can be a savings account, family vacation or to purchase larger items like an automobile. If one person is controlling the finances it can create a parent-child dynamic. Kansas State University's Institute of Personal Financial Planning, Kristy Archuleta says, "to rebalance, the parent character has to cede an equal amount of power and responsibility to the child in the relationship, so that they are both acting more like adults together."
Each couple should have an established dollar amount that they are allowed to spend without consulting their partner. This can allow the individual to purchase items that are important to them without creating conflict with the partner. Dr. Scott Haltzman author of The Secrets of Happy Families says,"Successful relationships are based on the establishment of trust, and a spend-first/apologize-later strategy feels like a betrayal." Couples could also create their own accounts for discretionary spending for those purchases that are separate from family goals.
When raising a family there always seems to be more needs than there is money available. We need to learn how to break the cycle of spending beyond our means of income. "The people who really have the financial lives they want understand themselves on the inside first," says Brent Kessel author of It's Not About the Money. First ask yourself why you want the item. Determine if it is a "want or need". If it is an impulsive purchase Kessel suggests you ask yourself why you want the item. Then let the impulse pass so that you avoid creating any feelings of remorse or grief. Learning to establish financial boundaries and maintain your long term financial goals will help maintain a healthy marriage.
Another advantage is that the couple could work together to set realistic goals. Unrealistic expectations can create conflict or make a partner feel like their goals are being sabotaged. The couple should create goals they are both motivated to accomplish. This can be a savings account, family vacation or to purchase larger items like an automobile. If one person is controlling the finances it can create a parent-child dynamic. Kansas State University's Institute of Personal Financial Planning, Kristy Archuleta says, "to rebalance, the parent character has to cede an equal amount of power and responsibility to the child in the relationship, so that they are both acting more like adults together."
Each couple should have an established dollar amount that they are allowed to spend without consulting their partner. This can allow the individual to purchase items that are important to them without creating conflict with the partner. Dr. Scott Haltzman author of The Secrets of Happy Families says,"Successful relationships are based on the establishment of trust, and a spend-first/apologize-later strategy feels like a betrayal." Couples could also create their own accounts for discretionary spending for those purchases that are separate from family goals.
When raising a family there always seems to be more needs than there is money available. We need to learn how to break the cycle of spending beyond our means of income. "The people who really have the financial lives they want understand themselves on the inside first," says Brent Kessel author of It's Not About the Money. First ask yourself why you want the item. Determine if it is a "want or need". If it is an impulsive purchase Kessel suggests you ask yourself why you want the item. Then let the impulse pass so that you avoid creating any feelings of remorse or grief. Learning to establish financial boundaries and maintain your long term financial goals will help maintain a healthy marriage.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Putting your heart at risk
Two new studies have reported that the number of heart attacks is rising among middle-aged women and falling among men. The mortality rate for women is higher after a heart attack than for men at this time. Health professionals are emphasizing the importance of maintaining preventive interventions for cardiovascular risks by eating healthy, regular physical activity and not smoking. Another positive factor for a healthy heart is maintaining good social relationships.
Conflictual relationships can moderately increase the risk of coronary stress. Men and women who experienced conflict in their closest personal relationships were 34% more likely to have a heart attack or agina. "The possibility that negative close relationships are more powerful predictions of health than other aspects of social support is consistent with previous research findings indicating that individuals tend to mentally replay negative encounters more than they replay positive ones," the researchers wrote. Researchers noted that depression, low self-esteem, and anger have been found to influence coronary disease through the cumulative 'wear and tear' on organs and tissues caused by alterations of autonomic functions.
All couples have conflict but if your relationship is constantly under stress and strain the risk of heart attack increases 34%. A study a published in the Archives of Internal Medicine reports from a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women, that people who reported chronic conflict in their closet relationship had the highest risk of heart disease. This is due to the intense flood of hormones that is triggered when individuals become angry or stressed. The hormones cause the heart to beat faster, increase blood pressure and wears on the cardiac blood vessels. Unhappy marriages were also found to increase self-destructive behaviors of poor diet and increased smoking or drinking.
To avoid a heart attack see your family physician to discuss any lifestyle changes that you may need help with to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol or to quit smoking. For a healthy heart eat more seafood, nuts and increase your exercise routine. If your relationship needs a check-up consider going to counseling or seeing your pastor for guidance. Learning how to "agree to disagree" can mend your relationship and your heart.
Conflictual relationships can moderately increase the risk of coronary stress. Men and women who experienced conflict in their closest personal relationships were 34% more likely to have a heart attack or agina. "The possibility that negative close relationships are more powerful predictions of health than other aspects of social support is consistent with previous research findings indicating that individuals tend to mentally replay negative encounters more than they replay positive ones," the researchers wrote. Researchers noted that depression, low self-esteem, and anger have been found to influence coronary disease through the cumulative 'wear and tear' on organs and tissues caused by alterations of autonomic functions.
All couples have conflict but if your relationship is constantly under stress and strain the risk of heart attack increases 34%. A study a published in the Archives of Internal Medicine reports from a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women, that people who reported chronic conflict in their closet relationship had the highest risk of heart disease. This is due to the intense flood of hormones that is triggered when individuals become angry or stressed. The hormones cause the heart to beat faster, increase blood pressure and wears on the cardiac blood vessels. Unhappy marriages were also found to increase self-destructive behaviors of poor diet and increased smoking or drinking.
To avoid a heart attack see your family physician to discuss any lifestyle changes that you may need help with to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol or to quit smoking. For a healthy heart eat more seafood, nuts and increase your exercise routine. If your relationship needs a check-up consider going to counseling or seeing your pastor for guidance. Learning how to "agree to disagree" can mend your relationship and your heart.
The chemistry of romance
A first kiss can offer many clues into the soul of a person. That kiss can give insight into a person's sexuality, intentions, patience and health. Research reports that 66% of women will discontinue a relationship after a first bad kiss. The science of kissing states that we smell the person we kiss and unconsciously our brain is responding to their immune system. Anthropologist Helen Fisher PhD of Rutgers University says, "That when you believe someone is a bad kisser it probably means that their immune system is wrong for you. The closer your immune system is to the person you're kissing the more likely it is that the female might reject the fetus." Over 50% of both men and women have reported that they were really attracted to someone until they kissed them.
Phermones are another important chemical that creates attractions which releases through the olfactory system to the brain. This triggers a biological response of "love at first sight". Expert Beverly Palmer PhD believes "that the most important sign of attraction is mutual eye contact." After the initial attraction she states that you will then witness preening from the interested males or female who will begin to mirror your behaviors of touching hair, lips, or crossing legs. This is a signal that states, "I'm interested in you."
Studies have shown that the chemical connection through mutual scents the body produces will attract a potential partner. Keeping that initial passion in a relationship is very difficult as these chemicals need to be newly stimulated. Over time relationships will move from the physical attraction to the deeper emotional intimacy. To revitalize the sexual communication in your relationship try a 10 second to 1 minute kiss every day. It's what the love doctor orders to arouse the love and lust in your relationship.
Phermones are another important chemical that creates attractions which releases through the olfactory system to the brain. This triggers a biological response of "love at first sight". Expert Beverly Palmer PhD believes "that the most important sign of attraction is mutual eye contact." After the initial attraction she states that you will then witness preening from the interested males or female who will begin to mirror your behaviors of touching hair, lips, or crossing legs. This is a signal that states, "I'm interested in you."
Studies have shown that the chemical connection through mutual scents the body produces will attract a potential partner. Keeping that initial passion in a relationship is very difficult as these chemicals need to be newly stimulated. Over time relationships will move from the physical attraction to the deeper emotional intimacy. To revitalize the sexual communication in your relationship try a 10 second to 1 minute kiss every day. It's what the love doctor orders to arouse the love and lust in your relationship.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Take the "Love Dare" this month
The month of February bombards us with commercials of purchasing certain products to display the love that you feel for the people in your life. As we struggle with the different relationships in our lives, most people realize that there is more to intimacy than just purchasing an item. People come from all walks of life and from all over the world. We come in all shapes and sizes, old and young with different hopes and dreams. The one thing that we all have in common is that each and every one of us desire to matter and be loved.
People show that they care for one another in their words, actions, and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive. It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely. There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them. You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special show or event. Plan a special evening alone or finish the "honey do" list that has been pending for months. Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year.
Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples desire to renew or rekindle their love. The Love Dare written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse. Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship. These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who been difficult for you to display unconditional love to. So this Valentine's Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.
"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
People show that they care for one another in their words, actions, and attitudes that are displayed each and every day. This gift has no dollar value and must be nurtured for it to thrive. It may cost you your time to simply be with someone when they are sad, hurt or lonely. There are unlimited ways that you can let the people in your life know you are thinking of them. You may make their favorite meal or surprise them by purchasing tickets to a special show or event. Plan a special evening alone or finish the "honey do" list that has been pending for months. Money and gifts can prove their love for one day but it can leave you lonely for the remainder of the year.
Over time relationships can become strained with the pressures of life and couples desire to renew or rekindle their love. The Love Dare written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick who are pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia wrote a forty-day guided devotional experience that leads your heart back to truly loving your spouse. Each day asks you to look at specific ways to display love to your partner to heal your relationship. These are simple acts of love that can also be used for children, extended family members or anyone who been difficult for you to display unconditional love to. So this Valentine's Day challenge yourself to improve or revitalize your relationships all year round.
"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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