Millions of Americans today overspend to give themselves a momentary emotional lift or escape from the stress they experience in their day to day life. If you have engaged in an impulsive purchase, you have also experienced that moment of happiness later turn into remorse and guilt.
Financial troubles are known to trigger or exacerbate mental health issues such as stress, anxiety and depression. The impulsivity of purchases often occurs with individuals who have suffered a traumatic loss and are searching for a way to fill the emptiness that they feel. Scientists identify this impulsive behavior as an “activity addiction” like gambling, eating or sexual disorders. These activities can affect the brain chemistry the same way that alcohol and drugs do to give you a brief “high” that alleviates the stress when overspending. This continued self-destructive behavior can result in a large credit card debt, unpaid bills and marital distress.
When you decide to make a purchase stop and ask yourself if this purchase is a “need or want”. If the purchase is a need then determine how the purchase will effect your budget or current lifestyle. After you have answered these questions, then research the product so that you will receive the ultimate quality for your dollar. This process will help you from making the decision impulsively and without regret. When reviewing your finances you may determine a need for professional assistance to discuss your options. Consumer Credit Counseling has helped many individuals and families regain control of their finances. There is also Debtors Anonymous that has support group meetings or there are mental health professionals that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help identify and change the self-destructive behavior patterns that have been identified. Seek the help that you need so that you can have the quality of life that you deserve.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
Sudden divorce syndrome
You will probably never see this diagnosis in the DSM IV (which is the diagnostic tool all clinicians use to diagnose mental health issues) but Sudden Divorce Syndrome is experienced by thousands of families every week. Married couples who have launched their children suddenly realize they no longer have anything in common with each other or have completely quit communicating and one day into the house and say “I want a divorce.”
In a 2004 poll by the AARP one in four men who were divorced stated that they “never saw it coming.” Only 14% of divorced women stated that the divorce had been unexpected for them. The U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare report that women will file for divorce on an average of 66% of the time. The report states that when women make up their mind that the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship. The confusion for men is that if there is no communication on the issue they believe everything is fine in the relationship.
No matter who ends the relationship, divorce can be devastating to the physical, mental and financial well-being of all family members. How can a person avoid Sudden Divorce Syndrome? One way is to work on your marriage while it can still be salvaged. Statistically, end-stage marriage counseling is rarely successful. Try to appreciate your partner each and every day. Find time for a date night or spend a special evening together. Most importantly communicate the love you share for each other and how it has grown or changed over the years. When you hit that bump in the road and need additional help do not hesitate to seek it. Contact your pastor or marriage and family therapist immediately for assistance.
In a 2004 poll by the AARP one in four men who were divorced stated that they “never saw it coming.” Only 14% of divorced women stated that the divorce had been unexpected for them. The U.S. Commission on Child and Family Welfare report that women will file for divorce on an average of 66% of the time. The report states that when women make up their mind that the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship. The confusion for men is that if there is no communication on the issue they believe everything is fine in the relationship.
No matter who ends the relationship, divorce can be devastating to the physical, mental and financial well-being of all family members. How can a person avoid Sudden Divorce Syndrome? One way is to work on your marriage while it can still be salvaged. Statistically, end-stage marriage counseling is rarely successful. Try to appreciate your partner each and every day. Find time for a date night or spend a special evening together. Most importantly communicate the love you share for each other and how it has grown or changed over the years. When you hit that bump in the road and need additional help do not hesitate to seek it. Contact your pastor or marriage and family therapist immediately for assistance.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Getting along with the teacher
The school year is underway and by now your child should be feeling comfortable with their new teacher. Your child’s relationship with their teacher is very important to their academic success. Children who get along with their teachers learn more. They will also feel more confident when asking questions and getting extra help when needed. This will make it easier for them to understand new materials and perform better on tests.
If your child is complaining about their teacher ask for specific concerns. It could be they are just missing their teacher from last year. Teachers want to get along with their students so the goal would be to create trust and kindness by communicating honestly about any concerns that your child may have. First make an appointment with the teacher to communicate the problem. Next discuss both sides of the issue and create a plan with the teacher to give your child more support where there is an academic concern. Follow-up with the teacher after the plan has been in place for a few weeks to see if the changes have helped your child’s academic progress. If there continues to be a concern after a few weeks then ask to meet with the principal or counselor to involve them with the issue. Let your child know that you are all working together to help him be successful at school.
It is also important for your child to be responsible for their part of the learning process. Students should attend class regularly and be ready to learn with the appropriate supplies. They should be prepared and have assignments completed as requested. Students should also display a positive attitude in class every day even though they feel there may be a concern. When everyone works together as a team your child will be successful.
If your child is complaining about their teacher ask for specific concerns. It could be they are just missing their teacher from last year. Teachers want to get along with their students so the goal would be to create trust and kindness by communicating honestly about any concerns that your child may have. First make an appointment with the teacher to communicate the problem. Next discuss both sides of the issue and create a plan with the teacher to give your child more support where there is an academic concern. Follow-up with the teacher after the plan has been in place for a few weeks to see if the changes have helped your child’s academic progress. If there continues to be a concern after a few weeks then ask to meet with the principal or counselor to involve them with the issue. Let your child know that you are all working together to help him be successful at school.
It is also important for your child to be responsible for their part of the learning process. Students should attend class regularly and be ready to learn with the appropriate supplies. They should be prepared and have assignments completed as requested. Students should also display a positive attitude in class every day even though they feel there may be a concern. When everyone works together as a team your child will be successful.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Starting over again
Entering the dating scene after the end of a significant relationship can be overwhelming. There are several things to consider before initiating the dating game. First give yourself time to heal. Whether you lost your partner to death, divorce or a mutual parting you must grieve your loss. Research reports we need six months of healing for every five years you were involved in the relationship. Use your support system of family, friends, faith and counseling to get through this difficult time.
Take time for yourself. Go for a haircut or spa treatment. Head out to the gym for that workout you never had time for. Update your wardrobe and plan an evening out with friends. This time of healing can help you to reconnect with yourself and the things that you enjoy doing.
When you are ready to start dating again let your friends and family know. They may know of a single person that may have common interests that you share. If you are in the age group of 45 to 54 years you are more likely to meet a partner online. Harris Interactive surveyed 10,000 people who married in the United States in 2006 and 2007; found 31% from 45 to 54 years met online. Only 18% aged 20 to 44 years met online. Younger adults were still meeting at college, work, and other functions.
If you are a single parent it will be important to discuss dating with your children. Let them know that you are making new friends and just enjoying their company. Then do not introduce prospective partners to your children until you are sure that you are both committed to the relationship. You don’t want to hurt or confuse your children by having them becoming attached to someone you are dating who has no intention of a future commitment.
Dating can be fun and discouraging. Start with casual activities like a coffee at the bookstore or a drink after work. Try to enjoy your new found freedoms of being single. Dating is an important part of the courtship journey. Just relax and have fun.
Take time for yourself. Go for a haircut or spa treatment. Head out to the gym for that workout you never had time for. Update your wardrobe and plan an evening out with friends. This time of healing can help you to reconnect with yourself and the things that you enjoy doing.
When you are ready to start dating again let your friends and family know. They may know of a single person that may have common interests that you share. If you are in the age group of 45 to 54 years you are more likely to meet a partner online. Harris Interactive surveyed 10,000 people who married in the United States in 2006 and 2007; found 31% from 45 to 54 years met online. Only 18% aged 20 to 44 years met online. Younger adults were still meeting at college, work, and other functions.
If you are a single parent it will be important to discuss dating with your children. Let them know that you are making new friends and just enjoying their company. Then do not introduce prospective partners to your children until you are sure that you are both committed to the relationship. You don’t want to hurt or confuse your children by having them becoming attached to someone you are dating who has no intention of a future commitment.
Dating can be fun and discouraging. Start with casual activities like a coffee at the bookstore or a drink after work. Try to enjoy your new found freedoms of being single. Dating is an important part of the courtship journey. Just relax and have fun.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Teen dating violence
Parenting a teenager has always been challenging but with the technology available today it has increased the difficulties. Cell phones, PDAs and the internet can keep teenagers in constant communication with each other. A recent study found that 93% of teens use the internet, 72% own a desktop computer and 67% have their own cell phones. More than half of 12 to 17 year olds who use the internet also have a profile on Facebook or Myspace. This technology has exposed teenagers to cyberbullying and digital dating abuse. Digital dating abuse has been defined as when one member of a teen couple starts to pressure or disrespect the other with a mode of technology.
Today 47% of 11 to 14 year olds are in a dating relationship. Sex is considered part of the tween dating relationships. This early sexual activity appears to fuel dating violence and abuse among teenagers. The 15 to 18 year olds are reporting significant levels of abusive behavior that extend from electronic abuse of rumors, embarrassing pictures or videos, verbal bullying and physical abuse. Parents seem to be in the dark about these behaviors but there are several resources that are trying to break the cycle by educating the parent and teenagers about their options.
Teen abusers are known to want constant control over their partner night and day. Teens report they are called or sent a text message 30 times an hour asking them where they are or what they are doing. This usually occurs between midnight and 5:00 A.M. They also monitor their dating partner on Facebook or Myspace pages. Most teens post enough information on their webpage to allow anyone with access to find them at anytime during the day. An abuser can use their own webpage to post personal information or unwanted pictures about their dating partner.
Parents can initiate several steps to protect their tween or teenager from digital abuse. You can change their cell phone number but this could also escalate the abusive partner. Another option would be to leave the phone active to save the abusive messages and voicemails for future legal action if it becomes necessary. Parents should also discuss with their teenager how the misuse of their webpage can violate their privacy. Review their webpage and explain how to keep their profile private or limit the information that is posted.
Digital violence will only be overcome by educating your teens on how to use technology safely. Parents should discuss their expectations of using technology and the boundaries that must be followed for their teenager’s own protection. Talk to your teenager about respectful relationships and how you will not allow them to be mistreated. In your home and as their role model you can display what a loving relationship should be.
Today 47% of 11 to 14 year olds are in a dating relationship. Sex is considered part of the tween dating relationships. This early sexual activity appears to fuel dating violence and abuse among teenagers. The 15 to 18 year olds are reporting significant levels of abusive behavior that extend from electronic abuse of rumors, embarrassing pictures or videos, verbal bullying and physical abuse. Parents seem to be in the dark about these behaviors but there are several resources that are trying to break the cycle by educating the parent and teenagers about their options.
Teen abusers are known to want constant control over their partner night and day. Teens report they are called or sent a text message 30 times an hour asking them where they are or what they are doing. This usually occurs between midnight and 5:00 A.M. They also monitor their dating partner on Facebook or Myspace pages. Most teens post enough information on their webpage to allow anyone with access to find them at anytime during the day. An abuser can use their own webpage to post personal information or unwanted pictures about their dating partner.
Parents can initiate several steps to protect their tween or teenager from digital abuse. You can change their cell phone number but this could also escalate the abusive partner. Another option would be to leave the phone active to save the abusive messages and voicemails for future legal action if it becomes necessary. Parents should also discuss with their teenager how the misuse of their webpage can violate their privacy. Review their webpage and explain how to keep their profile private or limit the information that is posted.
Digital violence will only be overcome by educating your teens on how to use technology safely. Parents should discuss their expectations of using technology and the boundaries that must be followed for their teenager’s own protection. Talk to your teenager about respectful relationships and how you will not allow them to be mistreated. In your home and as their role model you can display what a loving relationship should be.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Cohabitation before marriage
Young adults today are deciding to live with their partner first before making the commitment of marriage. The latest statistics report that 60% to 70% of couples or 13.6 million couples in 2008 chose to live together before deciding to marry. Studies indicate that individuals that choose to cohabitate first have risk factors of divorced parents, less education, less religious commitment, and a more negative opinion about marriage in general.
The Journal of Family Psychology published a study in July 2009 that reported couples that cohabitated before marriage had a higher divorce rate than couples who did not live together first. They also found that cohabitating couples were less happy when they eventually did get married. The cohabitating couples continued to have difficulty with communication, marital conflict, higher rates of domestic violence and infidelity.
Researchers reported that most couples who chose to cohabitate wanted to save money, see their partner more frequently and test the relationship. Men are more likely to want to test the relationship first. Research has found they will have a higher level of attachment insecurity and more symptoms of anxiety and depression. What couples reported was that living together created an unequal balance of power as the male received all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The female would then later force the concept of marriage which made the male feel he was being forced into marriage.
After more than a decade of research there has been nothing found to support that cohabitating will improve your chance of a successful marriage. Dating your partner for at least two years, knowing each other’s families, having common interests and goals that you share can help to build a lasting marriage. Pre-marital counseling has been a positive step for couples as they discuss religion, children, parenting, and financial concerns to prepare for marriage. There are no guarantees about marriage but you can communicate honestly with your partner about concerns when they arise as you prepare for a lifetime commitment to each other.
The Journal of Family Psychology published a study in July 2009 that reported couples that cohabitated before marriage had a higher divorce rate than couples who did not live together first. They also found that cohabitating couples were less happy when they eventually did get married. The cohabitating couples continued to have difficulty with communication, marital conflict, higher rates of domestic violence and infidelity.
Researchers reported that most couples who chose to cohabitate wanted to save money, see their partner more frequently and test the relationship. Men are more likely to want to test the relationship first. Research has found they will have a higher level of attachment insecurity and more symptoms of anxiety and depression. What couples reported was that living together created an unequal balance of power as the male received all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. The female would then later force the concept of marriage which made the male feel he was being forced into marriage.
After more than a decade of research there has been nothing found to support that cohabitating will improve your chance of a successful marriage. Dating your partner for at least two years, knowing each other’s families, having common interests and goals that you share can help to build a lasting marriage. Pre-marital counseling has been a positive step for couples as they discuss religion, children, parenting, and financial concerns to prepare for marriage. There are no guarantees about marriage but you can communicate honestly with your partner about concerns when they arise as you prepare for a lifetime commitment to each other.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Childhood Obesity
Health care providers are reporting that Americans are overweight and there is alarming concern about the obesity of our children. The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reports that how much teens and tweens eat can be influenced by what their friends weigh. Time summarized the findings “Socializing with overweight people can change what we perceive as the norm; it raises our tolerance for obesity both in others and in ourselves. It’s also about letting your hair down. Past research has shown that adults tend to eat more around friends and family than they do with strangers. They shed their inhibitions about how it looks when they go back for thirds or order Alfredo sauce instead of the marinara.”
Obesity also puts children at risk for high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol levels. Today approximately 25 million or one in three children and adolescents in the United States are overweight or obese. This could be the first generation that will live with more illnesses and die younger than their parents. Children’s diets have changed dramatically with the convenience of fast food and packaged foods. There should be a family oriented approach to living a healthy life style with regular exercise, a decrease in fatty foods, and appropriate amount of sleep for your child’s age.
There are several ways to motivate your children to be more active. One would be to limit television to two hours a day and take an evening walk or bike ride instead. You could encourage your children to take their pet for a walk; do yard work or other chores around the house. Parents can select toys that keep their children more active or organize a play group with their friends. You could also plan a family activity to swim, bowl, play volleyball, or visit a local YMCA. Helping your children find their strengths and encouraging them to develop them to their full potential will bring life long benefits to their physical and mental well-being.
Obesity also puts children at risk for high blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol levels. Today approximately 25 million or one in three children and adolescents in the United States are overweight or obese. This could be the first generation that will live with more illnesses and die younger than their parents. Children’s diets have changed dramatically with the convenience of fast food and packaged foods. There should be a family oriented approach to living a healthy life style with regular exercise, a decrease in fatty foods, and appropriate amount of sleep for your child’s age.
There are several ways to motivate your children to be more active. One would be to limit television to two hours a day and take an evening walk or bike ride instead. You could encourage your children to take their pet for a walk; do yard work or other chores around the house. Parents can select toys that keep their children more active or organize a play group with their friends. You could also plan a family activity to swim, bowl, play volleyball, or visit a local YMCA. Helping your children find their strengths and encouraging them to develop them to their full potential will bring life long benefits to their physical and mental well-being.
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