Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Scream Free Parenting

There is a new parenting resource in the media that you may be interested in. Marriage and Family Therapist Hal Runkel has written Scream Free Parenting for parents who have that difficult child. He also has a website at www.screamfree.com that lists parenting seminars he is having across the country.

Whenever you are struggling with parenting issues it is important that you give yourself time to assess the situation and obtain an objective perspective of the concern. There are many life stressors that could be effecting the family and responding inappropriately will only increase the duress. If you feel that you or a family member is needing professional help there are excellent resources in your community that would welcome the opportunity to help you. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Best wishes,

Gina

Thursday, October 23, 2008

How to Survive Office Politics

The work environment has changed dramatically over the last two decades from the diversity of the work force and the level of education required, to the electronic equipment utilized daily. What I have personally noticed is how unhappy people come to work with their daily stressors of relationships, children, finances, and health concerns. This negativity seems to spread through the work force like a cancer from the administration down to the receptionist as people attempt to transfer their unhappiness to each other.

How can an individual maintain their personal balance in an environment that attempts to destroy the joy that you try to find in each day? It is very difficult and most people become paralyzed with indecision when caught in this type of situation. The environment seems oppressive and you dread going to work each day. This daily attack to your mental health can eventually affect your self-esteem and work performance if co-workers begin to attack you personally or strive for your job in the organization.

The most important thing for each person to understand is that you can only control yourself and that is all. You can focus on your choices and how you react to each situation. This one change in your thought pattern can empower you to think through the issue before responding. Most people when attacked will react defensively and let their ego guide their thinking. This can create a stand off of power and control which can create anger or animosity toward the other person. When you are in this type of a conflict you will usually need a third party to intercede for you, so that it can be resolved fairly. Otherwise the individual with the most power will make you miserable, possibly to the ideation of resigning.

First let's look at the choice that you do have. Albert Einstein taught us that for every action there is a reaction. That is where your choice begins. What is your reaction when your ego is being challenged? The de-escalate the situation you could first be an empathetic listener to try and determine the concern or need that is being conveyed. Then use an "I" statement which acknowledges the concern but doesn't necessarily state that you agree with the person. For example if you say "I'm sorry that you feel that way." "I never thought of that perspective before." "I will consider what you shared with me today." Statements like this will display that you want to keep the communication open and the working relationship congenial. You can either not respond to the issue again or address it later after some time has passed to decrease the emotion that is attached to the situation.

The wait time that is creat by the "I" statement can prove to be very helpful because it gives both parties time to think about the situation and respond in a more professional manner. The ego can also consider all perspectives and alternatives on ways to move forward. If either party involved chooses to gossip about the issue during this time, it can escalate the situation which can then become volatile.

Gossip in the workplace creates an environment of distrust. It can also generate a polarized "them versus us" thinking. It will become impossible to collaborate like a team when gossiping is prevalent in the work environment. Again you have a choice on how to respond to the situation by just listening and say nothing or removing yourself from the situation by walking back to your desk. You could make a comment or statement that is noncommittal like "Interesting" or "I'm sorry to hear that.", and then move on. It is imperative for you to remain an observer and not a participant of the gossip because the situation can easily turn against you, as the individual who gossips is always looking for another victim to attack. Buddha advises, "Question if it is true, necessary or kind. If not say nothing."

After you have taken the time to consider all the information and feel that you need to apologize then do it responsibly. Politely ask the other person if they have a moment to discuss the previous concern. Then convey a sincere regret for the incident. An apology is best given to the individual personally instead fo through e-mail or telephone. Your body language and voice tone will be important to emphasize the sincerity of the apology.

During any situation when you are experiencing duress it is very important that you monitor your self-care. Ninety-percent of all illness is stress related. A negative work environment can cause physical fatigue, low morale and a negative attitude. It is very easy to look for comfort in junk food, not exercise, neglect your sleep, as worry can become obcessive making it difficult to fall asleep. You might want to journal about the concern if you do not have a confident you can trust to discuss the issue with. Sometimes just re-reading what you have written can help you to clarify the issue and determine the appropriate steps you may need to initiate. Exercising can release the adrenaline and help stabilize you body chemistry making you feel calm and relaxed. Then eat a light balanced evening meal. When you prepare for bed, a bath or shower can be very relaxing with soothing music, aromatic candles and a caffeine-free herbal tea can help to soothe your nervous system for a good night's sleep.

Best managed organizations understand that people are their best resource and that work is done through relationships. When relationships become strained it can result in low moral and mistrust of management. Management must spend time training their employees on understanding the individual differences of age, gender, race and disabilities to build the collaborative environment needed in today's global economy. Working toward making each employee feel valued, competent, and secure is an important step in resolving conflict in the work environment.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Finding Your Purpose in Life

People today are constantly seeking happiness in their life. Some people believe that if they purchase a certain item, secure that dream job, or marry that special person, their life will be perfect. Then once that goal is achieved they continue to feel empty inside.

A 2005 study that followed 12,640 middle-aged Hungarians found that those who felt their lives had meaning, had a significant lower rates of cancer and heart disease. "People who feel their life is part of a larger plan and are guided by their spiritual values have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, a lower risk of heart attack and cancer, and heal faster and live longer," says Harold G Koenig, M.D. professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center. Deepak Chopra M.D author and cofounder of the Chopra Center for Wellness states, "Purpose gives you fulfillment and joy, and that can bring you the experience of happiness."

There is no magic pill for you to take to find your purpose. What you can do is to continue seeking activities that bring you personal joy and fulfillment. Then you will discover your special role or talents for humanity and in turn, that will bring you contentment and happiness.

Good luck on your journey!

Gina