When a couple marries they envision a life together with
their best friend. Unfortunately there
are many issues that can complicate the relationship such as sex, money, trust,
and fidelity. An article published in the Journal
of Couple and Relationship Therapy report that 45- 55% of women and 50-60%
of men will become involved in extramarital sex at some time during their
marriage. These individuals would intentionally engage in the affair with no
intention of leaving their committed relationship.
Prioritize your
marriage
Studies have found that the happiest married couples have
learned how to prioritize having fun together. Having a busy work schedule,
attending classes or keeping up with activities that your children are involved
in can make this a difficult task. Make a list of activities that you would like
to do together. Step out of your comfort zone and try new experiences like
dance lessons, plays, concerts, or a cooking class where you can share your
thoughts and ideas. Just spending time together isn’t enough to strengthen the
relationship. Behavioral scientists report “New experiences activate the
brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine which are
the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love.” Couples that
participated in “exciting” date nights reported a greater increase in marital
satisfaction.
Protect your date nights from becoming a time to
resolve conflicts. Agree to discuss your concerns at an alternative time like in
the morning over breakfast or after completing evening chores. Dr. John
Gottman’s research has found that “For every one disagreement, misunderstanding
or hurt feeling, they need five positive, affectionate caring or fun
interactions to counterbalance it.” Conflict is inevitable in long-term
relationships but it can erode the relationship if concerns are used to control
the partner or not resolved in a constructive manner. Find the balance needed to actively listen to
the concern presented without attacking each other in the process to finding a
compromise. Seek counseling when you feel
stuck or unable to find a solution to the problem. Sometimes discussing the
concern with a neutral party can help to get your relationship back on track
and enjoying each other again
