Tuesday, April 09, 2013

The Danger of Emotional Infidelity


Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship. Emotional cheating is flirting “harmlessly” with the opposite sex. This can involve having a drink after work, sharing intimate thoughts with someone other than your partner or exchanging repeated electronic messages about personal concerns. Warning signs of straying from your significant other would be excessive time away from home, less sexual intimacy, increased criticism and avoidance of contact with each other.

Reasons given for infidelity

Males and females report the main reason they had an affair was to express the emotional disconnection they felt from their partner and their sense of feeling unappreciated. Each partner stated a need to be valued in their relationship. Other individuals are drawn to affairs because they can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. Unfortunately, affairs are also damaging, destructive, cruel, painful and demeaning to others.

“Emotional cheating begins when the couple misunderstands the fundamental rules of marriage,” says author Gary Neuman in Emotional Infidelity: How to avoid it. “When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does. An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to marriage as a sexual affair and is often a more complicated situation to remedy.”

Staying connected

Remaining connected to your partner will take a daily commitment of making time for one another as a couple. This needs to be uninterrupted time to discuss your day and problem-solve concerns together. It can be spent cooking the evening meal, playing a board game or having a glass of wine while sitting on the balcony. Another affair proof intervention for your marriage is to plan a weekly date night where you go out as a couple just for fun without discussing business, money or the children. This gives you the opportunity to continue knowing each other as the individuals you were when falling in love.

It is important that you put your marriage first. Display appreciation to you partner by validating what they bring to the relationship. Try to avoid friendships with the opposite sex. Remain aware of the warning signs of inappropriate intimacy, secrecy, and increased fighting in your marriage. If you notice a rise in emotional distance and are unsure as to how to repair your relationship, you should ask for help. Your community has several resources for support services. Explore available options through your church, mental health centers or individuals in private practice that can provide the help you are seeking to repair your relationship. The longer you wait, the more obstacles there are to overcome. Make that call today.