When your relationship is struggling it’s important to be a
participant to resolve the problem and not expect it to fix itself. Robert
Sternberg (1990) created the Triangular Theory of Love that discusses the three
important building blocks to a relationship. He states that every relationship
must have passion, intimacy and commitment.
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness that exists between two people.
Passion will produce the romance, physical attraction and intercourse for the
relationship. Commitment is defined as the conscious decision a couple makes to
take the loving relationship further.
Honest dialogue
After being a couple for awhile the passion can disappear.
This can create more of a "roommate" interaction which can lead to dissolution of
the relationship because the commitment is no longer there. If you are feeling an emotional distance from
your partner try not to assume or jump to a conclusion of what may be wrong.
Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and won’t be distracted or interrupted
to discuss the concern. When processing
the issue try to be an attentive listener and respond without attacking your
partner or engaging in the “blame game”. This can be done by opening the
conversation with the positive aspects of the relationship. Then state the
concern that you have with the relationship and openly process this information
from both perspectives. When discussing your concerns restate what you heard to make sure you understood
the information correctly. If the conversation becomes heated take a break as more anger will create more distance between each individual involved. Try to end the conversation with the positive
steps that were discussed on how to progress forward from the situation.
Moving forward
Repairing a relationship takes time. Once the problem has
been identified it is important to create a plan on how to resolve the concern
and move forward. A partner should take responsibility for their choices and look for opportunities to help without being
asked. This displays a commitment to the relationship and states that you are
dependable and supportive. A couple should encourage
each other when facing trials. Just listening to their perspective and being emotionally
supportive can make a big difference.
This will communicate that you respect your partner and are not trying to change who they are. Finally, acknowledge
and accept that there will be times in your relationship to “agree to
disagree.”
