Adapting to Change

The world around us is constantly changing and life is measured by the milestones of change. We are in varying states of transition as we adapt to our evolution of life. There is birth, death, divorce, careers and daily changes with schedules, friendships, children and the needs of the family as we age. Anticipating change can become a natural part of life and an opportunity for personal growth.  Learning how to accept change can decrease your stress, worry, and physical or mental duress.

Phases of change

As children our parents protected us from change as it was associated with loss. Understanding that change can be a positive concept will open your mind to the possibility of the transition you are facing. Learning to accept change is an acquired skill because it is a challenge to your old belief system. It can cause a break from your routine or shift your priorities to create a complete transformation to your lifestyle. This can generate a range of emotions from fear of the unknown to anxiety, anger or even excitement.

Professional and Engineering Projects (PEP) is a consulting company that will help organizations modify their structure to produce growth. They believe there are five stages of change that we progress through. There is shock, denial, depression, insight, and learning. Once you receive the initial shock of what the change will mean to you the negativity and resistance will occupy your thoughts. You will not want to leave your “comfort zone” and attempt to avoid making the necessary adjustments. Depression is the turning point to acceptance as you realize the options are limited. Insight will bring you the vision of what needs to be reorganized for success. The learning will then evolve with the change of attitude and belief system.

Success of adapting to change

Learning the skill of accepting change will help you to face all challenges and emerge from them stronger, wiser and more self-confident. Allow yourself the time to process your options. Try to modify any black and white thinking by finding a compromise when possible. Then self-check your resistance, as you establish goals to move forward. Act or behave how you visual the transformation and begin to celebrate your small victories of accomplishments. Having the appropriate coping skills can increase your happiness in all areas of your life and relationships. Moving forward can give you a sense of order and purpose to life. This can allow you to perceive tomorrow as a new day of possibilities.   

We live in a world of constant change and we must be resilient. Everyone should protect their emotional and physical well-being. You should be conscientious about eating well and getting your rest. Try to remain socially connected with a few close friends or family members while limiting the news and social media options. During this pandemic of change focus on what is going well and remain hopeful.

Sexual Desire Discrepancy

When you are in a relationship you will notice the different desires with your partner in food, movies, music and hobbies. It is very natural for couples to have different preferences and desires. The frustration of sexual desire though, can create feelings of rejection, resentment and control between the couple.

Desire

According to one study approximately 15% of married couples are sexless. This was defined as the partners hadn’t had sex with each other in the past six months to one year. Life stages in relationships create hormonal changes which create a mismatch on desire. Your libido can be affected by several issues like depression, medication, stress, health, affairs, pornography, previous sexual trauma and dissatisfaction with the partner. Erectile dysfunction can be a concern or one partner in a heterosexual relationship could be gay. Any one of these concerns would affect the sexual desire you would have for each other.

Rebuild desire

New love is intoxicating and rewards the brain like opioids with hormones. Couples seek that feeling of intoxication with each other again. Rebuilding that connection takes time and patience discussing the pertinent issues of wants and needs for each individual.

Sexuality and relationships are complex and there is not one simple way to build your libido or emotional connection with your partner. People’s needs are often quite different but sexual desire and discrepancy is a common issue couples experience and with help from a professional this can often be worked out.

Yoga Can Improve Quality of Life

Yoga has become an adjunct therapy to improve the quality of life for many individuals who have practiced it. Research reports that Yoga will decrease your blood pressure, increase energy, improve your sleep while decreasing anxiety and depression symptoms. People of all ages are benefiting from Yoga to improve health and overall well-being.

Research findings

The Journal of Psychiatric Practice (2019) published results of how Yoga can improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. The research monitored two groups. One was considered high active of 123 hours and low active of 87 hours. Both groups reported improvement in symptoms of anxiety and depression. There was also significant improvement in sleep quality, tranquility, positive thinking and physical exhaustion. These benefits were observed within one month and accumulating over time. Researchers are hopeful that the study results will initiate more individuals to try Yoga as a strategy to improve their health and well-being.

Daily self-care

As the human body ages the muscle mass starts to naturally decline by about 1% per year once you reach 40 years old. Yoga can help to build and maintain muscle strength and flexibility. It can also reduce painful compression of the spine and joints from years of sitting at a desk and driving cars.

 When you decrease your stress level with exercise you will decrease the secretion of cortisol to the body. The daily practice of Yoga will give you better overall fitness within ten weeks. As you reflect over 2019 and determine goals for 2020 you may want to consider adding Yoga to your daily routine for a healthier lifestyle.

Technology in Relationships

The fall season has arrived with the holidays. For most people is means trying to find the time to spend with extended family and friends. It also keeps more people in doors spending time with their technology. Technology has crept into every aspect of our lives and the time spent on our phones is affecting our relationships.


Boundaries

A National Marriage Project from the University of Virginia call “Ifedility” found younger Americans raised with technology are putting their relationships at risk by having looser relationship boundaries online. The survey initiated involved 2,000 married, cohabitating and single individuals across the country and found that young men and women are the least committed in a relationship.


Assistant Professor David Schramm at Utah State University surveyed 631 parents from ages 21 to 60 and found 62% agree that technology has created problems in the family system. Over half of the marital partners felt that technology has affected their intimacy. Six out of ten parents were concerned about the influence technology has had on their children.


Results

Researchers stated that people who are unhappy in their relationships are more likely to look for romantic encounters online. The study results documented that the more you use your technology the less time you will spend as a couple and family. This will create less satisfaction in your relationships and increase your anxiety and depression symptoms.


Experts suggest that families set boundaries when they are on their computers and phones. There should be no technology at the dinner table or in the bedroom as it affects communication and time spent being intimate. Parents should spend time with their children playing games, sports and learning hobbies. Couples need to plan their date nights to nurture their relationship and keep their emotional connection strong. This winter make an effort to “unplug” from your technology and connect with each other.

Supporting Your Child in the School System

Being a parent or a caregiver is one of the most difficult roles that we have as an adult. We can become overwhelmed at times with the responsibility of raising and providing for our children. As parents we are challenged with each stage of growth and development that our child presents. When children enter the school system, they will spend more time at school with their teacher and friends than they will at home. Children will have problems that occur at school because for the next twelve years it is their reflective world. Helping your children communicate assertively and be proactive to resolve issues will help them to build their self-esteem.

Be Proactive

If your child is having difficulty at school, it will be important to use the school resources. Many school districts use programs that you can download to keep parents updated on homework assignments, daily behavior and grades. Your child’s classroom could have over twenty students for the teacher to instruct. Parents should visit their child’s classroom to observe the learning process and then volunteer your time to support your child and the teacher.

Build Social Skills

Some children will do very well academically but display developmental delays with social skills. If you notice that your child plays alone and complains that no one likes him or her this will create anxiety. Children will question where they belong outside of the family system. Parents can enroll their children in a sport of their choice or an organization like Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. These activities will give children the opportunity to practice their social skills, build athletic skills and their confidence. There are several options at the YMCA, recreation centers and private lessons. It is important to not to over commit with too many extra-curricular activities. This can create anger and frustration with your child if they have no time to relax at home.


If you continue to have concerns about your child’s behaviors at home and school, you may want to contact a licensed counselor or your primary care physician to do an assessment. Asking for help can be difficult for families to do. Parents can view this as an opportunity to model for their child that life is a journey of learning as we search for answers to issues in our life. This process can help you to learn more about each other and grow closer emotionally as you determine which option is best for your child.

Children Need a Bedtime Routine

Teachers and students are preparing to return to school. The stores are advertising back to school specials and the aisles are stocked with school supplies. Parents are busy preparing their children for the transition of school but have difficulty getting them to bed at a reasonable time. JAMA Pediatrics did a cross-sectional study and found that 6% of children or 1 in 17 are given Melatonin for sleep issues.

Maintain a regular sleep schedule

When a child has the appropriate amount of sleep, they are more energetic and less irritable in the morning. Maintaining a regular sleep schedule can keep a child physically and mentally fresh. Children aged 1 to 3 should receive 10 to 13 hours of sleep at night. School age children need 10 to 12 hours each night, but this requirement may drop to 9 hours at 13 years of age.

Creating a routine for bedtime signals the brain to prepare to rest. Not every child will fall asleep right away but will need time to relax after a long day of school and play. A warm bath or scheduled quiet time reading can help a child to transition into sleep mode. Parents should set a firm bedtime hour for their child and be consistent with this expectation.

Routine

A bedtime routine is the key to making sure a child gets enough rest. Parents should restrict the use of television, internet or social media before bedtime. These activities can stimulate the brain and make it more difficult for the child to fall asleep. The bedroom should be quiet and comfortable. A child may have a special blanket, pillow or stuffed animal that should be available if it helps them to relax. All caffeinated and sugar beverages should not be allowed as it would keep them from nodding off.

 Children with ADHD, anxiety and autism will need Melatonin at times to help with sleep. Parents should discuss Melatonin with their doctor so they would know if this supplement is appropriate for their child and the correct dosage to administer.

Take Time to Unplug

Science is reporting that there are many dangers for children when they have too much screen time. Excessive phone use can cause sore thumbs, neck pain, stress, anxiety, and strained relationships with family or friends. Among the most concerning risk is sleep deprivation. The blue light emitted from the screen is interpreted by the body as a signal to wake up. So if children have interaction with a screen two hours before bedtime, they are more likely to be wide awake long after the screen has been shut off.

Establish boundaries

Adults and children should get the proper amount of sleep at night to help stay focused, improve concentration and academic or work performance. Sleep deprivation affects your mood, energy level and ability to concentrate. Using screens before bedtime will damage your body clock and disrupt your sleep.

Options to create boundaries in your home would be to create a tech-free zone. You could unplug at dinner or one night a week establish a family game night. Parents should prioritize unstructured playtime and install an app that controls the length of time your child can be on their phone or tablet.

Replace bad habits with good

It takes almost thirty days to replace a bad habit with better self-care. Start today and stop "phubbing" or snubbing friends and family by paying more attention to your phone than them. Turn off your non-essential notifications so the phone tones don't dictate your time. Instead create time to enjoy each other and nature. You will get more things accomplished during the day with less stress and anxiety.